Having kids at 40.....question

[NotUrsula]

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As to someome mentioning about being in their 40's and having to take care of parents already, well I am already in that boat. I am the youngest of 3 and since I live the closest it is my responsibility to take care of my mom who is 72 and not in the best of health...

I had to help take care of Mom in my 20's and early 30's ... but my eldest sister is 22 years older than I am. Believe me, taking care of Mom was much harder on her than it was on me, because by that time she had her own health issues to deal with. IME, If you have to take care of an ailing parent, it's better to be younger rather than older at the time.

I had my last son at age 40, it seemed old to me but my grandmother had her last at 42 and my great grandmother had her last at 45, grandma had 9 kids great grandma had 15! So IDK why things have changed so much, but they have.

That's easy to answer: the Pill. Up until the late 1960's it wasn't easily available in most places, so people had kids until their bodies quit; it wasn't by choice. When the Pill became available women who had not had career opportunities when they were younger took advantage and choose not to get pregnant again later in life, because at that time it was largely an either/or proposition. By the time the Pill had been available for an entire generation (the late 80's), it became much more acceptable to simply choose which path you wished to take or even to switch midstream.

I come from a long line of folks with ironclad ovaries. I'm 49 and my DD is 3, but my mother had me just a few weeks after her 48th birthday. No problems for any of us. Yes, my father died when I was in middle school, but his cancer was occupationally-induced; he could just as easily have been crushed by machinery at a young age (which did happen to one of my mother's brothers.) There are never any guarantees in life. Just do your best to get your financial house in order, and then live life as it comes.

 

[njmom47]

I had my kids at 31, 32 and 35. I am now a 50 yr old grandmother...and honestly, who knew THAT would happen? DH is younger than I am, and ds is his only child but we were glad we had him (after my tubal, who knew THAT would happen? ). I am finding life fairly easy because yes, I am one of those tired moms, but dds are pretty much not home at all and DH works 2 jobs, so it's mostly me and ds. My mom and dad adopted me when she was 31 as well, and that was rather old in the 60s to have your first child, I think. I do have friends who had their kids in their mid to late 30s and are just glad they have children. I am one of the older moms in ds's group, but as a pp mentioned, it could depend on if this is your oldest or youngest child.

 

[Deb in IA]

I was born when my mom was 38, and my sis was born when mom was 43.

I had my babies at ages 31 and 35.

My sis just had her third and last one 3 months shy of turning 45. Her DH was 47.

I think older moms, and parents in general, are more patient, have more resources, and what they lack in energy they more than make up in life experiences.

 

[bettymae1121]

Well, my parents were 7 years apart, so when my mom had me at 31, my dad was 38.

Given the age difference and their health histories (dad has multiple health issues, mom was never sick a day in her life) we always assumed that mom would out live dad.

3 1/2 years ago, mom died at 62, when I myself was 31. Dad is still happy and active at age 72 (soon to be 73). I never in a million years thought that was how things would turn out.

I just turned 35 and DH just turned 39, we're still trying for our first. Do we have concerns? Sure, who doesn't. But we want kids and everything in life is a risk.

 

[Michelle67]

No one is promised tomorrow so live for today.

Robin, hope you don't mind me cutting out the rest for the sake of brevity and clarity...

I absolutely agree with this. People die young every day, and others live long, active lives. My husband's father died at the beginning of his 40s, and my mother can still run circles around me (especially in a mall ) in her mid 70s. Nobody is guaranteed anything, and that is no reason not to have a child as long as you have the love to give.

I have 14 years between my oldest and youngest kids, my son was born when I was 37. There were some big differences. Pregnancy was a little harder, but not that much, and I have somewhat less energy for running around with him than I had for my oldest. But on the other hand I'm older and wiser, better at picking my battles, and more financially stable than I was when my oldest was born.

I say DO IT! And enjoy every minute.