Help me change my attitude, gift giving for the ILs

[attain]

So many of you are a lot nicer than me! I would tell DH his family is his responsibility and I would only tell him once. If he doesn't care enough about his family to shop for them, I should wouldn't put a second thought into them.

If I was feeling really "giving", I'd wrap up empty boxes and give it to them...and put only DH name on the card! (or maybe put a piece of coal in each box!)

 

[Costumesaremylife]

With the understanding that I think your husband should do the shopping. I know that he may never. My dad would rarely shop for anyone. He would buy us things we picked out on our birthday.

Anyway, last year there was a poster with a situation that her MIL never liked anything she got her. So she went to the store, and bought the first things she saw. Her MIL loved it. I think you need to stop worrying that they will like what you give. They are so spoiled it could be diamonds and they'd probably shoot marbles with them.

If your DH won't pick out presents, go to the dollar tree and get a box of cards. Give everyone money and have him sign the cards.

Don't let these people get you down. It's not worth it.

 

[RitaZ.]

BTDT and learned my lesson. Your DH needs to do the shopping for their presents. The truth is that with people like that, you'll always deal with disappointment. Did he buy them presents before you came along? He can do it again.

I stopped doing the shopping for DH many years ago and it was quite liberating. Buying gifts for his family was not a priority for him. So, the moment that I stopped doing it, they got nothing and everyone noticed. I was even told that, as his wife, it was my job to buy presents for them or remind him to buy them. Yeah, that went over well with me!

 

[Briarmom]

DH, I am tired of your family treating my like crap and you sitting by and LETTING THEM. We are done spending time with them. If you want to go over there on Christmas, fine, but the kids and I are staying home. If you want to give them a gift, YOU will take care of picking it out, buying it and wrapping it. I am DONE, end of story.

I don't even understand why you'd go over there, much less spend a moment thinking about what to get them.

 

[Carnie]

A donation to Make-A-Wish in their names, so that kids that NEED the magic of Disney get to go.

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

So other then the one comment about DH saying to MIL she needs to thank you too, what has he said? I think my response would depend on where he stands on things.

If he:
A) things they are all schmucks, then don't waste your money on them. The effort you put forth is not going to be appreciated. I for one would have loved the recipe book though (I'm a scrapper too)

B) if he doesn't see the big deal, hand him a list of names and sizes. He 's on his own after that.

 

[Pumbaa_]

I say start a new tradition. Buy each child a Christmas ornament for their tree. Less than $15 and a lovely new tradition

Love the idea of your DH taking his mom out for dinner as his present. Sounds like she would love a dinner with the 2 of them

And OP i Have to say i admire your restaint. If a child had started ripping pages out and destroying your hard work, i would have ripped it out of her grubby little hands

Make this the year you stop being so concerned about their gifts. They obviously don't care about what you give them. Find a nice little something and be done with it.

 

[dicar123]

You've already gotten a lot of good advice, so I'll just commiserate.

A couple of years ago I spent MONTHS (I'm not fast) making a cross-stitched piece for my MIL. She's seen me cross-stitch easy simple things. Clearly, this was special. Not only did she not make the effort to call to thank me (she never calls us unless someone has died), when dh called her, he had to ASK what she thought of her gift because she didn't mention it.

That was my last attempt at being nice.

 

[barkley]

if you choose to go ahead and do the shopping i can offer a suggestion for 'the little darlings' and mil-

give them each a 'now and later' gift-idealy the 'now' gift is one of those loud rather tinney sounding and annoying animated holiday plushes that plays only one line of a holiday song over and over and over and over (like 'deck the halls with boughs of holly, deck the halls with boughs of holly, deck the halls with boughs of holly.......'). make sure it's the good inexpensive type that has the unreplaceable battery stiched inside so it can't be removed and their parents and grands can enjoy listening to it for hours and days on end (bring a set of inconspicuos foam earplugs for yourself). since your sil sez 'no gift cards' do the next best thing-go to chuck e cheese or whatever loud, annoying kid themed arcade is near by and buy each child however much you wish to spend IN TOKENS. put the tokens LOOSE into a gift bag with a holiday greeting that says you know how much they will enjoy spending a WHOLE DAY at the arcade with mommy and daddy

for mil why not give her some gifts she can use to have 'quality time' with those darling girls? gifts that come with a card that says on the front "read me outloud before you open this gift" (the card reads something like "special gifts that have to stay at grandma's house for special times with her SPECIAL girls")-i would suggest these gifts might be any or more than one of the following:

a snow cone machine,
a cotton candy machine,
2-10,000 bead kits
multiple tubs of 'floam'


or better yet-a karoki machine with LOTS of kid's bop type songs the girls will love to perform over and over and over and over and over JUST FOR HER.

 

[RUDisney]

Barkley, I vow and promise to never get on your bad side. I am impressed by the devious nature of your suggestions.

 

[mom2rb]

You have gotten great advice. I just want to add

I am so glad that my MIL is wonderful. In May we are going to Beach Club Villas. We have a two bedroom and are staying for ten days. We are buying MIL a plane ticket to join us for as many days as she wants. It will be her Christmas, Birthday and Mother's Day presents and I still spent last night convincing her that it wasn't too much.

 

[Darsa]

Barkley! I love the way your mind works!

 

[barkley]

thank you

if anyone else is in a similar situation and the 'little darlings' are boys i'de add to the list:

the hot wheels car wash (with real foaming soap)

any gazillion peice lego set

AND

one of the variety of 'mad scientist' sets with 'real' chemicals that make you make a variety of things including 'life like snot'



these are all culled from personal or shared experiences with other parents who when their kids were gifted with these items wondered to themselves 'what was the gifter thinking?' and/or 'what did i ever do to that person to deserve this?'.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Barkley that is hilarious.

My list is going to include the chattering monkey who bangs cymbals together.

How about the Easy Bake Oven?

 

[HelenePA]

Dont forget kids LOVE finger paint! How about moon sand, aqua sand too!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Dont forget kids LOVE finger paint! How about moon sand, aqua sand too!

And not just any finger paints....get the ones you use in the bathtub.

 

[barkley]

there's also those cheap plastic slinkeys that get twisted every time you use them, and the dollar store marionettes whose strings constantly have to get untangled and de-knoted (you have to gift several of these at a time so the kids can create LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG multi character puppet shows to perform for others.

little girls like to cook too-so choosing one of those 30 or 40 peice cookie cutter sets and pairing it with little rolling pins, LOTS of sprinkles and frosting packets-along with the requisite flour and sugar (don't want the little darlings to have to wait till mom or grandma can get to the store for the supplies) can provide HOURS and HOURS of 'family fun'

 

[Crystal0608]

if you choose to go ahead and do the shopping i can offer a suggestion for 'the little darlings' and mil-

give them each a 'now and later' gift-idealy the 'now' gift is one of those loud rather tinney sounding and annoying animated holiday plushes that plays only one line of a holiday song over and over and over and over (like 'deck the halls with boughs of holly, deck the halls with boughs of holly, deck the halls with boughs of holly.......'). make sure it's the good inexpensive type that has the unreplaceable battery stiched inside so it can't be removed and their parents and grands can enjoy listening to it for hours and days on end (bring a set of inconspicuos foam earplugs for yourself). since your sil sez 'no gift cards' do the next best thing-go to chuck e cheese or whatever loud, annoying kid themed arcade is near by and buy each child however much you wish to spend IN TOKENS. put the tokens LOOSE into a gift bag with a holiday greeting that says you know how much they will enjoy spending a WHOLE DAY at the arcade with mommy and daddy

for mil why not give her some gifts she can use to have 'quality time' with those darling girls? gifts that come with a card that says on the front "read me outloud before you open this gift" (the card reads something like "special gifts that have to stay at grandma's house for special times with her SPECIAL girls")-i would suggest these gifts might be any or more than one of the following:

a snow cone machine,
a cotton candy machine,
2-10,000 bead kits
multiple tubs of 'floam'


or better yet-a karoki machine with LOTS of kid's bop type songs the girls will love to perform over and over and over and over and over JUST FOR HER.

OMG, I'm laughing so hard my side is hurting. I vote for the gifts in this post!!

 

[Bren's Mom]

First, I have to say to you op that if I gave my sister a gift of family recipes for my nieces she would greatly appreciate it and even if the girls didn't quite understand the meaning behind it yet she would take the time to teach them AND expect them to thank me and be gracious. I think the recipe books were a lovely idea, don't let anyone down you for that.

I agree with the others. If dh's family is ungracious about the gifts you buy, don't buy them. I would be appalled if my dh allowed his mother to speak to me or about me the way your MIL spoke about you (in a roundabout way). He would not tolerate, nor would he expect me to continue to buy for her.

 

[my3sonsagn]

Just to add an idea for gifts for your DNs... last year my Mom bought a play kitchen for my youngest son but opted to not pay the assembly fee. She opened it Christmas morning and this thing literally had over 300 tiny little pieces that had to be put together; it took her and her DH 4 solid hours to assemble it. I can find out which kitchen it was if you'd like... lol