In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
There is no theory of evolution, only a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
When Chuck Norris does a push-up he's not pushing himself up, he's pushing the earth down.
Chuck Norris can believe its not butter.
He was on Fox & Friends one morning going through a book and picking out his personal favorites, he really got a kick out of some of them (no chuck norris pun intended ).