Help! My Daughter is "weird"?!

[momof1princess]

my DD10 came home from her first day of middle school today and was all excited about her new school, classes & teachers. THEN i asked her who she ate lunch with, and she said "no one". it turns out she sat down next to a girl who then moved away from her. she's clean, polite, friendly and has a really big heart...why would that girl not want to sit next to her? she said "i don't know why, but some kids think i'm weird." unfortunately, none of her little circle of friends are in her history class (lunch period). i encouraged her to try harder to make friends in that class, but what specifically should i tell her to do? they have an assigned table for each class-should she just walk over and sit down next to another girl tomorrow? she's so big-hearted and good-natured, it breaks my heart to picture her eating alone.

 

[Tiffany_MommyOf3]

HUGS. I was your daughter and I would never have let anyone know how much it hurt on the inside, so even if your dd says it isn't a big deal, it might be. I dont know what to do/say to make it better? Probably why nothing made me feel better until I was pulled from school to be homeschooled. HUGS to you and your dd

 

[roxmic]

Kids are so mean these days! I get so angry!!! i don't know what you can do besides making sure she knows how much you love her. My son is an only child and thus very spoiled. I don't believe it is such a bad thing until he gets around other kids. sometimes he has similar issues. We try to teach him how to act around others that will let them know that he is friendly and interested in being their friend. Sometimes it works and sometimes not.
You know as an adult that we all grow up one day and most of the people we saw at school or were even friends with are nowhere to be found now, so, just make sure she knows she is loved and everything will work out!

 

[deedeetoo]

my DD10 came home from her first day of middle school today and was all excited about her new school, classes & teachers. THEN i asked her who she ate lunch with, and she said "no one". it turns out she sat down next to a girl who then moved away from her. she's clean, polite, friendly and has a really big heart...why would that girl not want to sit next to her? she said "i don't know why, but some kids think i'm weird." unfortunately, none of her little circle of friends are in her history class (lunch period). i encouraged her to try harder to make friends in that class, but what specifically should i tell her to do? they have an assigned table for each class-should she just walk over and sit down next to another girl tomorrow? she's so big-hearted and good-natured, it breaks my heart to picture her eating alone.

I'm a bit confused. From your first sentence it sounds like she was happy and excited about her first day at school. It seems like you're the one who is sad. Was your daugher upset about sitting alone at lunch? Some kids don't mind being alone, especially if they have friends who just don't happen to be there. Sometimes "weird" kids are very comfortable with their "weirdness". I'm not sure if this is the situation with you daughter or not, but if she is fine with her situation, I would try not to let her know that your disappointed with it.

 

[FloridaFam08]

my DD10 came home from her first day of middle school today and was all excited about her new school, classes & teachers. THEN i asked her who she ate lunch with, and she said "no one". it turns out she sat down next to a girl who then moved away from her. she's clean, polite, friendly and has a really big heart...why would that girl not want to sit next to her? she said "i don't know why, but some kids think i'm weird." unfortunately, none of her little circle of friends are in her history class (lunch period). i encouraged her to try harder to make friends in that class, but what specifically should i tell her to do? they have an assigned table for each class-should she just walk over and sit down next to another girl tomorrow? she's so big-hearted and good-natured, it breaks my heart to picture her eating alone.

Send her with 15 or 20 Oreos every day and tell her to share.

 

[Del]

My daughter befriended a girl who always sat alone. Though just lunch buddies was enough for my dtr, the girl was calling her every day to get together, have sleepovers,.... because she didn't have anyone else to call.

Encourage your child to befriend someone she may recognize from another class or previous year.

 

[Nie0214]

My daughter befriended a girl who always sat alone. Though just lunch buddies was enough for my dtr, the girl was calling her every day to get together, have sleepovers,.... because she didn't have anyone else to call.

Encourage your child to befriend someone she may recognize from another class or previous year.

@OP It's just the first day, I'm sure she'll find at least one person in her history class to befriend.

 

[MBeds]

She'll make friends - This was only the first day of school - It will work out - It always does -

 

[momof1princess]

thanks everyone she's not devastated, but from the way she talks, it sounds like the only dark spot in her day. i suggested she strike up a short conversation with the girl who sits in front of her in history class (before class starts of course) so that maybe, after a little while, they'll have some sort of friendship. DD is totally happy sometimes being alone, but i could tell it hurt her feelings when that mean girl got up and moved away from her today.

 

[SarahKate]

Like other posters said, try not to fret too much. As moms, one of our biggest desires is for our kids to have friends and be accepted.

I also think sometimes girls can interpret things in a different way than what's really reality.

I know I worried every day last year when our DD6 started kindergarten. And it took her a little while to make friends.

I'm sure I'll worry again when she starts 1st grade in a few weeks too!

Just be there for her to talk to, give her boosts of confidence when necessary, etc.

 

[MousekaMaddi]

lovin the oreo idea..............or twizzlers!!!

 

[Erin13178]

First off (((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

Secondly, has your dd ever said what makes her weird? Like why the kids think she's weird? Maybe if you could find out, that would make the situation easier. IDK!

 

[asoko]

Is your DD introverted? I am extremely introverted around others until I know them very well . I don't mind being by myself even in a room full of people. I can count my best friends (the kind you can call at anytime for anything) on one hand and have had them for over 20 years. My husband on the other hand is an extreme extravert. He is always trying to make me talk to people, it bothers me more that he thinks I am not OK and trying to force me to do things the way he would. He can't stand silence, I love it. My younger brother's kindergarden teacher watched him for the first couple of days because he would go off by himself to play. She decided that he was just confident in being by himself. I would just keep the lines of communication open with your daughter, pay attention to the small things she says, if it truly bothers her, you'll find out, otherwise let her be comfortable being herself.

 

[rentayenta]

I'm a bit confused. From your first sentence it sounds like she was happy and excited about her first day at school. It seems like you're the one who is sad. Was your daugher upset about sitting alone at lunch? Some kids don't mind being alone, especially if they have friends who just don't happen to be there. Sometimes "weird" kids are very comfortable with their "weirdness". I'm not sure if this is the situation with you daughter or not, but if she is fine with her situation, I would try not to let her know that your disappointed with it.

My middle DD likes her alone time. I have learned that catastrophizing her differences just makes her feel insecure. She's her own person and I love that she can chill alone and be fine with it.

 

[ChristusG]

I sat alone during lunch many times at school. I was shy and quiet. I read a book through lunch. I actually looked forward to having "me time" at lunch to just sit and read my books. I wasn't weird or nerdy or anything like that. It's just who I was.

 

[christa112]

You are not alone. My ds is the same way. Last year I would ask him who he sat with and he would say no one, it would break my heart. I would say, well, why didn't you sit with so and so and he would say they was no where to sit or something along those lines. It is funny too, because the teachers always tell me "everyone likes Zak, he's such a good little boy" He is also on the quiet side (not at home of course), but he also isn't very outgoing to approach people he doesn't know to ask them to play with him.

What makes is worse is that his younger brother always has friends and gets invited to every single birthday party in his class, where Zak only got invited to a few. I know I can't do anything about, but it really gets me upset sometimes, I don't want my son to be the outcast and to be picked on by the other kids.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

Socially, middle school is a different animal than elementary school. My son who has Asperger's Syndrome did fine in elementary school in mainstream classrooms. The kids certainly noticed his differences but most didn't mind and many showed him extra kindness and support. As soon as he entered middle school last year, the whole social landscape changed. The same kids started hanging out in tight-knit little groups. "Outsiders" and "weird" kids weren't welcome to hang out with them. My son spent much of his recess and lunchtime alone. He eventually befriended another very sweet and very smart special needs boy who was also on the "outside." The two of them liked to pretend they were launching rockets on the lawn (using all of the technical terminology pertaining thereto) and that branded them as being even "weirder." For many reasons, we ended up pulling him after the first trimester and putting him in a private school specifically for kids with Asperger's. His grades are way up and socially, he's thriving.

My point is that middle school is a tough time for all kids. They're going through so many changes and struggling to figure things out. I think your daughter will do fine. Just keep encouraging her to reach out to other kids and she'll be into the social scene in no time!

 

[luckey-lasvegas]

One thing that has helped my daughter recently is an American Girl book I bought her, I think its called Making and Keeping Friends or something along that line. The book gives girls ideas about how to strike up a conversation and how to handlediffern't friend issues that pop up.


My daughter has a tendency to be a bit clingy (since she's an only child) and this book has a section dealing with that.

I'm lucky enough to have DD doing a virtual classroom at home with me, I'm hoping to avoid all the Jr. high drama and let her return to school when evryone is a little more mature ..........maybe.

My DD is 10 will be 11 in December if you thing she might like a pen pal PM me.

 

[sndfan]

I will never forget my first day of High School...the two other girls I knew in the school did not have the same lunch as I did.

Sr. Mary Catherine asked everyone to raise their hand if they didn't have anyone to sit with at lunch during the next period...about half of us raised our hands. She said to talk to the people around you and introduce yourselves...I chatted with the girl in front of me that day...25 years later, we are still friends!

I know it's so super hard...if she's upset about it, tell her to start talking to people around her in classes...the more people she becomes acquainted with, the easier it will be to find someone to sit with.

From the time I was born (it seems like), my mom always told me to be friendly with everyone...don't have just one best friend. If you get along with everyone, you'll always have someone to be friends with...I give the same advice to my son...now, if his best buddy isn't in school, he can still go and hang out with other guys.

I've heard the American Girl book is good too!

BTW, I also stress to my son that you don't have to be "cool", just be yourself...I know someone that was a "geek" in school...he went on to find two buddies who liked the same things he did...computers...they ended up creating a famous video game character among other things and were retired millionaires at 30...she should be true to herself.

Take care and HUGS to your DD!

 

[RMulieri]

I was one of the weird kids in school, didn't have many friends and I know it killed my Mother more than it bothered me.I stayed true to myself and remained friendly to everyone, eventually a few people sat down next to me at lunch.I may get flamed for this but....Kids can be cruel especially girls, and regardless of how you want to help, let your daughter be.She will figure things out on her own.If she wants to talk, listen.We all see the very best in our kids and want others to see all those wonderful things about them that we see.unfortunately,You can't force friendships and not everyone is going to like everyone else or be the most popular.