Have college age kids contribute or not?

[eeyoresmom]

Wondering what other families do or have done. We have 4 kids and have been going to WDW at least once a year for the past 12 years. Now my two oldest have had jobs since they were 14 years old. When they wanted to do an extra trip or bring friends along they contributed financially depending on their age and the circumstances. For example, one trip DD18 wanted to bring along a friend whose family does not have a lot of money. DD and friend each paid around $250 towards cost of park tickets.We own DVC and I paid for food .Most of the scenarios are something like this, with the kids contributing, but the trip heavily subsidized by Mom.Keep in mind that these trips all were for 6-8 Disney adults.Now said 2 DD's are semi independent and do not vacation with us anymore. The last few years it has been myself and DD #3 and occasionally DS ((he, like his father is not a huge fan of Disney, once every few years is enough) DD # 3 begs me to go several times a year. She works one day a week ( she is 17) and so far has not contributed to any trip we've taken.She is a really sweet kid, just not as motivated to work as her older siblings, but a good kid. Now here is what just occurred to me.I have not asked her to contribute because truthfully, I don't need her to. When her sisters were her age we were going with 6 to 8 people. Now it is usually just her and I and everything is so much cheaper obviously I'm thinking maybe I should have her pay for something if we go for her spring break next year. Most likely her own AP.My dilemma is that I can easily pay for the whole thing and she wil have to work extra while a fulltime student to come up with the money, but on the other hand, her sisters had to when they were her age. What do you guys think?

 

[Darcy03231]

We're also a large family (4 children). All of our children are now out of high school (ages 19, 21, 24 and 28).

If we invite them on a trip we pay for everything except for spending money, even if they are all adults and semi-independent (the two youngest are still in college). If we didn't pay, they most likely wouldn't be able to go.

I, however, don't see any problem with asking children to help pay for their own trip if the trip is being done at their suggestion. I think its a good lesson in financial planning.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

In fairness to your older kids, I say she should contribute. I have friends from big families and the older kids do notice that the younger ones don't have to follow the same guidelines. Yes, they are all adults now, but it still causes some family *******. It will also teach your younger daughter the same lessons about working and money that the older ones learned, setting her up for a financially responsible future.

 

[Pigeon]

I wouldn't ask my kids to contribute to a family vacation unless they were out of college and working.

 

[Sagginit]

In fairness to your older kids, I say she should contribute. I have friends from big families and the older kids do notice that the younger ones don't have to follow the same guidelines. Yes, they are all adults now, but it still causes some family *******. It will also teach your younger daughter the same lessons about working and money that the older ones learned, setting her up for a financially responsible future.

i say yes for this reason and also.... the other reason being is i am in my late 20s and have friends that for YEARS after college their parents paid for vacations. while its nice they were in fact less financially responsible overall because they were so used to big things being given to them. vacations are nice but are a luxury at the end of the day and in my life experience my friends that have always paid for their own are much more responsible. for ex. we save and pay in cash, vs my other friends who put things on their credit cards and pay for months afterwards. sure you can pay for lots of things (designer bags, nice cars, iphones etc) but if you give her everything she may never learn the value of a $.

i have not had a fully funded vacation since i was 14, once i was in college if i wanted to go somewhere i paid. in HS my parents paid for school trips but i supplied all spending money. i understand she is a student so maybe set a smaller goal, like half of her pass and all spending $$. she could probably easily find time to pick up some extra hours on a few weekends to meet this goal.

 

[ssawka]

I think one important consideration is whether she is away at school or home. If she is away, I say "no, she should not contribute." When you are away at school you have many day-to-day expenses that often Mom and Dad do not consider. It is likely that she needs all the $ from her part-time job to cover these expenses.

If she is at home and everything is provided to her, then I think she should be able to contribute something.

 

[msmama]

If she wanted to bring a friend I would say she would have to pay like the older kids, but from what you say it doesn't sound like they had to pay for the regular vacations. For a regular vacation it doesn't seem like she would have to pay for anything because your older kids didn't. Extras, however, would be a different story.

You wouldn't want to go too far the other way and have her pay for things that her siblings didn't have to pay for, you know.

 

[Kristibo42]

We take large family trips every couple of years. The older children (over 18 and with jobs) pay their own trip. Last time they all potch in and paid for grandmas trip.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

Heck I am 44 and my parents still want to pay for our Disney trips. We have to force them to take the money.

 

[Kellydelly]

If she wanted to bring a friend I would say she would have to pay like the older kids, but from what you say it doesn't sound like they had to pay for the regular vacations. For a regular vacation it doesn't seem like she would have to pay for anything because your older kids didn't. Extras, however, would be a different story.

You wouldn't want to go too far the other way and have her pay for things that her siblings didn't have to pay for, you know.

I agree. I don't think I would ask my 17 yr old kid to pay for their vacation unless they were going on a trip without me . If I am hosting the trip, I am paying. Is she even graduated from high school yet? I can see asking to contribute if she brought a friend, and not funding extra purchases, but food, accomodations and tickets I would not ask her to pay for.

 

[eeyoresmom]

OP here.DD in question is not in college yet, she will be next spring, but living at home. Older DDs did contribute ,SOMETIMES, when they were her age. Like I said, not for the once a year family trip but for the second trip when they wanted to bring a friend who had never been etc. I am beginning to see the differences between the girls spending habits which is why I thought if this. DD#3 was looking at some expensive prom dresses ( IMO). I told her I would contribute $250 toward prom, she could decide how to spend it. She bought the $328 dollar dress. I collected the $78 from her as soon as we ordered the dress and now she will have to pay any other expenses. She seems much more willing to spend than her sisters did at her age, and she works much less. I'm thinking that one trip a year should be paid by parents( me) and anything else she talks me into, she should contribute.

 

[Disbug]

I'm thinking that one trip a year should be paid by parents( me) and anything else she talks me into, she should contribute.

That sounds like a good compromise, and of course, you know your daughter best!
One thing I thought of related to the purchase of tickets... in the last few years Disney has really jacked up the prices to the point of being barely affordable for many. I know I was a religious AP owner...then I dropped back to Seasonal Pass. Now I am considering the "WeeKday Only" Pass because the prices are just "out there" IMO.
So depending on how many years ago your older children helped purchase their pass, it may be a different animal these days.

 

[mommyrosa2]

My oldest DD is in her freshman year at college this year. She lives at home, works part-time and commutes. While I do not think there is anything wrong with having your child contribute towards a vacation, I do not ask my own DD to. While we help her with college tuition, she already has financial responsibilities like paying for her own books and paying for her own car insurance (when she's short, we do chip in, of course). Because she isn't careless with her money and truly is a great kid, we don't ask her or expect her to chip in for family vacations. I do tell her though that she has to come up with her own spending money but since I know she doesn't make millions, I usually give her a Disney Gift Card for Easter and then another for her birthday to help her. I do have to say though, that this year's vacation was questionable due to some unforseen circumstances and she did approach her father and I, in the early stages & offered to pay her own way, which we thought was nice but we told her she didn't have to.

I also just wanted to comment about big families...I, myself, come from a family of 9 kids and there is a HUGE age gap between me (the youngest) and my oldest sister...20 years difference to be exact. While my older siblings most definitely had to pay their own way for a lot of things growing up, both myself and my brother, who is only 3 years older than I, did not. As we became teens, my older siblings would "rib" us for not having to do half the stuff they did, but they also didn't hold anything against us or my parents. Heck, even today, when we all get together, they start in about how we younger ones got away easy next to them, but they do so in fun...there's never any animosity between us.

 

[eeyoresmom]

I'm not really talking about the traditional once a year family vacation though. We just came back from a 9 day trip in late Feb. ( myself, DD and DS). Now she keeps saying " Mom, can we please go to Disney for my birthday and graduation?" Not really badgering me, but just letting me know around once a week that she would love this.I guess if we took regular family vacations it would be clearer but because DH is self employed and doesn't like to close shop and travel,we don't.Now, I could bring her as her birthday/graduation gift, but most of the trips are not for any celebration.

 

[mommyrosa2]

I'm not really talking about the traditional once a year family vacation though. We just came back from a 9 day trip in late Feb. ( myself, DD and DS). Now she keeps saying " Mom, can we please go to Disney for my birthday and graduation?" Not really badgering me, but just letting me know around once a week that she would love this.I guess if we took regular family vacations it would be clearer but because DH is self employed and doesn't like to close shop and travel,we don't.Now, I could bring her as her birthday/graduation gift, but most of the trips are not for any celebration.

I feel for you...that's tougher for sure. When my DD graduated last year, she at least gave me a ton of notice (2 years to be exact ) that she wanted to go for graduation so we had to turn that trip into one big one and we ended booking 10 days which ultimately also became our family trip as well. Senior year is a COSTLY year, between school trips, prom dresses, graduation parties, etc. there's no way we could have swung 2 different trips. And in that case, she did have to chip in for quite a bit like prom dress, senior trip, etc... we couldn't do it all.

 

[hsmamato2]

our last few trips, ds19 had his room paid for,his airfare,his park tix, and his food (FD) etc etc- anything extra he bought,and I asked for 250.00 to offset the cost of the trip- I feel like it's right,as he's on the edged of adulthood, we want him with us, but things cost more with bigger people along... besides, he knows for sure he couldn't make a 10 day trip in the lap of luxury for 250.00 without us...good lessons for life,IMHO

 

[wallawallakids]

OP here.DD in question is not in college yet, she will be next spring, but living at home. Older DDs did contribute ,SOMETIMES, when they were her age. Like I said, not for the once a year family trip but for the second trip when they wanted to bring a friend who had never been etc. I am beginning to see the differences between the girls spending habits which is why I thought if this. DD#3 was looking at some expensive prom dresses ( IMO). I told her I would contribute $250 toward prom, she could decide how to spend it. She bought the $328 dollar dress. I collected the $78 from her as soon as we ordered the dress and now she will have to pay any other expenses. She seems much more willing to spend than her sisters did at her age, and she works much less. I'm thinking that one trip a year should be paid by parents( me) and anything else she talks me into, she should contribute.

I completely agree with what you said here. You will pay her way down and her hotel/tickets but she should have to pay for any and all extras. You could maybe ask her to pay for a meal or two as well and also anything extra she wants to do/buy/see. I think that is more than fair.

 

[MinnieForMe]

I wouldn't ask my kids to contribute to a family vacation unless they were out of college and working.

I agree. It would be different if she was bringing along a friend. Why not ask her to take YOU out for one meal? That would be an appropriate contribution for a 17 year old who is only working one day.

 

[eeyoresmom]

Hmmmmm, some of the responses don't seem to follow what I have been posting. These aren't family vacations, these are "extra" trips the kids have wanted to take. DD has brought friends several times and not contributed because I wasnt paying for the usual big group to go so it seemed more affordable. But I don't think that is fair compared to what the older kids did when they were her age. Seems people do have very different opinions though. I am going to continue to pay all expenses for the once a year big trip and she will be expected to pay for something if she wants extra trips that I agree to.

 

[MinnieForMe]

Hmmmmm, some of the responses don't seem to follow what I have been posting. These aren't family vacations, these are "extra" trips the kids have wanted to take. DD has brought friends several times and not contributed because I wasnt paying for the usual big group to go so it seemed more affordable. But I don't think that is fair compared to what the older kids did when they were her age. Seems people do have very different opinions though. I am going to continue to pay all expenses for the once a year big trip and she will be expected to pay for something if she wants extra trips that I agree to.

Sorry I missed your update. Okay - I can see your point. You are paying for the "official" family vacation but she wants to travel more. I guess in this situation, I might set a goal of how much you expect her to save.