Help! I need support to get rid of my guilt!

[Bonnie40]

I love my MIL...I love my MIL...I love my MIL...

Now, that said, here's my dilemma...

We are leaving on our family vacation on March 11 and travelling to Disney for a week and for the first time also spending a week down in the Keys. We are driving, and this will most likely be the last trip we will take as a family to Florida. My oldest daughter will be going to University in the fall, limiting any family vacations to summer from now on. We have 2 teenage boys, but as far as being all together and enjoying our time in Florida...this is it!

I have tried to plan an extra special trip which, because Easter falls right after March Break, allows us an extra long vacation with the kids only missing 4 days of school. We will be driving back up from the Keys on the Friday, stopping in Venice Beach (our favourite place) and heading out for home on Easter Sunday, getting us home to Ontario Monday morning.

Now here's my dilemma...had to tell my MIL that we will not be here for Easter and on top of that, my FIL's birthday falls on Easter Sunday! That I didn't realize until all my plans were in place. Sure, we could cut the trip short, drive like maniacs to get back in time for cold ham and chocolate, but quite honestly, we would rather spend an extra day enjoying our time together, than blasting back to please my MIL.

Part of me feels guilty, and the other part is pleased that I'm finally standing up for what we want to do. We have never missed a family get-together and everyone else in the family is just happy we're excited about going.

I guess I was hoping my MIL would understand and say "No problem, we'll certainly miss you, but we understand that this trip is important to your family - enjoy and we'll see you when you get back". I guess that's too much to ask and she was curt and short with me on the phone.

Honestly, I can't win with this woman. I need to hear from you guys out there and tell me whether I'm doing the right thing or not...?

Have a great night!

 

[talicskai]

Relax and know that your family is just as important as her family. Go visit on Easter Monday when you get back and tell her how wonderful it was for you to have a wonderful vacation full of memories. Ask her how she felt when her children left home and perhaps you will find that you have more in common than you think. She may even begin to understand that you can have cold ham when you get back and that God doesn't care what "day" you get together as long you remember what Easter is all about!
have a great trip!

Teresa

 

[Scratch42]

Immediate Family Comes First!

Why isn't your husband telling his mother that you guys will be gone?

Go Enjoy Yourselves! She'll get over it!

Scratch

 

[cdnmickeylover]

Go for it and don't feel guilty! Time with your kids at this point is precious and can't be replaced.

 

[Bonnie40]

It was my husband who broke the news actually. Thanks for the support. I must say I'm feeling better about it this morning!

Have a great day!

 

[mom_rules]

Same problem here-family only gets together 3 times a year because of the distance. Last year we offerred to host Easter and FIL birthday (80) party a week after we got back. A wonderful time had by all!
This year SIL will host a week after as well. I guess I'm lucky to have such a flexible and accomodating set of in laws.

 

[maryliz]

Relax.... GO ... and enjoy EVERY single day ... no cutting it short! This will likely be your last "family" vacation and you need to make the most of it. your MIL will get over it. When you get back, try the old "thanks so much for understanding about us NOT being here on Dad's b-day ... since it was our last vacation all together as a family, we really wanted to enjoy every day that we could."

Mary-Liz

 

[my3princesses]

My husband had a business trip to Vancouver and we were in need of a holiday so I went along with our first daughter (only one at that time) however it happened to be while my husband's grandfather was celebrating his 100 birthday. My daughter was his only grandchild at the time however he was in a nursing home, deaf and blind and 100 so he really did not know what was happening. My inlaws assured me that this would be OK and we could just visit him when we returned.

I would say under your circumstances and the fact that is it just a birthday - not a wedding, not an important number, that you should definitely put your family first. I am sure your father in law doesn't care, it's the MIL that you need to please (whose BD is it anyway!)

I have had friends on holidays in Mexico who had an aunt pass away and didn't come back for the funeral. They would just meet with the family afterwards.

Enjoy - guilt free!

 

[Grumbo]

I think the prudent thing to do is take your mother in law and father in law with you.
It would be a very nice birthday present for him, and would keep peace in the family. If you don't have a van, perhaps they could chip in towards a rental.

Cheers,
Grumbo

 

[Bonnie40]

Hey Grumbo!

Your post made me laugh out loud and was my chuckle for the day! It's important to keep things in perspective I guess. I can say that I've traveled many times with my MIL and it ain't pretty!

Have a great day!

 

[ChisJo]

I say go for it - have a great vacation and see your extended family when you get back. It is, afterall, possibly the last family vacation you will get. The inlaws will get over it.
And a side note to Grumbo - you make me laugh! I wouldn't, under any conditions, take my parents, let alone inlaws (which I don't have) on a vacation with me. But then again, that is just me. I know daggers would be flying by the end of the first day. Secondly, driving in a car with them that distance would make me seriously think about vearing off the beaten path, looking for a bridge to drive off of. But again, that is just me....
Jo

 

[Grumbo]

Huh???
You guys thought I was kidding!!??!!??
My mil lives in the same house as me!!!!!!! MISERY LOVES COMPANY!!!

Cheers,
Grumbo

 

[Susan--Ontario]

Tell them you tried to be home for Easter but got stuck in all the traffic of Canadians trying to get home for Easter.

It only matters what your children think in this matter.

Bring them some Mickey chocolates to ease their pain....oh wait, bring us some Mickey chocolate to ease our pain.

 

[bunnyfoo]

Don't feel guilty ... go on your vacation and have a good time. My family and DBF use to make us feel really bad about the dates that we would pick for vacation.... it was always close to a birthday or some holiday. We'd hold off on our vacation or plan around those dates only to sit around and not do anything special, have a party/dinner etc once those dates rolled around.

 

[Scratch42]

Huh???
You guys thought I was kidding!!??!!??
My mil lives in the same house as me!!!!!!! MISERY LOVES COMPANY!!!

Cheers,
Grumbo

That Remark is Gonna Cost You!

I'm gonna tell her!

Scratch

 

[Grumbo]

Nah...
She and I get along pretty well, all things considered. If we could just get the garage heated I'd really be comfortable

Cheers,
Grumbo

 

[pkitty]

Alan! is that you? Just kidding. Al is my BIL and that would mean we have the same MIL. At least it sounds just like my MIL. Buddy your not alone. Same bleep just a different pile. Just kidding. I love my MIL. MMM anyway. Go have some fun with your family and leave Grumpy at home to grump. She will get over it. I'm realy serious when I say: YOUR NOT ALONE!

P.S. I glad to know I'm not alone either.

17 MORE DAYS TILL WE GO TO WDW. CAN'T WAIT!

 

[crazee4mickey]

We did the same thing early December! It was our first trip and it will be our last trip together as our DS graduates in June and is off to another city! We also drove down and it was the best experience of all of our lives!

Don't you dare feel guilty....you have absolutely no reason to feel guilty because you want to indulge in an extra special holiday with your family! Your MIL should be so happy that your family is going to do something so memorable together--there are families who don't even take the time to "relish" that last bit of time together as a family with their child.

We enjoyed every moment and will cherish the memories we were fortunate enough to create! The decision to drive down was the very best decision as we were able to spend 4 days going down and coming back--we saw and did things we never thought we would ever be fortunate enought to do.....best of all our kids, especially our oldest--he loved every minute of it!
I hope you have as wonderful of a time with your family as we did! I promise you won't regret any of it!

 

[Bonnie40]

crazee4mickey - you articulated it better than I could...my heart is so sad that my daughter will be moving on in her life. She's the one that loves the sun and palm trees the most, she's the one that can't go to Florida without seeing the mouse, she's the one with all the crazy enthusiasm, she's the one that loves the road trip, she's the one that warms my heart...

Can you tell that I'm struggling with the idea that she will be leaving home to go off into the big world? I'm emotional just thinking about it actually...

 

[crazee4mickey]

Bonnie40~I have such a hard time trying to think of what it will be like with him not here all of the time, I cry lots! I know he has to go and I am so proud of him! Maybe it has something to do with our name "Bonnie" that makes us this way!
Well, I truly do hope you feel no guilt about your trip and believe me it will be the most spectacular time your family will have!
After our trip, I honestly am not as sad as I was...I have no idea why but I think its because while we were on the trip I realized that no matter how much he's grown up or how far he moves away--he will always be mine in my heart! Can you tell I am crying like a fool as I type this!
Go enjoy your family-guilt free-no regrets, only precious memories!