Help calm me down or fire me up... (about my DD) update pg 3

[Microcell]

Pop daddy I know this is a long post, but I am pretty stinking mad right now.

My DD is a likeable kid and has friends in the neighborhood. Today was her first day of school, first grade, and they put her in a class where she knew ONE girl (who is a major brat) and only a couple of boys. She says she asked many people to play and they all said no. She started to cry (at home) and then said a boy pushed her off some play equipment- a bigger boy. I will be speaking (read putting the fear of god) to the recess teacher for that.

I don't know if I am too sensitive (like her) or if I should see about changing classes? Be honest, have any of your kids had hard first days and it gets better or does the whole year generally go bad if the first day is rotten? If the latter is more common, then I really want to change her class.

Tell me any suggestions or comments you have.

 

[jennyl772003]

Well, to be perfectly honost, I think you are over reacting. At least at this point in the game. It is only the first day. Once the kids in her class get to know her, things will be much better.

What you are describing sounds like a tough first day of school, but nothing to get upset over.

Also, did you hear this all from your daughter, or from a teacher?

 

[lulugirl]

I wouldn't be so quick to switch classes, it's only the first day, give it some time.
I would definitely speak w/ whoever is supervising during recess. Perhaps the recess teacher just didn't see the boy push her? Did DD tell her or maybe she was feeling too shy and upset to approach an adult?
If DD generally does not have trouble making friends, I think she'll be just fine.

 

[hydster]

I wouldn't put too much thought into the first day! Kids will find someone to play with eventually. As for the recess thing I would monitor that and see if it changes in the next few days and then re-think the situation! If she continues to get pushed off or she gets hurt absolutely but I don't think jumping in at the first sign is always a good idea (that depends on if an injury was there or just hurt feelings of course).

My oldest has a ton of friends in our neighborhood in her class but my 2nd oldest has no one around here his age! It took him about a week to find a best friend and now they are inseperable even after 4 years and different teachers!

I have a feeling it will get better! If you can stand to wait it out I certainly would even though it may be tough. Your dd needs to figure out how to "fight for herself" a little bit and get tough otherwise she may always get "bullied". It stinks to go through as a parent though!

JMO
Heidi

 

[mommytotwo]

I also say to give your daughter, and the other kids a chance. Tell your daughter that there are alot of other people that will want to be friends with her. Kids have a way of gravitating to each other, so her classmates may even come to her.

 

[disneygals]

Hugs to you!

My girls are 12, 10, and 8 and it's not fair that their hurts hurt us as much too!! I was feeling pain for my 10 yo yesterday and my 12 yo today!

But unfortunately, that's life and you have to let go.



Vivienne

 

[MOMTOMOOTOO]

Tough one when your kids are sad. I think maybe give it a week or so and if things do not improve then ask for a class change.

 

[pw2pp]

I wouldn't rush into anything at this point, but my heart does go out to you and your DD.
There is nothing so painful as feeling the hurt for your child.

 

[Microcell]

Originally posted by lulugirl
I wouldn't be so quick to switch classes, it's only the first day, give it some time.
I would definitely speak w/ whoever is supervising during recess. Perhaps the recess teacher just didn't see the boy push her? Did DD tell her or maybe she was feeling too shy and upset to approach an adult?
If DD generally does not have trouble making friends, I think she'll be just fine.

My DD did admit that she didn't tell the recess teacher that the boy pushed her. I told her that she should the next time it happens. I need to walk a fine line here, but I kinda think the squeaky wheel gets the grease so I figure if I talk to the recess teacher she may look out for my girl more.

 

[lrmillen]

I'm sorry her first day of 1st grade didn't go well!! I bet you were both very excited about it. Just keep reassuring your daughter it'll be okay and do the mom-thing and I'm sure the class she's in will work out fine. School's about dealing with all kinds of people.

 

[Beth E. (NJ)]

I feel for you!

Last year my younger dd started kindergarten. There are 3 kindergarten classes in the school -- but the one she ended up in she only knew 1 boy from our neighborhood. All the other girls that she knew were in the other classes. She and the boy have know each other since birth, but I would have liked there to be other girls in the class that she already knew.

I was nervous for her when I watched her get in line ready to go into the school. I "introduced" her to the girl standing in front of her and then they all went inside. I'm sure the first few days were awkward for her, but soon enough she had a group of friends to play with.

I also had to do the "If someone does that to you, tell the teacher" thing with my daughter. She would be more likely to haul off and hit the kid -- even if he was bigger. LOL! Now she knows to use her mouth by telling an adult - not by yelling.

Don't worry, it will get better.

 

[ADisneygirl]

Sorry your DD had a difficult first day. Hope things get better. I think you ought to give her time to make her own new friends there before thinking about switching classes.

How many kids are out there at recess at a time? Is it just your daughters' class, or several classes? How many adults are there to supervise? I ask because it is very difficult to have you two eyes on 1000 activities going on out there. Your school may need more personnel to monitor, and your daughter definitely needs to go to an adult as soon as something happens.

 

[ADisneygirl]

Sorry your DD had a difficult first day. Hope things get better. I think you ought to give her time to make her own new friends there before thinking about switching classes.

How many kids are out there at recess at a time? Is it just your daughters' class, or several classes? How many adults are there to supervise? I ask because it is very difficult to have you two eyes on 1000 activities going on out there. Your school may need more personnel to monitor, and your daughter definitely needs to go to an adult as soon as something happens.

 

[decker96]

I would definitely talk to her recess teacher. To me that's unacceptable behavior, a bigger kid picking on a littler kid and a boy picking on a girl no less! You are the best advocate for your child.
But, I would hold off on switching classes for a while. Last year DD was in kindergarten and knew no one in her class. All her preschool friends were either going to the Catholic school in town or to a different public elementary school. For the first two weeks of school I would ask her if she played with anyone that day and she would always say no, I played by myself. My heart would break every day, although she only cried about it once, after the first day (she is very sensitive too). Then, one day she came home from school and all she could talk about was Kayla this and Kayla that and Kayla is my best friend. They became best buddies. I heard about her every day for the rest of the year. I think it takes a week or two for kids to get to know one another and like another poster said gravitate toward each other.
Give her lots of encouragement to make new friends! The first week is the hardest!!

 

[decker96]

I would definitely talk to her recess teacher. To me that's unacceptable behavior, a bigger kid picking on a littler kid and a boy picking on a girl no less! You are the best advocate for your child.
But, I would hold off on switching classes for a while. Last year DD was in kindergarten and knew no one in her class. All her preschool friends were either going to the Catholic school in town or to a different public elementary school. For the first two weeks of school I would ask her if she played with anyone that day and she would always say no, I played by myself. My heart would break every day, although she only cried about it once, after the first day (she is very sensitive too). Then, one day she came home from school and all she could talk about was Kayla this and Kayla that and Kayla is my best friend. They became best buddies. I heard about her every day for the rest of the year. I think it takes a week or two for kids to get to know one another and like another poster said gravitate toward each other.
Give her lots of encouragement to make new friends! The first week is the hardest!!

 

[Aimeedyan]

Hugs to you!!

First of all, I honestly do think you're over-reacting a bit. But that's easier said than done... it's HARD for a mommy to NOT overreact when it's their precious 1st grader at stake. I would calm down, CALMLY approach the recess teacher tomorrow about the incident, and give her some time in her new class. It's GOOD that she's going to make new friends! The school can't possibly know who is friends with whom, and they need to mix them up anyways to encourage socialization with other peers. She will warm up to them in no time.

The first day of school for most kids is hard, but a first grader struggles the most. She will get used to it BUT seeing her mom livid over things, and hearing her mom suggest moving her classes, is not helping her (you didn't mention if you did or not, but, kids can pick up these things. she knows when mom is not happy). I Think it's important for you to talk to the recess teacher alone tomorrow, and let the chips fall where they may over the next few weeks. In a week or two, make an appt with her teacher (without her knowledge) and talk about your daughter's interaction with others. By that point, she should feel settled enough to be acting normally. Remain positive about all the circumstances. Talk through what to do when someone bullies her, who she should tell, what reaction is appropriate, talk about ways in which she can make friends, and really talk up the thought of all those new friends she'll have this year! BE POSITIVE and her cheerleader!

It's also important to remember that a 1st graders perception of something and what really happened is often very very different. That doesn't mean your daughter is a liar by all means, just means that she sees things different through her eyes than you and I (and the recess teacher). Get the facts first before assuming that she's right on target with all the info she supplied you with.

It'll get better! Bless your heart... enjoy your evening, and don't stress out too much!

 

[Microcell]

She could tell I feel bad for her. I sent her over to the neighbors to play pretty quickly as a reward for a long day. I think I am taking it harder than her. I just remember how mean kids can be. I am gong to get it together by the time she gets home. I will let her go for the next week. I guess I had hoped they would more evenly distribute the kids. She actually only has one kid there from last year. The other she knows from Daisies- the brat. We will be working ALOT on being kind to others this year. I call her that because it comes as no surprise that when my DD asked her to play she flatly said no and left her there standing alone!!! UGH!!

 

[padams]

DS had a very similar experience at the beginning of 1st grade. I suggest that you wait a week and see how it goes. If the situation doesn't improve, then please tell her teacher that your DD doesn't know many of the children, and ask the teacher to keep an eye on your DD (particularly at recess) and to assist her in developing some friendships. I waited until Oct. to say something to DS' teachers, and I wish I had said something much sooner. The situation improved substantially once the teachers were aware.

 

[jwsqrdplus2]

You said you are walking a fine line and that is very true! I know somewhat how you feel. After 3 weeks of suspect stomach aches (only had them on Sun thru Thurs evenings) and a comment or two dropped by other kids, I found out that my soon to be 5yo DD was the target of a bully 6 months younger than her. I did eventually have to talk to the school, and the school cannot put the two girls in the same class in the future. But we able to control the issue this year thru working with the teachers. Fortunately, my DD was not the only victim, but she was a favorite one since DD just wants to be loved.

I recommend talking to the teacher, but also wait and see. It could have been a one-time, first day of school nerves, kind of thing. If it gets worse, definiteyl talk with teh teacher.

 

[Microcell]

You guys are all great! I know I am reacting with my own experiences in mind. I will see how it goes next week. She plays with the neighbors all the time, but does not like to be alone. She always asks others to play with her, at the mall etc... I just fear she will get like I did, being very shy after so much rejection. You can't be faint of heart and be a parent! This just hurts my heart so badly!