Help! Friend calls too much!

[disneymama73]

I have this friend that calls me a minimum of 3-5 times a day. She is very nice, and I like her a lot, but to me, that is a lot of calls. I'm not really a big phone person to begin with. But she calls me all day long. And if I don't answer the house phone, she immediately calls my cell. We have a lot in common in that we are both having really bad marital problems, so in a way, I think she feels has found a kindred spirit in me. But I just don't feel like talking to her all day and night.

I don't want to hurt her feelings, and I don't want to lose her as a friend because she is a really nice person.

Any suggestions?

 

[Bob Slydell]

Voice mail can be your friend

 

[disneymama73]

I know, but I feel so rude doing that, and I am a horrible liar. She asks where were you? Why didn't you answer the phone?

She calls at times she knows I am home, such as right when the kids get off the bus.

 

[Bob Slydell]

I know, but I feel so rude doing that, and I am a horrible liar. She asks where were you? Why didn't you answer the phone?

She calls at times she knows I am home, such as right when the kids get off the bus.

If she's demanding a reason why you didn't answer the phone, she's the one being rude, not you. You don't have to explain yourself -- just say you were busy and couldn't answer the phone at the time. Let her leave a message and if it's actually something important you can call her back when you have time.

 

[Hixski]

I know, but I feel so rude doing that, and I am a horrible liar. She asks where were you? Why didn't you answer the phone?

She calls at times she knows I am home, such as right when the kids get off the bus.

I say "BEWARE". I had a friend that lived catty corner from us. She called all the time too. Then her house started looking just like mine. I could not leave the house without her running down her driveway wanting to know where I was going. Started getting creepy. I started working nights and she would still call all day while I was sleeping. ENOUGH!!!! Finally had to just back off completely. Thank goodness they moved shortly after. It had gotten really weird.

 

[Uncle Remus]

Maybe you could refer her to the Community Board on the Dis to occupy some of her free time that she uses to call you. Just don't tell her your screen name.

 

[sharbear]

I would be honest. For instance, I do not want to talk to anyone when the kids get home from school. I would say, hey, when the kids come home, I love to talk to them about their day. If I don't talk to them right after school, I never get any information. I love to sit with the kids and have a snack and then we talk about the work they have to do and how we need to accomplish it. I would tell her that you are really tied up with the kids needs and want to be with them until they are in bed. Then tell her that you are really tired and stressed out and need some "alone time" after the kids go to bed. If she wants to talk to you, you are free to talk...and make up a time when it's convienent to you.

Say you want to have time to really talk to her without interruption and this day and this time is best. Pick a time when you don't have the kids and stick to it. If she calls when you are there, don't pick up the phone. Make your kids an excuse and call her back at your leisure. You don't have to be a slave to when she wants to talk.

 

[disneymama73]

If she's demanding a reason why you didn't answer the phone, she's the one being rude, not you. You don't have to explain yourself -- just say you were busy and couldn't answer the phone at the time. Let her leave a message and if it's actually something important you can call her back when you have time.

Thanks, that's a very good point!

 

[disneymama73]

I say "BEWARE". I had a friend that lived catty corner from us. She called all the time too. Then her house started looking just like mine. I could not leave the house without her running down her driveway wanting to know where I was going. Started getting creepy. I started working nights and she would still call all day while I was sleeping. ENOUGH!!!! Finally had to just back off completely. Thank goodness they moved shortly after. It had gotten really weird.

All I can say is YIKES! She lives one block over from me, and she has shown up at my house before when I didn't answer the phone.

Maybe you could refer her to the Community Board on the Dis to occupy some of her free time that she uses to call you. Just don't tell her your screen name.

I'll also have to delete this thread.

I would be honest. For instance, I do not want to talk to anyone when the kids get home from school. I would say, hey, when the kids come home, I love to talk to them about their day. If I don't talk to them right after school, I never get any information. I love to sit with the kids and have a snack and then we talk about the work they have to do and how we need to accomplish it. I would tell her that you are really tied up with the kids needs and want to be with them until they are in bed. Then tell her that you are really tired and stressed out and need some "alone time" after the kids go to bed. If she wants to talk to you, you are free to talk...and make up a time when it's convienent to you.

Say you want to have time to really talk to her without interruption and this day and this time is best. Pick a time when you don't have the kids and stick to it. If she calls when you are there, don't pick up the phone. Make your kids an excuse and call her back at your leisure. You don't have to be a slave to when she wants to talk.

Sharbear, I really like your advice. Thanks. I think I will do this. It's very hard to talk to her when the kids are just coming home. It's a hectic time. Also, when I'm cooking dinner. And bedtime. I will just have to be more straightforward. I am such a pushover.

 

[airhead]

I have a friend who used to call me atleast 5 times a day! Always with advice. What I should do,what I shouldn't do,it started to drive me nuts!!!
Because she is an older person,I didn't want to be disrespectful. A couple of weeks ago,I got bitten by a Lyme infected Tick and she (who has NO experience with tick bites) started to tell me what I should say to the Doctor. Well,I lost it completely. I told her I didn't need any advice. What I needed was SPACE from her!!!! She has given me that. No more calls 5 times a day. Actually,now she calls every couple of days(fine with me!),but still giving advice. I feel like I've turned a corner with this friend. I try to avoid her as much as possible. She ruined our friendship be pushing me over the top.
If you value that relationship,try to get the message across better than I did and before you get so fed up,you turn a corner too. Good luck!

 

[missypie]

Caller ID! Everyone in my house screens calls. DS15 has a sort of friend who calls when he is bored and wants to talk in detail about PS2 games. If DS isn't in the mood to talk to him, he doesn't pick up. I have no obligation to talk to someone, just because they call me.

 

[lulugirl]

She lives one block over from me, and she has shown up at my house before when I didn't answer the phone.

Okay, that's not just weird, it's very intrusive. I would back away from this person.

 

[Am_I_There_Yet]

I know, but I feel so rude doing that, and I am a horrible liar. She asks where were you? Why didn't you answer the phone?

She calls at times she knows I am home, such as right when the kids get off the bus.

To me, that sounds like the perfect opportunity to say, "I was too busy/tired to talk on the phone."

Maybe then she'd get the hint, that your world doesn't revolve around the telephone.

I'm not a phone person either, so I understand!

 

[sugarpie]

I have that friend, too! It's gotten to the point where I will only answer her calls once a day, sometimes only once every other day. I think she's caught on & calls much less frequently. It must be hard if she lives so close. But don't let her problems drag you down. If you're going through a hard time you don't need to deal with her problems, too.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

There's nothing wrong with saying, "things are a little hectic right now" or, "now is not a good time to talk". She should not expect you to be available to talk all the time. You have your family that is your main priority and you need to decide when you'd like to talk with her. If it's never, that's fine. If it's the next day after the kids leave for school, tell her. If that's the case, suggest that it's best to talk when the kids are in school. Maybe try setting the timer and when it goes off, tell her that your timer is going off, which means that your phone break is over (hey, I'm a timer person, work with me ) and that you'll talk with her another time. Or set up a time to meet for coffee. Don't make it your house or you might never get rid of her.

 

[Sakido]

I'm caught on the other side of the fence and I know I call too much what I personally would like is for some one just to tell me that I call too much because I tend to call more when I don't know why that person isn't responding. plus this seems to happen most often when I make plans to hang out with the these people and I waste my entire day trying to figure out what happened ie by calling them it can be really infuriating and distresses me greatly.

 

[GT250R]

If my friend can't reach me by phone he comes over hes only a block away i have now resorted to getting my brother to drive me out to the family farm and park my truck cause i live alone he knows im there if my trucks home. 2 weekends ago he called at 240am, 300am ,and 330am until he finally gave up each call was over a dozen rings. I live alone for a reason, work and everyday things (grass, laundry, a desent meal, and those &*$%ing dishes) own me though the week then when its comes to the weekend im expected to entertain him friday saturday and sunday HELP ME!!

 

[superme80]

I have a friend who does similar stuff. She is nothing but drama and calls constantly. Well I finally got fed up and informed her that my family was more important than her problems and if she had a problem with it she could go else where for friends. It took me basically 4 years to say this. But she would call constantly and get mad and give me her woes me story when I didn't answer. Good luck!

 

[shortbun]

I know, but I feel so rude doing that, and I am a horrible liar. She asks where were you? Why didn't you answer the phone?

She calls at times she knows I am home, such as right when the kids get off the bus.

Don't lie. Say you didn't have time to give her your total attention, the kids needed you, 'I wasn't in the room with the phone', having some private time, are limiting your phone time because you're not getting things done... and on and on. Ask her why she keeps asking you why you didn't answer the phone.
Tell her she's too needy and laugh.

 

[GT250R]

His wife does all that stuff 4 him he doesn't have a thing to do after work, he tells me to do it later or "why don't you just through the clothes in the bottom of your closet?" i told him i didn't want to do anything one time and he told me he didn't want to do anything ethier so he came over, i guess to do nothing together.
is it just me or is that doing something?