Hard headed husband, what would you do?

[verleniahall]

In my opinion, which may not be popular these days, it seems like you two are treating the marriage as a business venture w/ his share and your share. Marriage is a partnership and there shouldn't be any his savings and my savings. IT all goes into the same account and it's "OURS" -- if he's not great w/ saving or managing the money then you might need to handle it once it's all lumped together.

i 100%+ agree with this statement!

 

[luvmy3]

What it seems like the real issue is the lack of a shared means to achieving a goal and a lack of communication about expectations. While I would say that it would be nice to simply believe him when he says he'll have the money and to just go ahead and book the vacation, I would sit down and have a real conversation about how he expects to achieve it, what deadlines he can meet for having a certain percentage, etc. That will hopefully give you peace of mind.

Good luck and hopefully you're in WDW sooner than later.

And OP, maybe not use the words hard headed, talking to a brick wall or tell him he has to grow up when you do it.

 

[NorCalGal]

I'm glad you were able to come up with a solution. I agree with a pp that maybe it's time to go without him. I don't mean that as a "punishment", it just seems like although he says he wants to go, he doesn't want to more than he wants to work fewer hours. It may be that vacation time sounds nice, but not if it means sacrifices. I have a friend who has been married for 20+ years, very happily, but her hubby hates to travel. After many "planned but never carried out" vacations, she now travels with me, LOL. He's happy, she's happy, he gets cool souvenirs, and I knew her first. We only do something together about every other year, but it's frequently Disney-related.

 

[NorCalGal]

I'm glad you were able to come up with a solution. I agree with a pp that maybe it's time to go without him. I don't mean that as a "punishment", it just seems like although he says he wants to go, he doesn't want to more than he wants to work fewer hours. It may be that vacation time sounds nice, but not if it means sacrifices. I have a friend who has been married for 20+ years, very happily, but her hubby hates to travel. After many "planned but never carried out" vacations, she now travels with me, LOL. He's happy, she's happy, he gets cool souvenirs, and I knew her first. We only do something together about every other year, but it's frequently Disney-related.

 

[Owlpost23]

It's 2013,people! The guy needs to pay up or stay home.Good Lord in Heaven.

 

[nighttowll]

her $$ is her money and my money is her $$. .

Nice to see there is at least one well educated man out there. Now if you could just continue to spread the message, pretty soon we won't even need threads like this one.

 

[disneymagicgirl]

I haven't read this whole thread but I find it fascinating that people can be married and split the cost of a vacation. Isn't everyone's money everyone's money?

 

[mm1971]

Nice to see there is at least one well educated man out there. Now if you could just continue to spread the message, pretty soon we won't even need threads like this one.

Will do!

Anyone that gives birth to my children and can put up with me 24 hours a day is entitled to pretty much anything I have. Old school values, I guess my mom raised me the right way.

 

[photos_101]

Wait a minute........I can make my wife pay for her half? This concept has eluded me. When I got married, her $$ is her money and my money is her $$. Somewhat kidding, but we do have joint accounts and have never looked at it as mine and hers. I know a lot of couples keep finances separate, but doesn't the money belong to both of you regardless of whose account it is in?

Since he seems to be less than perfect at saving and planning finances, may I suggest direct depositing a certain amount from his check directly into a separate account intended for vacation or extra activities. That way the money gets saved and everyone gets used to living on a little less. He wouldn't have to physically save the money, it would be automatic. Otherwise, remind him he made a commitment to save and take this vacation and he is not holding up his end! Start making your reservations and plans without him. Maybe that will kick him into gear.

Update: Called the misses and explained she now has to pay for her half or stay home. I can't really post her response since this is a family friendly board. Let's suffice it to say that I will still be paying for her half of our next vacation.

HAHA! Bolded part above..I am pretty sure this was part of our marriage vows. I can imagine what she said, cause I would have probably said the exact same thing to my DH.

My DH will freely and happily tell anyone 'what's hers is hers and what's mine is hers'. He is proud of the fact that he is the money maker and just hands it ALL over to me and I pay all the bills and have our budget figured and ready to go. He hates the whole budget process, says it is too much work! He would rather earn the money and have me budget it.

I too am a SAHM now (have been for at least 13years) however, when I did work we still 'lived on DH's income. Mine was spent on extras for our family. We have always just used DH's income that way. He worked and paid all the bills, including groceries, gas and such. Our thought was that we wanted to make sure we were living below our means and we both knew that I would not work for long once we had kids. So why even get used to that money.

My poor DH doesn't even see his check. It is direct deposited and his pay stub is paperless. I tease him all the time about that, but his comment is 'Well I have everything I need right here' (meaning me, the kids and a home) So he doesn't care how much money we have or don't have or what it is spent on. We are both on the same page about finances, we have a set budget (and he sees it all the time). Right now our kids and vacations take it all anyways so why fret over it.

But I do have a vacation planned for next month that I am going on without him. Just me, going to see our DD who is doing the college program there and guess who paid for it?? Yep, he did cause I have no income. Okay, well I have made a little extra on the side for extra spending money and such. He is thrilled that I am going on this trip and doesn't care one bit that he is working extra hours at work to pay for it. When we talked about it, he just said he felt it was part of taking care of his family. And that I needed to go see our DD for my sanity. (true, I cried for a long time when we had to leave her there)

I will say that this is my second marriage and it is totally opposite of the first one. So I KNEW what I wanted and how I wanted my life to go. I was just lucky enough to find someone who wanted the same thing!
We are very happy and work well together to make things go smoothly. We have been married for almost 18yrs.

By the way, we are taking a family vacation in Dec. and he will be footing the bill for that one too. I am letting him come along on that one. He has worked hard this year putting up with us so he deserves it!!

 

[DisKneeKnut]

Thanks everyone. We have wierd work schedules at work, and it has really been affecting me. I used to work in the same dept as my husband. We both work in a call center for different clients, with different needs. We both share the costs of paying for bills. We take turns paying for meals out. It's not the money, as he makes more than I do. And no this does not bother me. We both procrastinate, he is more last minute than I am. I'm a saver, he is a spender. In turn I've been a spender and he has also saved for common goals.

We get one weekend off together every 6 weeks. I'm not working overtime per se, I either work my 8.5 hours a day plus any additional time that I get stuck on a call or I can request part-time at only 20 hours per week. His dept is only scheduled 7.5 hours a day, his dept had options for going home early on top of his shorter hours which our dept didn't. We are bombarded with overtime requests, I won't volunteer for overtime. I can barely manage the hours I work now.

We're both looking forward to a Disney vacation. We're both in our 50's. We find it very magical and enjoy going with family and friends and as a couple. We have treated our niece, nephew and my step-son and are looking forward to taking our granddaughters when they are a bit older. They are 2 and 5.

 

[mrsklamc]

Why don't you believe him when he says he will use his October bonus? Is there some reason to think he won't get it?