Help, need snarky answers

[Philagoofy]

I work on one floor, my boss on the floor above. The same couple of people will ask me if he's there now. I need a new answer other than the one I've been giving: "I don't know".

I thought of looking up at the ceiling for a few seconds and then say "hmm, can't quite see". Darn, our building didn't put in those convenient glass floors/ceilings so that I could see.

And if I sarcastically say that I'll run right up & see, one person inparticular will think I'm serious & expect me to do it.

Help, I need some good answers, not too nasty.

 

[Duckfan-in-Chicago]

Get one of these:

 

[Maleficent13]

Say, "I'll check". Then, close your eyes really hard, sit quietly for about 10 seconds, and then popped your eyes open and say, "Yep, go on up."

 

[PoohnPglet]

"Sorry - my x-ray vision has been on the fritz for weeks now."

Close your eyes, extend your hands and say, "Hmmm - I am not getting any vibrations in the Force - must be the concrete floor between us."

Look at them, look at the ceiling. Look at them, look at the ceiling again. "Um yeah - my eyesight ain't that good!"

How many do ya want??

 

[Philagoofy]

Good answers, funny.

How about "Darn, my Kryptonite suit is at the dry cleaners, can't see though the ceiling without it".

Or, "No, he's standing right behind you. Oh, he just disappeared".

"Who? John who? who's that, what are you talking about?"

 

[mickeyboat]

Sorry, it's not my day to watch him.

What I use a lot when people ask me when someone will be available is "I'm sorry, I don't keep his schedule."

Denae

 

[Crankyshank]

"It's not my turn to watch him. It's .... (insert co-worker's name) turn"

 

[DisneyMissy318]

How about saying "Yes - go on up"... then if he isn't there and they come back and tell you so - you can say - "guess he left" - "Sorry".

 

[LaraK]

No...I've killed him...he's cut up and in the closet. I figure that's easier than running up and down the stairs all day.


You know, I was just wondering that myself. After you run up and check, could you let me know?

 

[lovetoscrap]

Or on the same line of thought--said with true shock and fear--

"OMG! YOU LOST HIM??? Today is your day to know where he is at all times! Didn't you get the memo? You are going to be in so much trouble. If I were you I would start looking all over the building and you better make sure you find him fast! Don't just stand there! GO! (head in hands in despair) What are we going to do, s/he lost him. . . "

 

[Philagoofy]

No...I've killed him...he's cut up and in the closet. I figure that's easier than running up and down the stairs all day.


You know, I was just wondering that myself. After you run up and check, could you let me know?

Thanks, you guys are hilarious, I knew you'd come through for me. I'll have to start writing these down. Let's see, this one for Mondays, that for Tuesdays...

 

[lovetoscrap]

Oh, forgot to add that I LOVE the idea of just buying a Magic 8 ball and keeping it on your desk and asking it each time. Very subtle and very funny! If you are busy you could even just hand it to them with out saying a word. . .

 

[LaraK]

Thanks, you guys are hilarious, I knew you'd come through for me. I'll have to start writing these down. Let's see, this one for Mondays, that for Tuesdays...

Just call me the Snark Master.

 

[Philagoofy]

Oh, forgot to add that I LOVE the idea of just buying a Magic 8 ball and keeping it on your desk and asking it each time. Very subtle and very funny! If you are busy you could even just hand it to them with out saying a word. . .

You've given me an idea, looks like I'm heading to the toy store today.

 

[DVCLiz]

These are all great and funny!

BUT - I'd nip this in the bud now rather than have to go through it all the time. I'd say, "I don't work on his floor so I never know if he is in or not. He doesn't tell me when he is leaving. You need to call upstairs or go and see yourself. Please don't ask me about his schedule anymore. I'm sorry I can't help you."

 

[LadyShiva]

You could also hand them your phone and ask them for his number to call and see if he's in his office.

If you have corporate IM, you could ask if they've pinged him to see if he's in.

You could answer something like, "I've heard from him today, so I assume he's in the office today."

Good luck. That question would get old quick.

Brandie

 

[lovetoscrap]

2 more one snarky, one practical but snarky.

"Damn, I left my crystal ball in my other purse"


Put up a sign where it can be seen "No. I don't know if he is in." When they ask, just point. Maybe they will get the message. . .

 

[golfgal]

One of my kids has this crystal ball looking thing that you plug in and it lights up. You could get one of those and "consult" it every time someone asks.

If you want to be REALLY snarky you could just say "do I LOOK like Jim's mom"?

 

[deekaypee]

"X-Ray vision is not one of my many superpowers."

"My head says yes, my heart says no, and my gut is undecided."

"Yes, and he's expecting you NOW," accompanied by an exaggerated hand-brushing motion that says, go, go! (Use with care.)

"Um, well, the body is still there. But it's best not to ask too many questions, says [stage whisper] the new boss."

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

At my work we always say, "I wasn't hired to babysit, not in my job description." or we say, "not my day to watch him."