Help! My 2yr. is biting

[TnKrBeLlA012]

I have two teenagers and a two year old. My first two never bit.This one is very bad about it. When she gets excited she bites,when she gets frustrated or angry she bites. I don't believe in hiting so I have done the time out thing. Dosen't work. I firmly say to her "NO BITING" dosen't work. I have tapped her on the mouth and said No biting,she just bites more. I have talked to the doctor ,she says it's just a phase. When does it end? She has bit my neighbors little boy twice. I felt so bad. He remembers my daughter by saying 'Bella bites" he is only 18 months. Not something I want her remembered for. I took her to Target. When I let her out of the cart(big mistake) to look at the toy department she didn't want to go back in. So I had to take her away screaming. Then as I lifted her up ,she took her mouth and bit my cheek. I had to pry her mouth off my face with everyone in the store staring at me. I very calmly gave her to my older daughter. The pain was so bad I wanted to cry. I'm just at my end on this. Anyone else have this problem? She also is a head banger. Never heard of it before either. When she gets mad she bangs her head on the wall,glass door, long mirror in our hallway. Not sure how this started either?

 

[DIZNYFAN]

We give our 1.5 year old a little swat on the mouth and he stops but after a few days he will do it again we also use soap in the mouth. I know when I was a kid I was always told I would get the soap for swearing not biting.

 

[dvcfamily41801]

My son went through a terrible biting phase. He went to daycare when he was 14 months old and was bit on the first day. That started a little over a year of a biting phase for him. It was so hard, but eventually, it stopped. Good luck.

 

[WDWAurora]

Not going to let my mom be called sick. Period.

 

[tar heel]

WDWAurora -- you need the flame retardant suit b/c that's a sick solution IMO.

I once had a daycare provider who recommended that (my child was not the one biting) -- used her for exactly four days.

 

[ash&abby'smom]

My SIL said she bit her little girl when she was little for biting her. She said she never bit her again. I'm on the fence how I feel about this. My 16 month old just started biting, not often but occasionally. I'm not sure how to handle this either. Never had this problem with my 1st born either. Right now, I'm trying fussing. She doesn't like to be fussed at. Keep us posted with your progress. Good luck!

 

[Val]

Here is my advice as both a behavior analyst who has worked with language delayed kids and as a parent of 4 (two of whom were biters!). It isn't "THE" advice, but hopefully I have outlined why I think it might work for you. No offense if you don't like it. Every mom and kid pair is different, so use what works for you. But, it worked for me.

2 year olds bite because they don't have the language skills to express their fears, frustrations, etc. (right or wrong emotions, they still can't express them). Biting occurs because it gets attention and a reaction. You need to make sure biting is ineffective as a means of "communicating".

My suggestion is two fold: First, you need to interrupt the biting when it occurs. Try a sharp and loud "No bite" as she bites (the point of swatting is often to induce a startle- a loud noise works just as well!). Move her quickly away from the person she is biting and isolate her nearby. Do not make eye contact, do not say anything more (too much language is confusing to 2 year olds). You need to be sharp, stern and forceful to get the point across that biting is BAD. This tells her that biting is unacceptable. Use a time out (AFTER she stops howling) of 30 seconds to 1 minute. Then, make her return to the situation and have her work it out appropriately. (see the next point).

Next, however, you need to give her a way to express herself. Help her find a way.....practice with her dolls, prompt her to use words ("we do not bite, we use words! Say No! if you want me to stop"; "we do not bite, we use words. Say please if you want the toy"). The important part here is practice. Try and "recreate" a biting situation.....maybe she wants a toy. Work with that.....Hold the toy away from her. If she starts to bite to get you to give it, interrupt her by catching her under the chin (be ready), remind her "No bite! Say please". If she asks nicely, give her the toy (if she bites, do the time out and try again). Do this 2-4 times in a row several times a day to help her practice. Then, when she DOES say please, reward her- tell her what a big girl she is, how proud you are that she uses words (don't mention that "B" word).....and remember, she won't be perfect for a while until she gets a better grasp of language.

The problem with biting is it works! People let go of toys and put you down and give you what you want when you bite them- particularly your peers. You need to make the biting ineffective while helping her build appropriate but effective alternatives. She is a frustrated little bugger. She knows what she wants but can't get it. She is simply resorting to what works!!! Mercifully, most kids outgrow this stage as they find more socially appropriate ways of getting their way! Besides, in a way, biting is easier to deal with than adolescent whining!

 

[Aimeedyan]

Biting is done by kids who can't figure out another way to express themselves... usually biters are non-verbal. They do grow out of it, usually once they start talking. They continue to do it due to the attention they receive from it. They aren't getting noticed, or getting their own way, and all of a sudden the world stops and centers on them. Goal achieved in their minds! Most toddlers don't care if its a good attention or a bad attention, just attention - it's all good! =)

There really isn't anything you can do to stop it, honestly. Of course correcting him and disciplining her is appropriate (time out for 1-2 minutes), but other than that, it just takes patience and time. Some toddlers are pleasers, and might "try" biting out to see what it gets them, but quickly stop because they don't like the bad reaction. But most times, they don't care.

When I dealt with biters, I would correct them immediately and place them in time out for 1-2 minutes and completely ignore them. That way, they got little to no attnetion from their decision.

And there are parents who choose to bite back, I personally don't agree with that tactic...

It might be helpful to find another way in which she can communicate with you, but I know thats tricky with one so little.

**hugs** to you. I know its frustrating, but I promise it has NOTHING to do with you or your parenting, and is normal for that age.

 

[TinkBoo&ElliesMum]

Originally posted by tar heel
WDWAurora -- you need the flame retardant suit b/c that's a sick solution IMO.

I once had a daycare provider who recommended that (my child was not the one biting) -- used her for exactly four days.

So what's your solution??

My mom bit me back once, I didn't do it again and I'm certainly not scared for life.

When my DD started to bite I'd grab her hand and stick her own hand in her mouth, one hard chomp on her own hand and she wasn't impressed. I'd rather bite them back then slap/tap them, at least biting them back teaches them that biting hurts!

Guess I should put on my flame retardant suit too

 

[Pooh Girl 71]

Quite honestly, biting back is the only thing that I have ever seen work.

 

[DisneyForLife]

I bit my son when he was one. Not hard but enough to let him know it hurts. He NEVER bit anyone again. It may sound cruel, but after trying other methods, this one worked the first time.

 

[luckywife]

I figured I'd be the only person who said I bit my son back when he bit me a few times. I tried raising my voice to him the first time, that didn't work. I tried acting like I was crying to let him know it hurt, that didn't work. The last time he bit me on the leg I bit him back. I didn't bite him hard, I'm not even sure if it hurt. I know it startled him a little because he got a sad look on his face and came up and rubbed my leg. I told him biting hurts and not to do it again. I don't know if it was something he just wanted to try a few times but he hasn't bit me or tried to bite anyone else since then.

Our oldest DS was a different story. He bit, pinched, kicked and screamed if he didn't get his way. Thankfully it didn't last long and he eventually grew out of it.

Good luck. Keep us posted.

 

[Claudia1]

DGD is going thru this but only at her daycare with other kids. She is part of a phenomenal daycare that uses behavior modification. However, it is not working to date.

DGD is quite vocal and communicates very well. We don't know why she started it and it is hard for us to address this since she doesn't do it at home.

She also has a mouthful of teeth, so she makes quite an impression (pardon the pun!).

Thanks for all the information...... I'll pass it on.

 

[RNMOM]

DS#2 was a biter. He was merciless. We tried everything and all the approaches our doctor recommended. Finally an elderly lady suggested the soap routine. Let me tell you it took two times and he never bit again. I bought one of those big bars of Ivory and kept it on the shelf "special" for him. I felt awful doing that but also very greatful he was not going to be the neighborhood shark.

 

[zaxmom]

Mine were not biters, but a neighbor of ours bit my son everytime we were with them. My son was actually crying in his sleep "no Joseph, no, don't bite me". It finally stopped after he picked up on a little girl next door to us. My son laid the kid out. Totally knocked him on his butt. They were about 3 at this time and it had been going on for a while. The kid did have speech problems. The mother always said no, put him in time out, said use your words. he is almost 7 now and stopped, but still thinks he should get everything whenever he asks nicely.

My son bit me once on the leg and I smacked his mouth while he was doing it and he never did it again. I think he was testing out what he had learned from the other child.

As the mother of a kid getting bit, I got sick of seeing the time outs and speaking to about it. The one thing I don't tolerate is my kids hurting others. I am not a spanker. It is always a last resort for me, but there comes a time when it is needed and I think when they are hurting other children they should really be punished.

When my son knocked her kid down, she looked at me waiting to see what I would do. I said honey you should go play in the other room right now. I was so proud of him. I wanted to turn the kid over my knee.

 

[Christine]

I was a biter.....

In hindsight, the reason I did it was out of frustration. Maybe your daughter is having a problem now handling her anger/frustration/etc. and this is her coping mechanism. For me, it was my cousin who was a few months older than me. My grandmother used to watch us both. My cousin was more advanced than I was (physically more coordinated, meaner, pushy, etc). I was mild-mannered, shy quiet. When we would play, she was obviously pushing me around and then I would bite her. Of course, my grandmother never really saw any of THAT--just saw that I was biting my cousin!!! Anyway, one day after I bit my cousin (I was probably 3 or 4), my grandmother bit me back on the forearm. I never bit my cousin again--even though I really wanted to.

 

[mickeyboat]

DD4 was a biter. We tried everything. She mainly did it at day care and the provider never was able to catch her in the act, so the behavior continued until she grew out of it. I believe it was caused by an inability to communicate.

She actually started biting again last week at age 4. Now this is a different type of behavior all togehter. She did it twice in one day at day care. Since I wasn't there to correct it at the time it happened, I had to think of something to deter the behavior. So I told her if she bit someone again, she would have to give that person $5 of her own money. Two days later she bit her sister, and I made her give up the money. You should have seen her tears. You would have thought I ripped her arms off.

Anyway, it has been almost two weeks, and no biting since. Hopefully this will continue to work.

Good luck to you. It is very frustratiing to be the parent of a biter.

Denae

 

[TnKrBeLlA012]

Thanks to everyone for your advice. She seems to get better than she starts up again. She does talk well for a 2yr old. When she is around other people she is very good. When I am around or my two daughters thats when she becomes this crazy girl. Her new thing is she tells me 'go away momma,go" now! I honestly never had this problem with my other two. They are now 17 and 19. We love her to death,but she is trying. I'm just thinking ,what am I in for? The dr. once told me she is going to be one tough,strong girl. Which is a good thing,but don't let her get out of hand. On the biting issue,I feel bad saying it but I did bite her back once and what she did that surprised me was she looked at me and said ," hurt." She didn't cry. (honestly it was not hard) The next time she bit me she gave me her arm,like to say "here, bite me back" I didn't do that again.