Has anyone here ever transfered their HS'r to a new school?

[bjgrazi]

Back in January we moved and my daugher who is a freshman had to go to a new school. This move pained me, but I had thought in the long run it would be better for all of us.

Here's my problem; this morning on her way to school she handed me a note saying although she like the town we live in now she doesn't like the school. She went on to say that she goes to school everyday with a smile on her face and it doesn't get better for her. She feels that people are being nice to her because they have to be nice to her, not because they like her.

In her old HS she had lots of friends and was very happy. Now I think we all know that teenagers are not nice to other teenagers just for the sake of it. But, it's my guess that she feels as if she's not fitting in. She asked that we send her to the Catholic HS in the area. Which is a total shock to me.

I'm at a loss here, the last thing I want in this life if for my children to be unhappy, especially when it's my doing.

Has anyone ever gone through this?

 

[CEDmom]

I switched HS my jr year and it was the best thing that happened to me. My reason was I just wasn't doing well in public school and my mom was very concerned about my future. She convinced me to give a private school a try and it changed my life. I can't deny that the first semester wasn't tough because it was. I had to get a tutor to catch up but I made some great friends. I got into a good college something I probably wouldn't have been able to do had I stayed in public school. I think if this is something your DD wants and you can afford it you should look into her switching schools. Not being happy can have a huge impact on her self esteem and can cause things to spiral from there.

 

[ScarlettO]

At least look into the school for next year. Teens can be cliquish even in Catholic schools, though. Good luck.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

We changed schools in 4th grade and she was determined to hate it. Now in 7th she is finally on top of the world. We may be moving to Florida and that means another change.
If my dd was unhappy I would switch schools too.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I'm really impressed with the mature way she has handled asking you.

I think you really owe it to her to consider what she is saying.

 

[Disneycrazymom]

Most schools are holding open enrollment about now. Call the school in question and ask for a tour. They will most likely invite you during the day and a student will show you around. Then you and your daughter can list all the pros and cons of moving and what each school has to offer. It sounds like you have a daughter who is very mature!

 

[missypie]

Is your DD in any extra cirricular activities? They can really make all the difference in the world.

 

[mrsmom]

dh got transfered last yr and moved to another state, all my kids took it pretty well except the oldest which was in her Junior yr , she didn't like the school nor the people, they all had their clicks, she is a very smart and pretty girl , her other school she was very popular and was friends with everyone, here she has no close friends , she will be graduating in a couple of months , believe me if i could have afforded it i would have took her out of this school and put her in another. No kid should have to go through what i seen my daughter go through if you can afford to send her to another school. kids are sometimes very mean.
good luck!
Kim

 

[FINFAN]

Well, not a HS'er, but 4th grader. He was MISERABLE at his old school, lost the love and curiosity of learning(long horrible story of verbally abusive teacher)...it was for his emotional well being and ours to get him on the right track, as I was worried he'd never stick it out through HS. After just 7 months he is doing great! We stayed w/a school that would feed into the same jr.hi that his old one will, so now he will know double the kids when he gets there.
You can tell if you child is seriously concerned, and not just upset over having to make the move in the first place. I agree that she is approaching you in a very mature way, and she should be heard. Perhaps you can tour the Catholic school with her and see if it will be an improvement in her eyes. Ask to be there specifically during a reg day, as Disneycrazymom suggests. No HS is easy, and she may not like having to start over again, although here, our kids go to a freshman center, and then the reg HS and DD is dreading it as she feels like she will be doing just that, a new school back to back.
Does your DD know kids who attend the Cath. HS? That may be a comfort zone for her. Do not feel guilty about the move, you did what you felt was best at the time. W/jobs the way they are, it is happening to a LOT of people. We are in a constant limbo as DH is job hunting and I have no idea where we will end up. Schools are the first thing I base the rest of our lives on since we have had such a negative experience happen to DS.
Ther is a lot demanded of the kids these days, add in making new friends,trusting people, getting to know a new area, having your family be stressed out and busy from a new job, move can all add up to a real mess....but maybe this summer she will have a chance to find one or two good friends and she will feel more comfortable. DD said this A.M. that her team at school has gotten 5 new kids this week alone, none of whom speak a word of english...can you imagine trying to fit in then? DD is constantly drawing symbols and pictures to help them...but she said it is really hard to try and communicate.
Best of luck to you both, and give your DD a HUGE hug when she gets home!

 

[Disneycrazymom]

I have been thinking of her all day, wondering if she was feeling lonely. Could she do some kind of outside activity after school to help her until the end of the year? A dance class or a volunteer job. Just something that she can look forward to at the end of the day. I wish you both the best during this difficult time.

 

[FINFAN]

You mentioned that your DD likes the town, is there a community center or YMCA that she might be able to join? Or does she like animals? Our shelter is ALWAYS looking for volunteers,and since she is too young to start a job...not that she needs to add that to her plate, but perhaps volunteering she may meet someone else her age. Winter months can also make things hard, no one out and about. Maybe she is missingher old friends a lot, and that is complicating giving the new ones a chance....DS best friend moved to AZ a few weeks ago, and DS sometimes compares his current friends to the one that moved away. It seems like she knows that you are there for her, she has put a lot of trust into letting you know how sad she is. Is it possible for her to invite one of her old friends to visit over spring break? Perhaps she can introduce her to new friends during the visit, maybe if she has a close friend see her situation first hand they can talk and try and find a way to help the situation.
Pam

 

[Nancy]

I went through this in 6th grade with my daughter..she just was not happy and it was affecting everything after awhile, not just school. We talked to the counselers at the school and they recommended switching schools..she just could not adjust to the large school atmosphere. She went to a private school for 7th and 8th grade and loved it. Freshman year she went back to public schools because we could not afford the tuition for private high school. Last year was very rough..I wish we could have pulled her out. She ended up not going to school some days, other days she went but it was major fighting to get her to go, she failed classes and is repeating them this year. This year is getting better (finally) she is just starting to make some friends there. I am hoping that junior and senior year will be beter for her.

 

[floridaminnie]

I went to three different High Schools with one of them being my Senior year. I guess I adjusted fine, b/c my parents were always moving us kids around and starting new schools b/c dad was in the Air Force.

 

[crazyme5kids]

I would call the school and speak to her guidence counsler (sp?). Changing schools may sound good, but the reality is that it will probably be the same way. It takes time to form new friendships but she'll get there with a little help. Do you live in a lake community in Vernon? A lot of the lakes have activities and clubs that she could try. I'm assuming she goes to Vernon High, I thought they had a program there for the new students to meet each other. You might want to find out about it.
Bottom line is keep the communication open with your daughter and the school. It will get easier.

 

[bjgrazi]

We spoke last night, okay we cried. I told her changing schools isn't an option. But, that was after I did call the HS and found out what their tuition was. I then spoke to her dad. I don't think changing schools is the answer.

She tells me the kids are nice to her, she just feels like she doesn't fit in and hasn't clicked with anyone. She left behind kids that she had known since pre-school. I think time is the answer here. I thought when she went to Disneyland with the band it would have helped. She use to be an honor roll student, now she doesn't seem to care. (this worries me.) I have a call into the GC at the school, he seems like a really decent guy who actually cares about the kids. He's also her track coach.

Needless to say I didn't sleep a wink last night. I felt horrible driving her to the bus this morning.

 

[crazyme5kids]

You know I've been thinking about this situation. The kids are nice to her as you've said, so it really is just about her finding a few kids to click with. Maybe she just needs a little push so to speak.
How about having a getting to know you party for her? Or tell her you'd like her to invite a couple girls out for an afternoon of fun. You could treat them to manicures and lunch, then give them each a little spending money (say $20-25.00) for the mall. I know that option might be slightly costly, but it might just be a good ice breaker. It's a lot cheaper than private school LOL.