Help! Bridesmaid dropped out of Wedding!

[Aimeedyan]

I would be very hurt... a commitment is a commitment, esp since she told you just prior that she chose your wedding over the other. Very odd.

Anyhoo. I, personally, wouldn't worry about replacing her. But if you have a friend that you would like to ask, that's not going to be offended by being a second round BM, and you won't stress out over hte details of replacing her, then go for it. In the end, it doesnt matter if the people are even on the sides... and you're still married

Good luck in whatever you decide!

 

[antkim]

I wouldn't ask any one else to "fill in". I had 2 bridesmaids that were each escorted by 2 groomsmen! We had an extra groomsman to begin with and then my girlfriend, who had moved to Ca., dropped out-long story! Although I was disappointed it really had no effect on me and my planning. I should add she dropped out MAYBE 2 months before also.

Good luck and don't worry. No matter what happens this is the BEST day of your life!! ENJOY!!

Kim

 

[holycow]

I'd ask your brother...since it will mean he is the odd man out how does he feel about the situation? I would ask him and then go from there...


HC

 

[castlegazer]

Same thing happened to me- my best friend from high school suddenly decides she can't miss her cousins wedding (she was not in that one) and drops out of mine. I did not replace her, did not remove her name from my guest list or the beautiful guest list board we had had made. I only had three bridesmaids to begin with so one of them walked with two groomsmen. She essentially was there in name everywhere. However, I was ticked off - I left her name everywhere so people would know she had ditched. This is mean, but I was really hurt. Well, fast forward to today and I am sill hurt and its gotten bad and its really me holding a grudge that should not be held. I have lost what was one of my closest friends becaue I am too petty to set aside this grudge after four years.

Just keep everything in perspective and try not to lose a good friend over it - old and dear friends are few and far between as you get older. It probably involved a lot of heartwrenching decision making on your friends part.

 

[believe]

This happened to my DH's best friend. I turned out that I was then asked to be the maid-of-honor. I hardly knew the individual but did it for DH's best friend. It cost me a fortune and I felt unappreciated. I would definitely make sure the individual you choose is doing it because they want to and not out of obligation.

 

[birdiesunshine]

Two things:

1. Get rid of that so called friend. What a nasty thing to do. She's only choosing the other wedding cause her fiance will be at that wedding. She made a commitment to you and whether or not she had the dates screwed up has nothing to with you.

2. If you have someone else that you would consider asking, I say go ahead and ask them. I don't think she would feel bad that she wasn't your first choice. Everyone loves a wedding and I'm sure shed be honored to help you out.

Good luck and congrats and remember once you are up on that alter with the man you love, nothing else will matter!!!!

 

[Colleen P]

One of my friends and I were getting married within 5 months of each other. Her wedding was first. When she was planning who was to be in her party she was having trouble deciding who. I told her if she was considering me I would not be hurt if she did not pick me. Having a wedding of my own, I had enough to do. She was so grateful I did this, and picked our other friend to be in the wedding.
Of course this other friend bailed 3 months away from the wedding. She called me in a panic and asked if I would fill in. I did, no problem. I did not feel in anyway that I was second rate. As it turns out it was a good thing, and it occured to none of the other 3 bridesmaids to throw a shower, or help the bride with any planning. We ended up having a great time, and it worked out for the best.
It would have been horrible having someone who did not really want to be there take away from your special day.

It will all work out, and you will have a wonderful day!!

 

[stinkerbelle]

Originally posted by birdiesunshine
Two things:

1. Get rid of that so called friend. What a nasty thing to do. She's only choosing the other wedding cause her fiance will be at that wedding. She made a commitment to you and whether or not she had the dates screwed up has nothing to with you.

umm...this is her future brother-in-law's wedding...I can kinda see why she made this decision. She probably didn't want to tick off her in-laws before HER wedding either...of course, the entire situation sucks...but you have to see it from this bridesmaid's point of view

 

[mom2boys]

Tough situation. I am sorry it has worked out this way for you. As someone suggested - have your brother escort your mother or grandmother. He doesn't actually need a "bridesmaid" on his arm.
As for your friend, I am sure she agonized over this decision. I do feel that she made the right choice - when you marry, you are marrying into a family. These people will be a part of her life for the rest of her life. She made a mature decsion.

 

[Charleneluvsdisney]

How about asking another groomsman? A friend of mine had 2 extra groomsmen at her wedding. They served as escorts for the guests and then took their place at the alter with the other groomsmen and bridesmaids.

I also had a bridesmaid drop out of my wedding because she was pregnant. I did ask another friend of mine and she graciously accepted and was not offended. It was 4 months before the wedding and the original girls dress was altered to fit her. It all worked out in the end.

 

[birdiesunshine]

Originally posted by stinkerbelle
umm...this is her future brother-in-law's wedding...I can kinda see why she made this decision. She probably didn't want to tick off her in-laws before HER wedding either...of course, the entire situation sucks...but you have to see it from this bridesmaid's point of view

If you read the entire post, it said her bridesmaid was asked 2 yrs ago. These two just got engaged in December. Sorry, Fiances family or not, she had a long standing commitment and they should understand.

 

[floridafam]

I haven't read all of the responses but I was also going to suggest just have one of the girls walk down the aisle with two guys. I'm sure you still want your brother in the wedding.

It'll be great. Don't worry.

 

[disykat]

It's been a few years since I've been to a wedding so maybe it's done differently now. My one attendant was escorted up the aisle because we didn't have a traditional procession. However, I can't recall any other weddings I've been to where the bridesmaids have been escorted. I know I walked up the aisle alone in all the ones I've been in and ALL the groomsman waited up front with the groom. Then after the ceremony when the attendants pair up to walk back down the aisle, if there is an odd person left they recess next to the minister at the end of the line.

 

[FranP]

DD had to tell one of her bridesmaids to drop out because of her continuous criticism and disagreeable attitude - for example, "Isn't the diamond a little small?" or "Is there anythiing you can do to get the bride to change the dress color to Navy?" OR "MOH may have been friends with you longer, but I'm the better friend" OR "Isn't the dance floor a little small (and shortly thereafter booked her own wedding at the same place!)?"

DD asked another friend to fill in and had no trouble getting her a dress (about 2 months before wedding). The kicked out bridesmaid had not paid any money for her dress because when they went to order dresses she said she had no money with her and DD made her deposit!!!

As it turned out, wedding was perfect, the substitute bridesmaid has turned into one of DD's dearest friends and in the middle of the wedding I turned to DD and said "You know, I can't imagine today being as beautiful with her negative influence here" So everything turned out for the best.

Yours will too - good luck and don't sweat the small stuff (and in the scheme of things it's all small stuff)!!!!!!!

 

[Winka]

Though I sympathize with the bride and I realize that the bride has claimed that the bridesmaid confused the dates...because this bride asked that bridesmaid TWO YEARS in advance is reason enough for me to spare some sympathy for that bridesmaid.

Did she-the bridesmaid- know way back then that two whole years into her future, the BROTHER of the love of her life would plan his wedding on that very date? Probably not.

She made a tough decision, a standing promise to a friend and harmonious family relations-with a brand new family! (We don't know how that family would've reacted to her absence) Yes, she could've been a little swifter with her discovery of this error...

I like some of the suggestions made here 'to patch up the hole' in the procession and I think the bride can recover from this setback. Best of luck.

 

[katerkat]

Oh, that's awful! My best friend had to drop out of my wedding in January, with the wedding in June. She got her class schedule and realized her exams were the day before the wedding....and she was in England. So it just wasn't possible.

I asked a very understanding friend to fill in, and she did, but the dresses hadn't been ordered at that point. If you have a very understanding friend in a similar size, I would ask. If not, I don't think it would be that strange to have both groomsmen escort the one bridesmaid. (Heck, I'd be thrilled to have a guy on each arm!)

 

[pw2pp]

Take it from someone who's been married 20 years now......
NONE of this pre-wedding garbage matters one bit. All that matters is that you and your fiance love each other and have the same values and commitment.
After spending 20 years together and living through difficult financial times, child-rearing, and stress of illness and then death of parents, I have learned what is really important and what is just silly little details.

This too shall pass......

 

[puffkin]

Thanks for all the replies. I know in the grand scheme of things this is pretty trivial. I am not one of those people whose wedding day has to be perfect and I don't stress out over every detail. I think I was more upset about the timing of things and felt it was a personal attack on our friendship. It is just hard to explain unless it happens to you.

Anyway, after speaking with the dress shop and determining that I could get another dress in time, I decided to ask another friend from high school. She said yes right away before I even explained the situation. So, maybe in the long run, things will have worked out for the best. I just wanted to let everyone know what I decided to do and thanks for the advice!

 

[tkd lisa]

Similar thing happened to me. My cousin was going to be in my wedding. About 6 months before the wedding, she came out of the closet, which deeply upset the rest of the family. I was fine with the situation, and called her specifically so that she knew that I would honor whatever choice she made about being in the wedding (her father was giving me away). Since she wasn't speaking to her family, and they basically disowned her, it was a really ugly situation. She said that if I wanted her there, she'd be there. We stayed in normal contact (not every day, but just like normal) through the next several months, when she suddenly stopped returning calls, didn't show up for the shower or the fittings, etc. I finally had to call and leave a message saying if I didn't hear by x date, I assumed she wanted out.

One of DH's dear friends who was in the wedding was married to a lady who was similar sized to my cousin (the dresses hadn't been fitted yet), so she volunteered to stand in. (I paid for everything, since she was doing me a favor). We re-arranged the order so the married couple walked in together, and we have a very nice photo of the two of them.

My cousin stayed out of contact for about another year, then occasionally pops up at family functions. I never got an explation or an apology though. Just one of those things.

I do agree that this too shall pass, but it is something you have to figure out what to do (as if you needed one more challenge!)

 

[Keli]

I read your post earlier (before your update) but I didn't reply since I had no better advice than you had already amply received. But I just wanted to say that I am so glad things worked out for you so well and I hope your wedding day is a wonderful day, filled with everything you could hope for.