Help -I need advice on changing schools when relocating ..

[DVCindy]

I am looking for some advice from you all regarding changing schools due to relocating ... I am very torn on how to handle this.

We will very likely be relocating to Richmond. We are not sure yet when they will want DH to start. DH and I have voiced our very strong desire to try and get there by the beginning of September so our 2 DD's can start the school year there... but they have not committed to this yet.

I am trying to evaluate how I would handle the move if we have to move our DD's in the middle of the school year. Has anyone had to do this ?

One dd will be going into second grade in September ... I'm truthfully not worried about this child at all. She adjusts well and is very social; she will be fine.

My older dd will be going into fifth grade in September and is not at all happy about this move. Do you think she will be better off moving in the middle of fifth grade to make some friends before moving on to middle school ? DH has tossed around the idea of him going to Richmond and me staying in NJ with the girls so they can finish the school year, but I'm wondering if that may actually be harder on her . Going into middle school is a big change ... not knowing anyone at all sounds rough ...she is on the shy side. Moving in the middle of the school year sounds so scary to her, but I think it may be better so she can make some friends.

What would you do ??

Thanks Cindy

 

[FINFAN]

I had hoped to have relocated before DD began 6th grade since that is a major change in schools here anyway. We are still here, but DD might as well have been starting somewhere new as her "team" at school only had 7 kids she knew on it out of 115. And when I say knew, just recognized. She did not hang out with these kids or even say hello much. She was in a position to make new friends and did just that. It all worked out fine, except that DD wants to relo just as bab as we do, and now we are looking at 8th grade next year. There are many kids moving in/out of her jr. hi all the time. Her current school makes a point of having the kids fit in and keeps a special eye on them. I actually think a move mid-year is a bit easier. In the beginning of the year it is so chaotic and all the former friends look for each other. Once the routine is in, and a new child arrives, the kids know to seek the new kid out and make them feel welcome. I have even suggested the Krispie Kreme method to several new families...have your child arrive with a few dozen to hand out in class(check with techer first ,of course)it is a GREAT ice breaker! It is a scary time, but your kids will be amazed at how fast things will fall into place. I also noticed how our Jr. Hi really makes sure they have a good mix of kids when there is a group project...so that there is socialization from different areas.
Good Luck!

 

[DVCindy]

Thanks for your thoughts, FINFAN.

I am starting to think the mid year move may be the best choice for her, too. I'm just concerned that after she adjusts to 5th, she will have to go through a readjustment again when she moves to middle school.

Anyone else have any experiences or thoughts ?

Thanks for your help ! Cindy

 

[kasar]

Having moved several times as a child, I'd like to throw in my 2 cents. Even though it seems like you should wait until the new school year, it's actually easier on the child if you move during the school year. When you are the "new kid", usually the teachers make a point of introducing you around and will assign a "helper" to show you the ropes of the school. I think kids go out of their way to welcome the new kid which makes the child feel special and welcomed. When you start in Sept. as a new student, nobody really knows who you are or if you are really new (unless the school is really tiny). It's easy to slip through the cracks and very hard to make friends since no one knows anything about you - you're just a kid that nobody knows. Does this make sense? Please try to find a team or activity to get into right away - it's a great way to feel a part of the community. Hope that helps.

 

[JoeThaNo1Stunna]

What middle school in Richmond will she be going to?

 

[SandiH]

mid year with our two boys - 2nd grade and preschool. It was difficult for us to be without DH - we all missed him. My second grader is quite shy at times and has some special needs. He has done a great job adjusting and getting into the swing of things. He has several kids he plays with at school. I enrolled him in an afterschool program so he could meet more kids in a recreational setting. He's still working hard academically. I thinkk the move mid-year was good for him. Had we waited until summer, he wouldn't have had the chance to make some friends and would be going into school cold turkey. Now the first day of school won't be so scary next year for him.

Good luck with your decision.

Sandi

 

[sha_lyn]

do not do it mid yr. Both my aunt and uncle are PS teachers and told me that the kids who move in mid yr will always be labled the new kid, but if they start in the beginning of the yr (especially middle school where everyone will be new) they won't have that label. To avoid the first day confusion, just be sure call and arrange a tour before school starts.

 

[jsmith]

As a former military and then civil service brat who moved 6 times in 12 grades I totally disagree with Sha_lyn (sorry). Moving mid year means you get to know some kids quickly and start fitting in right away. You have new friends by summer. Wait til the end of the year you doom them to a summer with no friends and nothing to do and your still the "new" kid at the beginning of the year.

 

[DVCindy]

Thank you all so much for your input. It seems most of you feel an mid year move would be easier.... and your reasons were very good ones. I will talk it over with DH ...

Joe - Don't know yet which schools the girls will be attending - we don't have a house yet !!

Cindy

 

[tiggerlover]

Another military family here in favor of a mid-year move!

We moved DS last year to his current school, he left his old school the end of January and started his new school in March (we moved from CT to Italy). We debated long and hard whether we should do a mid year move or wait and after talking to many people we went to with the mid-year move. It worked out well for us and I think I would do it that way again. First of all, the whole class was excited that DS was coming to their class and many went out of their way to welcome him. Because we moved before summer, DS had friends to play with during summer and when he started the next school year he was part of the group and not the new kid. At the beginning of a school year there is a lot of settling in and being the new kid can sometimes be more difficult, coming mid-year everyone is usually settled and just ready to welcome the newbies.

When I was growing up I switched schools during summer, before 2nd grade and before 6th grade and in my experience it was more difficult being the new kid.

Just my two cents.

 

[tiggerlover]

I should also add that DS will face another move late next year or early 2005 and again I will chose to move mid year.

 

[disykat]

I feel so much better after reading this thread1 We may face the same dilema soon so it's been good to read everyone's opinions.

I never moved as a child, so I've had a lot of anxiety over how my kids will take a move.

 

[CourtasanSatine]

Reserves brat chiming in


Mid year is better when you have the chance to meet other kids,also you're not lost in the first of the year suffle

 

[binny]

well I went to 9 different elementary schools, moved both mid-year and first of the year.

I cant say that either one is better but YOU can make it better for your kids. As soon as you find out when youre going to move and what school youll be going to call the new teacher and ask if there are students in your neighbourhood that would be willing to show your dd around. Go for a couple of trips before you move if at all possible, see if the parents of these kids would be willing to join you at Chuck E Cheese or somewhere so you can get to know someone too.
It would also help if she could write letters ( emails) back and forth with a couple of girls ( I loved having pen pals when I was that age) so she could get to know then before hand and have that as a base for friends.
Do you belong to a Church or an organization that has branches in your neighbourhood? join ASAP and GET INVOLVED do as many of the same things as possible in those first few weeks, it will help ease the "new kid" feeling.

Enjoy the newness though too. Does this city have a nice zoo or aquarium? Check those out when you can. Go see the sites and make yourself at home in your new town!

And one more thing, with as busy as you will be getting settled make sure you LISTEN to your dds fears, this is something my mom always did for us and it made all the differece in hte worls. When I would come home crying saying nobody liked me my mom would always say she did and then make me list of the kids in the old town as well as in the new town who liked me or who I hadnt met yet. She would also make me list 2 good things that happened that dya for every bad thing... sure enough it would start to work and life got easier!!

This is longer than I intended but I hope I gave you some ideas. Ive been there! If you need anything let me know

 

[DVCindy]

Thanks again for the replies ... I feel so much better after hearing your experiences.
I am much more comfortable with a mid year move now if that's what we face. I never changed schools as a kid ... 1 - 8 grade in the same school ... so I really needed some help with this one !!!

Cindy

 

[DisneyVillain]

Originally posted by DVCindy DH and I have voiced our very strong desire to try and get there by the beginning of September so our 2 DD's can start the school year there

Many people who move south take their children to school the day after Labor Day, and are surprised to find that they are already 2 weeks behind. Be sure you check the school calendar in Richmond before you make your plans. In much of the south, schools start mid-August.

 

[laceemouse]

Our 2 oldest, DD12 and DD10, have attened 3 different schools. We moved in the summer both times, that's just the way the jobs worked out, and they adjusted quite well. My DH applies for different jobs all over the place all the time! My kids have friends here but would be fine moving again! They take their cues from you, if you have a positive attitude they will too. I am jealous of you, you are getting to go warmer! We are from the south and would love to go back!!

 

[sha_lyn]

some schools around here start the week of the 4 (some start the 6, others the 8, I think DNi actually starts on the 4)

 

[JoeThaNo1Stunna]

All public schools in the Richmond area start the day after Labor Day.

 

[sha_lyn]

in my above post, those dates are in August.