HELP!!! MIL wants to take my DC's to WDW alone!!!! UPDATE!!

[MomNeedsVacay]

Okay so MIL and I take my two DD's to local waterpark/themepark today. She goes..."Well, we need to start planning our trip to DW!" "How do we go about this?" "Do you know that they have these things called 'Early Entry Hours?'"...." "They also have these meals where you can actually sit with the characters!" I chuckle to myself ...
The inlaws are apparently paying again for the whole thing, but MIL wants my total input from where we are staying to what we are doing (according to her...). My new question...how do I "convince" her to stay where I want to stay and do what I want to do?????????? I told her that I would let her borrow our WDW vacation planning video- but I think it would be best if we sat down together to watch it- don't you?

On a side note, we graciously turned down her latest offer of her paying for a getaway for DH and I if we would go visit her relatives..... She seemed a little miffed, but got over it....

 

[pumpkin5156]

Okay so MIL and I take my two DD's to local waterpark/themepark today. She goes..."Well, we need to start planning our trip to DW!" "How do we go about this?" "Do you know that they have these things called 'Early Entry Hours?'"...." "They also have these meals where you can actually sit with the characters!" I chuckle to myself ...
The inlaws are apparently paying again for the whole thing, but MIL wants my total input from where we are staying to what we are doing (according to her...). My new question...how do I "convince" her to stay where I want to stay and do what I want to do?????????? I told her that I would let her borrow our WDW vacation planning video- but I think it would be best if we sat down together to watch it- don't you?

On a side note, we graciously turned down her latest offer of her paying for a getaway for DH and I if we would go visit her relatives..... She seemed a little miffed, but got over it....

Sounds like a nice lady....as long as you do things HER way. i say this only because my MIL is exactly the same way. very giving and gracious, but with some tiny strings attached!

As far as 'sending hints" of where you want to go, I would just say it. Say, "The hotel we should stay at is this one...." Or, "I really looked in to it, and this blah blah seems to be the way to go..." You get my point. I am a very honest and opinionated person, so it is VERY easy for me to say things like this to the MIL. Hope fully it will go well for you!

Or ask your DC where they want to stay and then tell thr MIL, "The kids would LOVE to do this or stay here...."

GL and boy are you lucky!

 

[robinb]

I'm confused. You say there is an "update" but it's a first post. You say that your in-laws want to take the kids "alone" but than talk about convincing them to stay where you want to stay.

So ... I will assume that you want some advise on being in charge of a trip that your in-laws will pay for. I guess it all depends on how your willing your MIL is to talk your advise. I think it's a good sign that she is asking your opinion! Do you have an idea of her price range? Is the resort you want to stay at within that range? If she would like to watch the planning video with you you could talk up the resort of your choice while watching the video.

I would tread carefully. Offer your help and advise (you can mention your secret DIS weapon ) but be prepared to have her want to do things by herself too. I would also recommend that whoever plans things that you also plan for time away from each other too. The best thing about Grandparents at WDW is that you get a little bit of adult alone time .

 

[bumbershoot]

robinb, she had a huge, multi-page, ongoing thread titled, well, pretty much the same title only without the "update" of the DRAMA of this MIL person. Grandmother wanted to take granddaughter from some brand new made up "tradition", mom didn't like the idea, said so, suddenly it has turned into a multi-family, multi-generational trip that MIL says she wants to (partially) pay for, but that *might* mean she plans it all and controls it all, making it rather relatively miserable for the mom who needs a vacay!


momneedsvacay, sounds like your campaign of directness + waiting (giving her time so she can think it's all her idea) is starting to work, yay! So just give her the input, and then wait. Since this whole thing started because she wanted to "take" your daughter's first WDW trip, be sure to play heavily on what would be best for your daughter (hotels, character b'fasts, etc), and hope she agrees.

omg, what if she found the Dis and saw your thread? Maybe that's what is behind her new semi-niceness!


Good for you to turn down that strings-attached trip. Especially b/c who knows where she might have taken your girls while you were gone!

 

[MissionMouse]

To manage these types of situations you definately let it be known, with respect, this is your families vacation. You pay for your vacation and plan it out accordingly. If they want to join you that is fine...you add the headcount when you make your ADRs. Set the ground rules out in advance that you will do things together and there will be time when it is just your family...after all it is your families vacation. If the in-laws want to join you for the meals or if they don't that is fine. Overall, control your families vacation and do not try to appease individuals who seek to control or manipulate, especially if their the type who are never happy unless it is 100% their way...and even then they complain.

 

[robinb]

robinb, she had a huge, multi-page, ongoing thread titled, well, pretty much the same title only without the "update" of the DRAMA of this MIL person.

Thanks for the synopsis. I guess that would also explain how the OP racked up 330+ posts in just 4-6 weeks! Huge, drama-filled, multi-page ongoing threads will do that to you!

Good luck OP! It sounds like you'll need it.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

I'm confused. You say there is an "update" but it's a first post. You say that your in-laws want to take the kids "alone" but than talk about convincing them to stay where you want to stay.

So ... I will assume that you want some advise on being in charge of a trip that your in-laws will pay for. I guess it all depends on how your willing your MIL is to talk your advise. I think it's a good sign that she is asking your opinion! Do you have an idea of her price range? Is the resort you want to stay at within that range? If she would like to watch the planning video with you you could talk up the resort of your choice while watching the video.

I would tread carefully. Offer your help and advise (you can mention your secret DIS weapon ) but be prepared to have her want to do things by herself too. I would also recommend that whoever plans things that you also plan for time away from each other too. The best thing about Grandparents at WDW is that you get a little bit of adult alone time .

This is an update of an old thread, but I can't find it!!!

 

[Patita]

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1410483&highlight=HELP!!!+MIL+wants+to+take+my

 

[mm_ja]

I havent read the other multi page thread, but PLEASE take my one bit of advice because I learned this the hard way. When dealing with something like this it needs to be a comversation between son and mom, not DIL and MIL. I wont go into my story, but believe me if MIL is somewhat controlling and her plans dont make sense for your family, then get your husband to talk frankly with her.

 

[bumbershoot]

I havent read the other multi page thread, but PLEASE take my one bit of advice because I learned this the hard way. When dealing with something like this it needs to be a comversation between son and mom, not DIL and MIL. I wont go into my story, but believe me if MIL is somewhat controlling and her plans dont make sense for your family, then get your husband to talk frankly with her.

Sorry to keep speaking for ya Mom, but...from what I recall of her first thread, her hubby doesn't see much of a problem in the way his mom does things. His family is used to it and they just go along.

 

[tink2]

I assume you are ALL going Spring 2008?
Even though she says she is paying, I would politely tell her that you had really looked into it since she asked and got a lot of info. on the resorts. I would probably pick your top 2 or 3 and let her decide (unless you have your heart set on one). Give her the reasons and benefits of staying at these resorts and tell her the pros of each one. That would make her feel like she is making the decision- power you know!
I would tell her that I had really done a lot of research on WDW in general and have found a lot of great information that makes touring the parks easier. Keep bringing up your dds- it would be better for dds if we did this first, etc. etc.
Good luck! I have a similar mil, unfortunately (for my kids at least ) , she would never dream of going to WDW with her grandchildren- she has no interest in that or anything else that requires effort.

 

[LoveMyBoys]

I read your other thread, and I think the best advise I can give you, is to get on the same page with Dh. I think your biggest problem is that he likes the idea of his mom paying for him. This is your family, you should decide when you go, where you go, and whether you can afford it. As long as MIL is paying, even partially she will be in charge of all your plans, because in her mind without her money, there would be nothing to plan. Best of luck to you

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

I assume you are ALL going Spring 2008?
Even though she says she is paying, I would politely tell her that you had really looked into it since she asked and got a lot of info. on the resorts. I would probably pick your top 2 or 3 and let her decide (unless you have your heart set on one). Give her the reasons and benefits of staying at these resorts and tell her the pros of each one. That would make her feel like she is making the decision- power you know!
I would tell her that I had really done a lot of research on WDW in general and have found a lot of great information that makes touring the parks easier. Keep bringing up your dds- it would be better for dds if we did this first, etc. etc.
Good luck! I have a similar mil, unfortunately (for my kids at least ) , she would never dream of going to WDW with her grandchildren- she has no interest in that or anything else that requires effort.

good tips...I'm excited to start planning!!!! I think I'll make my top 3 lodging suggestion as follows..... 1) Poly 2) AK lodge 3) WL ...YES they can afford it.....

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

good tips...I'm excited to start planning!!!! I think I'll make my top 3 lodging suggestion as follows..... 1) Poly 2) AK lodge 3) WL ...YES they can afford it.....

I have been following, and it seems like you are both being a little silly here. (sorry)
If this were me, I would be straight. And I would expect the same from DH. You shouldn't nor is it polite to plan a vaca with someone else's money. If they are paying for the trip, then THEY are going to have ultimate say over the plans. And I hate to say it, but if she is anything like my MIL, or any other MIL you have ever met, than you will be "suprised" with lots of things once you get there, that weren't in your plans..and you will have the added drama of the trip was paid for by her love hanging over your head, which will make for a miserable trip.
If it were me, I would BE UPFRONT!
Plan your own first trip, do it the way YOU AND DH want to do it. AND if they want to meet you down there a couple of days into your trip and enjoy some time with the grandkids at disney world, while you and DH enjoy as well than do that. (Trust me, our first trip to DW with DD was SO MAGICAL! We would not have wanted anyone else interfering with it, or stressing anything, it was nice to be our little family, enjoying a magical time)
But...From your Prev. Posts...this woman is Methodical..she knows what she is doing, and I don't belive for a second that she is "going to let you help her plan a trip" She might be letting you "think thats what your doing" but I have a feeling there is much more to it than that.

Not trying to be mean, but I have been there..done that.. and seen it done by friends over and over again. Best of Luck to you!!

 

[mm_ja]

Well, I went back and read the original thread, and I hate to say this but, do not go on this trip. If you take your story (for the most part) and change the words Disney to Beach you are telling my story. I unfortunatly was in the role of your DH. More than likely, you will argue with your DH and DMIL, there will be a lot of tension and nobody will enjoy themselves. Hoping I am wrong but I feel no good can come of this trip for your family. Your DMIL sounds like one of these people who are controlling in a passive agressive way, and is used to getting her way. Your DH is willing to go with the flow because mom is taking care of things, and he for whatever reason doesnt see whats wrong with that. You havent really mentioned your DFIL, but I am assuming he is a very laid back go with the flow type guy. Probably where your DH gets it. I hope I didnt offend you with my assumptions of your family, just what I see from what I read. I think even if you go into the trip with the attitude of hey, I will go with the flow, they are paying for everything so I should just enjoy the trip, things will change when you get down there.

 

[cccm]

One way to approach may be to make a list of the resorts, their pricing range and their themes and anything that may be fun for the girls or for your MIL. Maybe try approaching it like her friend.

Good Luck!

I just told DM that DD and I were going to Disney again this summer. She asked if she can go next year. Due to family drama, if DM goes, my sister may not want to meet us there. UGH!!

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

One way to approach may be to make a list of the resorts, their pricing range and their themes and anything that may be fun for the girls or for your MIL. Maybe try approaching it like her friend.

Good Luck!

I just told DM that DD and I were going to Disney again this summer. She asked if she can go next year. Due to family drama, if DM goes, my sister may not want to meet us there. UGH!!

Thank you! The more I think about it, the more excited I get. Truth be told- I think having both sets of GP's in WDW will make it easier for DH and I. We can go out to a romantic dinner alone if we want to, or do more adult rides that we can't do with the kids. I'm going to have to admit to myself that this trip won't be planned EXACTLY the way I want things done- but the things that I think are important will need to be conceded to.

MIL called today to ask if I thought a three-day park hopper pass would be all we needed.... I spit my coffee across the counter... THREE DAYS?????
Me: " No I really think we at LEAST need 5 day passes- at LEAST."

MIL:" "Really? but there are only those three parks.... the Castle One, the Epcot one, and the Zoo Adventure one, right?

Me: "Well, there is also MGM studios"....
MIL: "I thought that was in California...??"
Me: " No, I've been there. Trust me- its in Orlando and worth seeing."
MIL "Are you sure you aren't thinking about that Universal stuff?"
Me: "No."
MIL: "Don't you think there will be parks you will want to skip?"
ME: "THe only parks I don't mind skipping are the waterparks, SeaWorld and Universal Studios."
MIL: "I thought SeaWorld was in Texas"

 

[estherhead]

MIL called today to ask if I thought a three-day park hopper pass would be all we needed.... I spit my coffee across the counter... THREE DAYS?????
Me: " No I really think we at LEAST need 5 day passes- at LEAST."

MIL:" "Really? but there are only those three parks.... the Castle One, the Epcot one, and the Zoo Adventure one, right?

Me: "Well, there is also MGM studios"....
MIL: "I thought that was in California...??"
Me: " No, I've been there. Trust me- its in Orlando and worth seeing."
MIL "Are you sure you aren't thinking about that Universal stuff?"
Me: "No."
MIL: "Don't you think there will be parks you will want to skip?"
ME: "THe only parks I don't mind skipping are the waterparks, SeaWorld and Universal Studios."
MIL: "I thought SeaWorld was in Texas"

I haven't followed any of this, but this conversation cracked me up. Let me just say that I have in-laws who love to travel & have some money. They are also generous & will follow me anywhere I want to go, but they personally don't know a lot nor do a lot of research. Or at least they didn't when I married DH 13 years ago. Now they totally understand where I'm coming from & would pretty much follow me anywhere, paying for a lot of it, if I could handle leading around my family of & them.

So my input is if the above conversation is any indication, go with the flow with this trip but be in the know & there really will be an all expenses paid Disney tradition with you in charge next year.

I also agree with being upfront about Value, Moderate, & Luxery & what each includes for what prices. You might be surprised that they pick the upper level on their own & you don't look like you're spending all their money.

JMHO

 

[cccm]

MomNeedsVacay - You brought up a very good point. Grandparents watching children while you and DH go out for a night on Disney. Love the idea!

Before DMIL passed two years ago, they were talking about taking us on a Disney Cruise. Well that isn't going to happen now as DMIL wore the pants in that family. DFIL does squat.

DM wants to go, DFIL would go if we asked. Now if I could just get DH to go, we could have a date. I had a blast with an old boyfriend back in 96.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

As I mentioned before, the IL's were going to split four days with my parents to take both of our DD's. My DH and I are taking some time to ourselves. My only request is that my girls stay together. THey are two years apart and they LOVE being with each other. My Mom just called me to tell me that MIL said that she wants the older DD and my mom can have my younger DD and MAYBE they can switch halfway through. I'm like, "WHAT?!?" I really want the girls to stay together... should I bring this up with MIL or let it die...?