have to vent

[robyn323]

O.K. here's the thing. My DS and my nephew are both 7 there's about a month between them. Well as soon as my SIL found out we were going to disney in may she has been on either me are my husband to take her son with us. Well i wouldn't mind taking him except for the fact they do NOT get along well at all. Thier not together 5 minutes and thier arguing and my nephew has a very bad habit of coming out with these 4 letter words that are NOT allowed in our house. But my SIL has always thought were so cute. And my DS loves to read and for some reason that really irritates my nephew. He will deliberalty take his books and throw them are color on them sometimes worse literally rips them up. He has no problem literally destroying his room and toys. But if we go there and my DS picks up something he starts whining and crying that it's his and will not share anything. So usually my son will just sit by me the whole time. I hate to say it and not that my child is an angel by far but this kid is a real spoiled brat. And I told my husband there is no way he was going with us! We have been planning this for over a year. Now my MIL has joined in telling us that we know they will never be able to afford a trip and should take him. Well he makes twice what my husband does and she will NOT work. Says she is home making sure thier son is raised right. A dig at me becasue I work full time I guess. But she gets her nails done weekly,tans always has her hair done. Stuff I get as a luxury once in a great while mind you. And they both drive brand new cars and have a new home! But I'm the bad guy now because I finally told her I didn't think it would be possible because the boys don't get along and I have been saving for over a year for this trip and want a nice quiet fun trip. Well now the whole family is not speaking to me and my husband says I should just blow it off. They will get over it are not.But now I feel guilty because now my husband has to deal with his mom. Should I have just kept my mouth shut?

 

[HM]

Robyn...
You did the right thing. It's not your problem, it's theirs. Don't let them get to you....they are trying to guilt you into changing your mind.

Your BIL and SIL can save as well as you can and take their son themselves if they want him to go that bad.

Go have fun with your family! -HM

 

[dreams4disney]

I think you did the right thing! I would have done the same thing. They can save for a disney trip just like you. They have no reason to be upset with you. It was bold of them to even ask you to take your nephew.

My SIL has 6 kids and we went to disney over the summer with my BIL and his family and my in laws. SIL asked if we might be able to take them since they couldn't affor it. DH had just gotten a bonus so she thought we should spend on them. ughh We just acted as though we were never asked. If they want to go bad enough they can save as much as we did.

 

[Brina]

stick to your guns. I would not take somebody else's child - relative or not - on a family vacation unless that child's presence was going to make the trip better for my kids. Sounds like this child would cause your son to have less fun, therefore, no go. It is fine for your sil to ask, and it is fine for you to say no, and that should be the end of that.

 

[bethbuchall]

Your son (and you) need this to be a happy trip filled with wonderful memories. If you feel guilty doing this for yourself, just keep thinking of your son. You are NOT wrong on this!

 

[beautybelle]

Ohmgod, you sound like you are living my life. I have the EXACT same problem except that I didnt have the nerve you did and I agreed to let my nephew go. I know its gonna be a huge mistake. I even dread it. Kudos to you for standing up for your beliefs, I wish I could do the same.

 

[disneygoof]

Have your dh do the talking now. They'll get over being mad at him because he's their son/brother, and they'll surely hold it against you for longer, if not forever.

I think you did the right thing.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

I used to be a nanny for a family with a boy 6 months younger than my son. The boys were together ALL the time, and they had very different personalities. Somebody was always getting their feelings hurt, or worse, getting physically hurt. There is NO WAY anyone could convince me to take an extra child on vacation with me if I knew the kids wouldn't get along. We ended up moving to a different neighborhood and changing our son to a different school when the private school where DS used to go said the boys would be in the same class for first grade. Over my dead body.

You are 100% right not to want to bring your nephew. Your SIL probably doesn't want to bring him herself because she knows he won't behave and she doesn't want to deal with him. I know plenty of moms like that.

This is not about your SIL or your nephew, this is about you, your DH and your DS. It's YOUR vacation. Go, and don't apologize!!

 

[Bellefan66]

Family will NEVER cease to amaze me. A friend of mine, YEARS ago, had family invite them to Thanksgiving Dinner, after dinner, the host gave everyone a itemized list of what dinner cost, and the bill for their portion! I kid you not! Family, huh??

 

[kdtwiss]

I would never ask anyone to take my child to Disney - no matter how I trusted them. She is a piece of work huh?
Just tell her your plans are pretty solid and you don't feel comfortable being in charge of another child. Don't feel bad. She won't understand no matter what you say/do. Just tell her and get it over with. This is YOUR family's vacation, she can plan hers for a couple years down the road if she wants to. family huh?

 

[Scoootch]

OMG! If I didn't know better, I'd have thought you were me speaking outloud about my in-laws (in particular my SIL and her family - ugh). Believe me - Been there,done that. You are doing the right thing! Please don't 2nd guess yourself or allow yourself to feel guilty. It's a problem they will have to get over and if they don't want to speak to you in the meantime until they are over it, if it is anything like my dh's family ...enjoy the peace and quiet of not having to talk to them while it lasts. Eventually, they will get over it and everything will work out. But don't give in, taking this child would be a big mistake that could ruin your vacation.

{{{ hugs }}} and have a great trip...guilt free

 

[dzneelvr]

What's that old saying....you can pick your friends but not your relatives (especially your in-law relationships).

You made the right choice. There are reasons your SIL wants to make you out as the "bad guy" in this and that's her problem. (She probably plays victim alot anyway).
I think it is extremely rude of her to assume she could communicate to anyone that you "may" take her son along--let alone get the MIL involved (which only makes a bad situation much worse!).

I have to say that your husband should've taken this bull by the horns long ago before you took all the "blame". But if he doesn't see a need to repair the damage, I guess you should take your cues from him. Maybe this is how the family does things....seems very stressful and negative to me...no wonder the kid is the way he is. He's only modeling the behavior he sees around him.
STAY THE COURSE. You are in the right!

 

[aplejax76]

If your husband is not worried about it then you should not be either! Please do not feel guilty! You sound like a hard working family. Why save up all that money. Go down with your nephew and have a horrible time. It isnt worth it. You have the right to say no! You are paying for it! I have had this experience in the past. If you make a big deal out of it with his family it might just get worse. Let it blow over. I wish you the best!

 

[3mickeys&me]

You did the right thing!! Its YOUR vacation with YOUR family!! Tell them to get their own!!

(((HUGS)))

Why should your ds be tormented on his vacation to the happiest place on earth. Stick to your guns and do what is right for you guys. They will have to grow up and get over it.

 

[Brian Noble]

Have your dh do the talking now..

I second this. It is not your job to tell his sister that Sid (obligatory Toy Story reference) cannot come. It is your job to remind your husband what he already knows---that Sid is evil and cannot come. It is *his* job to tell his sister that Sid cannot come. It is also his job to tell his mother that who he takes on his vacation with his hard-earned money is none of her business.

It is his family's job to decide whether or not to speak to him in turn. By the sound of it, you'd be better off if they "got back at you" by never speaking to you again.

 

[Pamlur]

Don't, don't, don't back down. You would be miserable, and the family would still refuse to speak to you because Sid would tell his mother you mistreated him.

 

[antsss]

Stick to your guns...you are completely right! Don't back down. This vacation is just for you guys. Think of how great it will be. Let them plan their own trip.

 

[Amirah95]

I think that your SIL needs a break from her child! LOL! Don't do it honey!!!! I agree with everyone else...STICK TO YOUR GUNS!

 

[eeyore kelly]

You did the right thing. Don't back down. The only thing I would do is not bring up Disney around them.

 

[Disney Deb]

This makes me so mad. You'll probably get heat from DH's family between now and your trip in May. As others have pointed out, you are in the right......so stand firm. I wish you a quick 3 months........and a wonderful vacation.

Debbie