Help me understand Girl's nightout!

[frijolefrito]

My wife and I have been married for 9 years now and while she has done some girls night outs she never really has enjoyed them.

Most of the time I find girls night outs are to appease couples who don't get to be themselves around their spouses or want to do things they can't normally do with the spouse there. The woman goes out eating and dancing because the male "doesn't dance". The male is okay with this because he stays at home and watches tv/plays video games and drinks beer.

I'm just stereotyping there but you understand what I mean.

If we need space or sometime away or to be left alone we just tell the other. If my wife wants to go visit with friends it's visting with friends. It's not no stinky boys allowed. My wife and I love doing everything together and we have never really needed to do girls/guys night's out. On the flip side I've never really needed guy's night out.

I can see this for movies like sex in the city or justin beiber never say never.

Thoughts?

 

[skiingfast]

If what works for you works for you that is great.

Lots of people can reduce stress by balancing time. Time with partner. Time with kids. Time alone. Time with friends, yours not thiers. And of course NO Time with inlaws, nobody needs that.

In high school I had one friend who was big into Guy Night. Because his girlfreind did girl's night. We played poker, drank beer and watched sports. Worked fine for me.

 

[pixiewings71]

If you guys don't like it don't do it. It's not a big deal, each couple needs to decide what works best for them and do that.
My DBF dances (the man can cut a serious rug too!) but he prefers to not go out as much as I like to, so I go out with other people. Not just girls, there are guys there too....and guess what, I even dance with them. It's not a big deal, it's a bunch of friends having a good time, besides I don't have a ton of girlfriends, most of my friends are guys, they are easier to get along with. LOL I do have some very good girlfriends but they also have mostly guy friends, that's just how we are. And no, DBF does not want to do everything with me, and I don't want to do everything with him...golf? No thanks, shoe shopping, he'd say no thanks. LOL Couples have to be individuals as well as couples, otherwise relationships can have problems. At least that's been my experiences.

I find that your assumption that couples who do this can't be themselves around their partner to be very far off base. I am who I am, I haven't changed from who I was when I met DBF almost 9 years ago (9 years next month that we met, 9 years in August that we've been a serious couple), nor has he. Just because we have different interests doesn't mean we can't be ourselves with each other....

 

[Disney Dreams]

My wife and I have been married for 9 years now and while she has done some girls night outs she never really has enjoyed them.

Then why does she go? And I'm not sure it matters how long you've been married. If she doesn't enjoy something, she shouldn't go.

Most of the time I find girls night outs are to appease couples who don't get to be themselves around their spouses or want to do things they can't normally do with the spouse there.

Umm... says who? Interesting conclusion, but not one I would agree with at all.

The woman goes out eating and dancing because the male "doesn't dance". The male is okay with this because he stays at home and watches tv/plays video games and drinks beer.

I'm just stereotyping there but you understand what I mean.

I agree, very strong stereotyping. The last time I went out with "the girls," we went to a comedy club - and most the guys went and played softball for the night.

My DH and his friends have "Guys Night" once a month. Although it's not beer guzzling, hootin' and hollarin' guys at a strip club. It's a bunch of guys who have known each other for 20+ years all making a point to keep in contact and get together amidst life's responsibilities. They usually get together at someone's house and play games (Risk, Magic, etc....) for the evening. It keeps a long-time circle of friends connected. To be honest, there's a little part of me that's jealous of them that they have ALL remained friends for sooooooo many years.

Do what works for you and your wife. It really doesn't matter what everyone else is doing,
Dreams

 

[Reddy]

it is a chance to get away from the "men" & Kids
it could be going & quilting (or scrapbooking)
it is mainly a chance to destress & let the men have a chance to be with the kids

 

[LoriABil]

Maybe I'm different, but our girls night usually involves going out to eat or playing Bunco! The most wild thing we have done is go to the wine bar. Hmmm, maybe it's more "Mommy's Night" than girls night! Maybe that's why we aren't drinking, dancing or carousing.

Women, especially SAHMs, need to nurture friendships as well as their families. As long as families are the priority, then she should be allowed time with friends. It's not that family is less important, but once you have a family, life outside of the home should not cease. Women used to have quilting bees; now we have girls night.

 

[FlameGirl]

Spending time away from one's spouse to see friends is healthy. Couples who are attached at the hip and are so insecure they can't spend a night apart are the unhealthy couples, if you ask me.

 

[frijolefrito]

I think I've just been around too many unhealthy couples. I need to re-asses a little bit of my bitterness and relax I think. I am for all these scenarios given and I'm glad people do it this way. I often just see couples really as using this as an excuse not as what you all describe. I come across a good couple very rarely I think I've lost my faith in people.

As for the reason my wife goes to girls night out is because we are in the military and we are always having to make new friends. So when you are invited out to do things you go to try out the people. Basically it's to make friends. One of the times she went out dancing and all the married girls (except my wife) were bumping n grinding. She ended up leaving early and grabbing a taxi home. We are at the point now that it's very difficult to get out let alone

I always get invited to guys night outs but it is as the stereotype describes. I started bringing my wife with me and the guys didn't care until the wives started hearing about it. Then they were like.. well if she can come I want to come. I just don't like drinking without my wife there.

My wife and I are attached to the hip that doesn't mean she can't do what she wants.

 

[Goofy_Mom]

my dh is my bff. i'm a homemaker and don't "get out" much. i do get "me" time sometimes when i need it. because we still have little ones to little to leave by themselves, we do things as a family - be it all of us or (mostly) me and the kids. dh doesn't like people and as such his social skill aren't very fined tuned. if you didn't take the time to get to know him, you'ld think he's an oger. we usually do things in turn. for instance he'll watch the first showing of a movie while I play with the kids, then swap and I'll watch the next showing and he'll play with the kids.

 

[alaskagirlchrissie]

my dh is my bff. i'm a homemaker and don't "get out" much. i do get "me" time sometimes when i need it. because we still have little ones to little to leave by themselves, we do things as a family - be it all of us or (mostly) me and the kids. dh doesn't like people and as such his social skill aren't very fined tuned. if you didn't take the time to get to know him, you'ld think he's an oger. we usually do things in turn. for instance he'll watch the first showing of a movie while I play with the kids, then swap and I'll watch the next showing and he'll play with the kids.

I work all week. So honestly, I'm just thrilled to sit at home Friday and Saturday night and spend time with my family. The thought of going out and spending that time with anyone else is very unappealing to me. Now we do have a few sets of neighbors we will get together with on occasion and drink and laugh and have a good time. Me and DH do our own things without each other, but it has nothing do with, "I need to get away from you". We have been togther over 20 years, so we must be doing something right.

 

[sonnyjane]

As for the reason my wife goes to girls night out is because we are in the military and we are always having to make new friends. So when you are invited out to do things you go to try out the people. Basically it's to make friends. One of the times she went out dancing and all the married girls (except my wife) were bumping n grinding. She ended up leaving early and grabbing a taxi home. We are at the point now that it's very difficult to get out let alone

My wife and I are attached to the hip that doesn't mean she can't do what she wants.

I suppose, but my husband is in the military and I've been playing this military moving game with him for 6 years now. I can understand going to one or two of those functions to see if you clicked with anyone, but if I didn't, I wouldn't keep going to something that I didn't enjoy. To be honest, I don't have any friends that are military spouses at this current location and I've lived here for 2.5 years. I have friends from my job and from places that I've volunteered, but I don't see any glaring need to make friends with my husband's co-workers' wives if we weren't friends right off the bat.

As far as "girl's night out", we do it for exactly the reason you described - my husband doesn't enjoy drinking or dancing, so he often will drop my friends and I off and pick us up at the end of the night while he stays home and catches up on his DVRed shows. I assure you I'm not "bumping and grinding" just because my husband isn't there. I will say, however, that I almost never use the term "girl's night out". When I want to hang out with my friends, I do. It doesn't have to be a special occasion. This week I ended up meeting with friends twice for dinner while my husband was at the gym and at home working on his car. I call him to let him know, but it's not a big deal. Is our marriage in shambles because I go out without him? To the contrary - it's great because we both lead fulfilled lives and know that when we want to hang out together, we can, and when we want to do separate activities, we can do that also without any feelings of guilt.

He deploys quite frequently, and when he isn't out of the country, he is out of the state for weeks at a time for training. In fact, he's gone right now. I only see him about 90 days out of the year, so when I see him, I spend time with him, but it's also important for me to maintain my relationships with friends so that when he is gone, I'm not completely isolated.

 

[frijolefrito]

I really appreciate all the respones:

I appreciate everyone elses comments and I think light has really been shed for me.

 

[Teki]

I always thought it was more about quality time. Girls night for me generally involves my mom or my sister or both. I also have girls night with my friend Amanda because we like to enjoy quality time together and because we like Bingo and my DBF doesn't lol I dont think its any poo poo on men scenario its just about quality time.

 

[marcemc]

My girls' night out: some vino + chick flick + lots & lots of talking & talking


We are best friends (DH & me) but we both enjoy some different hobbies. Every couple is different, no magic formula