Have only one child or when did you decide to have another?

[NikitaZee]

We had our daughter when our son was 4. We were actually quite happy with just one. We still had a lot of freedom, it's easy to travel with one child, easy to find family to help babysit, more money for the extra things in life. For our lifestyle, I would have been happy to stay that way. Sometimes I still miss the ease of just having one. For us, however, when our son was around 3 we decided that the best thing for him (in our opinion) was to give him a sibling. Then, the baby urge hit me once more and we had our youngest son. Life is much more complicated, but worth it. I don't think there's anything wrong with stopping at one. Time will tell how you'll feel about it

 

[juligrl]

I knew I wanted more children when the pregnancy test came out positive!

Both my husband and I have siblings/partners in crime so niether of us considered not having at least 2 kids. We always knew that at some point we wanted to give our daughter a sibling.

 

[HelenePA]

I knew I wanted more the second I gave birth to my first dd instant love. The baby bug REALLY hit when she was about 11 months old... Holy cow.. once that baby bug bites ya its really really tough to think about anything else. I had my second dd when my dd was 22 months old. Honestly the baby months are exhausting, mentally draining, but something happens when they start crawling, walking, talking... its like hey its a little person You'll never share your love if you have another child. I was REALLY worried about that. You just get more love... no need to share.. there is enough for all the children you have. I wouldn't trade any of them for anything.... its amazing to watch them grow. They all get along wonderfully nothing like me or my brother They take care of each other. They share with out me asking or telling them they have to. If we are out shopping they always remember to get their brother or sister something if they aren't with us and are at home. Its nice to see them think about each others feelings, wants, and needs.

 

[DisneyDreamer8]

OP: I am in the same position as you. My little guy is 25 months old. I loved when he was an infant but he was a great baby. He slept in 4 hour blocks and was generally a happy guy. Now he is in the terrible two's and somedays I feel like tearing my hair out. I thought it would get a little easier when he could talk to me but I am more stressed now then I was when he was born.

I would love to have another one but I just don't know if I can handle it...ever. I think we could afford another one but the living situation could become complicated. If we had another boy it would be great, they could share a room but if it was a girl we would have problems.

So I am up in the air about the whole thing. Plus I really don't want to go through the fertility crap again. It took 2 years and an IUI to get pregnant with DS. It took a toll on me emotionally and physically. My DH said he will be happy with whatever I decide.

 

[MomofKatie]

that sounds so much like our experience!

about the sibling fighting, picking, and competition! DH and I are constantly picking and joking with DD, we tell her we have to make up for the lack of siblings and have to give her the "full experience"! We have fun and it keeps us young - though DD often feigns exasperation with us and our nonsense!

DH is the one in our family to do all the bickering and back and forth sibling stuff with DD. Sometimes I feel like I have 2 kids... They even gang up on me! When it is time for dessert, and I haven't made anything, they both start in with the "Please, we love you so much, you make the best desserts", etc, etc. I usually end up giving in to them- can't fight them both!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

You know- I have to say that something on this thread really annoys me. I am so tired of people who have onlies saying and implying that families with more children sit around all day fighting and not wanting to share anything. My kids don't sit and fight all day. There is also nothing wrong with sharing. It is a part of life. Yes- they have their own stuff but it's not like we have thunderdome here all day. I find it pretty insulting when people say things like that.
My kids enjoy each other. Do they ever get on each other's nerves? Of course they do. I am sure I get on my DH's nerves too. That is just par for the course whether you are siblings or not. The way some people have posted makes it seem like families with multiple children are one step away from being uncivilized and their precious only child can do whatever they want because they never ever have to share with anyone and aren't they just the luckiest?! That is just as ridiculous as believing that larger families are like an episode of Oliver scrambling for bits.
As I stated before- no matter how many children you have you should have them because you WANT them. Not because someone thinks you should have them but you shouldn't insult others or insuate things because you have chosen differently.

 

[pansmermaidzlagoon]

DH is the one in our family to do all the bickering and back and forth sibling stuff with DD. Sometimes I feel like I have 2 kids... They even gang up on me! When it is time for dessert, and I haven't made anything, they both start in with the "Please, we love you so much, you make the best desserts", etc, etc. I usually end up giving in to them- can't fight them both!

 

[labdogs42]

I am an only with an only, married to a DH who is the oldest of two. I was never really a "baby person", but I always assumed I would have at least one child, but not more than two. DS turned 5 in February and so far, the baby urge has not struck us yet. So, as far as we are concerned, we're finished. Unless there is some freakish failure of birth control in my future and then we would just know it was meant to be. If it is up to us, we are DONE and happy with the choice!

I loved, loved, loved each stage of DD's life- from early pregnancy all the way to early adolescence (hoping the teen years will be the same...). However, I never got the feeling our family was missing something or that I "needed" another baby. We felt it would have been fine to have 2, but I never felt a burning desire to expand our family like I did when we were trying for DD.

We thoroughly enjoy DD, and take time to really savor all her childhood moments, since we won't be repeating the experience. Sometimes I feel bittersweet about all the "firsts" also being "lasts", but I am truly happy with an only child.

I have loved each of my son's stages, too. And they just keep gettin more fun. Each age seems better to me. I love watching him become more and more independent and it really does not make me wistful for the baby days. I really prefer kids when they can walk and talk and use the bathroom!

Don't even get me started on the possibilities of having twins next time!

That is one of my fears. I'm 36 now, so the possibility of twins in increasing. There's no WAY I would want two infants at once! One more reason we're done with one!

I knew I wanted more the second I gave birth to my first dd instant love. The baby bug REALLY hit when she was about 11 months old... Holy cow.. once that baby bug bites ya its really really tough to think about anything else. .

That's awesome that you knew that so clearly. I have never had that baby lust feeling, so that is my clear indication that I am done having kids. I wish there was a better way to explain that to people who think I somehow NEED to have another child to be fulfilled.

no matter how many children you have you should have them because you WANT them. Not because someone thinks you should have them but you shouldn't insult others or insuate things because you have chosen differently.

I totally agree with this. I didn't get the impression that anyone implied that families with two or more children spent all their time fighting, but maybe that's because I only have one, so those comments don't stand out to me. I'll be glad not to imply that larger families fight all the time (I know that isn't the case) if people could be sensitive enough not to make comments like "every child deserves a sibling" as if I'm depriving my child of some inalienable right. (I know you didn't make that statement, I'm just using it as an example)

I think I just perceive the concept of having another as too great of an unknown for me. I don't know if my kids would fight all the time or not and I don't know how I would deal with it if they did. I KNOW that not all kids fight and some just love each other to death, but for me, the known is so much safer than the unknown. And if I had the desire to have another baby, none of that would matter to me. So maybe that helps you all understand a little more about about me and my decision. Or maybe not. Carry on.

 

[4greatboys]

You will figure out what is best for you and your family. There are so many different reasons for why people only have 1 or have several. I always knew I wanted atleast 3-4 kids. I was an only child and I didn't like it. I used to beg to have a brother or sister. OTOH I got to do a lot of things I wouldn't have gotten to do if I had siblings.
My grandparents took me camping and all kind of other things and I believe I was so close to them because it was just me.
A friend of mine only had 1 child because she came from a large family and didn't like it. She was the oldest and had to help out with the other kids. So now she happily has 1 kiddo and I, just as happily, have 4 boys. I have loved having a large family, even when it's chaotic around here it's what I had longed for all my life.

Since you wont have another child for atleast a year I would just take that time to see how things go with your 1 and see if added another would be a good idea.

Good luck!

 

[SydSim]

Have only one wonderful child Pregnancy was a little Delivery Newborn phase, toddlerhood, tween and teen phase - easy breezy, lemon peazy!

Still only want one

 

[mjkacmom]

You know- I have to say that something on this thread really annoys me. I am so tired of people who have onlies saying and implying that families with more children sit around all day fighting and not wanting to share anything. My kids don't sit and fight all day. There is also nothing wrong with sharing. It is a part of life. Yes- they have their own stuff but it's not like we have thunderdome here all day. I find it pretty insulting when people say things like that.
My kids enjoy each other. Do they ever get on each other's nerves? Of course they do. I am sure I get on my DH's nerves too. That is just par for the course whether you are siblings or not. The way some people have posted makes it seem like families with multiple children are one step away from being uncivilized and their precious only child can do whatever they want because they never ever have to share with anyone and aren't they just the luckiest?! That is just as ridiculous as believing that larger families are like an episode of Oliver scrambling for bits.
As I stated before- no matter how many children you have you should have them because you WANT them. Not because someone thinks you should have them but you shouldn't insult others or insuate things because you have chosen differently.

I couldn't agree more! My kids get along 95% of the time, and dd7 and dd9 99.9% of the time (they share a room, they share clothes - don't have anything their own except shoes - and LOVE it!). My kids share with each other all of the time, without question. I think kids in big families really learn how to share, and how to get along with others.

 

[ZeitgeistDuck]

I have two children and they are exactly 24 mo apart. The first year was tough, but totally worth it to have children close in age who adore each other, share interests and can play together.

I am an only child and if my mother had asked how I felt about it when I was young, I'd have said I loved being an only, however, my adult perspective on is that being an only child was not the best way for me to grow up.

My parents were older and I started caring for them in my early 20s, totally on my own. It was exhausting, excrutiating. In addition to the strain of being totally responsible for my parents, now in my early 30s, they've both passed away and I have no family at all. No siblings to be aunties and uncles, no one to call or visit on Christmas, no one. I have a lot of aunts/uncles/cousins who have all moved out of state; my once very close family is now scattered. Thank God for my husband and my awesome in laws.

There are no gaurantees. Even if I'd had a sibling, s/he could have been a dead beat or useless or maybe we could have had issues getting along. We do everything we can to raise close, loving children who value family and respect each other. Its early yet, but I hope and believe they will one day be adults who adore and value each other. I'd rather take the chance on happiness.

 

[HelenePA]

I couldn't agree more! My kids get along 95% of the time, and dd7 and dd9 99.9% of the time (they share a room, they share clothes - don't have anything their own except shoes - and LOVE it!). My kids share with each other all of the time, without question. I think kids in big families really learn how to share, and how to get along with others.

If it were up to my kids they would ALL share one room. Crazy isn't it?

labdogs42 ya know until I had #4 I had no clue how I'd know I was done.. well I know know what that feeling is like.. the urge is GONE wayyyyyy gone! I know I'm done.. there are times he still talks about another We haven't done anything permanent so the option is there but for now.. I am DONE.

 

[vettechick99]

I would say that with your DD only being 8m, it's still kinda early to know for sure if you are done or not. The baby stage can be very hard, and not everyone is cut out for it. Although I have to say each stage has its easy and difficult points.

My DD is very easy going, was a good sleeper, and was a happy baby. That makes the baby stage pretty easy and therefore we always wanted another. My BFF also has a DD and she's headstrong, had colic, and can be difficult. She tells me her DD might be the only one because she can't handle two of her. But her second might be a breeze, and my second may be a pain. It's luck of the draw, I think.

 

[padams]

As an only, I always knew I wanted more than one child.

 

[PaulaSue]

OP both DH and I are onlies. I did NOT like it at all. DH didn,t mind it much till he got older. We knew we wanted at least 2 and close together before we married. We would have more but it wasn't from a lack of trying. (miscarrages and medical issues)

 

[staley7580]

Hi Lucas!
Good thoughts Patsy. Honestly Lily isn't that high maintenance and I'm terrifyed of having a baby that could be worse. She is clingy and wants her mommy all the time, but I think (and hope) that it is largely a phase.

As far as never imagining her without a sibling, I definitely felt that way in the beginning, but as I've taken some time to really look inside I think that stemmed from social norms more than actual need. I just always assumed I would have two.

Don't even get me started on the possibilities of having twins next time!

Whats wrong with twins???

As an only, I always knew I wanted more than one child.

Me too!!

For me, I have an older sister.. But she left home when I was 5. We never even spoke again until I got married. So I was raised as an only, and my parents both worked a ton and I was home alone alot. I hated it. That pushed me to want more then one for sure. We wanted three.. and got four. I knew after both of my older kiddos births that I was DONE. NEVER EVER again did I want to go through the horrible.. and I do mean HORRIBLE months right after the babies were born. Then around two and a half it hit me!! I want another baby!!

I dont know what happened to me after the twins were born. It was so much easier that this time. CRAZY! I had two babies, and my husband worked nights.. I was all alone with all four kids ALL the time. But the infant stage didnt bother me a bit this time. I wanted another baby pretty much from the time they were born. Heck, I wanted another set of twins.. Or even triplets. I think it was some sort of baby euphoria that hit me. Or maybe the lack of sleep made me completely lose my mind.

However.. Now that they are 1, and sleeping through the night.. Toddling around, and just becoming their own little people.. I know Im done. My husband and I sat down and had a discussion about where we go from here. I was ready to make the appointment to get my tubes tied, and be done with it. He was going to get the big V a few months ago, but the Dr. canceled on him.. Anyways.. Now HE wants to wait a couple of years to see how we feel. We are so going to end up with like 6 more kids.

My point is.. you'll know when the time is right. I always did. and dont forget.. All babies are different. My super high maintenance kiddo is my four year old. Good lord that child drives me nuts!! I dont know what I am going to do with out her when she goes to school next year.

 

[Spoonful of Sugar]

My DD was so difficult in the beginning that I could not have imagined wanting another. Now she's a little angel (well, besides the many many tantrums). She's just so cute that the bad stuff doesn't matter anymore. So we're about to start trying for another, but if you had asked me six months ago I would have said never. In fact, I would have screamed, "Never!!!" So you may change your mind.