OMG - I am dying! I've already poured a glass of wine. This is hilarious.
Johnny Depp is NOT a cream puff by any stretch of the imagination. In fact I have read about him that he detested his image on 21 Jump Street and that is why he got out of it and took his career in such a different direction. He lives in France with his longtime girlfriend and their two children, as I'm sure you all know.
He seems to be a VERY loving father. I remember about a year ago reading that his little girl was very ill and the film he was working on at the time had to halt production b/c he insisted on being at her bedside.
I think he's probably very "different" but totally cool and interesting.
He smokes 24/7 (unless he has stopped). I remember watching Inside the Actor's Studio featuring him and you can see that he smoked throughout the entire interview. Living in France must make life a bit more comfortable for him in that regard