Had A Desperate Housewife Moment Yesterday...

[polineedyan]

We have a tv programme in the UK called How Clean is your house where two ladies visit peoples houses that are in need of some major cleaning. Rooms are full of trash from years before, laundry never done and dirt and yuck that would cause serious illness - it is unbelievable

So maybe he is just one of those who don't tidy - funny how he mantains the gardens though. As we say here "Nowt queer as folk!"


By the way - which desperate housewife are you?

Our cable network carries bbc, and I have seen this show a FEW times. It is REALLY good. Those women are HYSTERICAL!!

 

[SunnieRN]

Got to find out what happens now!!
The town we live in had a robbery. The thieves got caught and when they were questioned they said they hadn't stolen anything. They said the house was already trashed and they couldn't get to anything to steal it!

 

[CelticBelle]

I think you are doing the best thing. I really hope it doesnt turn out to be an embarrassing situation where he really is just a slob. You did say you havent talked to him much, so maybe hes just really gross and messy and you never knew. But i do hope he is OK and nothing awful happened. Is there a car there so that you can tell if hes home or not? Its just awful when an accident happens and someone is left alone injured or dead for what can be a long time.

 

[mommyceratops]

I think you are doing the best thing. I really hope it doesnt turn out to be an embarrassing situation where he really is just a slob. You did say you havent talked to him much, so maybe hes just really gross and messy and you never knew. But i do hope he is OK and nothing awful happened. Is there a car there so that you can tell if hes home or not? Its just awful when an accident happens and someone is left alone injured or dead for what can be a long time.

Now thats positive thinking! but it does sound it is all no good....

There was that man in Austria (i think - I forget where now) that kept his daughter and her children locked in the basement for 15 years?

 

[CelticBelle]

Now thats positive thinking! but it does sound it is all no good....

There was that man in Austria (i think - I forget where now) that kept his daughter and her children locked in the basement for 15 years?

I know! I cant believe that! She had like 7 children with her father?! The only reason they found her was because the son was very ill or something like that.

 

[UrsulasShadow]

I didn't know we were neighbors, Lisa....

 

[firemanx]

You may want to keep an eye out for activity happening @ night. Meth addicts tend to let there house get completely ransacked by themselves. They will take stuff apart and never put it back together. It is a strange drug, and you def dont want an addict of meth living next to you.

 

[Northern_Julie]

Personally I am younger than you put this man but live alone in a family neighborhood. It sometimes feels wierd (and a few act like I took this house away from a real buyer) and often difficult to keep up with the housecleaning (although I have nothing that bad).

It actually is touching when someone takes the time to watch my back. When I got really sick with a bronchitis a year ago my next door neighbor came by because the snow piled up. He then shoveled the driveway for me when he heard me wheaze. My coworkers actually call and follow up with me if I am sick more than a few days. I tell them it is not necessary and get embarressed but secretly it means a lot more than they will ever know. I live in a town that has that mentality in general but I dont expect it. If he has a problem with it I think he will get over it. I think when you live by yourself you are aware that if something happens you have to depend on a stranger next door in an emergency.

I think you did the right thing

 

[Ashley Kees]

I think that everyone needs to calm down. You said that this man is single and lives completely alone. My dad is the same way, and has been for the last 27 years. He is a complete pig. He never learned to take care of his living areas. His house is only properly cleaned once a year when I come visit (He lives over a thousand miles away). I MADE him get a lawn service because he kept getting notices from the HOA, but the inside of the house is his business.

There are no children there being put in danger, so it is really no one's business why it's so dirty inside. And by the way, looking in the windows to "check things out" is illegal. It's called peeping. Unless you can see from the street that there are signs of a break in, you leave the poor man alone. I understand if you just want to check in and make sure he's not sick or something, but since he has never gone out of his way to strike up a friendship with him, he clearly doesn't need your help.

And to those who assume he's making drugs, trust me, there would be people in and out of that house A LOT and at weird times. This phone call is at least going to cause embarrasement of both the OP and the homeowner, and at the worst is going to result in bad blood and a "mind your own GD business!"

 

[UrsulasShadow]

I think that everyone needs to calm down. You said that this man is single and lives completely alone. My dad is the same way, and has been for the last 27 years. He is a complete pig. He never learned to take care of his living areas. His house is only properly cleaned once a year when I come visit (He lives over a thousand miles away). I MADE him get a lawn service because he kept getting notices from the HOA, but the inside of the house is his business.

There are no children there being put in danger, so it is really no one's business why it's so dirty inside. And by the way, looking in the windows to "check things out" is illegal. It's called peeping. Unless you can see from the street that there are signs of a break in, you leave the poor man alone. I understand if you just want to check in and make sure he's not sick or something, but since he has never gone out of his way to strike up a friendship with him, he clearly doesn't need your help.

And to those who assume he's making drugs, trust me, there would be people in and out of that house A LOT and at weird times. This phone call is at least going to cause embarrasement of both the OP and the homeowner, and at the worst is going to result in bad blood and a "mind your own GD business!"

Or, the man is really in trouble and needs help.


It's a tough call. I'm not one for invading others' privacy, and I can see where a private person might be offended by the "neighborliness" of others. But just suppose the guy had a real issue. You could go around and say, "well, he wasn't friendly to me, so his welfare is not any of my business". I hate a world in which that is the prevailing attitude.

Lisa said that she was alerted by a door-to-door salesman. She did not find out about the situation by blithely snooping in her neighbor's business. She had cause to check it out. Maybe the better way would have been to call the authorities right away, rather than peek around...it actually might have put you in some danger, Lisa, to do that. But first instinct is to see for ourselves, then maybe call the authorities if it looks bad.

If you don't see the neighbor in a short time, I don't think there's harm in calling the authorities to check on him, and it might be the best thing overall.

 

[alebisi]

Or, the man is really in trouble and needs help.


It's a tough call. I'm not one for invading others' privacy, and I can see where a private person might be offended by the "neighborliness" of others. But just suppose the guy had a real issue. You could go around and say, "well, he wasn't friendly to me, so his welfare is not any of my business". I hate a world in which that is the prevailing attitude.

Lisa said that she was alerted by a door-to-door salesman. She did not find out about the situation by blithely snooping in her neighbor's business. She had cause to check it out. Maybe the better way would have been to call the authorities right away, rather than peek around...it actually might have put you in some danger, Lisa, to do that. But first instinct is to see for ourselves, then maybe call the authorities if it looks bad.

If you don't see the neighbor in a short time, I don't think there's harm in calling the authorities to check on him, and it might be the best thing overall.

Totally agree!

 

[dmccarty]

Its very unlikely you would be charged with peeping. In your state in might not even be illegal. Until the last few years in NC it was perfectly LEGAL for a WOMEN to look into a man's domicile. The man could have been taking a shower and it would have been LEGAL. Switch the gender of the peeper and the person in the shower then it would be a crime.

The neighborhood we used to live in had a house that NEVER was occupied. We where there for almost a decade and that house was empty the entire time. It was tied up in some sort of legal issue. The house just sat there rotting.

There also was a case of a recluse and who was not friendly with the neighbors. She was elderly. DECADES after anyone had seen her, her skull and bones were found in the house. The house had been overgrown with brush and trees. The roof had fallen partially in. Some kids went to check out the house and found her skull in the kitchen. The rest of her bones were hidden under leaves. She had no family and no body noticed her "missing."

Who knows what happened if anything to your neighbor. *** I *** would call the police if you don't see or hear from him soon. How would you feel if he was sick and not able to move? This happens to people. Its happened to me when I was much younger than the man you describe. Thankfully I got better after 12 hours but I lived alone and only people at work would have noticed me missing. Family would have taken a week to have noticed.

Its simply not a big deal to call the police and have them check out the house. Its why they are there. If this bothers you then call the police.

Later,
Dan

 

[TSMAMI]

 

[kathie859]

Bumping out of curiosity

 

[CelticBelle]

You may want to keep an eye out for activity happening @ night. Meth addicts tend to let there house get completely ransacked by themselves. They will take stuff apart and never put it back together. It is a strange drug, and you def dont want an addict of meth living next to you.

I think that everyone needs to calm down. You said that this man is single and lives completely alone. My dad is the same way, and has been for the last 27 years. He is a complete pig. He never learned to take care of his living areas. His house is only properly cleaned once a year when I come visit (He lives over a thousand miles away). I MADE him get a lawn service because he kept getting notices from the HOA, but the inside of the house is his business.

One word pops into my mind...Entropy

Who knows what happened if anything to your neighbor. *** I *** would call the police if you don't see or hear from him soon. How would you feel if he was sick and not able to move? This happens to people. Its happened to me when I was much younger than the man you describe. Thankfully I got better after 12 hours but I lived alone and only people at work would have noticed me missing. Family would have taken a week to have noticed.

Its situations like this where life alert comes in handy.

Help Ive fallen and I can't get up! (rights reserved)

 

[IWISHFORDISNEY]

Got me too.

 

[thunderbird1]

Quit looking in my windows! My ds had the flu and I fell a little behind, okay?

 

[Ashley Kees]

Or, the man is really in trouble and needs help.


It's a tough call. I'm not one for invading others' privacy, and I can see where a private person might be offended by the "neighborliness" of others. But just suppose the guy had a real issue. You could go around and say, "well, he wasn't friendly to me, so his welfare is not any of my business". I hate a world in which that is the prevailing attitude.

I'm sorry to say this, because you seem to be a sensitive and caring person, and I don't want to hurt your sensibilities (and I hope no on ereads sarcasm in that, because I meant it), but you can go around with that attitude, and it will save you many a sleepless night. I spent many years trying to help people, and it got me abused and used and heartache. Some people just don't want help, even if they are hurting. It is not your job to fix them. I'm not saying that this man is for sure one of those people, I've just been in bad situations that started like this. And my father is one of them.

Lisa said that she was alerted by a door-to-door salesman. She did not find out about the situation by blithely snooping in her neighbor's business. She had cause to check it out. Maybe the better way would have been to call the authorities right away, rather than peek around...it actually might have put you in some danger, Lisa, to do that. But first instinct is to see for ourselves, then maybe call the authorities if it looks bad.


If you don't see the neighbor in a short time, I don't think there's harm in calling the authorities to check on him, and it might be the best thing overall.

I totally agree with this. The police are FAR more qualified than you to deal with this. They are trained in how to handle different types of people, they don't usually let their emotions get in the way, they won't be charged with trespassing or peeping, and they are armed in the slight chance that something more sinister is going on.

Its very unlikely you would be charged with peeping. In your state in might not even be illegal. Until the last few years in NC it was perfectly LEGAL for a WOMEN to look into a man's domicile. The man could have been taking a shower and it would have been LEGAL. Switch the gender of the peeper and the person in the shower then it would be a crime.

OK, you got me. Peeping MIGHT not be illegal, and it MIGHT not be considered trespassing, either. But I'll tell you something, it isn't KIND or RESPECTFUL behaviour, either. I would hate to think that my neighbors would peek into my windows feeling justified that they aren't doing anything wrong because they won't be ticketed for it. It's none of their business, and it's rude.

The neighborhood we used to live in had a house that NEVER was occupied. We where there for almost a decade and that house was empty the entire time. It was tied up in some sort of legal issue. The house just sat there rotting.

There also was a case of a recluse and who was not friendly with the neighbors. She was elderly. DECADES after anyone had seen her, her skull and bones were found in the house. The house had been overgrown with brush and trees. The roof had fallen partially in. Some kids went to check out the house and found her skull in the kitchen. The rest of her bones were hidden under leaves. She had no family and no body noticed her "missing."

This is terribly sad, and happens more often than it should. However, I have to point out that the OP did NOT indicate that the worry came from not seeing this man for some time. This was prompted solely on how dirty and messy his house is. If the OP had said that she was worried because she hadn't seen her neighbor for a few months, then it would be a similar situation.The lawn care is paid, the papers aren't piling up, I don't think it's the same.

Who knows what happened if anything to your neighbor. *** I *** would call the police if you don't see or hear from him soon. How would you feel if he was sick and not able to move? This happens to people. Its happened to me when I was much younger than the man you describe. Thankfully I got better after 12 hours but I lived alone and only people at work would have noticed me missing. Family would have taken a week to have noticed.

This happens to most people at some time. It happened to my mother in college during Christmas break, and to me in a hotel on a business trip. However, these are always accidents, and you should probably look out for yourself in advance by keeping in regular correspondence with people. Checking on a work associate who has been no call no show for a day is a great way to check on your fellow man. However, the man in question did not seek out the association of the OP, the OP has not sought the association of the man, and so the relationship is really not close enough to REQUIRE looking out after each other. And again I point out that none of this was prompted by the OP noticing her neighbor was missing, only that his house was trashed.

Its simply not a big deal to call the police and have them check out the house. Its why they are there. If this bothers you then call the police.

I still agree. If it bothers you really, have the police take care of it.

Later,
Dan

Quit looking in my windows! My ds had the flu and I fell a little behind, okay?

TOO FUNNY!! I think every parent feels that way at least once. Sometimes, the housework has to be last on the list, you know!

 

[Ashley Kees]

I will also say that while it is admirable that so many people are truly concerned that the man may be in need of aid due to illness or injury, the signs don't really point to that. The OP's description of the house, the cigarette butts ground into the floor, the clothes all over, the trash, it all points to a slovenly person. If someone was simply hurt, the house would be dusty, there may be bugs or rodents, the mail and papers would be piling up outside, and there may be dishes from the last meal in the sink. And, to be brutally frank, if something REALLY horrible had happened, there would be a smell. I REALLY think he's just a pig. But certainly call the police if your conscience won't let you rest.

My husband had a coworker a few years ago who fell off the bed one night and slipped between the nightstand and the bed. He had been drinking, and didn't wake up, and the pressure of the nightstand closed off his breathing and he died. Everyone at work wondered where he was, even his close friends, but they figured he just blew off work. After three days, one of them went to the door, noticed a smell, and called the police. The neighbors were not the ones who should have been checking on him, his friends and coworkers, the people who knew him were.

OK-I am sure I've totally alienated someone, and I am sorry for it. This is a topic that has managed to ALWAYS affect me in some way, and I feel strongly about it. I hope that the man is fine, that he calls the OP, they laugh about it, and everyone gets together for a picnic.

 

[calypso*a*go-go]

I can definitely see both sides of this. I felt very uncomfortable walking over to his house with the other neighbor and can honestly say that I didn't have my nose to the pane trying to peek in. His door is framed by windows on both sides and you can clearly see his entryway, kitchen, and living room just by standing on the front step. We were there all of about five minutes.

I've been by his house before selling GS cookies, etc and I've never seen anything even close to what it looks like now. It really does look like someone went in there and just tore the place apart. As far as I know he is still employed and hasn't experienced any type of financial hardship...so who knows what's going on.

I have a very close relative that has some problems with addiction (alcoholism) and she tends to let her surroundings get the same way during the times she has lost control...so please believe me when I say I am sensitive to this type of situation as well.

As far as I can tell my neighbor has not been home since our visit yesterday as there are some advertising flyers that have been left by his door as well as a phone book that was delivered and nothing has been moved.

I am not a snoopy neighbor and have no intention of stalking this poor guy -- but if anything else happens or appears to be suspicious I will call the police.