Helicopter Parents: The backlash against overparenting

[rgf207]

I just read this article on time.com and though it was very interesting. It basically shows how society has morphed overtime to overparenting and how it is unhealthy for our kids. I thought it was an interesting read and wanted to hear others' opinions.


http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1940395,00.html

 

[BelleWDW]

The picture is priceless

Lots of "Snowflake parents" here need to read this.

 

[Mermaid02]

"Playtime dropped and homework doubled"

That is one SAD statement- and oh so true.

 

[golfgal]

I LOVE THIS!!! We see the results of helicopter parenting every day with kids in school. Our neighbors have a DD that is the same age as our twins. She was in marching band with the kids and when the season started this poor girl just couldn't figure out how to get her stuff on the bus, find her own seat, wait with her FRIENDS vs mom and dad for the bus to leave, etc. The mom would take the girl on the bus, get her things arranged for her in her seat, after picking out what mom dreams as the "best" seat on the bus--right behind the chaperon where NONE of the kids want to sit -and as a result, no one would sit by this girl. Mom gets into a tizzy over that and claims that everyone is mean to her dd because of that. She called us after we just dropped off our kids and said good-bye, she couldn't believe that we didn't wait until the buses pulled away--we still can't figure out why we needed to??? Oh, she wouldn't let DD spend the night with the band either-she had to go stay with them because she didn't know how well they would be supervised-um, very well actually since the boys and girls were not allowed near each other.

Then, when the marching band was supposed to perform at the football game and the weather was bad so they didn't she was all in a tizzy because the kids should be able to "just have fun". Well, they are in the marching band, a very competitive one, and they chose to practice--too bad.

Now that marching band is over and the kids are on to jazz band and pep band--her DD can't just stay at the game--mom has to sit NEXT to her in the pep band for why I don't know.

We constantly get emails from her about not allowing our children (kids in general not just ours) to use electronic devices, cell phones, etc. or have Facebook accounts, etc. (which SHE sends via e-mail). Then she complains that her DD missed a party because she didn't know about it, yet, it was all over Facebook and the kids got several text messages. Well, kids should just "call" everyone is her response. Well, they did "call" but they happen to use texting now.

She will probably end up being like one of the mom's that calls DH after little precious didn't get the job she applied for-a job that requires a college degree no less.

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

"Playtime dropped and homework doubled"

That is one SAD statement- and oh so true.

You are right. It is sad.

 

[Laura]

I just read this article on time.com and though it was very interesting. It basically shows how society has morphed overtime to overparenting and how it is unhealthy for our kids. I thought it was an interesting read and wanted to hear others' opinions.


http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1940395,00.html

Excellent article!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Still reading the article.

Parts are making me giggle, parts are making me think, while other parts I'm reading and thinking these people are out of their mind.

What's funny--we homeschool (yes I post a lot on the DIS anyway ) and while we follow a curriculum, there are other unschoolers out there who do not and trust their child and are successful. Yet if we replaced key phrases in this article to endorse unschooling, folks would get all ballistic and think "how can you do that to the kids". (I see it within my own homeschooling community, it's crazy!) In fact, it's funny as I get accused of being overprotective b/c I homeschool, yet parents get all worried they can't do it themselves and then lecture me on how I shouldn't be allowed. Much like the mom with her son on the subway.

It's now very gauche to nitpick on helicopter parents. But there's a little chopper in all of us.

I agree--the photo is funny.

 

[ogreenlee]

I took my daughter rollerskating for her school's PTA night a few weeks ago. It was awesome. I used to rollerskate really well when I was a kid.. even competitively. It was my first time in 24 years, but it came back pretty quickly. I didn't even fall! My kid did, though. About a hundred times! She loved every minute of it.

So the next day, her friend's mom calls. She has three kids; one a college freshman, another a high school freshman, and one who is 6, my DD's age. Spread out some kids, how 'bout it!

Anyway.. she asks how it went. I told her. She said that she had taken her DD6 not too long ago for a child's birthday party. I said, "Oh yeah? How did that go?" She tells me that her DD was mad because she made her wear a helmet, wrists and knee pads. I couldn't help but bust out laughing. I could tell she got offended. She said, "Well aren't you scared she'll break her wrist?"

I skated competitively in speed skating and what they today call "jam skating". I was jumping, spinning, turning and doing crazy tricks at crazy speeds. I don't think I ever even sprained an ankle.

This mom still hovers over her college son. I poke fun at her a lot, but I don't think she can change.

 

[NY Disney fan]

I don't believe in helicopter parenting but I believe in being on top of your kids...even one step ahead of them. Is that so bad? I think for your kids' potential to be fulfilled you have to be mindful of their abilities and their preferences. Not all up in their faces but guiding them from behind.

 

[Robinrs]

BTW, since I'm involved with so many foster children, OVER beats UNDER.

 

[ogreenlee]

finding balance is the key.

 

[Gabes_mommy]

Very interesting.

I have seen the effects of helicopter parenting on the quality of private schools here. Because parents are more involved and are convinced their kids are never wrong, it is becoming harder for teachers or administrators to adequately control certain students.

Also as a new mother 2-3 years ago I found the ultra-competitive nature of these type of parents very stressful. I had friends that I stopped talking to because everytime we spoke all they wanted to do was compare kids. For example, "Johnny has 34 words, how many does Gabe have?", "Jen is already walking at 5 months - I am so proud, what Gabe isn't even rolling over yet?", "Little Tony is sure to cure cancer by 12 with his amazing 9 month old vocabulary". Yes, those are extreme examples but that's how it felt. I just couldn't take it. I just wanted my DS to develop at his own pace and not be constantly worrying about how that pace compared to others. I became a much happier parent when I stopped exposing myself to the competitive parenting games.

 

[minniebeth]

There are a few parents I know that need to read this
However: I agree with this:

It's now very gauche to nitpick on helicopter parents. But there's a little chopper in all of us.

BTW, since I'm involved with so many foster children, OVER beats UNDER.

SO true!

 

[Gabes_mommy]

It's now very gauche to nitpick on helicopter parents. But there's a little chopper in all of us.

What a true statement. I have to fight the urges all the time. Some of it does come naturally.

 

[ogreenlee]

What a true statement. I have to fight the urges all the time. Some of it does come naturally.

Some of it is trying to keep up with the helicopter parents. We don't want our kids to fall behind their pushing... so we end up nudging ourselves.

 

[SaraJayne]

It's now very gauche to nitpick on helicopter parents. But there's a little chopper in all of us.

I would agree that there is a little helicopter in all of us. But the difference is, some of us have learned how to rein it in and step back.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I would agree that there is a little helicopter in all of us. But the difference is, some of us have learned how to rein it in and step back.

That would really depend on who is observing you, though.

I think the issue in most any parent is that we make the choices we see fit and to some it is helicoptering and to some it is being way too lax. While it is admirable that you have reined it in--I'm sure some folks may not judge you that way all the time.

 

[SaraJayne]

That would really depend on who is observing you, though.

I think the issue in most any parent is that we make the choices we see fit and to some it is helicoptering and to some it is being way too lax. While it is admirable that you have reined it in--I'm sure some folks may not judge you that way all the time.

There are extremes on both sides of the issue...and I fall squarely in the middle. I've had helicopter parents gasp at some things I let my kids do (like walk two blocks after school ), but I just laugh and go on.

Kids that have those types of parents are going to hit a wall when they get older ~ and it won't be pleasant for that child when it happens. They will be woefully un-prepared for the "real" world.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Thanks for the article. The mom mentioned in the subway story has a web site called Free Range Kids that's very good as well.

I'd like to really do the "toy library" thing - meaning, I wish I had the right kind of storage space to do it in a practical way. DS has so many toys he forgets to play with them! (But then of course he gets all sentimental on me when I want to get rid of stuff.)

My question is - how do you back off when the organizations you deal with require you no to? Our school bus company, for example, says they are not allowed to let kids off the bus unless there is a parent at the bus stop. - DS is in 3rd grade, for goodness sake! - When I was in the 3rd grade, the bell rang, we left, and I walked 5 blocks home by myself. Now our kids are not allowed to walk from the bus to their doors? I can see the stop from my window - but instead of being able to use that short bit of independence to build their confidence, they're made to feel like babies. It's no wonder they expect us to do everything else for them too.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

Had to google 'Suzuki'. Then had to google 'Suzuki teacher' when the pages came up, as I had expected, with all motorcycles. Never heard of this type of thing before. The other day I looked up "detachment parenting" because it occurred to me that was the sort of thing I'd probably practice with my kids. Not a lot came up from that search, sadly. Perhaps I should write my own book. Of course, I should probably have kids first...