HELP-In-Laws are coming over

[sm4987]

I haven't seen my in-laws in years. We don't really get along at all, especially me and my mother in law. We just moved in to a new house and get this surpise phone call that all of a sudden they are here and want to come over.

I'm not sure what to do. I usually avoid them at all costs, but this is my house and I really don't want to leave. Furthermore, I don't want anymore confrontations in front of my children.

I know you DISer's are smart. Give me a little help here

 

[Bojangles]

close the drapes and pretend you're not home.

 

[Kimberle]

Are they coming over for a meal or are they planning on staying a few days? What do they "expect"?

 

[pumba]

oodles I was sooooooooooooo scared of her for many many years........and one day I said.......this is OUR house ....these are OUR children......and I can do what I want ...when I want and these other people have no say in the matter.......that is what you should think of too.......I am me and this is what they will see when they come......I had less stomach aches when they would come.....NOW I am fine....we now visit her each night at the assisted living home.....cause she is by herself......and the other two sons and daughter in laws live our of state......

 

[sm4987]

Thankfully, they do not want to stay. The last time they tried, I locked myself in my room I could not take anymore sarcastic comments from my mother-in-law.

What they want is a few hours I guess. I'm not sure, just know they ain't staying here, they stay with his sister. If it was just them I could handle it. However, DH sister is also coming over and when you combine her with her mother, it's just awful. She lives in the DFW area where we live also, and we haven't seen each other nor been to each other's house in 7 years.

 

[chrissyk]

Now I don't feel so bad. We haven't seen my in-laws since January (DH's choice). I did call my MIL last month, as FIL emailed to let us know that she had been sick. She seemed happy to hear from me. SIL is the real problem. She's a crazy druggie, and she is delusional about my DH and about her own father (amongst other things). She got on her mother to try to force my DH to "have a relationship" with her, and it was all downhill from there.

I know what you mean about SIL and MIL being unbearable when they're together. My MIL is so under my SIL's control that it's sick! I don't know what I'd do if my in-laws wanted to come over. I'd probably lock myself in my room too, LOL! If your husband actually gets along with his parents, I'd make sure that his allegiance to you was primary and then I'd suck it up for the one-night visit, though. He has to be on your side and keep your MIL and SIL from being sarcastic to you, though!

 

[CEDmom]

My MIL and I don't have any kind of relationship either. My DH doesn't even have much of a relationship with her. It's kind of sad but she's just not a loving/nuturing person. We do have her over a few times a year since DD is her only grandchild. What I do that seems to work is have a craft that DD enjoys and we can all do (Crayola Model Magic is a good easy one). I set the craft on the kitchen table and arrange the chairs so that I don't have my MIL is my direct sight. She can sit with us and participate while enjoying time with her GD or she can sit by herself in another room. It's entirely her choice. I just focus my attention on DD and block out everyone else. Good luck.

 

[The--Doc]

HELP-In-Laws are coming over

Run for the hills boys

Good luck - you'll need it

 

[Kallison]

They are being nosey -- they want to look over your new house.

I love these in-law threads - -prayin for ya!

 

[mickey4ver]

a 4-letter word.....H-I-D-E

 

[FayeW]

I suggest you be a gracious hostess, and don't go borrowing trouble. Perhaps this visit is an "olive branch", and could be the start of a new, better relationship. Forget about what happened in the past, and pretend you are meeting these people for the first time. Treat them as you would any casual acquaintances who happened to stop by.

My other suggestion is to get liquored up before they arrive

 

[Antonia]

One day we will probably all be in-laws if our children marry. I try to keep this in mind when interacting with my MIL.

I don't want to ever alienate my DS.

 

[chrissyk]

Originally posted by Antonia
One day we will probably all be in-laws if our children marry. I try to keep this in mind when interacting with my MIL.

I don't want to ever alienate my DS.

I've watched my MIL completely alienate her son. Nothing can convince this woman that her behavior towards him is to blame. She blames everything BUT herself. DH and I have been taking mental notes on how NOT to treat our children from watching my MIL in action. I can't imagine why a parent would treat a grown child with the disrespect that MIL foists on my DH. You'd think that he was 13 and not 30 from the way she treats him. No wonder he refuses to have anything to do with her!

She even bosses her own mother around, so I don't think that there's any hope of her changing.

 

[MsDisney23]

Run! I feel your pain. I have a new plan to take now with my MIL, I am waiting for another one of her rude comments, etc. I will then ask her why she feels that she can speak to me in that manner? I plan on telling her that it hurts my feelings and I will not allow it anymore! I will also be kind and tell her that she is not entitled in anyway to speak to me or anyone in the way she has. I do not speak to her that way, nor will I allow it.

Rememer one thing, People only do things to us that we allow!

One time MIL, made a comment. I waited until I had her out in the car, and I was very nice, but very direct. I said you know you made a comment that upset me the other day. Was that directed at me? Well let me tell you if she could have jumped out of the car she would have. She fumbled for words and made up another excuse and said it was at people in general.

I have found that my MIL has to be the center of attention, and she always has something brewing. Most of it I let roll off my back.

 

[Disney Doll]

The best revenge is living well. Have them over, be happy, perky, laugh a lot, let nothing they say or do bother you. In other words, show them that your life is just swell. They'll be jealous as hell, crazy SIL will be dying inside at how lucky her brother is to have married oyu, pesty MIL will not be able to understand how you two could have created such a nice life wihtout her "help" and you'll aggravate the whole lot of them!

 

[mbw12]

I just want to say that I feel your pain!!!! I agree with another poster that stated....living well is the best revenge! Theya re nosey, want to see your new house.....flaunt it (but tactfully!)

I too am going through some "drama" with the in-laws and the SIL. Why is it that those two people (MIL and SIL) team up and try to drag us all down. When we keep our distance, I am much happier....but even that blows up in our face. When we see them...uuuggghhhh....just can't bare it. I will never deprive my children of seeing her, because she is good to them BUt if I start to see one ounce of her treating my kids the way she treats her own kids......she won't see my kids. I will not allow them to be exposed to her petty behavior...and that includes the behavior of the SIL.

 

[sm4987]

Thanks for all the advice, inds words, and prayers. They will be over within the hour. You'd think that after 10 years of marriage, they would get the picture, but not so. I've been killing them with kindness for years, and nothing so far has worked. DH finally stood up to them about it, thus the long time away from each other. They are so rude, they call him on his cell phone and even at work, just not the house so they won't have to speak to me. Oh well, they are coming in on my turf now. I was going to leave the house, but I figured, this is my home and I'm not going to let them run me off, sooo..........We'll see how this goes

 

[Kallison]

So how did it go???

 

[sm4987]

It went. She started off with a sarcastic comment about my daughter, which I quickly stopped. Then my children went in my room to play Ninetendo in my room and dragged their cousin in with them. I followed. I haven't been allowed to talk to my neice in 7 years because her mother (my husbands sister) wouldn't let me. What followed was a wonderful conversation with my neice and my husband kept the in-laws busy. I had no contact with them hardly and it couldn't have been more wonderful!!!! Maybe one day we can tell her that we've stayed away from her all these years because her mom didn't want me around her. They figured that even as a young child that she was to much like me. Quiet, likes to read and smart. They always told me that I didn't fit in with the rest of them and they didn't want her to turn out to be like me. Tonight I found out that we had so much in common

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

I'm glad things went well for you.

Lori