HELP!!! Advice on dealing with MIL *LONG*

[phillmolly]

My MIL is currently living in San Antonio, TX with a guy she meet on the internet and it is not working out. This is the 2nd time she has done this, the first time she moved out to Aberdeen, SD and married the guy! That lasted for about 6 months. Well, now she is unhappy in TX which was expected, seeing that she has no friends, no church and dosn't know where anything is. She has been there for about 10 months and now she wants to come home, she would like to come live with us again, but my DH told her last time she left that this is it, she can't move back in with us (that is a whole another story). So, I told her I would help her find an apartment, we would like to get her a nice senior place, and I would support her choice to come back to MI, that she could even stay with us as long she had a move out date. Okay so now my problem, she wants one of us to fly down and drive her back to MI. I am thinking about it but i am not really sure if I want to do it. There is no way that my DH could do it, he is already having a hard time getting the week off for Disney! I don't want to do it for a few reasons:

1. I would have a really hard time getting a few days off of work, the vacation schedule is already done for the summer and my manager can be a b***h.

2. I hate driving, I mean I really hate driving and the thought of 3 days in the car with my MIL gives me hives, really I am starting to itch just thinking about it.

3. I hate to fly.

4. 3 days in the car with my MIL!!!!

If I do go what I am thinking of is flying from Detroit to SA on a Wed night, leaving SA on Thursday morning and be home in Detroit by Sat.

So, should I do it or just have MIL drive herself home??? and if I do it, is 3 days good or do you think I could do it in 2?? My MIL is not in very good health, she has really bad hips and knees, is very overweight, and has congestive heart failuer. Also she is very naive. Which is how she ended up in TX in the first place (belive me my DH and I tried her best to talk her out of it but she basicily left in the middle of the night).

My dh is no help, he told me it was up to me, when I asked him what he would do, he said he would let her drive herself.

Thanks!

 

[mom2taylorandemily]

My only advice is listen to your heart, the head sometimes over analyzes things.

 

[Aristomommy]

I can tell from this post that you are very caring and compassionate person. I think at some time your MIL needs to be shown some tough love from you, but only you know if this is the right time. If she was capable of "running away" then she can come back on her own. You have plenty of good reasons NOT to go get her. Go with your gut feeling and you will be ok with the decision not matter what happens. And try to keep your MIL off the computer from now on, Good luck with your decision, I hope it all works out for you.

 

[mom2mykids]

my MIL takes the bus to Detroit all the time, granted its from Maryland. But maybe have her take the bus and meet her at the station. My MIL loves the trip, meets fun people, oh wait, maybe not such a good idea, LOL Sorry. I know not funny its a difficult situation and sometimes you need to laugh a bit to relax then the answer will come to you! Good luck!

 

[phillmolly]

My MIL needs to get her car home from TX to MI. I really am thinking about just having her drive herself home. The more I think about it the harder I think it would be to work out all the details. She could do it over 4 or 5 days and check in every night. She is a grown woman after all.

 

[runwad]

Just curious how old is your MIL?

 

[mom2mykids]

My MIL needs to get her car home from TX to MI. I really am thinking about just having her drive herself home. The more I think about it the harder I think it would be to work out all the details. She could do it over 4 or 5 days and check in every night. She is a grown woman after all.

How did she get her car to TX? If she drove there she can't she drive home and check in like you said? It is very nice of you to try to help her out of the situation she got herself into. But I think maybe you need to set some "rules" since this is the second time. She might be thinking that you and dh will always be there to help her out of the messes she seems to find herself in. You sound like a very caring person but be sure to take care of yourself too!

 

[bopper]

I think this is the time to set boundaries...this is really your DH's problem, if anybody. You advised her against the move, and this is the consequences of it. Your DH said she should drive, so let her drive.

 

[Worfiedoodles]

I think if you go get her, you are reinforcing the position that you will take care of her, even when she acts foolish. I'm not sure if that's a bad or a good thing, but you should think long and hard about how what you want the basis of your relationship with her to be. Are you ready to move into the phase where she is more like a child and you are her parents, or do you think she (hopefully based on her age/condition), can function as an adult? Once you make the move to caring for her completely, she's not going to understand if you pull back -- and ideally if she's really ready to be cared for in that way, she shouldn't be leaving in the middle of the night...best of luck!

 

[JustineMarie]

Maybe you can have her car shipped back and she can fly? When my cousin went to Camp pendelton he had his car shipped there from NJ and he said it was way cheaper than him driving it there himself.

 

[Nanisashi]

Personally I would not use up my precious vacation time to get her out of a situation she chose and was warned against. At best, I would send her very detailed maps and help her plot out a good route back to MI. I'd help her book her hotel stays at her nightly stops, have her check in as often as she likes, (pass the phone to DH ). Tell her it will be like an adventure, since she seems to like that sort of thing. Good luck with whatever you decide.