Help! Childhood Sleep Anxiety! Small Update Post #28

[Rafiki Rafiki Rafiki]

Well, it's 6 am where I am. I got up a total of 6 times last night with my daughter before giving up on sleep. It takes her 1-2 hours to get to sleep every night, and then she wakes and is so scared she can't get back to sleep. When she finally does pass out, it lasts for about an hour before she's awake again.

We do this every night. It's been going on for her entire life.

I've had her in counseling and occupational therapy for 6 months...(she's a sensitive child, and I thought getting OT would help teach her to relax)...and the counselor is supposed to be helping us with her anxiety. He calls it separation anxiety, but I think his terms are inaccurate because she is able to sleep over at friends' houses and sleeps fine for any one night away at Grandma's or an aunt's house.

OK, so...in addition to those two things, we do a bedtime routine. We've been through having pallets on our floor, trying having her sleep with her sister, giving her Benedryl (which will work for two nights straight before it quits working), music, television, sleeping with her...and the list goes on.

I'm looking for something I might have missed. Something. ANYTHING. I need sleep...

 

[clarabelle]

Please don't think I am being cruel here -but you said she can sleep at other peoples homes? Does it have something to do with you? Some kind of pattern that she and you have became involved it where she needs to see you or wake you?
What happens if you don't engage? If you just say go back to bed?
I am just throwing that out there. I am not trying to suggest that you have done anything wrong. I am just wondering if there is someway to "wean" her from your nighttime attention. What did the therapist say about it?

Also we have an anxious child as well. We have a tape of affirming meditations for children for bedtime called "Indigo Dreams" -they have it at Amazon. It helps some at bedtime.

 

[dmslush]

It does seem strange that she can sleep at other people's homes, but wakes up afraid at your home. Have you tried a white noise machine, fan, soft music, or something like that? What about sleeping with you, does she wake up when she sleeps in the bed with you?


I feel for you, dd didn't start sleeping good until she was almost a teenager.

**Nevermind, I see that you have tried all of my suggestions**

 

[polly p]

How old is she? We went through a few problems with both my dd's. I handled each differently. The first like you I was sleepless, the second, we bought a king size bed and she slept with us when needed. Now at age 7 she hasn't been in bed with us in more than 2 years. It worked, we all got sleep. As far as it taking 2 hours to get to bed, Thats where I draw the line. My dd has a night light and I told her if she didn't go to bed and stay in bed the night light was gone. Sounds cruel, but it worked. She has her night light and all her stuffed animals and her bitty baby. If she can't sleep, she now sings or talks to her friends.

 

[clarabelle]

What if you said -"you can't get out of bed -but I will come to you in an hour".
Then in an hour you came back in rubbed her back and talked to her and then each night you lengthen the amount of time. Start coming to her in an hour and ten minutes then an hour and 20 and so on.

 

[Taylor]

Have you tried a white noise machine, fan, soft music, or something like that?

I would also suggest trying a white noise generator. I have been using one for 15+ years.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

So sorry, sleep interruption is lousy. Also curious how old your DD is. You asked for ideas? I looked through your list - is there any chance she is inadvertantly taking in caffeine during the daytime (in the form of soda, chocolate, etc)? Or is it possible she has a food allergy you aren't aware of that is affecting her in this way? Just a thought.

My DS went through a phase for year or so when he was around 4. He would wake up several times a night and come into our bed. It was impossible to sleep when he was in our bed so this was a big problem. We tried a lot of things but one that worked pretty well was making a chart where if he could stay in bed every night for seven nights he would get a nice Red Sox shirt. He did it successfully so it made us realize he was capable of it. After that we tried to keep up the positive reinforcement, and eventually he outgrew it (he's 8 now). Every now and then he will still get up but he is easily redirected back to bed. BTW, he loves chocolate and he has a half a Hershey bar just about every day!

 

[Rafiki Rafiki Rafiki]

My mother-in-law really thought it was me too. But then when my daughter stayed with her for three nights, she was up after the first night.

Always when she sleeps at someone else's house, there is a body next to her in the bed...one that is larger and serves as a protection for her. I really think that is more the difference for her than my being there or not being there. It's also one of the reasons I don't think this is separation anxiety.

I cannot sleep with my daughter in my bed. Even in a king-sized bed, she has to be touching someone else to sleep. She also makes jerking movements throughout the night.

As part of her psych therapy, we were able to get her to sleep on a palette on our floor. The rules were that she had to start out in her bed, and then if she woke during the night, she was to go to her palette in our room without waking us. That worked. The next step was to get her to move to the sofa in our living room...literally 15 feet from my bed. We've been to this step for nearly 2 months and have never had a successful night of her moving from her bed to the sofa without waking me several times.

She complains of two recurring themes in her dreams: the first is that a snake or bear comes into the house and bites her/eats her while she is sleeping. The second is that someone kidnaps her from her bed. She is unable to get herself back to sleep and becomes extremely anxious after waking from these dreams, which are every night.

She's 7 1/2. We've tried cutting out food dyes and caffeine/chocolate...there was no change.

We've gone through rewards and did give her a reward when she was able to sleep on her palette for 5 nights. No amount of award makes her able to take the next step of sleeping on the sofa.

I'm thinking that a sleep study may give us a picture of the biology in this equation. Allergy testing may help as well...but I was really hoping someone here who's been through something like this may be able to give me some ideas of what we could be missing.

I'm DESPERATE for a good night's sleep. I'm willing to try EVERYTHING I haven't already tried that seems to even make half-sense. Even if it is a shortcoming of my own, I can accept that, gratefully.

 

[minkydog]

I agree. I think a sleep study is in order. I wonder if she's experiencing some kind of sleep apnea or sleep paralysis which may be triggering those nightmares. At some point, the doctor may even suggest a low-dose anti-depressant to disrupt the cycle and help her stay asleep.

ur son is autistic and began having a sleep disorder this year. I understand that sleep disorders is pretty common in that spectrum. Since he has a seizure disorder, I was reluctant to use an anti-depressant on him. Melatonin 3mg worked wonders for my DS10. Of course, I didn't resort to meds until I had the medical stuff checked out.

 

[clarabelle]

Bless your heart.
I think a sleep study sounds good as well.

 

[Disney Doll]

I would agree that asleep study is in order.

Off the cuff, I remember going to a seminar on diabetes where the speaker said that nightmares are often caused by a drop in blood sugar. Is she diabetic, hypoglycemic???

Have you tried a pre-bedtime snacks of carbs & protein??Maybe cheese & crackers?

 

[dmslush]

I also think she needs a sleep study. Have you looked into night terrors? http://www.nightterrors.org/

 

[Rafiki Rafiki Rafiki]

The thing about night terrors is that the child usually can't recall what he/she dreamed about, and is not generally lucid when coming out of the dream.

I just didn't think she fit into that category.

I'll call the doc tomorrow to see if I can get her in.

 

[damo]

Poor little thing. I would imagine that this is having a domino effect on the rest of her life and your family!!! I sure hope that somebody can give you guys some rest, sleep deprivation is a horrible thing.

 

[Randi]

Your post brought back some old memories for me. You could have been describing me! My poor mother had to sleep with me a lot. I also thought things or people would come into my room. I was also restless and felt vulnerable if the covers came off. When my mother slept with me, I felt that she protected my back and I couldn't move around as much so my sleep was more restful.
Then we finally settled on a solution: we rearranged my room so no matter which way I laid on the bed, my back was never toward the door. She put pillows tight against my back, and then tucked the sheet & blanket snugly around me. I had a twin bed so that limited the movement somewhat. But it worked!!!
I eventually gave up the pillows, but continued with the tucking for quite a while.
To this day, many years later, I still like to be able to see the door if I wake up. Just one of those silly quirks.

 

[Rafiki Rafiki Rafiki]

Interesting thought, Randi. I definitely feel there are security issues involved here. Her bed is a double bed, and I know I could be putting a much higher thread count sheets on it. She has two windows in her room, and her bed is centered on a wall.

Do you think that as a child you might have felt more secure in a canopy bed or some sort of tent-type environment? I cannot position the bed she has up against a wall without touching at least one window unless I switch her to a single bed. I don't want to spend that money unless I feel like it will work...

 

[Randi]

I don't remember the windows bothering me. There were 2 in my room, but the blinds were always closed at night. A canopy or tent may work. Maybe you could fill in the empty space in her bed with blankets or even couch cushions so it would seem smaller to her. I know what helped me was the way the tight blankets limited my movements so I didn't wake myself up and start to think again. I bet your daughter is imaginative, articulate and possibly artistic.
Good luck.

 

[dismom9761]

Your original post brought back a rush of memories.As a child I was afraid of a lot of things-death,clowns,etc.I can still feel the pounding of my heart and the sweat that I felt when I woke up at night terrified.I was scared of the windows.I could SEE all the horrible things that were watching me.After dark I hated walking by them and when I woke they were waiting.I could not get out of bed because I thought they would grab me.Eventually I started sleeping under fifteen blankets(the magic number) that protected me.This fear did not start to disapear until my early teens.

I hope you are able to find something that helps your DD and you get some sleep.

 

[phillybeth]

I think the first step is education. Do research, go to the zoo, look up things on the internet, so she learns that the likelyhood of snakes and bears coming into her room are nil. Show her what you are doing to keep her safe- locks on the doors, security system, etc. Have her take karate classes for self-defense and confidence. Give her some power and control, as that is what her dreams are about- feeling powerless and helpless.
Bunkbeds or a bed tent might help- ask her if it would help her feel safe. She might like being enclosed or she might not. How about a flashlight? She is old enough to help you help herself. Talk about her dreams- have her try to remember the good ones too. Come up with a happy thought- something to think about that is not scary, some place where she feels safe and happy and in control. Then she can think about that when she wakes up from a scary dream rather than the cycle she is in now.

 

[YourMajesty]

We've had a lot of sleep issues around our house...one being me! I've read that some sleep issues can be heriditary. Oldest DS (8) gets night terrors or sometimes he will get up less than two hours after going to sleep sweating and not fully awake but not really a "night terror". He also has nightmares later in the night and will run full force down the hall to our room. He usually will go back to sleep in his own bed. We've talked about him controlling his dreams...trying to give it a good ending or have a special hero or weapon to help him take control.

My younger DS is another story. He doesn't appear to have bad dreams but STRONGLY perfers a warm body very close to him. He will be six next month and sleeps through the night about 1x per week (just started). His first two and a half years were horrible becuase of food allergies and ear infections. Not only did end up in our bed every night he was never still. He had ear tubes which only slightly helped. Last May he had his tonsils and adenoids out and he does sleep better now.

I finally switched to giving myself the benadryl. This helped a bunch...I would go back to sleep much faster after one of them would wake me up. I probably take it too much but I don't use my zyrtec anymore so I won't overload on antihistamine. I've always had terrible sleep issues including night terrors, nightmares, sleep paralysis, and probably some sleep apnea. The last couple of years I've had terrible trouble with my hands and sometimes arms falling alseep...no matter what position I'm in. So I'll take the blame for the messed up sleeping in our house. Good luck with your DD...keep us posted