Have you ever been to a wedding where the bride's mother is the Matron of Honour?

[DisneyBamaFan]

...So I have to disagree!

If you have this kind of relationship with your mother, you would. But so would the 40 year old virgin living in his/her mother's basement...

 

[Amy&Dan]

If you have this kind of relationship with your mother, you would. But so would the 40 year old virgin living in his/her mother's basement...

Hmm, I guess if you can't understand this, and that's just sad for you. I won't waste my time trying to explain it anymore. You either get it, or you don't. Not that its really all that complicated.

Your post is very rude and immature. Maybe you don't have a best friend period which wouldn't surprise me in the slightest.

 

[apirateslifeforme]

I'm having this dilemma myself right now! DBF and I are talking marriage. Neither of us want a big blowout, just a little ceremony. His brother will be his best man, with no other attendants. Now, this will be my second marriage, so my friends have already been part of my wedding party. Plus they are starting families now, so frankly, they cannot afford the expense of being in another wedding, plus they don't have the time. I have no siblings. Literally, the ONLY family I have where I live is my mother. So it's either her or DBF's sister...

Of course, Mum says, "Well, who will give you away if I am standing up for you as well?"

And my other question is, if I choose my mother, would she be a "maid" of honor or "matron?" She's unmarried...

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

... Maybe you don't have a best friend period which wouldn't surprise me in the slightest.

Why? Because we disagree?

Friends and family are my most cherished possessions. I simply cannot imagine a world in which a parent did their job (as a parent) and was still able to be a best friend. Parenting means doing things that best friends would not, and vice versa, and parenting never ends.

I am closer to my parents than any other person other than my wife and children - much closer to them than my friends. But I would never confide everything in them.

Maybe men are just different - or maybe it's just me...

 

[Amy&Dan]

BamaFan: I see what you are saying. I really do. But you made me feel as though by saying my mom was my best friend and I hers, we had no life and therefore just didn't know any better.

With me, it evolved as she and I got older. We were always close. But then in 2001 she got cancer. In 2004 she was diagnosed with Alzheimers. As her world shrunk, I became more front and center in her life and she in mine. I never confided certain things with her and she had her secrets too. But in the end, she was somebody that I had the closest relationship with I have had to date. When she died, I mourned not only the loss of my mom, but the loss of friendship that was different than my other friends, but somehow more fun and precious. I guess you had to be there. For sure when I was 21and a college student, I didn't hang out at the local bar with my mom! But twenty years later, it became much different. I never thought it was unhealthy and neither did anyobdy else I know. My husband and stepdad saw it and still say it was fun to be around a mom and daughter who liked each other as much as we loved each other. The fact I knew her life so well helped her to remember who she was. And at the time of her death, she knew me and me alone. When she told me just hours before she died that I had been her best friend, well nobody can make that into something pathetic and not irritate me! We had our separate lives, but we had this huge bond and yes, we became friends as much as family. I guess everyone is different.

It was really your 40 year old virgin comment that had me reeling. I am sorry, to me that was unnecessary.

Okay, I guess I have hijacked this thread enough!

Bottom line: To me its called an Honor Attendant, and that to me, can be anyone you feel honors who you are and the step you are taking. Be it friend, sibling or parent.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

BamaFan: I see what you are saying. I really do. But you made me feel as though by saying my mom was my best friend and I hers, we had no life and therefore just didn't know any better...

Sorry - that was not my intent...

 

[Scurvy]

Amy&Dan - Your post made me teary. Your mother was lucky to have had such a special relationship with you.

Bottom line: To me its called an Honor Attendant, and that to me, can be anyone you feel honors who you are and the step you are taking. Be it friend, sibling or parent.

Very well said!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Scuvy, thank you. We were both lucky!

As I sat in the ever so long line of cars waiting to pick up my dd at school I was thinkng about this thread (and here I go hijacking it again). In the end, to me, a "best friend" can be more than one person. When I was a kid, it was some sort of status symbol that came and went to be a "best friend" or to have one. Something you threw around at random, sometimes to make somebody else jealous! As I grew older, I saw that a best friend can be one person or you can have several. I have a few friends that are "best" to me in certain situations. I have a friend and her husband who are the couple dh and I hang out with the most. When I want to camp, watch basketball, drink a few beers or laugh on a Friday night, they are my best friends to fill that bill. When I need somebody to listen to me about my still struggle with grief over losing my mom, well that's when my friend Kirsten is the "best" to fill that shoe. So as I have gotten older, I have learned a best friend can be more than one person. My brother (uh oh, here I go admitting my best friend is a family member again) is probably my all around "best friend" but he's a guy, he's family and he lives 1000 miles away so a lot of the time, he can't be my best friend of the moment.

I also think that best friends and honor attendents do not need to be one and the same. You can have several best friends but find that a mom or sister or cousin has a connection to you that not even a very best friend can equal.

Okay, I am done now, I have really been quite chatty today!

 

[horseshowmom]

I haven't seen the Mother as MOH but my husband had his Dad as Best Man. I thought it was sweet. And dh has been BM in 2 of his Dad's weddings I think the bride should do whatever feels right to her.

I have never heard of that!But then again I had never heard of the groom asking their dad to be the best man. Seems that in this neck of the woods (in the south) or maybe it is just my husband's family, it is a custom.

I agree. I've seen many weddings where the father was the best man (and I am in the South if that matters). I've never seen one where the mother was the MoH, but if it makes the bride happy, so be it.

Yes I have. It was second marriage, she had her mom as matron of honor, he had his dad as best man.

I told this gal how cool I thought that was and she told me that she and her fiancee both having been married before had noticed how after marriage, friends changed. Both of them had lost touch with thier respective honor attendants during that first marriage. And when both those marriages began to disolve, it was her mom for her, and his dad for him, that were there for them and saw them through those dark days of divorce. When they eventually met and decided to marry, they both realized there was no other people they could think of that would be the better honor attendants.

Times have changed with attendnats. I remember the days when you couldn't have a bridesmaid who was pregnant, when red and black were no no colors to wear to a wedding and now all of that has changed. I think its a good thing!

What a sweet story about your friend! My dd got married last June, and while I wouldn't have wanted to be her MoH, I think that if the bride in the OP's post wants to do so, so be it. DD's husband did discuss having his dad as BM but settled on his brother.

I won't waste my time trying to explain it anymore. You either get it, or you don't. Not that its really all that complicated.

I understand what you're trying to say. My dd and I are very close. As the poster said, being a parent and being a friend are not the same thing, but once my dd was grown, I didn't have the responsibility of "parenting" her that I had when she was growing up. Yes, she had other friends, but I'm very close to her, and she generally comes to me first with her problems. I'm don't tell her what to do, but I do try to help her see the options, and I'm there for her when she needs it.

I understand that not everybody has this kind of mother/daughter relationship, and I count myself as being very fortunate that we do. Obviously, Amy&Dan, you had the same blessing.

 

[disneydreamingdebby]

I had to stop reading after the post that I inferred that if my parents did their job, they would be parents not friends.

My mom was my MOH. She was an excellent mother and was not my friend growing up. She always says now about my teen years, "I always loved you, but I wasn't sure if I would ever like you." I wasn't an awful teen, but I certainly wasn't pleasant. I had three other attendants- the only one I still talk to is my SIL.

After my teens, my mom and I grew closer. At 23, I married my high school sweetheart. Now, nearly 15 years later, I call my husband to share news first and call my mom second. It was that way then too. Why wouldn't I have her stand beside me on one of the biggest days of my life?

BTW Speaking of biggest days- She was in the operating room when my twins were born too. (My husband was there also. Since I am sharing, my dad almost was - that would have been really weird- so I am glad that the nurse forgot to get him. )

 

[Amy&Dan]

I had to stop reading after the post that I inferred that if my parents did their job, they would be parents not friends.

My mom was my MOH. She was an excellent mother and was not my friend growing up. She always says now about my teen years, "I always loved you, but I wasn't sure if I would ever like you." I wasn't an awful teen, but I certainly wasn't pleasant. I had three other attendants- the only one I still talk to is my SIL.

After my teens, my mom and I grew closer. At 23, I married my high school sweetheart. Now, nearly 15 years later, I call my husband to share news first and call my mom second. It was that way then too. Why wouldn't I have her stand beside me on one of the biggest days of my life?

BTW Speaking of biggest days- She was in the operating room when my twins were born too. (My husband was there also. Since I am sharing, my dad almost was - that would have been really weird- so I am glad that the nurse forgot to get him. )

You and I are cut out of the same cloth! For sure when I was 16 my mom and I were not best friends! We got along better than a lot of mom/daughter combos I knew but we had our moments and I do remember one day at a family picnic when I was being beyond obnoxious her telling me she was having a hard time liking me!

But fastforward years later and we had evolved. And she was there when my son was born and two years later when my dd was born. In fact, she was the one who told me I had a girl, I somehow missed dh and the doctor telling me that, I guess I just maybe wanted to hear that a new mom daughter combo had been created from her and nobdy else!

If I had it to do all over again, she would have been my MOH. I chose my sister and while I love my sister, it was really dumb to have her do that. We barely knew each other beyond the "we have the same parents" in those days. I should have had my mom or my friend but I am still just as married so I guess its all okay!

 

[disneydreamingdebby]

Amy, Our moms cut a beautiful cloth, imho:

 

[mjkacmom]

it should be about who you are closest to and who you want up there with you - age shouldn't be a consideration. I think it is wonderful and sweet!

Not only do I think it's sweet, but around here, most don't get married until they are in their 30's anyway, so the MOH is usually in her 30's as well.

 

[CDoobee]

My DD, Hilary, was married in 2001. She was known as Hilside on the DIS, and unfortunately passed away in 2006.

When she got married, she had 3 best friends, and said none of them was more important to her than the others, so they were all three bridesmaids. Well, they would have been except that one of them was male, so he was known as her bridesman! Her DH had my DS, Jared (who was then 16), and his 2 cousins (one of which was female) as his attendants. They were his groomsmen and groomslady!

The flower girl was my other DD, Katelyn, who was 10. The ring bearer was another good friend of hers, who was the KJ where she always went for karaoke. He was 37!

Katelyn, now 18, just got married in August. She and her DH got married at the courthouse as DH and I had done 27 years ago. One of the 2 witnesses was a friend of both her and her DH's who was instrumental in getting them together. They had been friends in high school for a few years before this friend got them to admit that they both wanted more than that! I was the other witness!

I fully believe in having whoever makes you happy!

 

[golfgal]

I can't get over the fact that the MOB is in her 30's and has a DD that is getting married already .

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

The whole point of girlfriends is they are supposed to side with you when you're mad at your family or DH. Having a mother as a full fledged confidant is bad, bad, bad mojo.

In laws can be hard enough but no healthy boundaries = 3 way marriage = trouble.

PS- I wouldn't dream of telling a bride what to do. But, if it was my DS marrying the girl I'd feel obligated to tell him to run.

Not everyone has such drama in their lives that they need to have friends so they have people on their side when they're mad at their families I have wonderful friends who have never once needed to support me through some ridiculous family drama. That is NOT the point of my friends.


People who make blanket judgments about the lives of others without really knowing anything about them really need to find a better hobby.

 

[Tamarap]

My husband chose his dad to be his best man and I chose my grandfather to give me away. My dad was at the wedding but our relationship had been strained for years and we discussed the idea and he understood. Its your day you have to do what is right for you!

 

[tink_n_pooh]

I haven't seen the mother as MOH but I my cousin had his father as his best man. I thought it was awesome that my uncle was the best man.

 

[JerseyJanice]

The one wedding we've attended where the bride's mother was her MOH was different in many ways. Mom for the MOH was the least of it. The one thing will always stand out about that wedding was the bride's gown. It was completely see-through lace.

You could see the bride's matching lace undies--top and bottom--perfectly.

I gotta be honest--I know a bride's wedding choices are her own, but if I had a daughter, it would be over my cold, dead body that she would go out anywhere in public dressed like that--let alone be dressed like that in front of all our relatives.

It was like something straight out of Frederick's of Hollywood. The MOHs and other bridesmaids were appropriately dressed, but the bride's gown was beyond belief. And let me say--the bride who did this is normally a conservatively-dressed kindergarten teacher. What possessed her to wear what she did will always be a mystery to me.

 

[AKL_Megs]

My mom was my MOH.

On that same note, my DH chose his grandfather to be his Best Man.