HELP! DM is stressing over her expectations!

[DisWishes720]

Hi Everyone!

I am in the process of convincing my mother that we can have a really fabulously elegant wedding with DFTW, but she has been stressing me out with expecations.

She wants something along the lines of a David Tutera wedding, except she wants to design her own reception and does not really like the ballroom idea. Originally she and I had our hearts set on the MK with a clear-top tent, but when we found out they were no longer offering that she basically gave up on Disney.

My DF and I have our hearts set on DFTW, but to be respectful to our parents, since they are footing the bill, we have to go with their wishes. Her and I both have interior design background so the space is a major priority for her. We also are a large italian family, and if anyone has one of those you know that the wedding is a way for your father to stroke his ego a bit. We are right now around 200 with the guest list, and my parents are concerned that no one will come since it is in DW.

So I guess what I'm asking is if anyone knows of any out of the ordinary venues that might play into my mother's expectations (she's not too fond of the ballrooms), and on average, how many people RSVP yes if you're out of state (we live in NJ).

Any pics and suggestions on how to sway them over to our side are greatly greatly appreciated!!

 

[hiwaygal]

Have you actually talked to the folks at DFTW?

I guess one of the more "famous" "no holds barred" Disney weddings I can remember is this one:

http://fredammons.com/wedding/index.htm

I can't help but think that if Disney is what you want and if you and your mom/parents can sit down and really talk with them, you can have what both of you want. Disney CAN make dreams come true (even if it costs a little more).

I don't know how many will come out of your guest list, but you might be surprised! I think I read somewhere that, on average, for a destination wedding you can count on maybe 50% of your invited guests actually attending. But for a Disney wedding the percentage is actually a bit higher. Again, I think Disney could help you out with some of that based on their experiences.

Has your mom looked at some of the trip reports of the brides here? All of those weddings were quite elegant in their own way! Maybe looking at pictures and reports here, even video links can help sway her and convince your mom that Disney is a great place to get married.

Hope that helps some...good luck!

 

[Lynn5700]

I'm so sorry you can't have the wedding you want. Does your mom really think she is designing her own reception..it's your reception.

 

[Lynn5700]

Oh I wanted to add that your parents will probably save more money having it down in FL at disney...NJ weddings are freaking expensive..My photographer is Fl was only $600 and I got the same quality and more for my money.I would have paid 3000-5000 for the type of photography I got, in NJ.

 

[ElleBren]

Well if you really want design I would think about the American Adventure Rotundra. It looks amazing from photos I've seen. I would say anywhere in Epcot would be a good bet from a design standpoint.

As for guests I invited about 165 people. My final guest count is 79. I am also from NJ I only had a few FL people who were close, most of my list consisted of people in the tri-state area.

Good luck!!

 

[lurkyloo]

She wants something along the lines of a David Tutera wedding, except she wants to design her own reception and does not really like the ballroom idea.

I'm so sorry you can't have the wedding you want. Does your mom really think she is designing her own reception..it's your reception.

This is kind of troubling to me too... I get that she's an interior designer, but it's your reception, and you should be able to have whatever kind you want. I have heard so many stories here of women who did what their parents wanted for the wedding and now, 10 or 15 or however many years later, they're finally having the kind of vow-renewal/second-wedding ceremony at Disney they always wanted....

 

[kingLouiethe1]

This is kind of troubling to me too... I get that she's an interior designer, but it's your reception, and you should be able to have whatever kind you want. I have heard so many stories here of women who did what their parents wanted for the wedding and now, 10 or 15 or however many years later, they're finally having the kind of vow-renewal/second-wedding ceremony at Disney they always wanted....

I would have to tend to agree with these sentiments. I know family dynamics can vary greatly from situation to situation, but at some point we all have to go out an do things that will displease our parents. It is your wedding, and your reception, and if someone else feels they can dictate the way it goes because they are paying, then maybe you need to pay for it yourselves even if it means scaling back the party

It may not be the wedding you dreamed of, but it sounds like you're not getting that anyway.

 

[A whole new world]

If you give your guests plenty of notice that you want a Disney wedding then it will give them time to save up to come with you. If they are proper friends and family then they will want to share your day where ever you chose to have. You need to be thinking of what you want.

The other option is to have an escapes wedding and have what you want and then go back to NJ and have a big party and let your parents pay for it all and have all the family there.

I'd go with what your heart wants as you will only regret it if you go with what someone else wants for you.

 

[DisWishes720]

Has your mom looked at some of the trip reports of the brides here? All of those weddings were quite elegant in their own way! Maybe looking at pictures and reports here, even video links can help sway her and convince your mom that Disney is a great place to get married.

Hope that helps some...good luck!

I absolutely love all of the weddings and vow renewals on the forum! She is actually on the boards but I'm not sure if she's ever checked out this section! I'm forwarding her all the info now, hopefully she will be as inspired as I am!

My photographer is Fl was only $600 and I got the same quality and more for my money.I would have paid 3000-5000 for the type of photography I got, in NJ.

I have been trying to convince them that it will be less expensive to get married in Florida but for some reason it has not yet sunk in! I'm going to give her that info to help along in the convincing process!

Well if you really want design I would think about the American Adventure Rotundra. It looks amazing from photos I've seen. I would say anywhere in Epcot would be a good bet from a design standpoint.

As for guests I invited about 165 people. My final guest count is 79. I am also from NJ I only had a few FL people who were close, most of my list consisted of people in the tri-state area.

Good luck!!

Thanks!! I love the idea of the Rotunda! A final could of 79 sounds absolutely perfect to me! If they don't want to come, it's their loss...as harsh as that sounds...but come on, it's DISNEY!

This is kind of troubling to me too... I get that she's an interior designer, but it's your reception, and you should be able to have whatever kind you want. I have heard so many stories here of women who did what their parents wanted for the wedding and now, 10 or 15 or however many years later, they're finally having the kind of vow-renewal/second-wedding ceremony at Disney they always wanted....

I completely agree. It's hard because i really want full support from both my parents on this, and I definitely don't want to be a bridezilla! but I guess my DF and I may have to put our foot down somwhere.

I'd go with what your heart wants as you will only regret it if you go with what someone else wants for you.

Thanks! We are definitely going to try!

Thank you everyone for your responses! I'm getting the ma on the computer tonight to look at all the inspirational weddings on the forum, but it may come down to my DF and I discussing an escape wedding for just the two of us...keep your fingers crossed!!

 

[AbbyPan]

Hey just wanted to add my 2 cents

Gotta do your hmwk with some parents. My mom and dad almost died when i told them that i wanted to go with a DFTW.

It took some convincing, but it paid off.

First, find someone close to you that your parents respect their opinions on, to get on your side (if you can find more than one, even better). For example, my older sister helped me lay out a plan that showed how much money we'd save vs. having the wedding in NY. One example of this was our Photographer. Randy Chapman charged us $1,200 vs. NY $4,000 for basically the same package. When my sister spoke, it didn't make me sound so crazy about having the DFTW

Do you have family that will have to travel for your wedding? All my family had to travel and i had a chunk of family in Fl. so we used this to lure my parents with comments like "dad, i really want grandma to be there and if we have it in orlando, she can drive in, and we won't have to make her fly into stinky JFK". I could feel his mind changing...SUCKA!

Also, feed them amazing pictures on a weekly basis. (you'll find a plethera of these on the disboards). Many disbrides have raved about how everyone loved their wedding becuase it was different and the guests just had an amazing time. None of us have regrets about having done it this way and in the end, guests changed their minds about it. I had to go through people saying how "corny it would be" and now...well lets just i hear a lot of "awe I want my daughter/neice/grandaughter to be married at wdw too!"

Location: there is an Italy in Epcot! you can totally incorporate this into your ceremony (if you chose) and keep an italian theme!

And last but not least, yes, DFTW's have their rules, but you can always ask for what you want. For example, you don't like ballrooms, so make your wedding coordinator aware of this and work together on finding something that would fit best.

Oh, and as far as vendors are concerned, you basically have zero work to do, since we all can recommened who to use and many of these vendors work with disney wedding very frequently so its not like you'll have to tell them where to go or anything.

Beleive me, there are so many advantages!!!

I hope you can convince your parents to have something a bit smaller!!!

BTW-crying works everytime...i did that at one point when i thought i wasn't going to have a dftw and i think for the first time in my life, i really think my dad felt bad (SUCKA! -j/j) but seriously, it works!!!

 

[ElleBren]

I have been trying to convince them that it will be less expensive to get married in Florida but for some reason it has not yet sunk in! I'm going to give her that info to help along in the convincing process!

I totally disagree. I did the research, at least for nj near nyc it is so much more economical to have it in wdw. If you want some examples let me know!

Thanks!! I love the idea of the Rotunda! A final could of 79 sounds absolutely perfect to me! If they don't want to come, it's their loss...as harsh as that sounds...but come on, it's DISNEY!

I tried to get people to go once, after that if was their loss. We toyed around with the idea of 2 parties, but it was going to be insanely expensive. Honestly people are going to come up with any excuse if they don't want to come, Do what you want, not what others(including moms) want.

 

[DisWishes720]

Hey just wanted to add my 2 cents Also, feed them amazing pictures on a weekly basis. (you'll find a plethera of these on the disboards). Many disbrides have raved about how everyone loved their wedding becuase it was different and the guests just had an amazing time. None of us have regrets about having done it this way and in the end, guests changed their minds about it. I had to go through people saying how "corny it would be" and now...well lets just i hear a lot of "awe I want my daughter/neice/grandaughter to be married at wdw too!"

Location: there is an Italy in Epcot! you can totally incorporate this into your ceremony (if you chose) and keep an italian theme!

BTW-crying works everytime...i did that at one point when i thought i wasn't going to have a dftw and i think for the first time in my life, i really think my dad felt bad (SUCKA! -j/j) but seriously, it works!!!

Abbypan I love, love, love the idea of having it in ITALY!! My future DF is also Italian, and we have a lot of special memories in that courtyard from our first trip together! Do you think it's possible to put a clear top tent around the Isola to make it almost like an outside ballroom in Venice??

I was very close to breaking down in tears the other night, and my dad normally does not feel bad if he's saying no to something that is costing him money , but I will give that a try too! PS...love your signature picture!!

I totally disagree. I did the research, at least for nj near nyc it is so much more economical to have it in wdw. If you want some examples let me know!

I tried to get people to go once, after that if was their loss. We toyed around with the idea of 2 parties, but it was going to be insanely expensive. Honestly people are going to come up with any excuse if they don't want to come, Do what you want, not what others(including moms) want.

EllenBren I would love some examples!! I think once they see it on paper it will definitely sway them. I thought about the 2 parties too, but in the end, if my mother has taste this expensive for one event, my poor dad will refuse to pay for two of them!

 

[AbbyPan]

Abbypan I love, love, love the idea of having it in ITALY!! My future DF is also Italian, and we have a lot of special memories in that courtyard from our first trip together! Do you think it's possible to put a clear top tent around the Isola to make it almost like an outside ballroom in Venice??

I was very close to breaking down in tears the other night, and my dad normally does not feel bad if he's saying no to something that is costing him money , but I will give that a try too! PS...love your signature picture!!

Awe thanks!

You know I'm not sure about that, but hey, its another question for the planner/coordinator. Write down all your questions and ask away.

And don't hold back the tears, let them out girl! Daddy needs to see his baby girl crying...the rest will follow... ok, sorry that may be kinda harsh i guess, but sometimes parents can forget that your wedding, is exactly that, your wedding. It's sad that it should come to that, but when they see our tears, that's when they sometimes realize that they can be a teensie-weensie bit selfish about the planning...beleive me, you're not the only who has to go through this hang in there!!!

Abby

 

[lpizzuro123]

Our ceremony is in Italy and our reception is in Atlantic Dance Hall on The Boardwalk. It is a great spot for a reception - and definately is not ballroom style.

Having your ceremony in Italy and your reception there also would be a great idea also. Only problem with this is you have to wait until after the park closes for a reception in Italy before you can start the music (although I have heard Disney changes things and might make an exception).

We are also from NJ and we invited 110 and we are having 54 people attend.

Good luck and I hope you have your Fairytale Wedding.

Linda

 

[DisWishes720]

Our ceremony is in Italy and our reception is in Atlantic Dance Hall on The Boardwalk. It is a great spot for a reception - and definately is not ballroom style.

Having your ceremony in Italy and your reception there also would be a great idea also. Only problem with this is you have to wait until after the park closes for a reception in Italy before you can start the music (although I have heard Disney changes things and might make an exception).

We are also from NJ and we invited 110 and we are having 54 people attend.

Good luck and I hope you have your Fairytale Wedding.

Linda

Thanks Linda! I love the idea of the Dance Hall, but I have actually never been inside! On our trip in December we're definitelly going to check it out. Do you have any photos that you've taken during planning that I can take a look at??

Jenna

Ps...congrats on your fairytale wedding!!!

 

[lpizzuro123]

I do have some photos of the inside of ADH but have not figured out how to post pictures yet. It is a great spot and when when we were down there for our planning session my planner told me about a wedding that was going on there on a Sunday night at 5:00. She said we we got there about an hour or so before we could go inside and check it out and see it decorated for a wedding. We did this and it looked wonderful.

If you send me a PM with your email address I will try to email you the pictures. Besides that, there are some great shots on the Disney wedding website you can check out.

Linda

 

[Goofyz3girls]

Heres a guys and father of two little princesses view on your situation.I also come for the same background you speak of and live in NY.Back in 1999 I was in the same dilemma.My wife and I wanted a DFTW and her parents wanted a traditional Italian style wedding in NY.They also were footing the bill.There were heated debates about the subject and I even went as far as arguing to pay for what we wanted.I kept hearing its my only daughter and we want it a certain way.Talk about hard headed.Well we finally gave in and even 10 years later we still think about what could have been and it kills us.Now being the father of two princesses (have your father read this)when they get big enough and are ready to marry whatever will make them happy they will get.I watched them come into this world and held them even before my wife and I swore to myself I would care for them till the day I die.That promise I made even means doing something I might not like but if it makes them happy so be it.Sometimes as time goes by we forget about that miracle of life and really everything else doesn't matter.As for the ego part from one father to another get over it because in reality no matter how wonderful or how much money is spent on the wedding the ones who will talk will and believe me we all have them in our families.DisWishes720 don't let anyone tell you what to do whether they are footing the bill or not.Its your day and it should be what you want it to be.As for how much you would spend in Disney vs. NY I feel that if we had a DFTW we would have spent as much or more with all the options in Disney the skies the limit(we spent $60,000 in NY on what who knows).BTW because we never got what we wanted I am in the process of surprising my wife for our 10th anniversary (April 09') with an Escape Vow Renewal and who comes can and who doesn't can stay home!I say go for it have your DFTW and enjoy the rest of your lives together.Believe me if I could do it over again I WOULD HAVE A DFTW...Just a guys and father of two little princesses view...

 

[MegKate]

Heres a guys and father of two little princesses view on your situation.I also come for the same background you speak of and live in NY.Back in 1999 I was in the same dilemma.My wife and I wanted a DFTW and her parents wanted a traditional Italian style wedding in NY.They also were footing the bill.There were heated debates about the subject and I even went as far as arguing to pay for what we wanted.I kept hearing its my only daughter and we want it a certain way.Talk about hard headed.Well we finally gave in and even 10 years later we still think about what could have been and it kills us.Now being the father of two princesses (have your father read this)when they get big enough and are ready to marry whatever will make them happy they will get.I watched them come into this world and held them even before my wife and I swore to myself I would care for them till the day I die.That promise I made even means doing something I might not like but if it makes them happy so be it.Sometimes as time goes by we forget about that miracle of life and really everything else doesn't matter.As for the ego part from one father to another get over it because in reality no matter how wonderful or how much money is spent on the wedding the ones who will talk will and believe me we all have them in our families.DisWishes720 don't let anyone tell you what to do whether they are footing the bill or not.Its your day and it should be what you want it to be.As for how much you would spend in Disney vs. NY I feel that if we had a DFTW we would have spent as much or more with all the options in Disney the skies the limit(we spent $60,000 in NY on what who knows).BTW because we never got what we wanted I am in the process of surprising my wife for our 10th anniversary (April 09') with an Escape Vow Renewal and who comes can and who doesn't can stay home!I say go for it have your DFTW and enjoy the rest of your lives together.Believe me if I could do it over again I WOULD HAVE A DFTW...Just a guys and father of two little princesses view...

That was awesome. There was a tear.

 

[lpizzuro123]

I agree - that was just beautiful. I am so glad you are planning a surprise vow renewal for your 10th anniversary. I am sure it will be very special.

When we first told my dad he was alittle taken back but we brought him down with us to our site visit and he got a very good view of what a Disney wedding will be like. Now he said when people ask him why Disney - he says because that is what they want. We are also an Italian family from NY (even though my DF and I moved to NJ a few years ago) so I know what you mean about big Italian weddings. We have attended more weddings in catering halls and they are beautiful but for the most part they are all the same.

My DF's dad is not a Disney lover but we brought him to our food and cake tasting and showed him the WP (even though this is not where we are getting married) and it also gave him a better idea and is now going along with our decission.

Do what makes you happy - it is your day.

Linda

 

[AbbyPan]

Goofyz3girls- you had me at hello.

That was so touching, i hope we get to see pics of your 10 yr vow renewal!!