HELP me get my 6 month old to sleep! PLEASE! (update post 74)

Again, I offerered my opinion. An opinion is not necessarily accepted or liked by anyone. That statement was prefaced by me saying it was my opinion. You don't have to like it or agree with it, and you are more than free to have your own opinion and express it, or disagree with mine as you have done.

I won't apologize for people not liking my opinion. Again, I was responding to the OP, not to anyone else. If other people take offense because they don't share my opinion, then I can't help that. I would think that people who are comfortable with the way they have raised their children wouldn't be so offended. I'm not by people saying I spoil my daughter by letting her co-sleep. I really don't see how my opinion, a complete and total stranger to all of you, is really causing you all that much offense.



To me, nursing to sleep is the natural way for my little one to fall asleep. It's not a problem for me, and it's not a problem for the other mothers I know who have done it. Co-sleeping it also not an issue for either me or my DH- he, in fact, is one of my strongest supporters and also is firmly against letting our DD CIO. You may feel that it is essential to teach a baby to go to sleep on their own as soon as possible, but I don't share that opinion.

We plan to nurse for quite a while longer, and she already falls asleep for naps in different ways than nursing. I don't anticipate it being an issue, and again,there are ways besides CIO of dealing with sleeping at all ages. I know plenty of people this way has worked for.



Actually, she wouldn't sleep unless I was holding her. we tried many, many things, I think I know what ended up working best.

I don't recall telling anyone to play matyr or get to the point where they can't function. That would hardly be healthy. I do think that sometimes, parents get little sleep, and it's just a fact of life.

I'm friends with 2 single moms who attend to their baby's every need and don't do CIO. Both also co-sleep to make life easier. They have my utmost admiration- I'm in awe of the single parent.

Again, I just want to emphasize that this is my opinion and my personal stance. CIO is not an option for me. I shared another idea with the OP- that, I believe, is the point of posting a question- to get ideas.

I actually didn't say whether I agreed with you or disagreed, I merely pointed out that the wording of your post could cause some to take offense. ...and it did. Actually, the OP asked for advice on how to get her baby to sleep through the night. You offered your opinion on other posters advice, before you actually offered any advice of your own.

In the long run you have to do what works for you. If the method you are using works for you, then that's great, but understand your methods are not for everyone and offering not very well concealed insults on others parenting methods is not helpful and may ruffle a few feathers.
 
Let me share a secret with you. They can get their kids out of their beds. They don't want to. Why? Who knows? :confused3 They might complain but at the end of the day I am willing to bet dollars to donuts that the parent who is moaning the loudest really does want the kid in the bed.



I don't do CIO. It is simply not for me and my dh. All of our kids sleep just fine. I wish I could tell you some magical way that they went into their own beds but alas I do not know why they did not cry. Maybe because they were developmentally ready to be in their own bed? Maybe they were intrigued by their environment? I don't know. The time seemed right for them and off they went. No tears or tantrums.



See now we co-sleep and everyone sleeps beautifully here. No problems getting anyone out of our bed either. Everyone I know has no issues with the co-sleeping. Their kids sleep great and when ready (not school age) they are in their own beds with no problems. IMO when a parent has trouble getting an older (school age) child out of their bed it is the parent with the issue not the child. Secretly I would bet that that parent doesn't really want that child out of their bed. They might complain etc. but if they really wanted the child out they would find an easy way to do it. It's like potty training. Different approaches work for each child. Also, a lot of people assume that I don't sleep well because a child is in my bed. The truth of the matter is that I am not a good sleeper at all. I wake up a million times a night. I was like that even before I had kids. I also do not require tons of sleep so I while I might be tired I am not tired enough to sleep. So maybe those families aren't really tired from co-sleeping.


:goodvibes Exactly. ::yes::
 
DH
I actually didn't say whether I agreed with you or disagreed, I merely pointed out that the wording of your post could cause some to take offense. ...and it did. Actually, the OP asked for advice on how to get her baby to sleep through the night. You offered your opinion on other posters advice, before you actually offered any advice of your own.

In the long run you have to do what works for you. If the method you are using works for you, then that's great, but understand your methods are not for everyone and offering not very well concealed insults on others parenting methods is not helpful and may ruffle a few feathers.

The disagree part was not directed at you specifically, but at posters who said cosleeping amf nursing to sleep is wrong.

My first response was to the original poster, just not necessarily to her very first post. It was advice to her.

I have repeatedly said it is my opinion, and several timed, I have said we all do the best we can. Again, if people choose to get upset because they don't share my opinion and aren't able to let someone else voice an opinion, then :confused3. I did not say to anyone that they are wrong. Or bad. Or lazy. Or selfish. But I did day I don't agree with CIO and this is why. How else do you disagree with something other than by disagreeing? Plenty of people disagree with me, and I'm not taking it personally or getting upset.

Again, I presented another option,and one that a lot of people besides me use. That's all.
 
CIO can work very, very well for children who are NOT hungry, sick, or wet. Obviously those things needs to be addressed. We are not abusers here. Lord. :rolleyes:

OP, great job in helping your child help themselves fall asleep!
 

We decided to take a hard line in the sleep department because we had friends who routinely had to take 2 and 3 HOURS to put their child to sleep.

I, too, was fortunate enough to have a couple of friends who had babies before I did. I remember going over to one friend's house, and she excused herself to put the baby to bed. She came back one HOUR later! My bedtime routine - "goodnight, I love you, sweet dreams, I'll see you in the morning."

I had another friend who could not get her five year old out of the bed. She was so frustrated, because she was pregnant, and wanted her dd to sleep in her own bed before the baby came. She admitted she never wanted her in the bed, but it was easier to give in, and get sleep. She said she'd never do it again with the baby.

If you want to co-sleep, fine, but if not, make the transition earlier than later, or don't complain.
 
She has learned to sleep just fine at night, for the most part (exceptions being like the one I mentioned). And she will eventually transition to sleeping on her own..

How do you know? The things I thought I knew after just having one baby - I was such a novice! You feel sorry for babies who have to CIO, I feel sorry for babies who are waking up crying during the night. All of my babies have gotten teeth, and none have ever woken up crying because they were teething. By 6 months of age, they very, very rarely woke up during the night.
 
How do you know? The things I thought I knew after just having one baby - I was such a novice! You feel sorry for babies who have to CIO, I feel sorry for babies who are waking up crying during the night. All of my babies have gotten teeth, and none have ever woken up crying because they were teething. By 6 months of age, they very, very rarely woke up during the night.

My Dd was 7 months before she cut any teeth, and I don't recall her waking with her teeth at all at that point. She was sleeping 6 hours, thanks to sleep training her at 6 months, and the only time she was waking at that point was when we werer dealing with an ear infection.
 
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Oh no. I didn't say there was no crying at all. :laughing: I said I do not let my babies CIO, which is putting them in a room alone and leaving them to cry until they fall asleep. I have had a couple of screaming fits(just like CIO'ers have ;)) but I am always there comforting and holding them if they want or need it and not at 6 mos old.

I think it becomes the "complete disaster" when you are not consistent. I usually eventually say, "milk is sleeping" and "time for sleeping". They might fuss or all out protest for a couple of nights, but I lay next them and that's that. Just keep saying the same thing. I don't ever do that before one year of age. With teething and upset tummies and growth spurts(hungry), I feel babies need their mamas when they need their mamas. I just kind of gauge it by their needs at the time since they are all different. I don't night-wean them at one, but I do set limits if they are needed.
When they moved to their own beds, dh or I snuggled with them and then we left the room and sat in view with a book for a few nights and that was that. If they got up, we quietly led them back to bed and told them it was "time for sleeping". Maybe we stink or something, but our 5yo and 7yo won't even come in our bed when they are sick. They want us to snuggle with them in their bed. LOL

The night terrors are awful. ::yes:: It's so sad to watch and you feel so helpless. :hug:

this is pretty much exactly what I did, but at 6 months and it worked just fine. I sat in her room in the rocker and rassured her I was there every 5 min or so. It took about 4 nights to accomplish completely, with a few wake ups that required me to go in over the next couple of weeks. Those 4 nights were really hard because I got little sleep, but after that I got 6 solid hours of sleep every night unless she was ill, and it was heaven.
 
It should be noted here that the OP went the sleep training route, and it seemed to work.

Co-sleeping and nursing to sleep are the easiest short-term ways to get sleep at night. I know many -- maybe most -- people who did it. But almost everyone had to revert to some version of sleep training or CIO at some point, because the child did NOT want to transition to a crib, or at least did not do so easily.

Now I'm sure it works for some families, and that's great. But I've had too many personal conversations from too many friends to think that it's a rarity to have trouble sleeping when you head down the nurse on demand, co-sleeping bed, or you turn the nighttime routine into 2 hour extravaganzas, trying to get a toddler to sleep.

If you want proof, simply do a search on it. As I've said, we've see the subject come up many, many, many times on this board.
 
It should be noted here that the OP went the sleep training route, and it seemed to work.

No she didn't. She stated herself that her baby never cried, she only fussed for a few minutes and then went to sleep with 6 binkies in her bed. That is not sleep training or cio.
 
I had another friend who could not get her five year old out of the bed. She was so frustrated, because she was pregnant, and wanted her dd to sleep in her own bed before the baby came. She admitted she never wanted her in the bed, but it was easier to give in, and get sleep. She said she'd never do it again with the baby.

If you want to co-sleep, fine, but if not, make the transition earlier than later, or don't complain.

She *could* get her 5yo out of her bed, she obviously chose not to and judging by her actions or lack there of with her 5yo, she will go the same route with the baby. It has nothing to do with "not being able to get a child out of your bed" or cio.
 
All of my babies have gotten teeth, and none have ever woken up crying because they were teething.

I guess that would be your babies, then. :confused3
Two of my babies had fiery red cheeks and snot everywhere with low grade fevers when they were teething. Not very conducive to sleep.
 
I guess there are different definitions of CIO out there because I would consider most of what you are doing CIO. In my book anything that is not getting the up out of the crib and rocking them to sleep means you are letting them CIO, and teaching them to put themselves to sleep. To me, being anti-CIO means you will pick up and give attention to a child any time he/ she cries at night and only put them back in the crib asleep, or co-sleep so that you are there on demand. I also consider 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep to be "sleeping through the night." 12 hours from a baby under a year is truly amazing in my book. DD has NEVER slept that long at a time. EVER. She just doesn't require that much sleep. 10 hours at night is the max she will sleep now, usually only 8. My sister was the same was as a child. I was 6 years older and always needed more sleep than her. When I ended up deciding she had to learn to put herself to sleep she was still getting up at least 3 times between 11 and 5:30.


Other than my 2nd child, who I said we did CIO with periodically after a disruption to his routine, my kids never had to cry to learn how to sleep all night. So that is why I don't consider it CIO with my youngest. When she wakes overnight now, I do pick her up out of her bed (she sleeps in a cosleeper, attached to the side of my bed), I hold her, rock her, and sing her bedtime song. Then she goes back into the bed. She doesn't cry at that point, usually talks to herself a bit and goes back to sleep. I only do this if she wakes and cries. Sometimes she wakes up, talks to herself a bit, then falls back to sleep on her own.

But even with my 2nd, he didn't have night wakings, so the crying for 7 minutes was only at bedtime. And this would be for 1-3 days after a routine disruption (so a vacation, illness, etc.), never otherwise as he LOVED to sleep from birth. But the time I mentioned at 11 months, he was crying at bedtime (over the 7 minutes), and waking several times overnight. But every single time he cried I went to him, hugged him, laid him down, then sat next to his crib. I would start off with my hand through the slats and touching him, then I'd gradually move away. He didn't cry for this because I was right there with him. If I left the room he cried, so I didn't do that, I stayed there with him. Initially he was waking up 3 or 4 times a night, and this process took a good 30 minutes till he was okay for me to leave (sometimes awake, sometimes he had to be asleep). So in the beginning it was exhausting. And I had a 3.5yo to watch as well, so not like it was my first kid, when I think sleep issues are easier to handle. The whole process took 3 weeks till he was back to sleeping 12 hours at night.


Regarding the 12 hours at night, all of my kids sleep/slept 12 hours at night. The majority of my kids' friends do as well.

My 1st did not as a baby, but like I said, she was an incredibly bad sleeper. But starting at 2.5yo she went down at 7pm and was up at 7am. (She slept better before then, but had a later bedtime). She is now 6yo and during the school year she goes to bed at 7:30pm (sleep around 8pm after she reads) and is up around 6:30am. So 10.5-11 hours. This week she's been in camp and is totally exhausted so she's sleeping at 7:30pm and up just after 7am. The mean sleep a 6yo needs is 10.75 hours. Clearly not all of them since it is an average.

My son set his own bedtime of 6pm at just 6 weeks old. He was sleeping 6pm-1:30am from that age, and then 12 hours straight by 3 months old. He now sleeps about 11 hours at nearly 4yo.

My youngest is still essentially sleeping 12 hours a night in that she is in bed by 6:30pm and up for the day around 6:30am. Like I said, she's been waking up overnight recently, but not for the day till just about 12 hours after she went to bed. Like her older brother, she set the bedtime of 6pm, we simply can't keep her up any later, she just crashes wherever she is by 7pm.


So in my case, while my kids were all sleeping at least 6 hours stretches from very early ages, those 6 hours started at 6-6:30pm. So not really sleeping through the night if they were up for a feeding at 1am, 3am, 5am, then up for the day at 6am. I guess if they went down at midnight and slept till 6am I could see it, but that's awfully late for a baby to go to bed. And if they go to bed at 8pm, but wake at midnight for a feeding, then sleep 6 hours, I wouldn't consider it sleeping through the night.


I was one of those kids who "didn't need a lot of sleep", but honestly, I think I needed more than I got. I simply was never one to go to bed early. My mom didn't care as I slept all night from an early age, but I went to bed around 10pm, slept till about 8am. Well as I got older, and needed to get up earlier for school and such, I still went to bed at 10pm. But I never got up on my own in the morning, always with an alarm (or my mom when I was really little), so I don't think i was truly rested. And as an adult, I have terrible sleep habits. I need way more sleep than I get, I still can't get up early on my own (though now I have human alarm clocks!), go to bed way too late, and end up running on about 6-7 hours of a sleep a night. I probably need about 9. So to avoid my bad sleep habits, I make sure my kids stick to their early bedtimes and get enough rest now and hopefully it will stay with them.
 
So you are somewhere in the middle. I would see nursing to sleep as a huge problem, however. I really think you are likley to have a huge fight on your hands once she is weaned and/or you begin expecting her to go to bed awake. I would never let a baby cry for hours and not go in and confort them, but neither would I pick her up and rock her or co-sleep. A pat on the back and a reassuring word without getting her out of the crib was what I used. I just feel it is essential that babies learn to put themselves to sleep as early as possible. It tramutizes them so much when you try to do it as a toddler. My BFF did it with her 2 year old and would call me sobbing becuase he wouldn't go to sleep. She had him in her be up untilthem and it was SOOO hard to get him out. If they lean early to go to sleep in thier own bed the tramua and tears are a non-issue.

My first slept in our bed till she was almost 2.5yo. She moved into her own bed at that point (just before my 2nd was born) without a complaint. She helped us build her bed, put the bedding on, and that was that.

My 2nd one, the excellent sleeper, always nursed to sleep. When he weaned he had no sleep issues arise. We just went from nursing, to him laying in my bed with me till he was asleep, to him going right into his bed alone.


So for every story you hear of someone whose kid was hard to evict from their bed, hard to wean, whatever, there is one to counter that. And here's mine:
My friend has 3 kids born within months of my 3 kids. She is an adamant CIO fan, as well as anti-nursing to sleep/rocking/holding. So her 1st was sleeping through the night way before my first (though he's a few months younger than mine). All I heard about is how great a sleeper he was. Then he hit 2.5yo and bam! All of a sudden he had huge fears about everything. Wouldn't go to bed on his own at all, wouldn't sleep through the night anymore. Well she had a 1yo who would wake up if her 1st was screaming overnight, so that ended the CIO for her and he slept in her bed from 2.5yo till he was nearly 5yo.

And that 1yo spent the first year of her life refusing to sleep in her crib, screaming till she vomited everytime my friend tried CIO (just like my first did...), and she saw that clearly her way was not the only way!
 
I mean no disrespect by this question at all but how do co-sleepers have relations with their husband/wife? I am just trying to understand the whole co-sleeping thing. I guess I have never really heard of it. So, rather than be ignorant, I felt I would just ask the question to be more educated. Thanks.
 
I mean no disrespect by this question at all but how do co-sleepers have relations with their husband/wife? I am just trying to understand the whole co-sleeping thing. I guess I have never really heard of it. So, rather than be ignorant, I felt I would just ask the question to be more educated. Thanks.

1 of my 3 coslept, my first. I went on to have 2 more kids, so clearly that is possible. Do you have just 1 room in your house?
 
I mean no disrespect by this question at all but how do co-sleepers have relations with their husband/wife? I am just trying to understand the whole co-sleeping thing. I guess I have never really heard of it. So, rather than be ignorant, I felt I would just ask the question to be more educated. Thanks.

So the only place you have *time* with your husband is in your room in your bed? Really? I always find this question so hilarious.
 
It should be noted here that the OP went the sleep training route, and it seemed to work.

Co-sleeping and nursing to sleep are the easiest short-term ways to get sleep at night. I know many -- maybe most -- people who did it. But almost everyone had to revert to some version of sleep training or CIO at some point, because the child did NOT want to transition to a crib, or at least did not do so easily.

Now I'm sure it works for some families, and that's great. But I've had too many personal conversations from too many friends to think that it's a rarity to have trouble sleeping when you head down the nurse on demand, co-sleeping bed, or you turn the nighttime routine into 2 hour extravaganzas, trying to get a toddler to sleep.

If you want proof, simply do a search on it. As I've said, we've see the subject come up many, many, many times on this board.

Again this is a PARENTING problem. Not a co-sleeping problem. You can have a bedtime routine etc. w/o cio. I don't cio but I do co-sleep. No issues at bedtime. They go to their own bed. No tears etc. I am willing to bet that those parents that are having a hard time are the same ones who give in when their child wants something in a store and pitches a fit. There are nice calm ways to get a child to sleep well without drama.

She *could* get her 5yo out of her bed, she obviously chose not to and judging by her actions or lack there of with her 5yo, she will go the same route with the baby. It has nothing to do with "not being able to get a child out of your bed" or cio.

Thank you.:worship:
I mean no disrespect by this question at all but how do co-sleepers have relations with their husband/wife? I am just trying to understand the whole co-sleeping thing. I guess I have never really heard of it. So, rather than be ignorant, I felt I would just ask the question to be more educated. Thanks.

You have to be creative and no- we don't have "relations" with a child in the room. That's gross.
 
So the only place you have *time* with your husband is in your room in your bed? Really? I always find this question so hilarious.

Actually, yes. It is. We both work full time. By the time I get home at 6pm and get everything done and get the kids to bed and myself ready for the next day it is already my bed time. I meant no disrespect by asking it. I had never heard of co sleeping until this thread. I didn't know if it meant the baby is in a crib in your room or in the bed b/w husband and wife. Again, no disrepect, had never heard of it and was just trying to learn more.

To the poster that asked if I only had 1 room in my house. The answer is that while I have more than 1 room in my house there is only one room where I am "alone" with my DH behind locked doors. I guess I am paranoid of others walking in.

Thanks for answering my question.
 
Again this is a PARENTING problem. Not a co-sleeping problem. You can have a bedtime routine etc. w/o cio...I am willing to bet that those parents that are having a hard time are the same ones who give in when their child wants something in a store and pitches a fit. There are nice calm ways to get a child to sleep well without drama.

yes! yes! yes! ::yes::
I don't know why people insist on tying them together. I'm sure just as many CIO'ers have discipline and parenting problems as well.
 













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