Help- DD & Middle School Anxiety-UPDATE p. 2

[Mimi Q]

My 11 yo DD starts middle school in 2 weeks, and she is totally freaked out about it. She has always done well in school and loved it. Her friends from elementary school will be at this middle school. She was just sitting around crying today which is just not like her at all. I don't know what to do to help her feel better. She is almost having panic attacks when she thinks about it. Any suggestions would be much appreciated.

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

take a deep breath. ok.

now, what aspect of middle school is freaking her out? you need to figure out what part of the middle school experience is causing the anxiety and talk about strategies to overcome it.


example, she's afraid she won't be able to find her way around the building. do you have a map of the building? cna you go to school once or twice next week and walk around?

my dd had worries about opening her locker. we went to school and practiced opening the lcoker until she felt more confident.

 

[faith]

Sending a hug for your daughter. Those are tough years.
Since school in your area starts in 2 weeks, call the office and talk with the secretary or principal. I think they will be very understanding and let you bring your daughter in to find her locker, or just get oriented with the building set up.
Thankfully back when our two were in school they always had orientation for the first year of middle school and high school. Hope she feels better soon!

 

[janette]

My 11yo starts in 2 weeks also. Next week they are having a 6th grade "camp". The kids can come pick up their scedules and find their locker etc.

The first couple days of school also have have some schedule adjustments.

Are they having these things for her? She might feel better if she knows a friend is in her class and all those other things they will find out then.

 

[Mimi Q]

Thanks for the suggestions. My SIL is actually a teacher at the middle school so access to it is not a problem. I tried to reassure her with the fact that her aunt is there, but she is in the main building and DD will be in the mobile classrooms outside. Since this anxiety started, she doesn't want me out of her sight. She went to cheerleading camp last week, and I sat and watched for 3 hours each day cause she didn't want me to leave. This is the 8th year she has attended this camp, and it is only 10 minutes from the house. I am just so upset cause she has always been so confident and outgoing. I read the boards daily but rarely post. I knew I could count on the CB for support.

 

[lovingthemouse]

Hi MimiQ - i am a 6th grade teacher, and really understand the worries that can occur with new middle school students. May i offer a few suggestions?

1. please let her know that nearly every 6th grade student will be new to the school and feeling similar anxieties she is experiencing
2. Knowing this, we sixth grade teachers are pretty sensitive to their concerns and will give them plenty of time to open lockers- (giving them a week to practice before they really become adept at it )- touring the middle school, (we go on a school wide tour the first day); and finding their comfort level in meeting new kids - (we try and make all feel welcome).
3. Middle School is an entirely new chapter for most students - moving to a new school, meeting new kids, adjusting to more new movement then they probably had in elementary - and it will take a while before the kids feel at ease with all this. You know what - as long as i have been teaching (26 years) teachers feel the same "newness" the kids feel. It's ok!!!
If, after a few weeks, she is still feeling this way, give the Guidance counselor a call and meet with her teachers. Since she begins in a few weeks, her anticipation may be worse than the actual thing - think of how many of us react" before" trying something new. I truly hope she has a wonderful experience.
Caroline

 

[MerryPoppins]

My DD is going into 7th and she felt really nervous last year. If it would help, we could let them email each other? PM me if you are interested. She'll be home from camp on Saturday. She can be pretty clingy at times, so I understand what you are going through.

We had a day when all the 6th graders got to go to school and prepare for the changes. They played games, met kids/teachers, did a scavenger hunt in the school to learn their way around and had a pizza party. Suggest this to your schools! It was a big help.

Does she know anyone in her classes? Sometimes talking to a "buddy" who will be there that first day helps. I'm sure once she gets used to the new surroundings, she'll be her old self.

 

[Val]

I just printed this off for my 6th grade DD who is convinced she is the ONLY one who is anxious (claims big sis wasn't).....thank goodness the next one to hit middle school will be DS7!!

 

[Val]

I just printed this off for my 6th grade DD who is convinced she is the ONLY one who is anxious (claims big sis wasn't).....thank goodness the next one to hit middle school will be DS7!!

 

[SillyOldBear66]

Ditto on what Merry said.........
DD13 is entering 8th grade this year and would be glad to email if that would be helpful.
Middle school/junior high in this district is 7th and 8th.
However when DD was entering 5th grade we lived in another town and middle school started in 5th grade. So she had one year of middle school, then we moved, she went BACK to elementary for 6th grade then back to middle school/junior high for 7th. I think she handled it better than I did.

One thing we did was buy her a combination lock so that she could practice working the combination spin routine.

I'm sure it will get easier.
Will she be cheering as part of a middle school squad?
That was an activity that DD really enjoyed.

Best of luck.

-Tabitha

 

[Mimi Q]

Merry and Tabitha, thank you so much for your kind offers to have your DDs e-mail mine, but I am afraid it would upset her if she knew I has asking for advice in this matter. She will not be able to cheer this year- you have to be in 7th grade. Thank you all so much for your advice.

 

[SillyOldBear66]

Mimi....as I read your last reply I could 'hear' my DD's voice in my head if I were in your shoes......"MOM?? I can't believe you told anyone about this!! AAAGGGHHHH!"
Oh yea...I can totally relate.

I'm really hoping that the first day will just be wonderful for your daughter.
And here's hoping that the girl who reluctantly leaves for school that first day will be brimming with smiles and great stories by the time she comes home in the afternoon.

-Tabitha

 

[bambii]

What my parent did for me (I was also scared. because of the stories that other kids told. ) My mom and me a couple of days before we called the school to see if we can tour it. to get to no the layout, like finding the bathrooms, classroom, gym and so on.

the unknown can be scary just go with her and explain that a lot of kids are going through the same thing.

 

[Mimi Q]

Thanks.

 

[MerryPoppins]

No problem. My DD would have probably if I had talked about her worries, too.

You could tell her that you saw a thread where people were talking about their 6th graders and their worries about middle school. Maybe it would make her feel less alone, and you could mention that some of us said our kids went through it and it turned out okay.

 

[grinningghost]

The summer DD was going into middle school she was pretty freaked out too. She was afraid of getting lost, not being able to open her locker, all kinds of things. I was a wreck when she got on that bus that day.

I was expecting her to come home after school and cry her eyes out. How pleasanty surprised I was when she bounded through the door and said school was GREAT! She loved everything about it, the freedom, not being treated like a baby, etc. She is now going into high school and is very, very sad to leave her middle school. Without a doubt, it's been an amazing 2 years for her.

Feel free to share this story with your DD.

 

[TEENEE]

My ds went through this last year. He had heard awful stories of how kids got beat up, gangs, kids being picked on because they are smart. I tried to tell him that those stories were just that stories that older kids were telling to try to scare the new kids. I made an appointment with the principal for my son and I. The principal assured him that he would not have any problems and if by some chance he did all my ds had to do was walk in his office and he would handle it. My ds felt much better after that meeting. He was still nervous that first day of school but when he got home he talked my ear off. I hope it helps your daughter to know that other kids feel the same way. Good luck.

 

[Mimi Q]

Today was the first day of school. She LOVED it! One of her best friends has 6 classes and lunch with her. My husband and I are so relieved. I have been totally stressed out over this for weeks. Thanks for all the replies. Just wanted to let you know it turned out fine.

 

[janette]

Glad everything went well. My DD starts tomorrow and will hopefully have as good a day!

 

[MerryPoppins]

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you Janette.

Glad to hear that your DD did so well, Mimi. It's usually just that first step that is so hard.