Have you ever left a child behind....

[DisneyPhD]

or taken a vacation with out your kids? I hear about it all the time. Many people do it (most at one time or another I think.) I don't think it makes them a bad parent. So far I haven't taken a trip with out my kids, but I can see the day coming some day. ( I dream about it sometimes, but am not ready to yet, they are still pretty young.)

However it does seem that many people feel taking one child someplace, (like WDW) and leaving another child with family as a bad or unfair thing.

I was raised in a family where different people had different needs and one size doesn't fit all. I had 3 older brothers and they would often go to places or things I didn't (bmx bike trips, stakboarding things ect..) I would get other things more for my age and interests. We also would do entire family trips too.

This thread was inspired by a few older ones (and one current one poohbear) that parents were asking about taking an older child and leaving the baby or tolder behind. They generated some pretty strong resonses and I was suprized how many people feel each child needs to be treated the same to be fair.

 

[sara74]

DH and I took a business/vacation trip last September. The kids were 3 1/2 and 14 months. My inlaws came to our house for a week and kept the kids on their normal school schedule. The kids loved the week and the inlaws claimed to as well As for DH and I - we spent a few days at a dental convention (yawn even for 2 dentists!) and a few days hiking in Rocky Mountain Natl Park. It was amazing! And hiking is something that we enjoyed as a couple before we had kids that we can't really do all that much/seriously with them. It was so great to reconnect as a couple doing something that we did before we became Mommy and Daddy.

So for us it really worked. I wouldn't do it to go somewhere we could conceivably take the kids (ie the beach,Disney) but since I was knocked on my tush by altitude sickness hiking at 12,000 feet I don't think the kiddos could have taken it! DH wants to go again next year - somewhere else this time- but I am off the hook as I will be bfing the new baby for a year and right now we are in a tiff with the inlaws so we won't have sitters! Guess we'll just have to go to Disney again next year!

 

[eblack0409]

I can remember as a kid, my parents going on "adult only" trips...we always stayed with the grandparents! I think that, as much as you love your kids, you need to have "adult only" trips every now and then!

 

[DisneyPhD]

I can remember as a kid, my parents going on "adult only" trips...we always stayed with the grandparents! I think that, as much as you love your kids, you need to have "adult only" trips every now and then!

I agree with that. I am looking forward to one (need to ween someone 1st, then again a trip might be what I need to do that.) We have had opprotunties to leave them (or her when we only had just one) but at the time I just couldn't do it.

What about taking just one kid? Sometimes I feel bad for my oldest who's live changed so much after her baby sister was born. Sometimes I feel for my youngest who never got our full attention like her big sister did when she was a baby.

I guess I don't see how taking parent only vacations is good and even needed, but parent's who don't take all their kids based on need and ages are "bad" (for lack of a better word.)

 

[tmt martins]

I traveled for Sports all the time ( sometimes Just DW sometimes Both would come)

Now I'm not really doing it so DW and I take small 3 or 4 day trips .I think you and your kids need that sometimes nothing big just a small one .

 

[Jenn Lynn]

I don't think I could go to WDW w/o the kids. I can see DH and I taking a long weekend to a B&B together in the future when the kids are a bit older. I have never been away from them overnight and right now Avery still gets nervous about the idea. My Mom asked her if she wanted to come and stay a few days at her house w/o us and she said NO! LOL!

Someday we will though.

 

[Crazy4Disney72]

I have taken individual trips with all my kids, and DH and I took a 4 day weekend to WDW just the two of us last September. It was wonderful, first time we'd been away for more than one night together in 12 years. We didn't feel bad going without the kids, as we've been with them several times and knew we'd be with them several more times in the future.

 

[cornflkgrl]

or taken a vacation with out your kids? I hear about it all the time. Many people do it (most at one time or another I think.) I don't think it makes them a bad parent. So far I haven't taken a trip with out my kids, but I can see the day coming some day. ( I dream about it sometimes, but am not ready to yet, they are still pretty young.)

However it does seem that many people feel taking one child someplace, (like WDW) and leaving another child with family as a bad or unfair thing.

I was raised in a family where different people had different needs and one size doesn't fit all. I had 3 older brothers and they would often go to places or things I didn't (bmx bike trips, stakboarding things ect..) I would get other things more for my age and interests. We also would do entire family trips too.

This thread was inspired by a few older ones (and one current one poohbear) that parents were asking about taking an older child and leaving the baby or tolder behind. They generated some pretty strong resonses and I was suprized how many people feel each child needs to be treated the same to be fair.

We have one child, 18 months. While it pains me to leave him at home with granny and grandpa for a week (the longest we've ever been away from him),
I know that if we took him it would be a miserable experience for him (scary characters, lots of strangers, no rides he can go on, messing up his nap schedule etc.) and obviously for us as well. We will take him one day when he is old enough to enjoy the experiance. I don't feel bad about leaving him here (other than I will miss him like crazy!!!) If I had an older child and him, assuming the older child was at least 5 I would probably leave the baby here and take the 5 year old and I see nothing wrong with that. I think Disney can be a scary and tiring place for a small child. Best is to take them when they are older.

 

[powellrj]

Since I was one who was told her kids were spoiled brats because they didn't want to go back to Disney this year, I thought I would jump in!!

#1 You can't judge other peoples lives based on your own. I have 3 kids that are 22, 15 and 9. Do I treat each of them the same? Are you kidding???? My oldest stopped wanting to travel with us when he got his first job and had a car and a girlfriend. Sure I missed him, but it wasn't fair to the smaller kids to have a sullen teen ruin their trip. I would love to have him travel with us again, but at 22 he is always invited, but went on a 2 week trip to Europe with his girlfriend. At his age I would have done the same thing.

DS # 2 has been to Disney every year for the past couple of years. He was really tired of the trip and asked if we could do something different. We are spending the week on-site at Universal. Do I feel like he was a spoiled brat because he didn't want to go to Disney this year? No, we talked as a family and made the choice to Not do Disney this year.

I have taken each of the children for weekend Mom and 1 kid trips. We also do mom and 2 kid trips and mom and 3 kid trips. We don't go to Disney, but we do smaller local trips. We have a mom and son trip in the planning stages to go to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I know DD would be bored out of her mind going. DD and I are planning a girls shopping weekend trip this summer. I know DS would hate that. DS #1 may have to have some medical test done in Texas in a few months. I am not taking all the kids down for that. It will just be the 2 of us.

Yes we do things as a family, but I also treasure all the special time I have had with each child. I wouldn't trade a minute of that for anything. If that makes them spoiled brats, Oh well...................

 

[dawnball]

We go without our daughter all the time, but only one of us goes. So DH gets some vacation time by himself, and I get some too. We also take vacations without the other spouse. We haven't ever left DD behond, but once she's older we probably will set up seperate vacations for her. I wouldn't make that decision based solely on age though - but rather based on her interests.

I took DD to disney at 15ish months while DH stayed home. She had a ball, and so did I, we just toured differently than we would have without her (since I didn't have DH, we couldn't babyswap, so I just skipped rides she couldn't go on)

 

[bettyann29]

Me and DF take one trip every year without the kids... However our kids have no problem with that as we take a family trip generally every year.. sometimes every other year.. We go to WDW or take cruises with the whole family.. Last year just me and DD8 went to WDW for Labor Day weekend which this was her birthday/Christmas present.. When she was 2 yrs old, me and my ex husband along with my other daughter and son went to WDW and she stayed behind with my parents as I wasnt sure at that time that we would ever get the chance to go back and I wanted my 2 older children to have a wonderful time and I thought that bringing her would slow us down so to speak, so I wanted to take her to WDW since she had never been.. I dont see anything wrong with taking time away without the kids.. it doesnt mean you're a bad parent.. I also think spending one on one time with each child is a wonderful thing.. Especially when you have multiple children, it makes them feel special and gives them time to bond..

 

[sanibelover]

When my youngest was 2, we took the 2 older boys to Disney and left the baby with the grandparents. I didn't feel guilty about not taking him to Disney, but I did have a few pangs about leaving him in general. He was fine of course and we had a much better time without all of the baby trappings. (He is 4 years younger)

My husband and I have also been to Disney the last 2 years sans kids. The only time I felt guilty was when the youngest got sick while we were gone. He was well cared for and not upset at all, but I am the Mommy.

We homeschool so my kids are with me 24/7. It is quite difficult for me to relax without them because I don't quite feel complete somehow. BUT, it is also very important to have some time away with my husband as we see each other very little on a day to day basis.

This is a very personal decision, but I think as the kids get older, they actually appreciate some time away from their parents, I know I did when I was growing up. (Used to spend six weeks every summer with my grandparents) I don't know if I could take another trip to Disney without them though.

 

[Marseeya]

This is such a good question. I was just talking with a friend about this. Her two older kids and my two kids are the same ages -- the oldest boys are 15 and the younger ones are 10. Then she has two little ones -- a preschooler and a toddler.

Her oldest and my oldest hate travelling with us these days. For one, it's a teen thing, but for another, they just don't have the same interests. We both agree that it's probably a good idea for the entire family if they don't go with us on those bigger vacations. They won't have any fun and their attitudes will make sure we don't either.

It really makes me sad not to have a kid who loves Disney as much as I do, but I'm sure not going to force the issue.

 

[tjmw2727]

I have done both! I took my oldest dd to WDW twice alone and youngest dd twice alone. I have also taken them together without DH and gone with DH alone. DH dosen't get much vacation time so the girls and I often go on school breaks and save the family vacation for places DH preferrs. It helps that we have family in FL, FF miles and AP's. Its also one of a few places I feel safe and comfortable vacationing as the solo adult.

The first two trips with older dd younger dd didn't mind as she was home with daddy and too young to understand. Then by the time she realized she had gone alone as well. DH has conventions for work, some are family friendly and some are not. We attend them without dd's if necessary and one was at WDW.

They don't feel jealous of us or each other (so far anyway) and we work hard to keep it that way. In my family fair isn't always equal but its everyone being understood and getting what they may need at the time. Its not about what they want or what XXX has.

I may take my youngest again in the fall but my oldest will start middle school and won't have the same days off nor be able to miss school. I am certain she will understand, we will talk prior of course.

We always do a family vacation with everyone, camping, WDW visiting family and recently even a cruise. But when the other trips come up it depends on what where and when as to who goes along.

I totally understand why someone would not want to vacation without the entire family. For our family occasional vacations with different combinations of family members work as well.

TJ

 

[newholidayx2]

Our trip next week will be the first time Ive left DS13 behind. He and Dad will be having "boys week" and they cannot wait!
Going for a wk - first time solo and first time girls only - I am soooooooo ready!

 

[crisi]

My DH and I spent a week in Mexico last year - the kids stayed at Grandmas - they were 5 and 6 at the time. We all had a great time - though I missed them and they missed us.

And my husband and I have both done "independant" trips - my husband just got back from one with his brother.

The first time we left them I was gone three days on business - we tacked a weekend onto the end, so I was gone five days and my husband was gone three. The kids were one and two.

 

[linda_loo]

We haven't taken a parents-only trip, and while I would love some time away, I don't think it will happen for several reasons. Number 1 is that neither of our parents are really able to care for our kids for anything more than a couple hours.

Our children are 2 and 4... and I don't foresee us ever taking a vacation where we take one child and leave the other somewhere. At least not for the next, say 10-12 years. Money is tight, and we don't take a lot of trips. So, when we go, we plan something where there will be something for everyone. I like this and am comfortable with it, I make great efforts to plan a "family" vacation, for the sole purpose of enjoying each other.

I also can't imagine what it would be like to enjoy a trip, knowing that our other child isn't with us. Even if that child would rather be elsewhere, I know I would be sad and vacationing seperately is just not what I am after in a vacation. I am an only child and spent so many hours by myself, so many vacations with no one to ride with. I just really really like it that my girls have a sister and I want to take advantage of every moment that we can together.

Now, that's just me... I have absolutely no judgement about what anyone else does... I don't know *you* (collective "you"), I am not in your home, not parenting your children, not living your life and I don't think about what you are doing at all.

 

[llp479]

DH and I have taken trips without dds. Most have been long weekends, but for our 10th anniversary my parents kept my 3dds and my sister's 3 kids and the four of us went to HI for a week. (My parents' treat, and idea, as we stayed at their timeshare!) The youngest child was my niece, age 4, and the oldest was my nephew 12. We all had a ball - parents, kids, and grandparents. We all live within 10 miles of each other so everyone is very close.

We've never taken trips that haven't included all the girls. My girls are soon to be 12 and 9, so they are close enough in age that their interests are the same. Thankfully, our school district coordinates breaks with the high school so I know until the twins start college we will have the same breaks.

DH also goes on his golfing trip with his friends, and I stay with the girls. We've done girly things while DH was gone. I know the 3 hours spent in the Amreican Girl store would have put him over the edge.

 

[rgribik]

Dh and I love Disney, so we go without the kids for a long weekend every other year or so. That being said, the kids go every year to Dis, so we aren't going to do a solo trip and then not get the kids there. But I don't see anything wrong taking a couples trip, it keeps us sane!!! We went to Dis before we had kids, so why wouldn't we want to go back just because we have kids now? I do have a wonderful Mom who can take all 5 of my kids for a few days, so the fear of leaving them isn't as big. It takes a few times to get used to going without them(Dh has no problem--he travels alittle for work, and takes a guys golf trip). I probally wouldn't take one child or a couple in my case, and leave a few at home, but I have not been in a situation yet that called for that. I guess we all do what works for our families, just as long as everyone is happy.

 

[solgent]

We have never both been away without the kids overnight. Partly that is because we do not have family or anyone volunteering to take care of them for us. DH & I have both been away individually at times. There was also one night last summer when all three had an overnight at camp. Also I have taken the girls on a number of trips without him.

As for trips with just one or some kids, it did happened last summer that the older two were at sleep-away camp for a week and I did a last minute trip with our youngest to NYC. I have a friend that I can stay with there, but her apartment is really small, and I am planning to take the girls one at a time for a weekend in NYC.

That's a little bit different because each will have her turn, and there's a reason (limited space) we don't all go at once. For a trip to WDW, I think we'd all go, unless/until someone actually opts out.

I don't think it's bad parenting, though. As I said, DH & I haven't been away just the two of us, but I know a lot of other people do it. I don't think they're wrong for doing it, or we're wrong for not doing it. The circumstances are different.