Help!! Divorced DISers -- Did I Give Up Too Much??

[EdiePA]

I wrote before that I'm from Pennsylvania and in PA the non-custodial parent is not legally required to pay child support after the age of 18. I would think that someone would want to support their child into adulthood, but X (who walked out on us) is going by the law. This is the last part of our separation agreement to hammer out. IF he pays nothing the next six years for our sons (ages 19 and 17), I will probably have to sell the house. I didn't want this big house to keep up all on my own, but I was willing to do it so that my boys have a "home" to come home to while they're in college.

So, today, I told my lawyer to contact X and his lawyer and offer to give up my claim to $20,000 of his IRA, if he'll pay CS until DS#2 graduates from college or turn 23. The lawyer liked this solution, but now I'm having second thoughts. Did I give up too much??

AND, should I contact X and ask him to prayerfully consider this? I'm giving up future earnings in order to provide for our sons and I think if he could really think this over without any outside influences, he might accept.

I'm just so ready for this to be settled.

Thanks for any help!

Edie

 

[bobcat]

You may not like my answer but here it is. I think you should sell the house and keep your claim to the IRA. While it would be wonderful for your boys to be able to come "home" while they are in college think about just how often that will be. The rest of the time you are in a huge house. Remember home is where you are and your children will understand that.

I also think you need to talk to your boys and let them know that without child support you will not be able to shoulder all their college expenses. This is not to make them feel guilty but if they realize how much pressure you are under financially they will most likely step up and take on more responsibility for their future education.

You need to think of your future as well.

 

[snoopy]

I have to agree with bobcat.

I'm not one to give financial planning advice though, but it just seems most sound to have something for your future.

 

[Disneymomma]

I hate to say it but, I really believe he is right. The child support can also be appealed at anytime in PA, and if they boys are beyond 18 the "new "judge could rule that Ex stops paying and now you lost the $20,000 and the CS and are stuck with a BIG house all by yourself. Please do not rush into this and at least take the upcoming weekend to make a final decision-You have to think about yourself too-We always have a tendency to think about everyone but ourselves, and you are the one that has to live with the final outcomes. Please look forward at what YOUR needs will be a few years from now. Prayers and GOOD LUCK!

 

[fkj2]

Well, not knowing the full details, and not having been married to be divorced, I do know that for most women their financial status falls significantly post divorce. So, I would always ask for everything and negotiate down from their. After all, X left you and two children. Maybe instead of child support, you should ask for college tuition.

About the house, the other posters may be right about selling. My thoughts are that this is the top of the housing market and it may be feasible to take the money out of the house and run. Also, if you need additional job training/education, ask for that assistance as well. The IRA may not be your best "keep" if you can get college tuition for the kids and some money for yourself. That IRA may not presently be worth the $20,000 since the market has corrected. Good luck.

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

ok, I'm an attorney in NY and I'm divorced. I was the one who suggested a trade-off.

I gather that you're getting the house and that you're giving up $20k present day value of the IRA.

how much will the support be for your kids until age 23? if the support "obligation" will exceed what you're waiving, you're doing well. if you'll receive more than $20,000 in support over the next few years, I don't think there's a real problem.

BTW, ask your attorney -- in NY, if you agree to something in a separation agreement, it becomes binding -- even if you were not legally obligated to make the agreement. in NY a parent is legally obligated to support a child until age 21, but my ex agreed to support our kids until age 23 if they're still in college. this is a contractual right that I can enforce in the courts. I believe the same may be true in Pennsylvania -- i.e., the judge can't modify X's obligation to pay support even though the law doesn't require him to pay support.

 

[JasonLyons]

to bad songbird anit here she could help you