Help! Mom of ds 17 who doesn't talk re: which colleges!

[uromac]

Help!

I'm the mom of a son who is a senior in hs who doesn't talk to us much about his ideas for which colleges he would like to attend - just mainly quiet and we probably seem like we're pulling teeth just to get him to answer. We are speaking to his college guidance counselor this evening without him and right now I feel at a loss, depressed, and not a help at all. Everytime we speak to him he just says I don't know - he's a good student but really did not apply himself like he could have done in hs.
Any peer ideas - I know some of you have probably gone through this too - I really just want him to go to the best school possible for him that makes him happy and have a good future full of possibilities preferably near a big city. He sometimes suggests business - but is not sure so we would be open to schools with that and other majors. His real passion is for sports - stats, personalities, etc. He is not that outgoing, but one you meet him he is funny, smart, and a great kid and friend.

Did any of you feel this way or have this kind of situation?

Thanks for listening to this Mom!

Melissa

 

[Janet Hill]

My daughter was that way. I filled out all of her college apps. The only college she applied to that required a writing sample was willing to take a graded paper. I knew she wasn't going to write on. She got into all of the colleges I applied her to. She did make the decision as to which one to attend.

Happy to say 4 years later she graduated Summa Cum Laude with a degree in mathematics. Don't know what her problem was about the whole app process, but once she was in and there everything was fine. Maybe she just didn't want to deal with her first big life decision.

 

[monarchsfan16]

I don't know where in the US you are, but you need to start taking him on tours of schools. He WILL figure out what he likes and doesn't like by taking those tours, even if he won't admit it. Start close to home. Look at small schools, look at big schools. If he's not really sure of a major, medium or big schools are the way to go; they have so many more options
If he likes sports and business you might encourage him to consider sports management as a major.
Go onto collegeboard.com and do the profile thing that tells you what schools might be a good option. Keep it very open. The real point is to see what schools he might be able to get into based on his grades and SAT score (or ACT score depending on which test he took). Has he gotten mail from any colleges? Make him look at brochures and give him an ultimatum: come up with a list of schools to look at or else

I guess the other issue though is, is he ready to go to school? If he's that against it maybe he should take a year and work and take the time to figure things out later. That being said, he should apply to some schools now; schools will usually allow you to defer your admission for a year if you're not ready. By being admitted somewhere if he sees all his peers getting ready to leave and he realizes that's what he wants he'll have that option (provided he decides by May 1st)

 

[Faerie]

I was the same way and part of it was that I wasn't ready to leave home. I went to a nearby community college and I'm so glad I did it that way!

 

[teh fish]

Faerie is right; if you don't know where to go/what to study, go to community college. It's cheaper, allows you to get your basic courses out of the way, and helps you find what you want to major in.

 

[kidzmom3]

My daughter was that way. I filled out all of her college apps. The only college she applied to that required a writing sample was willing to take a graded paper. I knew she wasn't going to write on. She got into all of the colleges I applied her to. She did make the decision as to which one to attend.

Happy to say 4 years later she graduated Summa Cum Laude with a degree in mathematics. Don't know what her problem was about the whole app process, but once she was in and there everything was fine. Maybe she just didn't want to deal with her first big life decision.

i am so glad that this worked out for you and your daughter.

That said, I think this is just wrong. If a person cannot even fill out their own application to college, they should not be going. College is for adults (of all ages) that choose an education to further themselves in life (better job, knowledge of the world etc..) no for children who cannot even be bothered. This is why I think every person in college should have some investment in their experience. By investment I mean: financial responsablities of some sort (tuition, partial tuition, books, meal plan etc... at least one) and academic ones (if they cannot pass classes with at least 12 credits)

 

[dcfromva]

Help!

I'm the mom of a son who is a senior in hs who doesn't talk to us much about his ideas for which colleges he would like to attend - just mainly quiet and we probably seem like we're pulling teeth just to get him to answer. We are speaking to his college guidance counselor this evening without him and right now I feel at a loss, depressed, and not a help at all. Everytime we speak to him he just says I don't know - he's a good student but really did not apply himself like he could have done in hs.
Did any of you feel this way or have this kind of situation?

Thanks for listening to this Mom!

Melissa

Melissa,
We started hauling DS to colleges when he was a freshman in HS. We found out very quickly that he did have an opinion. When it came time to apply for college, he only applied to one (early decision). If he had not been accepted, then he would have applied to his next 2 or 3 choices.

DS's HS had a formal program for applying to college--starting early on. By junior year, he had to fill out a college package to help his counselor write up a recommendation. Before the counselor would meet with him, he had to do a search (you can do a search on collegeboard.com) based on his preferences and rank order his choices. Part of his 12th grade English was to write up a college entrance essay. Perhaps there is something in place like that in your DS's school?

Good luck to you. Helping your child pick a college/apply for college is very stressful, but it all works out eventually.

-DC

 

[momma leaps]

You have to force him to communicate with you. If he doesn't have a preferance than I would suggest colleges near home. Community college if he doesn't know what he wants to do. He can transfer after the 2nd year to get a degree.

Our DD took a bit of nudging but it does get easier. I found Senior year to be quite stressful but now that she is in college it has gotten better.

She commutes to school and even works part time . They do need a bit of a push but it will get better.

I also had to fill out her application and help her buy her books, etc. I think after the first year they become a little bit more independant. It scary for them.

Good Luck

 

[Alyssa88]

I definitely did not have that problem- before my 17th birthday I had already known exactly where I was going and had already picked out the courses I was planning to take, by my 18th I had already finished my first semester very successfully and began my second. I always knew I wanted to go to school, and I worked very hard for it. I think if your son isn't talking about it, then maybe he isn't ready. He should go to comunity college and figure out what he wants his career to be while working on his core requirments for a college or university. I have seen kids come to college and fail b/c they didnt want to be there- it's a waste of time and money. I do well in school, but it is only because I love it so much. Give him to time to figure out what he loves, and is willing to work for.

 

[applepwnz]

I'd have to second the idea of letting him just go to community college for a year or two, I did that because I didn't do well in HS at all and I didn't really know what I wanted to do yet, but it worked out really well for me to be able to get some core classes out of the way cheaply while I figured out what I wanted to do with my life and raised my GPA so that I could get in to the college of my choice and now I'd suggest going to community college for a year or two to any highschool senior. Also don't be discouraged if your son doesn't stay at the first school he goes to (if it's a 4 year schooL) because that's becoming pretty common nowadays, pretty much everyone that I know went to 2 or 3 schools before they found the one that they would stick with (I know my mother was kindof freaked out because I'm at my 3rd college now, but even she's finding out from her friends with similarly aged kids that it's a really common thing.)

 

[2trips06Mom]

I'm a mom of 2 sons - 1 DS 19 in Community College, 2nd is a senior in HS. We always told them they were going to college. Oldest son wasn't interested in choosing any type of program or major. I made him take liberal arts major and helped - ok did most - of filling out the application. He has been floundering along for 1+ year. Passing his classes but not highly interested or motivated. Today he said he was interested in going on with a major in computers of some sort after he applies and possibly does the Disney college program. I have encouraged him to take classes and electives that might be of interest to him. He has ruled out lots of stuff he doesn't want to do for the rest of his life, but really is still trying to figure out what he does want to do. He finally appears to be taking charge of where he is headed in life. I have decided some kids just take longer than others to be able to make these life changing decisions. His grades this semester will also be much better than his first 2 semesters!

DS #2 already knows he wants to be a computer programmer. He is doing what is called a 2+2 program - 2 years at the Community College with the following 2 years at a local university. It is cheaper and makes more sense (in case he decides he doesn't want to be doing that).

I say send your son to the Community College. Let him live at home and get acclimated - usually within the first year they will decide what they want to pursue and head in the right direction!

Good luck!

 

[JazzySteph]

From my experience senior year of high school with college apps it is incredibly overwhelming. There is so much pressure from parents, teachers, and other students to get into top schools or get 4.0 GPA's that it is seriously numbing.

In my opinion the goal should just go to place you'll be happy at. I first started going to a school that I was my 1st choice in high school and I ended up hating it. I then came home finished up my general reqs at a community college and that was the best decision ever. It really gave me an opportunity to discover it really what I wanted to do without the pressure of chosing a major in a regular university. Now I'm going to transfer to a school in Orlando to get my degree in Hospitality Management and hopefully work at WDW someday!

I'm sure your son feels really pressured now to make a decision. I know that many people are probably telling him that the college you go to will basically set your path for the rest of your life and that is soo NOT TRUE. I'd just encourage him by telling him his best interests are at heart. If he does tell you some colleges he is interested have him apply but also keep the community college choice open just so there are options out there. I'm sure he must have an opinion on something. I always did even if I didn't tell my parents!