Hard Time Saying NO?

[belle&sebastiansmom]

Do you have a hard time saying NO when asked to volunteer, for just one more thing?

AHHH!

I'm not a cheerful giver anymore. I am dealing with major medical issues with my son and I'm still being asked to volunteer. I've backed away once, but I got the guilt trip played, "oh, but there's no one else, please please please, but you have experience, we really need you, how about in a limited capacity?"

Yea, limited capacity. Right. That worked out.
Back to doing the same "job" and more. Literally, my hours volunteering should quality as a part time job. I feel like a pushover.

I am going to put my foot down. I've reached my limits. I'm giving but not getting any help or compassion in return. It's taken a toll on my health and well-being. My family must come first.

Have you ever been in a similar situation? So stressed about volunteering? I keep doing it because I do want to help, I want the program to succeed, and no one else is stepping up (though there are many capable who should), so I feel bad.

But enough is now enough. I need to regroup, get my family in order, then I can return when my head and heart are in the right place.

 

[java]

Repeat after me "Sorry but NO!"

My life doesn't leave me with the time to commit to your project. Good luck.

I volunteer and I find that if you some assume you'll do anything. I get asked to do all kinds of silly things. My breaking point was when I was volunteering in the school library. The librarian was going out for surgery and would be out for 4 months. They wanted me to VOLUNTEER to cover her during that time FULL TIME! For FREE! Um thanks but no thanks. After you say no once it's easier the next time.

 

[SaraJayne]

No.

 

[dislaney]

Practice saying no... I volunteer and now I have figured out how many hours a week I have time to volunteer and that is it. I want to be able to spend time with my family too. No is a powerful word. Don't make excuses just no.

 

[Tink888]

Just say no and don't feel guilty about it.

I've learned that when it comes to volunteering (or anything really), the more you do, the more you are asked to do. It never ends.

And no matter how much you've done in the past, the first time you say no, there will ALWAYS be someone, who has forgotten everything that you have done before and will try and make you out to be the bad guy for saying no this time.

I've learned to say no. I help when I can and that is that. Learned to say no, stop doing everything for everyone else and not care what anyone else thinks about it. I'm a lot happier because of that.

 

[tluvstink]

I used to have a hard time saying no too. But after saying it and standing my ground it got easier.

I did feel guilty at first but that eventually passed

Do what's best for you and your family.

Terri

 

[SpecialK]

Once you say no it will get easier. As for guilt - forget about it! You need the time for yourself and your family.

 

[Jill in Chicago]

I completely understand wanting the program to succeed but at what expense to you and your family? Cub Scouts was such a drain, and everyone kept saying, "it's for the boys." Honestly it was for the other boys in the den as I could have/would have/and did do all those outings, projects..... with my son. He, nor I, needed a group to do them. Nor did we need someone motivating us to go to the zoo or other outings.....

My sons though did enjoy cub scouts so I continued on as den leader.

Many people though do not have the gift of organization and both they and their children love groups. If someone else does not do the planning they and their children will not go on the outings, do the group things.....

You have to be willing to separate yourself from the guilt of trying to "save the world," and make everyone else's family happy.

What I have found to work best is to completely bow out from volunteering for a full year. Never, and I mean never tell someone (who is asking you to volunteer) why you can't. No matter what you say there is someone who does more than you, works more hours than you or has more children than you and THEY manage to volunteer more than you. Good for them. Bless them. I'm glad they enjoy it.

Someone asks, you say, "Let me think about that," or "let me pray about that." Then you call them back and say, "Oh I am so sorry, but that will not work out for me this time. Thanks for thinking of me." Then you hang up or change the subject. When they ask again/beg, say, "Really. It's no this time." Followed by, "NO!"

At first you will feel guilty and then you will feel soooo happy. After a year re-evaluate and choose only those volunteer activities YOU enjoy!

 

[Tinijocaro]

Do you have a hard time saying NO when asked to volunteer, for just one more thing?

Honestly, no. I find it to be easy. No. Say it, practice it in the mirror, no, no no.

 

[hereyago]

I can easily say no if I can't do something. No guilt or anything. My dh at the time used to volunteer me or try to volunteer me to do things, like dog sit when I had an infant and puppy all ready. I told him if I wanted to volunteer, I would join the Red Cross.

I do volunteer at DD's school, not as much as I like to, but I have to work.

 

[OceanAnnie]

You have a lot on your plate. Just stop. Tell them they have a few days to get a replacement and put an end to it. And tell them you won't be available. Don't offer reasons, or forecast that things will get better. Leave it at, "No.".

If and when you do have the time and feel like volunteering again, you may want to consider a different agency. You need a good fit, one that will not take advantage of you. And even at that, you have to be very specific as to what time you can give. Don't give into idle chit chat about your life. People glean information about you and will have you on their list for support quicker than you know.

I volunteer. But I am very particular about when and how much time I give.

 

[traviesojmt]

I volunteer quite a bit at my children's school. One particular week, we were working on something that required us to be their several days in a row. One of the teachers said that I was there so much that week that I should just get a job there. I told her that the benefit of just being a volunteer is that I can say No when I want or need to without guilt. Volunteers are extremely important to the success of a school, but they are just volunteers. It is not a paid or required position. Do what you can reasonably do and then do not worry about the rest. Sometimes we all need to remember that the school functioned before we got there and it will function after we have gone. Others will step up eventually; and if they don't, it really isn't your problem in the end. I promise that saying No will get easier over time.

 

[Gigi22]

Just tell them "No." Nothing more. I believe it was Byron who said, "Never excuse, never explain." At a certain point, an explanation only weakens the strength of your refusal.

 

[MIGrandma]

No. I do not have a hard time saying no anymore.

We used to be very active in school and church activities, and we both got so burned out. It has gotten very easy to say "sorry, I'm not able to do that."

 

[clh2]

I agree - a "simple NO, I am not able to help with that" will suffice.

And, yes, it does get easier.

I do what I can, and that is it. Know when you are done, and then that is it. (i.e. I volunteer for a week-long Girl Scout day camp - and I am on the planning team, so my week-long camp turns into a long involved project. In 2011, I will be done with my role, and will pass it along to somebody else.)

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

No.

I just say No. I'm unavailable.

Sometimes they try the guilt trip but it never works on me. I'm an old hand at dealing with the guilt trip.

 

[C.Ann]

No - I have no problems saying no if need be..

A person can only do so much - you have to prioritize - and from the sounds of things, you already have enough on your plate.. There's nothing to feel guilty about..