Help - family problems!

[trirae]

I agree with a lot of the posters here. In particular, you will want to employ honesty and compromise. How often do you normally see your family? Would you have a separate budget for visiting them if they didn't live in FL? I know how tough it is when you feel like your plans are thwarted. Over time, I'm sure you'll be able to work something out by planning separate trips, or inviting them along, or setting boundaries.

I think think the most important thing is to set clear guidelines for both you and your family but to be considerate of their feelings as well. You'll have to change your expectations. You don't want to spend your whole time with family wishing you were at the park and the whole time at the park feeling guilty for not being with family. So, I would consider the first two questions asked above and then think about what's realistic and how you can manage your own expectations. It'll be hard, I'm sure.

Good Luck!

 

[CEDmom]

My mom lives in FL about 45 minutes from WDW. To be honest I'd never consider staying there although I know we could if we wanted to. She usually joins us for at least 1 day during our trips and we usually do that as a non-park day so she can really have 1 on 1 time with DD. Some of the reasons we don't stay with her is because her house is not equiped for a small child. It's also on a lake that's infested with alligators so that alone would have me worrying all the time. There isn't any pool near the house so that would pose a problem. Also driving back and forth everyday would get tiring.

My advise if they don't want to come to you is to go to them on non-park days. Or use EE if you're staying on property and then go see them for a while in the afternoon.

I love my family very much and we're close. We often vacation together but with seperate accomodations.

 

[threeboysmom]

Thank you all for the great advice!! Obviously, the easiest solution would be to not tell my parents we were coming down, BUT I have 3 kids!! I do not want to have a "training session" with them drilling into them they can't say anything about our trip to their grandparents - to me that would be training my children in the art of deceit. I just wouldn't feel comfortable with it, even though it would make things so SIMPLE

I wish I could change my parent's views of WDW. I've taken them to the parks before - not good!! My dad usually lasts about 2-3 hours then heads back out in disgust (after paying $60 for a one day ticket!) They will never eat at a WDW restaurant with us because of the prices - we've tried on past vacations. I should add that we've taken vacations to FL during the same time frame in the past - we stay in separate hotels: we go to the parks, and they stay at their hotel and swim, and we end up not seeing each other at all during the week! But it never really mattered to us before, because we knew we would see them when we all got back home...... Now that won't be the case.

We've decided we will go down in December for 2 weeks. The first week down we will spend in a hotel at the parks. If they want to join us, that will be fine. The second week will be spent at their house (DH will fly home at this point) with no parks It's going to be tough. They've bought a home in a RETIREMENT community - how fun is that going to be for 3 boys??? Oh well. I can only hope that since we are compromising, that they will compromise as well and maybe take the boys to WDW during that second week as well if only for a day.

Thanks again, everyone! And thanks to Sharon for reminding me of my priorities and the importance of family. I guess I'm just feeling selfish for having all of my future vacation plans messed up. I feel guilty for feeling that way and know that our vacations will indeed have to change from now on.....

By the way, my family is very close and I guess that's why I'm so fearful of changing that. I will try to explain our feelings to them in a loving manner. But as we all know, one little comment can hurt deeply and before you know it, family members are no longer speaking to each other. I can see that happening to us very easily, as we're all pretty sensitive.

 

[dizagain]

Hi! Well, I have some relatives down there too. On our first trip down last year, we invited my aunt to meet us for dinner on arrival night at DTD. Nice evening....but, she was toying with the idea of STAYING in our room and going to the parks with us. My DH's eyes were bulging as he grasped for control!!! Fortunately she decided against it. My MOM then decides to drive 6 hours to meet us there for 2 1/2 days of our trip, thus involving the aunt and another relative for another meal later in the week. At that point my aunt was SERIOUSLY considering taking off work and joining us too. I thought DH was going to die, literally. My mom talked her out of it and it was o.k., but honestly my DH still talks about my relative's invasion of our family vacation....it comes up quite often!

A difficult line - family vacation or FAMILY vacation. You must do what you feel is right for all fo you. I think you have a good plan - spend quality time with your own family and then join the extended family later.

We're planning for a May '05 trip and I'm already dreading the question of telling the relatives or not. I think I'd feel SO guilty if I didn't, but DH would be furious if it involved more than 1 evening. I am definitely going to be honest with my mom if it comes up again and tell her to refrain from joining us. She would understand, I think...well, I hope!!

Have a great time and stick with your plan!!!

 

[karebear1]

Kimberley- are you a DVC memeber by any chance? I can see where buying into the DVC would be really useful in your situation. You say your parents don't like to go to the parks, but love relaxing around the pool etc. They don't like to go out to eat because of the cost- right? If you bought into the DVC , you could invite your parents to stay with you at the resort- you could go to the parks and they could stay at the pool and cook dinner for the fam at night- (a nice perk for you if you could work it out!) and you can visit with them in the morning and evening. They probably wouldn't pay to stay at a park resort with you if they're living in Orlando, but if you invite them to stay at your villa at no cost to them (except to cook dinners)- then maybe they would be willing to come there and do that. Spending time at the resorts and not going to the parks is incredibly relaxing- I really think they would enjoy it tremenously. Also- Since we have become DVC members, we go at least twice a year (it would be at least 3 times, but we live in Portland, OR and airfare is just too much!) and have noticed a chaneg in our need to be in the park 24 -7 because we know we will be coming back for 40 years staying at these great resorts! As a result, we do spend more time enjoying the resort and other things to do around WDW. My mom and her sister live in Pensecola- quite a distance from Orlando, but when we go down there, we invite them to come along. They always bring home cooked meals that my Aunt puts in the freezer- then we thaw and cook them. She never lets us pay for the food- that's her treat since we have invited her to stay with us. Having a home cooked meal at night when you've been eating restaurant food for a week is a welcome relief! We love it- and it works really well for us. We usually get a 2 bedroom Villa for 5 days (Sun- Thurs, when less points are required), then my mom and Aunt go home and we extend our stay for a few more days by ourselves. If you vacation a lot in WDW anyway- it would probably be a good thing for you too look into anyway.

 

[Sandy Feet]

What a dilemma.
Compromising by spending part of your holiday with them and part at WDW seems to me to be the best way to go. Although a retirement community may be boring at first glance for your boys, it is so important to keep close ties between grandparents and grandkids. Who knows? Maybe the grandparents can show the kids a side of Florida you all wouldn't see if you were only at WDW? What do the grandparents like to do, since they don't like Disney? Maybe they can take the boys out somewhere for the day and you can have some time to yourself?

 

[Yardbird]

Wow, I never realized that other's might have the same issue that I do! Most of my family live in FL, actually for many years I lived there also. I would love to be able to plan a vacation in FL without feeling like I need to include my family, somehow I feel selfish for feeling that way.

We are going to be in Disney next week, and when I started to plan I just automatically called my Mother to tell her when we would be in FL. Now, she and my step-father are going to spend the week that we're there, in a campground in Orlando. Now, I don't mind, and I love to spend time with my Mom. However, this is a Disney vacation; we want to spend this time enjoying Disney, not traveling back and forth to the campground! I told her that this would be a Disney vacation for us and that we plan on spending our days in the parks and at the pool. She said that's fine (not sure it will be). I tried to convince her to stay at one of the resorts (she can afford it), but she said that my step-father doesn't want to.

I truly wish that we could spend our vacation how we want to! If we had gone to FL without telling her, and she found out, she would be hurt. She's getting old, and I know that I won't have much time left with her, and I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings. I plan on flying down sometime in July to spend with her, and I told her this thinking that maybe she would not want to come to Orlando. The thing is, neither she nor my step-father really like Disney anyway. Sigh....

Anyway, I do understand. It's nice to know I'm not alone.

Thanks for letting me vent. Sorry this is so long.

 

[Chicago526]

If you go 2 to 3 times per year, this is what I'd do.

I would sit down with the FL family and let them know that ONE trip per year for your family will be Disney ONLY. No coming in early or staying longer to spend time with the folks. The other one or two trips will then either be family only or split between family and Disney.

This way, you still get at least one trip that's Disney only, but your family still gets to spend time with you for the other trip(s). If you explain this up front, they should hopefully understand and not be offended.

Another way to manage it is to travel to Disney when your FL family is away on their own trips, if they travel. Hey, you can't visit them it they aren't home!

And remember, planes fly both ways, they can always come and visit YOU, too!

 

[murph103]

My in-laws moved to Myrtle Beach almost 8 years ago from Maryland. Myrtle Beach happens to be our favorite vacation spot and we DID stay with them a couple times. But it was WAY too crowded and WAY too much family closeness. We finally bought our pop-up camper and take that when we go. Now we can visit with them and still have our own place to relax, etc.

 

[abitjaded]

Random thoughts on multiple family problems.

A Disney Cruise for the extended family? The seniors and non-Disney-philes won't be inundated with the parks, but those who love them get their "Disney-hit".

Camping at Ft. Wilderness? Those with trailers et al. get to camp, hang out at Ft. Wilderness and those who want to can sneak away to the parks.

Some of those retirement communities have pretty nice pools, and I'll betcha anything there will be other grandchildren visiting.

Pose your trips to WDW as "family reunions". Get a good Florida guide and venture beyond the parks, there are lots of fun things to do that the Disney-dislikers may enjoy, and you will too. NASA is great, Cocoa Beach relaxing, there are other wonderful beaches and great houses for rent cheap all over Florida. You can rent huge houses for pretty cheap in Orlando and then the other relatives can hang out. Get the scattered or close relatives to commit to going in on a large house. Those who commit, you see. Those who won't are making their own choice. We have gathered relatives together near the most senior of our relatives that cannot/will not travel. Some chose not to come, but then, it was not OUR fault they did not see us. One extended WDW trip stands out in my kids' memory because of the catfish they caught off the old dock at their great-uncle's house, and swimming and shelling on Sanibel, not for anything we did at WDW.

We Disney addicts can still have a good time in Florida without doing WDW the whole time, and it can be one heck of a lot cheaper.

Carla