Heartbroken & Faithless?

[WilmaBud]

I have no words of wisdom for you. I just want you to know that I feel for you and I'm wishing you healing and happiness. I've had friends who have struggled with infertility, and I've witnessed how stressful and heartbreaking it can be. I'm so sorry you've had to say goodbye to your dream of having a child. I also know how stressful your husband's job situation must be. My husband lost his job a couple of years ago. We're still trying to recover financially. You certainly have a lot on your plate emotionally. Hold tight to each other and try to get through, one day at a time. God bless you.

 

[tedsmom]

Wow!!!!!! EROS doesn't believe in God, and likes to make snide remarks about people who do! Good thing I decided to open this thread or I never would have known that! Why hasn't he ever mentioned it before?? What news!!!

I am sorry that you are finding things so difficult right now, a&hmom. Most of the people who have responded to this thread have said things in a much better fashion than I ever could. I am sorry for your pain, and hope that with time you find peace.

 

[Annie&Hallie'sMom]

Thank you for all your kind words.

I never thought life would be quite so rough, and am really scared that things could get worse (financially).

DH and I cling to each other to try and get through the nights. But he was up all last night and I got up with him around 3:30...and we ended up having a doozy of an agrument until 5:30 or so.

I am trying to keep the faith. I had to go to church this Sunday though I didn't want to because I haven't been "feeling" anything, but we were having a "charity Christmas Mall" (you give $ to one of the charities participating and are given a certificate that you can give to someone for the holidays saying that a donation has been made to "X" organization in their name). I needed to make a donation to a charity that my "Aunt" Julie runs locally (it will be her holiday gift). It was incredibly difficult especially because there was a baptism of twins and there I was sitting in the choir loft right up front trying to hold it all together. (Lucky DH -- I held it all together till I got home and then fell apart on him).

We DO want to adopt, but it has been difficult to even afford the infertility treatment (we probably spent a little over $1000 in co-payments and such which is not a lot in the big picture, but...) and I feel that we need to try and save a little before we jump into it. I also feel that I need some "down time" before I get involved in another emotional situation (as if I ever get out of any emotional situations).

I really do appreciate all the feedback I have gotten here. Perhaps it wasn't the best time to try and deal with the fertility issues. That is hard enough to deal with on it's own, and coupled with nearly 2 years of unemployment...Is it any wonder I am an emotional wreck (despite all my "positivity" training).

Thanks for listening...

 

[JAP]

{{HUGS}} I have no advice only support to offer.

 

[ead79]

I am so sorry to hear all that your husband and you are going through. I know you must be so heartbroken and sad. When bad things happen, I think it's very normal to question God and His plan. I don't have all the answers, and I certainly don't know God's plan for your life, but I do know one thing though, God loves you and wants to help you through your pain. It can be hard to understand why God doesn't always give us the things that mean so very much to us, but His love is constant and unending. I often think of the words to a song that I heard once that really touched me. It goes like this:

God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So if you don't understand
If you can't see His plan
If you can't trace His hand
Trust His heart

I want you to know that I will pray for you as you mourn the possibility of a natural childbirth. {{{HUGS}}}

 

[Dan Murphy]

Hi Liz. My continued good wishes for you and your hubby for all the many reasons you have said. As you know, we too are adoptive parents, and I can certainly empathize with all you have been through. Yep, tough, very.

I can also see how you can feel as you do towards God, I think most of us have been there at one time or another, and faith brings us through. Elisabeth's words right above here say it so well.

You have many friends here in your DIS family, Liz, take advantage of the support you can avail yourself of. My continued prayers (just like on the old IB) and bestwishes for you both. God bless you guys.

Big {hugs},

Dan

 

[CamColt]

So sorry to hear things arent working out. While Ive only experienced a fraction of what you have, I know how upsetting that was. I cant imagine what you must be feeling.
Take care, and hopefully things will work out for the best.

 

[Boots]

Oh I am so very very sorry. I was one of the ones keeping up with you on the IB. {{{{HUGS}}}} for you and saying a prayer.

 

[Chrissi Pooh]

Everyone here has said so many wonderful things and I would just like to add that I went through some of what you have and I can tell you that stress can throw you off terribly!! We backed off and decided to adopt and started the classes and paperwork and it happened right before turning in some of the final paperwork I got pregnant, because I had something else to occupi my time and energy, I was thinking of someone elses child who was without and it took the stress off of me thinking I couldn't produce another human being. I will say that I did have a miscarriage with that pregnancy and went through alot but God knew what he was doing even though i didn't think so at the time!!! Keep your chin up and try to find something to ease you mind a bit, it might help!!! Good Luck!!

 

[goofygirl]

Warning: you may want to flame me!


What I cant understand is why you would want to have a child if your financial situation is so bad and your DH is jobless. It makes no logical sense to want to create another mouth to feed when your money situation is so bad. It just sounds like the worst time to have a child in the first place.


Get back on your feet and get a steady job(s) - and THEN add another family member. If you cant do it by nature, then perhaps there's a child out there for you waiting to be adopted.

Remember that the fact that you, or any other woman who wont or cant produce a biological child does not make one "abnormal" or "less feminine". There's more to being a parent than conceiving or giving birth to a child. So dont feel inadequate.
Good luck!

 

[DVCajun]

Annie&Hallie'sMom, I PMed you.

 

[LIDisneyFan]

As an adoptive Dad of 2, I know where you're coming from.

6 years of infertility, 8 IVF series, Surgeries, Failed Romanian adoptions (where we lost a bundle), 5 miscarriages... we seriously didn't understand 'why us'. Being around newborns was torture.

Don't let this tear you apart - it can make or break a relationship, but I can also tell you it made our relationship SO much stronger. Your relationship is one thing you CAN control - don't lose it!

Adoption is a wonderful option, of course you do need some $$$ - however, it's not always as expensive as people think. When you're ready (and you'll know when that is) find a local Adoptive Parent's Committee (or whatever they may have in your area) and start getting info and networking - believe me, you are NOT alone.

If you feel comfortable, you can even do some of it on credit card checks (that was our first). Like any financial committment, you need to feel OK with however you decide to do it. And don't let anyone tell you that you should wait until you have more money to bring a child into your lives. Do what you decide is best for you.

There are many types of adoption, but only you can know what is right for you - Intenational, Special-needs, open, or independant.

I barely remember that my kids are even adopted - except when I thank God and their birthparents every day for them.

Believe me, it WILL happen for you. Then the pain will go away.

 

[Lisa Gies]

I am so sorry that you are going through such tough times, but please don't lose your faith. Dreams really do come true. Ours did!

SHE FIRST CAME IN AN ENVELOPE
WITH LETTER FORMS AND SUCH,
JUST A TINY PICTURE
WITH NOTHING WARM TO TOUCH

SHE GREW IN OUR IMAGINATIONS,
IN OUR HEARTS, AND IN OUR MINDS.
SHE HAS BROUGHT US EVEN GREATER JOY,
THAN WE EVER THOUGHT TO FIND.

A PHONE CALL STARTED LABOR PAINS
WHICH LASTED TILL WE MET.
STRANGERS BROUGHT TOGETHER,
A DAY WE WILL NEVER FORGET!

OUR WAITING AND WAITING
WAS FINALLY AT AN END.

OUR PRECIOUS JULIA IS HOME TO STAY....
A GIFT THAT GOD DID SURELY SEND.



Our Julia was born in S. Korea and was placed in our waiting
arms on Nov.17th, 1998. We were blessed a second time when our Elena came home on Good Friday 2001. See, miracles happen. Yours will, too. Be strong and things will work out.
Take Care of Yourself, Lisa

 

[Annie&Hallie'sMom]

Goofygirl,

Not a flame, just an explanation.

You are right to assume that we should be more financially stable to have a family. I wish we were. My DH and I were married when we were in our 30s and spent 3 years saving up to start a family. When we finally felt "established" we started giving the family a serious go. After a year and a half with no results, I went to my ob/gyn and it was she who said I should see a specialist.

Shortly thereafter, my DH was let go, so I put it off until this year. We had no idea that he would be out of work so long. It also took me 4 months just to get an appointment to see the specialist! I had hoped that by the time I got the appointment DH would be employed. It didn't happen. I spent several more months getting more tests, going through "injectible" training, etc.

Even though our financial situation is not at it's best (and certainly is only going to get worse until DH gets something), "the clock" was ticking, and we decided to give it a go.

It's been very difficult, but I wanted to give this a go now. It didn't work out. And that is heartbreaking to me.

We are taking the rest of the year off, continuing to try and find him a job and put ourselves back in a good financial situation and want to try and adopt next year.

It still may not be financially the best time, but we have been together for 7 years at this point and have wanted a family ever since we were married. If we "wait" until the best time financially, who knows how old we might be! Or if we'll ever truly be there.

I just know that I have wanted to nuture a child/children all my life and the pain of not being able to; combined with a very difficult financial situation makes the past 2 years very difficult. So much so that I have removed a photo of the 2 of us with Minnie Mouse from my desk because it was taken on May 8th, the last truly joyful day of our life (it was that evening on our way home from WDW that we found out about the shake up at DH's office and knew his unemployment was imminent).

 

[Pam]

I can't say anything - other than that my heart aches for you.

You are one of the sweetest people here on the DIS.

{{{HUGS}}}
Pam

 

[Dan Murphy]

Just stopping to pass on another {hug} to my others, Liz.