I was so incredibly touched today when I saw this post. It really amazed me that you guys were thinking about me so much. I was around yesterday, but I just couldn't bring myself to post this yet. I tried several times, but I just couldn't hit the submit button.
My doctor called yesterday with the results of my bood work and confirmed what I already knew - this pregnancy is over. I got worried last Friday when I started to have a little bit of spotting. On Monday, my doctor scheduled me for an ultrasound and they couldn't find any baby, just an empty sack. After that, it was just a matter of getting the "official" results of the bood tests. My doctor says she doesn't think it is necessary to do a D&C. She says it is better to just let it happen naturally.
I was so thrilled and excited just a few days ago, and now all that is gone. I feel pretty miserable right now, like I've really let everyone down. I know that's silly, but it's how I feel. One minute I feel fine, and the next minute I'm sobbing. Last week we were picking out nursery furniture and thinking about names, and now I feel so lost and sad. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel. My doctor tells me it isn't as though we actaully lost a baby, since no baby every developed. But there definately was a baby for me! From the minute I took that HPT I was in absolute love. Now, to find out there was never anything there is crushing. I feel like I was tricked by my own body.
We are planning on trying again as soon as my doctor gives us the OK and I hope we are able to get pregnant as quickly as we did this time. I know, though, that I will never feel the same excitement as I did this time. Next time there will be too much worry mixed up with it.
Thanks for letting me share. It really does help. We have just taken the past few days to deal with this ourselves. We are planning on starting to tell everybody tomorrow, and I really dread that. It makes me wish so much that we had never told in the first place. I'm a very private person, and I really hate sharing my sorrows with other people. I know it has to be done, though. I've avoided going to the grocery store or Wal-Mart all week because I was afraid I would run into somebody who knew we were pregnant and that they would say something about the baby. I've been screening my calls and letting my friends leave messages on the machine, because I wasn't ready to tell them yet. I wanted to wait until I could do it without crying, but I don't know if that's ever going to happen.
The other bad news is that my doctor doesn't think we should go on our vacation next week, just in case some sort of complication develops. So, it looks like I'll be stuck just hanging around the house. We are hoping that maybe the week after next we can get away somewhere together, at least for a few days. My husband has been absolutely incredible through everything and has been by my side pretty much every minute, which also makes things easier.
I really was so amzingly touched by seeing this post. To those of you who pm'd me, I'm so sorry that I haven't been able to get back to each one of you personally yet. You really are the most wonderful group of people in the world.
