Help! My son keeps having accidents!

[roliepolieoliefan]

I'm at the end of my rope and don't know what to do anymore. My DS, 6 years old, keeps having occasional accidents, number 1 and 2 in his pants. They are not full blown, just small to medium spots, but enough that I have to wash out his pants and he has to change. He has been checked by his pediatrician so I know its not medical..He refuses to take time out from what he's doing to go to the bathroom. This occurs maybe a couple times a month, not all the time. The latest was Friday, We went to the park with friends and there is a sprinkler there. We were there all day, left about 6. He went to the bathroom before we left. His trunks were dry from the sprinkler so he left them on and we went to my moms for dinner and got home about 9. He went to the bathroom when we got home, pulled down his pants and a little turd came out. His trunks were messed. My DH freaked, and DS proceeded to tell him he did it at the park., He was grounded today and spent the day in his room. I don't know what to do. He's going to school all day in Aug. I don't want this to happen in school, the kids will tease him for sure and he just can't understand that, He knows what he's doing is wrong and we've exlained , the kids will wait for you, or you know whatever he's doing, but does not work. Help!

 

[Stepharoonie!]

Please don't ground him if he goes to the bathroom in his pants Just let him know that he doesn't need to be embarrassed and he needs to tell someone right away so he can get cleaned up.

Is he too big for the "overnight" pull up pants? If not, have him wear those for awhile during the day to see if they help.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Sounds like you need him to visit the bathroom more frequently. Even if he says no, I don't have to go. Take him anyway.
I do that for my dd.

 

[TammiMcMan]

There's something about not wanting to miss a minute with their friends. We called it the pee-pee dance with my DS at that age. We were always on the lookout for it and even when we knew he had to go the bathroom, he'd deny it. You may need to be more pro-active and call him inside to go the bathroom every hour or so. It might not take him long to figure out that he'd be missing less if he came in on his own when he needed to go, instead of having to be called in every hour.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

Thanks guys so far for the responses. We've tried being nice with him. Understanding. saying its OK, just don't do it again, and it got worse. Back then it was a rare occasion, now its alot more often, thats why we have gotten alot more strict. I could see if he was 3 or 4 but 6, he does know better. I suggested pull ups for him once and he freaked out. "I AM NOT A BABY!!!!" I'm just so confused.

 

[oogieboogie]

Definitely make him go every hour on the hour even if he doesn't want to and balks at you.

I still do that with DS3 since he doesn't like to miss even a second of play time! He'll do the pee dance and hold his wee-wee even as he plays. But when we tell him to go potty, he says no, I don't have any pee in my wee-wee. But we make him go anyway!

Good luck. I know how frustrating you must feel right now.

 

[ripleysmom]

Ask the pediatrician for a referral to a pediatric nephrologist.

There could be a physical problem that your ped is overlooking and if there is not the nephrologist can give you some help with how to help your son with his accidents.

 

[jfulcer]

I agree with the 'stopping every hour'. I think a week of his playtime being interrupted like that would show him that if he would stop when he needed to go that wouldn't take his playtime. I'd take him in and make him sit on the toilet, whether he needed to or not.

Now remember, you have to do this ALL THE TIME. If you're at Grandma's house. If you are out shopping, at the park, etc. I know it will be a major pain for you and DH but it's a short term discomfort at best.

After the week, tell him that you're going to go 3 hours between stops. Work your way up.

Offer him rewards when he does remember and tells you. It works for the younger ones to help them learn, it certainly would have the same effect in older kids.

Good luck!!

 

[kbeverina]

I've had several friends with kids who did the same thing at about this age. They did pretty much what is advised above--called them regularly for bathroom breaks and made them go, even if they said they didn't have to--they just didn't want to stop playing to go.

None of them ever did it at school, if that's any comfort--the kids don't have any problem taking breaks from classwork to go to the bathroom. Good luck!

 

[DaisyDebbie]

I have to agree with Ripleysmom.

 

[Dizzy-Disney4]

PLEASE see another doctor. Our son was having the same problem and I finally went to the doctor when I got so angry I thought I couldnt take it anymore. After a quick exam we were referred to a specialist in Boston. Turns out he had a condition called encopresis. I will not go into detail here as its probably TMI for most but if you want any info, feel free to PM me.

 

[zaxmom]

My son is 6 and we have the same problem. People may tell you not to punish him, but it certainly brings his attention to the problem and he tries a lot harder, now. I would not send him to his room, as that might show he is not fit to be around others, but take away privileges or favorite toys or something that will get his attention. The object is for him to learn the signs that it is about time to go. He was waiting until it started coming before he got up to get to the bathroom. We started taking things away like the Gamecube and he started to be much more aware. He has also had a problem with constipation and passes fairly large movements (I know, TMI). We think he has lost some of the sensation in the area from these and may not know when it is time. Doctor, of course, suggested more fruits and vegetables and whole grains.

He had problems getting himself cleaned at school last year and ended up with very stinky dirty underwear. The teacher called me to come get him both times and said that the kids really don't make fun of them at this age. They are so accepting when they are this little. They blew it right off. I told him they are not that nice in 1st grade, though.

Remember, this is about the only thing young kids have control over. You can not fix this, he has to. Sometimes it is just a matter of their will and you have to wait until they want to change it.

 

[CEDmom]

I think it's a very typical issue of that age group. DD will be 5 next month and we've been having the same issue with her wetting herself. She'll be wet for quite awhile before anyone notices and never say anything.

I would rethink the punishing and going nuts when he does it. I would however explain that you will be taking frequent breaks from playing to use the bathroom since he's having trouble listening to his body signals.

One thing that has worked in the past with DD and we've started doing this again is explaining that if she tries to get to the bathroom and has an accident that's ok and we'll help her clean up and she can go back to playing. However, if she doesn't even bother trying and just wets her pants we will leave wherever we are and come home.

We started yesterday and she actually told me at the playground she had to go so we came home and then went right back out again.

I think it works because it allows her control of the situation with a set consequence.

Good luck, it's always something.

 

[Randi]

One thing that worked for us was I kept track of what he had been eating or drinking prior to the accidents. In my son's case it was apple juice, it didn't have to be a lot, even a small glass would bring on an accident. Stopped the apple juice, reminded him more frequently to take bathroom breaks, and the problem was solved.

 

[dvcisthebest]

I agree with RM. But should you post this info on a BB with his picture?

 

[ZachnElli]

My son went through this too and he outgrew it. He would go full out in his pants (not #2). And in kindergarten I had to make sure he had clean underwear and pants in his backpack everyday. He just didn't want to miss anything and I know he has a weaker bladder than most. I'm sure the teacher may not have believed him at first that he needed to go that much, but she quickly learned, he does! The kids never made fun of him, I think the teacher dismissed him to the nurse's office as soon as she noticed, before the other kids noticed. He did this a couple times a month. But he grew out of it and I never punished him, he was upset enough about it. I know it could be a medical problem, but it might not be medical too. Good luck with it, it is hard to deal with as a parent, that much I know!

 

[mom2boys]

One of my boys had this same problem. We tried everything. We tried being nice, rationalizing with him, punishing him, rewards... everything. I am not proud to admit DH & I both lost our tempers with him on more than one occassion. (Cleaning up a six year whom you KNOW can control his bowels is extremely frustrating day after day.)
Finally we bribed the kid. McDonald's and small toys didn't cut it. DS desperately wanted a bicycle. So DH finally told him that in two weeks his brother was getting a bike. He also told DS that as soon as he went two weeks without dirty pants he too would get a bike. Well, they both got their bikes at the same time because DS decided he was finished messing in his pants.

Can you find something your son really wants - maybe a new video game, a cool toy, day trip somewhere cool - lake, amusement park?