Have You Ever Hosted A Foreign Exchange Student? How Did It Go?

[bcla]

A friend's daughter got a job teaching English in China. Her hosts took away her passport when she arrived and never let her leave the house (to protect her, they said). They didn't show her any of the country beyond the school compound. The food they gave her made her ill, and she wasn't allowed to go and purchase her own food. She was miserable and ended up coming home in just a few weeks.

That's just unacceptable to hold a passport. I mentioned the J-1 worker program. I think Xanterra (which has the biggest share of national park concessions) runs a pretty clean program, although they work through a number of different sponsor agencies. I don't think anyone was necessarily stuck in a housekeeping job where there might not be zero contact with visitors, but where they went through rotations. Their policy is to keep a copy of the passport and various visa/documents, but they don't actually retain any unless it's requested by the worker.

I don't know what you can really do about the quality of the food. In China it's kind of a different mindset as they're extremely proud of their local/regional foods and wouldn't understand that someone would want to eat anything else. However, it sounds like your friend's daughter was a virtual prisoner.

 

[Magpie]

That's just unacceptable to hold a passport. I mentioned the J-1 worker program. I think Xanterra (which has the biggest share of national park concessions) runs a pretty clean program, although they work through a number of different sponsor agencies. I don't think anyone was necessarily stuck in a housekeeping job where there might not be zero contact with visitors, but where they went through rotations. Their policy is to keep a copy of the passport and various visa/documents, but they don't actually retain any unless it's requested by the worker.

I don't know what you can really do about the quality of the food. In China it's kind of a different mindset as they're extremely proud of their local/regional foods and wouldn't understand that someone would want to eat anything else. However, it sounds like your friend's daughter was a virtual prisoner.

She really did feel like a prisoner. It was very upsetting and frightening.

Apparently the "come teach English in China" programs vary widely in quality and, unfortunately she'd apparently chosen one of the more dodgy ones, in a fairly unpleasant part of China (high crime rate). A young man she'd been corresponding with online, who was working up in northern China, actually helped her get out and go home (I'm not sure of the exact details).

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

I would expect an exchange student to clean up after himself, do his own laundry, wipe off his plate and put it in the sink, etc. I wouldn't make him mow the lawn or chop veggies or anything like that (unless he wanted to, of course).

I know this isn't chopping veggies but our young lady loved pumpkin bread. She had never heard of it and so the next time I was going to make it, I let her " help." It took twice as long but she read the recipe card and measured ingredients in my non metric measuring cups and she loved making bread. She took pictures and was excited about showing her mom!

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

I just thought of something else she wanted as a souvenir to take home.
A reeces peanut butter cup and an american penny with her birth year. That didn't take too long to find. We were also able to do the same for her sisters and she was over the moon thrilled!

One thing to keep in mind - they've never been here. The most insignificant smallest things to us can mean the world to them! And since they have talked to students who have been to the US before, they have a good idea of what they might like to see (Walmart) or experience ( Oreos) or get explanations (why isn't a grounghog a member of the pig family? Can you use a groundhog for bacon?) our English language is fun, isn't it?!?!

 

[leebee]

Our best friends have hosted 3 international students, each for a full academic year. I know, not the same as hosting them myself, but we are very close as families, have dinner together at least once a week, and are often in and out of each other's houses. They have one son and one daughter, both of whom were in high school when they were hosting students of the same ages. Here is their experience:

First off, the group they worked with interviews families to decide if they are a good fit. Our friends were able to read profiles, and the agency had to agree to the match. Students aren't allowed to drive while in the US, have to have their own medical insurance, and have to use the medical/dental practices approved by the agency. This is all very well-regulated so hopefully there are no "horror stories" and both student and host family have a wonderful experience.

Student #1 was a boy from Saudi Arabia, 16 year old high school junior. He was the youngest of 6 children and the only boy in the family. They all liked each other, but he came from a wealthy family and really was a little prince. Very picky eater, self-indulgent, didn't understand why he had to fit in with everyone else, follow family rules, etc. My friends scaled back a few expectations and the student learned that he was a part of a family and had to follow rules. It was a hard year for everyone, although they all learned to like each other well enough.

Second student was a boy from Thailand. He'd been placed in one family and it wasn't working out, he was very homesick, etc. Although my friends hadn't planned on taking another kid, they agreed to bail out the program temporarily, until another family could be screened. Well, that never happened, because this student and my friends clicked so well. He was an only son with 2 sisters and a large extended family who all lived in the same neighborhood. He fit into family routine, loved to visit and laugh with us at dinner, would sit around the kitchen and talk while people were cooking, cooked dinner for the family once a week, etc. It was a wonderful experience for all, and they still hear from him.

Their 3rd student was a girl from Denmark. It was love at first sight for everyone. It's amazing how she fit into the family, like another daughter. There isn't too much more to say. They are still in close contact with this student, and now that she's married an American guy they see her/them at Thanksgiving, Christmas, and during many school holidays (she's a teacher). Our friends went to Denmark when this girl got married, and the dad of this family walked her down the aisle as her own dad passed away a few years ago.

SO there's one family's experience with 3 different students. All were learning experiences, all went well in most ways... Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

 

[bcla]

I mentioned the three exchange students I remember from my high school. Those were of course the whole full year thing. I believe all of them had already graduated high school in their home countries, so the exchange year was more like a "gap year" for them.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I was an exchange student for my sophomore year in highschool. I absolutely wanted to be treated as part of the family and helped out with chores, etc jsut as my host sister did (in the second host family, there were issues with my first host family that I won't bother to go into here unless someone wants a long story lol).

I always assumed we'd host for full years some day but moves and housing have not allowed for it. We have hosted for 2-3 weeks 13 different times though. I was suprised to find it was much easier when the kids were little, or not around, than when the kdis were teens and we had teens visiting. And the people I know who loved their exchange student the most are a childless couple, so I really do not think lack of having a kid of your own should be a problem.

 

[rastahomie]

Student #1 was a boy from Saudi Arabia

This ties in to the reason I would want a non-religious kid. If he was a Muslim, he'd have a terrible time. For one thing, there isn't a mosque within 50 miles of here. For another, this part of the country.... well, you get the idea.

Even if we got a devoutly Catholic European or South American kid, it would be difficult for him. If he wanted to go to Confession - or even Mass, for that matter - he'd be limited to Sunday morning, and even then, only on days when there was a priest the diocese could send down to our little Catholic church (which doesn't have its own priest and relies on whomever the diocese can afford to send down each Sunday).

 

[bcla]

I just thought of something else she wanted as a souvenir to take home.
A reeces peanut butter cup and an american penny with her birth year. That didn't take too long to find. We were also able to do the same for her sisters and she was over the moon thrilled!

One thing to keep in mind - they've never been here. The most insignificant smallest things to us can mean the world to them! And since they have talked to students who have been to the US before, they have a good idea of what they might like to see (Walmart) or experience ( Oreos) or get explanations (why isn't a grounghog a member of the pig family? Can you use a groundhog for bacon?) our English language is fun, isn't it?!?!

I remember a radio program that had a segment where a new immigrant to the US went to a supermarket because it was that time of the month. She was overwhelmed by the choices and gave up.

https://thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/335/transcript

Ira Glass
Valentina was 24 when she left Odessa-- in the former Soviet Union-- to come work in the United States. And after two weeks here, she had a sudden and very urgent need to go to the store.

Valentina Filimonova
And I went to the supermarket to get what I need, my feminine hygiene products. And it took me probably long, long time to find the right aisle. And I saw the rows of tampons. Maxi, mini, super, with wings, without wings.

Ira Glass
She left the store without buying anything, went to the place she was staying, and cried.

Valentina Filimonova
And I couldn't ask for help because my American friends, they were still new to me. And I didn't want them to look at me like I'm from the forest or from a cave. I really wanted to go home. It made me feel very small.​

 

[tzolkin]

I remember a radio program that had a segment where a new immigrant to the US went to a supermarket because it was that time of the month. She was overwhelmed by the choices and gave up.

I had forgotten about that. Our exchange student arrived just a few days before school began and we went to Walmart for school supplies and toiletries. So, less than 24 hours after meeting I found myself standing in front of the gigantic Walmart section of feminine products trying to explain how a tampon applicator works.

 

[rastahomie]

I remember a radio program that had a segment where a new immigrant to the US went to a supermarket because it was that time of the month. She was overwhelmed by the choices and gave up.

Part of the reason I would prefer to have a boy, lol.

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

After having gone to Germany, I understand why our young lady wanted to go to Walmart.

We went to an outdoor market for produce, a separate store for books, a separate store for shoes etc.

She asked to go to Walmart " the store that sells everything together!" She was amazed! She bought boxes of movie candy ( kept asking me, " one american dollar???" They were 99 cents I finally just said yes.) she had bought some in the NY airport and paid much, much more! She took the " one american dollar" candy back to friends.

The first time we took her to the grocery store, she took pictures of the produce dept. she kept saying " so much! So much!" She just stood there and laughed she was so happy.

 

[tcufrog]

When I was a kid we had two different exchange students for a month each during the summer. The first was from Japan. She was very sweet and we adored her. She became a part of the family and was happy to contribute around the house like my sister and I did. She fell in love with ketchup and when she made a farewell Japanese meal for us she put ketchup on it.

The second one was from Spain. She was nice but very spoiled and was never expected to help out around the house at home. I got the impression that she expected us to have a grand home instead of the modest home we had. She wasn't as good of a fit.

I would like to eventually have an exchange student but right now we don't have the space or time for it.

 

[bcla]

I had forgotten about that. Our exchange student arrived just a few days before school began and we went to Walmart for school supplies and toiletries. So, less than 24 hours after meeting I found myself standing in front of the gigantic Walmart section of feminine products trying to explain how a tampon applicator works.

I could mansplain how it works, but I'd probably get slapped.

As a kid I remember seeing some and wondering exactly what they did. Nobody in my family used them, but I remember sometimes we'd get these samples in the mail that were mailed out nationwide. I do remember playing with the applicator and dipping one in water.

 

[bcla]

After having gone to Germany, I understand why our young lady wanted to go to Walmart.

We went to an outdoor market for produce, a separate store for books, a separate store for shoes etc.

She asked to go to Walmart " the store that sells everything together!" She was amazed! She bought boxes of movie candy ( kept asking me, " one american dollar???" They were 99 cents I finally just said yes.) she had bought some in the NY airport and paid much, much more! She took the " one american dollar" candy back to friends.

The first time we took her to the grocery store, she took pictures of the produce dept. she kept saying " so much! So much!" She just stood there and laughed she was so happy.

Don't they have "hypermarkets" in Germany? I remember reading about how they basically invented them in France, and I though there were at least a few similar businesses in Germany.

 

[rastahomie]

I could mansplain how it works, but I'd probably get slapped.

I'm an adult, and I only vaguely understand how it works. Something about pushing and simultaneously pulling, or something????

Mrs. Homie always went with the other option.

 

[wilkeliza]

I'm an adult, and I only vaguely understand how it works. Something about pushing and simultaneously pulling, or something????

Mrs. Homie always went with the other option.

Nope no pulling at all for insert haha.

The difference is that in Europe they just don't have applicators they just have the tampon. I would have just bought the poor kid O.B. tampons when are the same thing as what they use in Europe i.e. sans applicator.

 

[amberpi]

After having gone to Germany, I understand why our young lady wanted to go to Walmart.

We went to an outdoor market for produce, a separate store for books, a separate store for shoes etc.

She asked to go to Walmart " the store that sells everything together!" She was amazed! She bought boxes of movie candy ( kept asking me, " one american dollar???" They were 99 cents I finally just said yes.) she had bought some in the NY airport and paid much, much more! She took the " one american dollar" candy back to friends.

The first time we took her to the grocery store, she took pictures of the produce dept. she kept saying " so much! So much!" She just stood there and laughed she was so happy.

And now loads of people are turned off by the "everything under one generic umbrella" thing. Like I want a butcher, who is an actual butcher, not some random "meat department" employee...everything comes and goes in cycles. People are weird that way, right?

 

[bcla]

I'm an adult, and I only vaguely understand how it works. Something about pushing and simultaneously pulling, or something????

Mrs. Homie always went with the other option.

My wife has sent me out to buy these things. I've been asked to buy all of the above. I've definitely read the instructions out of boredom. She got ticked off at me once when I got her O.B. since it didn't include an applicator.

 

[rastahomie]

My wife has sent me out to buy these things. I've been asked to buy all of the above. I've definitely read the instructions out of boredom. She got ticked off at me once when I got her O.B. since it didn't include an applicator.

If I were a woman, I'd be ticked off, too. Have you ever tried to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank?