Help me talk to doc about possible ADD/ADHD

[teacups]

I have an appointment tomorrow morn with doc to talk about son (7) and my suspicion about something going on. I don’t know what. It doesn’t exactly match ADD/ADHD symptoms, but it something. How do parents talk about what’s going on in front of the kid?? I mean, some of the things might hurt his feelings. He's impulsive, lacks forethought, doesn’t care about consequences in the heat of goofiness and the other kids don’t like to play with him and honestly he makes life hard in general.. But he's not a BAD kid. Does that make sense? I am making my hubby come to so I can talk to doc without son in room first. What’s the norm?? And, what should I expect from doc? Blood work? Might he send us to a specialist or can a general doc handle this? Thanks!

 

[KirstenB]

When we went through this with our daughter, who was 8 at the time, it was pretty easy. I told the doctor that each teacher in grades K-3 had remarked that paying attention was tricky for our daughter (I used the word tricky, not the teachers, but it's a word that seems to connote that the person is making an effort, which they are, kwim?). I was trying to be very tactful since dd was in the room.

I described how she was at home. The doctor said the most dead-on thing I remarked on was how dd was when she really DID want to do something. I gave the following example:

Me: Come on Andi, we're going to Busch Gardens today. Go upstairs, get dressed and brush your teeth. We're leaving in 20 minutes.

20 minutes later, I go upstairs to see what's keeping her. She's still in her jammies.

If a kid can't focus when they really want to do something, it's a red flag.

Good luck with your appointment.

 

[mjkacmom]

You will likely be told to see a pediactric neurologist, and will be given something for you and the teacher to fill out. My dd12 was given the diagnosis based on these tests, plus an interview, but I think the adhd diagnosis was wrong (starting in 5th grade, her social cues kicked in, and now going into 8th grade, she was one of a handful of kids her age on the high honor roll, all vector classes, never told me of a single test or assignment - had a great group of friends, and has never asked for help - however, she has 2 brothers who might be adhd). I think social issues really need to be addressed.

 

[freckles and boo]

All the things you mentioned do sound like signs of ADHD to me. I have two daughters and each is affected. My younger daughter is also autistic and we didn't realize that she could have both autism and ADHD. It isn't uncommon. She is very impulsive and hyperactive, as well as very inattentive and unable to organize. My older daughter doesn't have the impulsiveness or hyperactivity (no more than any ordinary child) but she was very, very inattentive in school. Both have made huge strides with medication. My older daughter is a straight A student now.

The doctor will probably give you a questionnaire for school and for home. They may ask you and your husband to fill them out independnently to see if you are both seeing the same thing. The one for school may be tough in the summer if you can't find his teacher to fill it out. If there are other people in his life (coaches, scout leaders, etc.) you may ask them to fill out the questionnaire as well. The forms are "scored" and then you have a conversation with the doctor. You can request to see a specialist. We saw a pediatric neurologist when our younger daughter was diagnosed because some children with autism also have seizure disorders and stimulant medication can be problematic. She had a sleep deprived EEG to rule that out. We didn't have any bloodwork done for the ADHD (had it done for the autism), but they did make sure she had no heart problems.

I think it is a good idea to talk to the doctor alone and also for the doctor to see you child and talk with him. He may know something is "wrong" with him. My older daughter was very frustrated that she couldn't pay attention in school.

 

[KirstenB]

Sorry, forgot to add, we were given a questionnaire to give to 2 teachers, plus for us to fill out. Then it was scored. We went to a child psychologist, but when we decided to try meds, were referred to a child psychiatrist within the same practice.

Have your son's teachers remarked on difficulty with paying attention? It finally came to a head for us when dd's 3rd grade teacher kept pushing and pushing.

No blood tests or anything like that , thank goodness.

 

[amid chaos]

Have the original appointment be a "consult" without your child so you can freely express your concerns.

 

[teacups]

Well we homeschool. So that throws a wrench in there for the doc I know.
But I do have the fortune of having been an art teacher in the past working with groups of kids, so I'm not oblivious to "normal" kid behavior. Plus I have two other kids. But I know it'll be hard on the doc with that paperwork.

He was in PS (public school) for kindergarten and I noticed a disturbing situation brewing. When I'd go to help in class (Three times weekly) I saw him not completing his papers or his projects. The teacher would tell him to go back to the table, finish it then put it in his cubby. Well guess what? He would go sit at the table and talk, move the crayon boxes, fiddle with the table legs, talk some more and even HELP OTHER KIDS! BUT always, always would never get around to that paper and would just stick it in his cubby seeming totally oblivious to the fact that he was even supposed to do anything with it. Now at home He'd still do that if I didnt question him. In school there were supposed to rotate to four different tables/centers each morning. He'd average 2 tables, and the teacher never even knew.


One thing that really stands out to me: If I tell him to go get his PJ's on, get his book and then come back to the couch so we can read.... he'll totally forget. He'll put his hand to his head (like a headache) and say he's too overwhelmed with all those things to do and he cant remember. Seriously, like two or three simple things. I'll find him in his room rearanging his rocks and little trinkets on his dresser. And this kid will be doing cartwheels at 11:00 PM when everyone else is dead tired. Its like he's got this energy source that is turned on high and cant be shut off.

 

[teacups]

Have the original appointment be a "consult" without your child so you can freely express your concerns.

This is what I wanted but the receptionist told me that he should come. So I'm taking my husband. I can pop my son out of the exam room when I want to. I dont like things that dont make good sense.

 

[ilovejack02]

Well we homeschool. So that throws a wrench in there for the doc I know.
But I do have the fortune of having been an art teacher in the past working with groups of kids, so I'm not oblivious to "normal" kid behavior. Plus I have two other kids. But I know it'll be hard on the doc with that paperwork.

He was in PS (public school) for kindergarten and I noticed a disturbing situation brewing. When I'd go to help in class (Three times weekly) I saw him not completing his papers or his projects. The teacher would tell him to go back to the table, finish it then put it in his cubby. Well guess what? He would go sit at the table and talk, move the crayon boxes, fiddle with the table legs, talk some more and even HELP OTHER KIDS! BUT always, always would never get around to that paper and would just stick it in his cubby seeming totally oblivious to the fact that he was even supposed to do anything with it. Now at home He'd still do that if I didnt question him. In school there were supposed to rotate to four different tables/centers each morning. He'd average 2 tables, and the teacher never even knew.


One thing that really stands out to me: If I tell him to go get his PJ's on, get his book and then come back to the couch so we can read.... he'll totally forget. He'll put his hand to his head (like a headache) and say he's too overwhelmed with all those things to do and he cant remember. Seriously, like two or three simple things. I'll find him in his room rearanging his rocks and little trinkets on his dresser. And this kid will be doing cartwheels at 11:00 PM when everyone else is dead tired. Its like he's got this energy source that is turned on high and cant be shut off.

I have a cpl of friends that have kids with ADHD ... all have sleeping issues. Be sure to mention this to Dr. One of the kids for a fact I know cant sleep with out medication, as an infant all the way to 5 yrs old .. up all night long.

 

[teacups]

I have a cpl of friends that have kids with ADHD ... all have sleeping issues. Be sure to mention this to Dr. One of the kids for a fact I know cant sleep with out medication, as an infant all the way to 5 yrs old .. up all night long.

Really?? Thanks. I'll mention it.

 

[Kimmumum]

My DS is ADHD. All kids have different symptoms. There is a spectrum and you can be a little ADHD or alot ADHD. We had to fill out the questionaires, we had the bloodwork (and continue to do so yearly), we had interviews etc.

ADHD kids are almost always VERY intelligent. Some have behavioral problems in school (but mine did not). Some are very bored in school (mine was so bored he didn't feel the need to do homework EVER.)

One thing that I also did was write out specific incidences that I thought the doctor needed to know about.....

We called him the Energizer Bunny. He could go on, and on and on BUT I could pick him up, put him in bed and he would be OUT. Like he crashed. He never had real problems sleeping.

When he was little I would try to read a book to him. We may get through the first or second sentence. His brother who is not ADHD would sit with a stack of books and want me to read them all over and over and over again. ( I am not trying to compare my boys just showing the difference.)

In the middle of winter I would have him put his boots and coat on and have him do laps around the house. I would say "A" run 5 laps (as I walked back and forth between the front and back doors waving at him), sometimes he would do 4 and he would tell me that he got his enery out and he didn't need to do more. Other times he would do 6 or 7. Whatever he felt he needed.

One day he was running on the back of the couch, jumping to the ottaman, jumping onto the chair, then back to the couch. He stopped long enough to take his shirt off because he was sweating so bad. When I asked him why he didn't stop, he broke into sobs and said he couldn't.


I would write down any incidences that have happened and bring it with you. It will give the doctor an idea of what is happening in your home.

MY DS is now 15. He is still medicated but the dosage has gone down at his request. He seems to be doing well. He is learning to overcome his ADHD. We have had our good days and bad days. Lots of patience is required but his is a very sensitive, helpful, fun, social, athletic, very smart, young man who makes me proud. I wouldn't want him any other way.

 

[teacups]

One day he was running on the back of the couch, jumping to the ottaman, jumping onto the chair, then back to the couch. He stopped long enough to take his shirt off because he was sweating so bad. When I asked him why he didn't stop, he broke into sobs and said he couldn't.

Oh boy, that breaks my heart.
Thanks for the tip to write stuff down. That will help a lot. When I stop and think what to say to doc, I almost feel like I have nothing to say... when in fact if I write it down I know I could fill a notebook page with line items.

Its good to hear people talk nice about thier ADD/ADHD kids.

My son is a total sweet heart. He just cant stay in control. I feel weird about going to the doc. I love that he's vibrant and full of life and feel maybe a little guilty for not being able to handle it. I dont want to change who he was sent here to be. Anyone else ever feel this?

 

[ilovejack02]

Oh boy, that breaks my heart.
Thanks for the tip to write stuff down. That will help a lot. When I stop and think what to say to doc, I almost feel like I have nothing to say... when in fact if I write it down I know I could fill a notebook page with line items.

Its good to hear people talk nice about thier ADD/ADHD kids.

My son is a total sweet heart. He just cant stay in control. I feel weird about going to the doc. I love that he's vibrant and full of life and feel maybe a little guilty for not being able to handle it. I dont want to change who he was sent here to be. Anyone else ever feel this?

I cant help you alot with that one as my kiddo seems to be ok in that dept. BUT I do have ADD.. diagnosed with ADHD at about 7 ish. I didnt have issues with friends school was the main issue. I just couldnt get it together. Meds helped, I was never a zombie once we got the right combo. I stopped taking them in high school and 18 yrs later I realize what a mistake that was. I know I might have gone further in life with a bit of help. I still know I need meds to this day, and happily take them now. I cant be the mom or wife I want to be without that bit of push.

 

[karibritt01]

One thing that really stands out to me: If I tell him to go get his PJ's on, get his book and then come back to the couch so we can read.... he'll totally forget. He'll put his hand to his head (like a headache) and say he's too overwhelmed with all those things to do and he cant remember. Seriously, like two or three simple things.

Be sure to tell the Dr that. My BFF's son (11) has a learning disability where he can not process informaton the way other children do. If she asks him to take his dirty dishes to the kitchen, scrape his plate in the trash, and put his dishes in the dishwasher... she is liable to walk into the kitchen and find his plate in the trash can. She has to give directions 1 at a time for him to understand.

My DS is ADD, with no hyperactivity. We had always known that he was overly sensitive and prone to meltdowns, often complained of stomach aches, no trouble sleeping but was on and off like a lightswitch, and had trouble relating with friends. I never associated those things with ADD until we met with a Psychologist. Even in Kindergarten, I had a horrid time trying to get him to do his homework... sometimes taking over an hour to write a line of g's on his paper or whatever. Once he started to cry, you could forget it, it was over and you weren't getting anything else out of the kid. By 2nd grade, he was reaaly starting to fall behind, only finishing his classwork twice in the first 9 weeks of school. We met with his pediatrician, who referred us to a psychologist for testing. We were able to start his first med by Thanksgiving. We did not do any kind of bloodwork. We had 4 meetings with a psychologist, filled out questionaires, and received a diagnosis. Since that time, we handle everything strictly with the pediatrician. He is required to get a physical once a year to keep receiving his meds.

One word of caution concerning meds... when my DS started his first med, he was a very healthy weight and wearing a size 8. He was a very healthy eater, and ate A LOT! Within 4 weeks of beginning his med, he had dropped 12 pounds, and was back into a size 6 jeans. He was skeletal looking. I knew he was eating less at breakfast and dinner, but I was still getting some food down him, and didn't realize how bad it was for him. I went to his Christmas party at school, and they were eating lunch in the classroom... he ate 1/2 a chicken nugget and a few sips of milk! He was also having trouble sleeping (still awake at 2 am some nights) and having stomach cramps. We pulled him off all meds over Christmas, and tried a new med when he went back to school, which worked much better. So... if you do decide to try meds... please monitor him very carefully! And remember that there are lots of different meds to try if your first one doesn't work out.

 

[freckles and boo]

One word of caution concerning meds... when my DS started his first med, he was a very healthy weight and wearing a size 8. He was a very healthy eater, and ate A LOT! Within 4 weeks of beginning his med, he had dropped 12 pounds, and was back into a size 6 jeans. He was skeletal looking. I knew he was eating less at breakfast and dinner, but I was still getting some food down him, and didn't realize how bad it was for him. I went to his Christmas party at school, and they were eating lunch in the classroom... he ate 1/2 a chicken nugget and a few sips of milk! He was also having trouble sleeping (still awake at 2 am some nights) and having stomach cramps. We pulled him off all meds over Christmas, and tried a new med when he went back to school, which worked much better. So... if you do decide to try meds... please monitor him very carefully! And remember that there are lots of different meds to try if your first one doesn't work out.

My younger daughter also is appetite suppressed during the day when she is wearing her patch (she is on Daytrana). We fill her up with breakfast in the morning. She eats practically no lunch. Her patch comes off the minute she gets home from school and she essentially eats non-stop from about six until bedtime. She also lost weight at first and we strategized with the doctor about ways to keep her healthy but we have found a balance. My older daughter doesn't seem to have any side-effects. We go back to the doctor every three months for check ups and weigh-ins just to be sure they are on track. As kids grow, their medication needs may shift. It is to be expected.

 

[Lanshark]

Not all ADHD kids are hyperactive. Many have the "inattentive" type of ADD where they just phase out.

 

[Kimmumum]

Teacups, any updates? How did your appointment go? I hope you got some answers!!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

We included my daughter throughout her treatment. We tried all routes and then stopped and let nature take its course. She still has trouble focusing, but we are working with it. She had been treated for 2 years.

We've decided not to let ADHD be her cross or her crutch.

Kids are very resilient. In fact, all docs and counselors spoke to her directly. I was simply their for clarification.

My daughter was appetite suppressed on all meds and while she was indeed more focused, her creativity was GONE. She was bored. It was sad. I wouldn't call her a zombie. Just wasn't the same.

Remember that these meds are stimulants which by nature are appetite surpressing. My dd wasn't losing weight--but wasn't really gaining either and hardly eating.

It has been recommended to me to try vision therapy. So we bought a book for some at home exercises. I was surprised at how deficient we both are (both of us are ADHD, supposedly). (simple tracking exercises are difficult for both of us.)

We've also been using Brain Gym as well as chiropractic care (which over time, I think is finally helping, though it is not a "cure" by any means).

But the whole time, my daughter was part of the process from diagnosis (first and only child that ever through a temper tantrum on a computer test the psychologist administered) to present day.

Our present counselor has us reading Parenting with Love and Logic and some of the techniques we have put in place have worked well.

 

[kellyg403]

OP..hope all is going well and you are able to figure out what works best for you and your son. This whole process is a three steps forward, five steps back until you start getting in right. The one thing I learned? Each of these children is so unique and what works for one maybe won't work for another. Don't get discouraged if you have to try different things.

My dd is 21 now, diagnosed years ago with ADD/ODD. She was unable to focus, impulsiveness was a huge issue for us, sleep disorder involved etc. I initially took her to the dr because of the sleep issue. Sometimes she could literally run on 2 hours sleep for days at a time and not seem tired at all. She reminded me of the energizer bunny! She also would see something she wanted to do, or think it, and boom she was doing it. The thought process was not there to 'stop' herself even if she thought the situation was dangerous.

Our dr. had the nurse take dd out of the room the first time we went and I broke down crying. The sleep deprivation alone was overwhelming me. I explained everything I could in the best way I could. Who knows what is appropriate behavior for a 6 year old, I thought it was me that was just tired and unable to take it. We went to a psychologist after that. He told me point blank that unfortunately, in my case, my parenting techniques were 50% of my dd's problems. I had pretended there wasn't a problem for so long that I created more.

While it was a hard time, I do know that today there are a lot more medicines and options and techniques to help the kids. Admitting the problem is half the problem and being an advocate for your child is the other half. As others said, you as the parent have the right to say hey this med is not working, I don't like the side effects and change them.

Good luck!

Kelly

 

[Mandychelle79]

My dd was in the room when I discussed her issues. She has primarily inattentive adhd. Shes not hyper at all and most kids with this fall through the cracks because they arent the trouble makers. We do med vacations during the summer but she has asked for her pills that help her pay attention. She knows she cant focus, but we wont put her back on them until school starts back up. I do need to ask about two things though... something to help her through the come down period ( she because miss cranky pants) and maybe something that wont make her not eat. We have her back up to where she was last year at this time, but she lost almost 10 lbs.