Help Me to NOT "ugly cry" at Son's Wedding

[Jaya]

I have heard of two things to do to stop yourself from crying. Caveat: I haven't tried either one.

#1 - pinch the web between your thumb and index finger very hard.

#2 - Run the tip of your tongue along the roof of your mouth until you reach your soft palate. Press very hard right where your hard palate meets your soft palate. The person who told me about this swears that you CANNOT produce tears when you are doing this. I think I'd be too busy gagging to cry, but as I said, I haven't tried it so who knows?

 

[lsyorke]

Repeat a word in your head if you feel the tears starting...DSS had "penguin" in his head throughout his vows, LOL! It worked!

 

[Disney Deb]

Thank you all again for your wonderful advice. I truly feel better already.

A few years ago, I had to give a speech in front of a large group and speak about my daughter (she was standing next to me). The week prior we had a rehearsal. When I stood up to read my speech (at this rehearsal) all was grand. Or so I thought. I read maybe 3 sentences and completely broke down. I was completely stunned and unprepared for this reaction. I never saw it coming. Luckily, like I said, this was a rehearsal. The next few days leading up to the actual event, I read, and re-read my speech probably at least 100 times. I read it to my dog, the lamp, the tv....anything. I de-sensitized myself that when the day came, I held it together and made it through my speech fine. My husband said he would dance with me to the song my son selected as many times as I want!!! I doubt that this would work the same as the speech, but it would be nice to dance with my husband a lot!!!

Again, I knew you guys would come through with great suggestions...and you did!!
Deb

 

[Sgt Mickey]

OKAY maybe if right before the wedding rent all the movies that make you cry and try to cry out as much as you can before. If it works let me know so I won't cry at my sons graduation

 

[marcyinPA]

I am a stress crier. You probably wouldn't think of a wedding as stress, but I bet this has something to do with it. My adrenaline goes way up and my release is a good cry. I cry during all of my boys' performances. I cry at church baptisms, even if I don't know the people being baptized! I cry when I am confronted or when things become uncomfortable. I haven't figured out how to control it.

BUT, I would say that nobody should dare be judging you and your emotions on your son's wedding day! If you cry, you cry- whatever the reason (adrenaline, stress, extreme emotions). Bring some hankies and try to enjoy the day!!

 

[anniemck]

First of my three daughters was married in February. Yep, I cried and the photographer took a few photo's. Out of all of the photo's taken that I was in, one of me crying is my daughters favorite. Don't worry about it and know that this is a one shot deal, have fun and let the tears of happiness flow.

 

[elizke]

I recently read that the best way to stave off crying is to cough. Worth a try.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

My mother danced with me for my mother/daughter dance and we danced to Wind Beneath My Wings by Bette Midler. We both ugly cried and neither of us cared. It was "our" moment. We had most of the rest of the room ugly crying too.

 

[CaptainObvious]

I made small talk with my dad during our father/daughter dance at my wedding to avoid tears

 

[dazedx3]

I'm a crier too... over everything ie. commercials, movies, weddings, pinterest, blogs, songs, sunsets, sunrises, cute puppies...well, you get the picture. My daughter was married a little over a year ago and I cried almost daily the six months prior. But the day of the wedding I was remarkably put together, not sure why. I did have a few moments but it was not what I (or those who know me) expected. Enjoy the day, it goes by so quickly.

 

[DisneyMim]

I cry at everything. Don't worry about it. If your family is like mine they know you are going to cry and it's okay. As another said, it shows the emotions you have for your son. Neither my son or daughter has married yet but what till then!! I'll need a whole box of tissues. Don't worry, go and enjoy and cry. Nobody will think it's ugly.

 

[AustinTink]

I'm crying right now juts reading this. I will be a mess in about 10-15 years when DS gets married.

 

[paintnolish]

Add me to those crying while reading this. I, too, am an ugly crier. My face gets all red and blotchy. I refuse to see sad movies in the theater and have yet to watch Toy Story 3. When I was little, I cried so hard during a film that I threw up. You get the picture. Anyway, I posed a similar question regarding ds's middle school graduation (not on the same planet as a wedding, I know). You've gotten some great advice, and just remember you're in good company. Ugly criers unite!!!

 

[Saphire]

I can get very emotional and cry easily too. My son got married last summer, and I was VERY worried about the same thing. Two things I want to pass along...

I found the day of the wedding to have such a high energy level with lots of adrenaline running through my body. For me, this worked against the emotional crying. There was such high tension, expectation, responsibility, joy and activity that I just didn't get caught off guard. Usually when I cry, it sneaks up unexpectedly.

Second, I practiced and practiced hearing and singing the song we would dance to. I wanted it to be a joyful moment, not a sobbing, emotional one. So I got over familiar with the song. It worked! It is now a very special memory.

Good luck and congrats on the wedding of your dear son. I have another son getting married in a few months and who knows? This time it may be 'Niagra Falls'! So I am going back now to read all the other responses and good advice.

 

[diznygirl]

Fellow Crier here! I haven't even seen Toy Story 3 cuz I know what it will do to me.

The secret is deep breaths. Down to your toes.

Try it during another rehearsal with your son. Good luck!

 

[Disney Deb]

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!! I feel so much better after hearing from so many of you. I have listened and will definitely try your suggestions. If and when I cry, it will be ok......because I've earned that honor (being mother of the groom)!! I needed to hear this...

Funny story regarding Toy Story 3 (or I guess you'll be the judge of that):

My DH and I joke around that we go to Disney "for the children" or we buy a chocolate cake "for the children". Just to deflect our own selfish desires. Well, I went to Best Buy and purchased Toy Story 3 "for the children". I took the phone off the hook, and knowing that no one else would be home but me for a few hours, I grabbed a big box of Kleenex and sat and watched it again and had the most satisfying cry. It's quite liberating being in the privacy of your own home and crying your eyes out!!

The wedding is in August, and I will certainly report back to this thread how things go!! Again, thanks for everything.
Debbie

 

[Bella the Ball 360]

SSIA.......sigh.....

I'm blessed to have a wonderful son who is marrying a terrific woman this summer. All is very, very good.....and I couldn't be more thrilled.

However. I tend to cry at graduations, any wedding (even TLC wedding shows), airport goodbyes, in fact....most goodbyes. I don't cry sweetly..and I definately cannot talk while crying. Yes. It's the UGLY CRY. When I'm part of a crowd, I can hide from making a spectacle of myself. I sobbed so loudly at the end of "Toy Story 3" as well as this year's "Les Miserable" movies.....thank goodness for darkened theaters.

I am especially concerned about the mother/son dance at the wedding reception. I cannot hide during this moment. My son wants to dance to the closing theme of "The Land Before Time" sung by Diana Ross. It's a beautiful song. When he was super-little, I used to get down on my knees and slow dance with him as the song was played during the closing credits of our VHS tape. During a recent visit (my son now lives 3000 miles away), we gave our dance a dry run....and I was a mess. I want this moment to be a happy moment....not one that I'm dreading. I also don't want this to be an awkward moment...and if I cry the way I think I might.....it surely will be.

Please help. Oh BTW....I have teardrops rolling down my face as I type this. And one more thing......I'd cry if we danced to "Take me out to the Ballgame". The song doesn't really make THAT much of a difference.

Thanks in advance,
Deb

It ain't happening just get over it! At my son's wedding I had somewhat controlled myself and HE cried like a baby and began hugging me because we had be somewhat estranged before. What ever you do do NOT dance to "MY WISH". Even the photographer could not control himself and the waitresses came over to me in tears. It was totally unexpeced. Not dry eye in the house

BTW anyone remember the Verizon commercial where they have scenes where the little boy is born and various scenes of him growing up while Dolly sings " I Will Always Love You"? It was on about 10 yrs ago and I have searched for it on you tube but no luck. IT WIPED me out. My husband came up stairs and found me sobbing under the covers and I could not even get out why I was crying!

 

[DeaverTex]

Good luck, and don't worry about it. Nobody will care in the slightest if you smile, cry prettily, or wail like banshee.

I'm just glad that I have a son, so no dancing at his (eventual) wedding for me. I'm much worse about those things than Mrs. Tex.

 

[Robbi]

Bite the inside of your cheek, clasp your hands tightly, then release and repeat. Concentrate on the decorations.

 

[horseshowmom]

This may sound odd but have you thought about asking your doctor whether a there's something mild that you could take to help you stay a little calmer? Just a thought. You could even give it a trial run before the wedding on something that you know will bring about tears.