Help! Need relationship rescue

[wendy1974]

I am beginning to think that I am a serial relationship expert. I don't think I've gone more than a few months at a time without a boyfriend or having someone in my life. I just broke up with my boyfriend June 10th and decided in August that I would try an internet dating site just to meet new people since the prospects around here are not so great. Well within 2 weeks I started communicating with someone and a few weeks after that we wenot out on our first date. We have already gone out on three dates and I find myself starting to feel attached and start that same pattern over. The whole point of the internet dating was to have the experience of dating several different guys, nothing serious...just getting to meet new people and not rushing things. I am not the kind of woman who feels like she needs a man in her life to complete her, I swear. In fact, I am very independent and fully believe in taking care of myself. Am I just doomed?

 

[PlaneJoy1]

If it were me.... and I've been in your shoes in the past.... I would go out 1 year from the day you broke it off with your boyfriend and put an "X" on the calender. This "X" will be the day you can start dating again.

After several years of going from one relationship to the next, with little time off, I did just that. I actually heard a respected counselor say recently to people to take a year off... so evidently I was on the right track all those years ago. Use that year to reconnect with friends, family, and yourself. Go places, do new things, make new friends, etc.

This may sound extreme, but I don't think so. It truely helped me to figure out what I wanted in life and from a partner. In that time I decided what qualities I wanted that I absolutely would not compromise. This could be someone who doesn't smokes, or someone of a different religeon, or a host of other things. I honestly felt more free in that year than in any other point in my life. I'm glad I did what I did.

There is nothing wrong with being single.

 

[Microcell]

If it were me.... and I've been in your shoes in the past.... I would go out 1 year from the day you broke it off with your boyfriend and put an "X" on the calender. This "X" will be the day you can start dating again.

After several years of going from one relationship to the next, with little time off, I did just that. I actually heard a respected counselor say recently to people to take a year off... so evidently I was on the right track all those years ago. Use that year to reconnect with friends, family, and yourself. Go places, do new things, make new friends, etc.

This may sound extreme, but I don't think so. It truely helped me to figure out what I wanted in life and from a partner. In that time I decided what qualities I wanted that I absolutely would not compromise. This could be someone who doesn't smokes, or someone of a different religeon, or a host of other things. I honestly felt more free in that year than in any other point in my life. I'm glad I did what I did.

There is nothing wrong with being single.

Good idea!

 

[Disney Doll]

You know, you say yu're not the type who feels you "need" to have a man in your life, but if you really take a hard look at your history, are you so sure of that????

Never being without a man for "X" number of years, jumping from one relationship to another, going to Internet dating to try and meet men, becoming "attached" to someone after 3 or 4 dates...sounds like you are more in "need" of a man than you think.

Please understand I mean no disrespect or sarcasm by what I am saying...just suggesting you take a good hard look at your dating history.

You should be comfortable being by yourself...meaning, being without a man...not being part of a couple. As a matter-of-fact, you should cherish that time. That time allows you to become who you are. If you are always on the "lookout" for a man, you make yourself who you think you should be in order to get a man. See the difference???

There are usually reasons why folks never want to be "alone". Consider a counselor, who might be able to give you some insight into your particular issue.

I have many colleagues who, unfortunately, have made very poor decisions regarding relationships because they "have to" have a partner...boyfriend, spouse..whatever...they "need" a man in their life. Usually dates back to an absent father issue (whether by death or divorce), and trying to "recreate" the Daddy relationship to fix it the second time around.

 

[poohandwendy]

In fact, I am very independent and fully believe in taking care of myself.

LOL, no you are not doomed. But it doesn't sound like you are emotionally independent. I think people sometimes do not see the difference. I know many women who are financially and in all practical areas totally independent. But emotionally dependent, which can be far worse and usually means bad relationship decision making.

I would take the above comments seriously and look into finding out why you don't ever find yourself 'alone' for any length of time. I would also give yourself a timeframe where you totally focus on being a single person, no dating at all, as suggested. I think that is a great idea.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I have to agree with other posters. I also want to add that the action of being on the "lookout" is your distraction to not figure it out.

Ask yourself if you are ready to take time off and figure it all out. It can be several things from need, desire, goals unfinished, childhood, perception others have of you, etc...

Reconnect with family and friends.

 

[poohandwendy]

just wanted to add that healthy people form healthy relationships. Think of your past experiences as diseases (wounds) that you need to heal from before jumping back in again. Get 'healthy' and you will find that you will settle for nothing less than a healthy relationship. I guarantee it. (I am not trying to be insulting, but bad relationships do leave emotional wounds)

 

[Christine]

Also, could it be that while you don't need a man, you do "crave" that whole dating thing. You know--the getting to know someone, the promise of romance, the actual romance. It's actually like a drug.

 

[wendy1974]

Thanks for all of the replies...and no I don't take offense to anything that anyone has said. I agree with a lot of the observations but it's just hard when I meet someone that I am really interested in to not want to take it to the next level.
Christine, I think you hit the nail on the head with the craving the feeling of when you first meet someone and are getting to know them. I do admit I love the feeling of "new love". I also realize that's not a good thing.

 

[chrissyk]

The way I see it, you're only young and dating around once, so enjoy the new romances if you want to. I don't see what the huge problem is Someday you'll meet "the one," but between now and then there is no harm in being a "serial dater". I would see it as a problem if you were planning the wedding on the second date or something, but short of that just relax and enjoy your romances