H is back.

[Southerngirl]

Did you have marital issues prior to him cheating, leaving the home...I hope I dont get flamed but if you had a happy homelife before these current issues happened maybe it would be worth the exploration through counseling and hard work as a couple to save the union.... I have read most of the ongoing posts on this thread and cant recall if you said there had been major issues that were ongoing from the start.....I do recall you saying he wasnt much of a helper in the marriage/family life but is that a reason to divorce without at least trying to resolve things....I am not sure about your ages but I know as a young married, my dh was not the most helpful person around the house and assummed that I would do it all....because he was the main breadwinner. I dont know the situation but divorce in this country can at times be almost too easy to obtain and doesnt allow a couple to try to work through, grow through differences....Dont mistake what I am saying....If infidelity is an ongoing way of life, abuse, neglect, ect....I say get out now...

 

[rigs32]

Just a comment, which may not be necessary. Every state has different divorce laws, so definately listen to what your attorney has to say rather than what others have done in the past. Even the same state could have seen a recent change in the statutes.

 

[DisneyLovingMama]

Just checking in to say hello. Things have been extremely tough. I have so much anger and rage right now. My medical tests came back with some issues (nothing life-threatening) and he's just here, mentally poking me at every turn. He's horrible to DD and, at the same time, badmouthing me to her. He just ignores DS, unless he's crying, the H just screams at him to shut up.

I have an appointment with my lawyer on Monday to discuss my options - I can't stay here with him, so I need to know what happens if I leave. See if we can draw up some papers for a separation, or something. I can live with one of my friends for awhile - she's single, but having a baby in November, so it would be very short term. The other issue is that she lives in another state, close to my work. So, I might not be able to do that. (Take the kids across state lines).

 

[WatchinCaptKangaroo]

If he is verbally abusing (being horrible to her) your/his DD and neglecting (ignoring) and abusing (screaming at him to shut up) your/his child I would think that is grounds to have him kicked out. Write down or record (if you can) what he says to her, how he ignores DS etc...

 

[DisneyLovingMama]

When I spoke to my lawyer about it last week, she said that he had to physically threaten me. Even, if he did something to DD or DS, it wouldn't be enough to get a TRO. He never gets physical (or threatens to) with me. It's all emotional/verbal. I'm keeping a record of it all, but I'm not sure what good it'll do.

 

[Steamboat Marti]

The best thing you can do is keep your head held high, take care of your kids, and get to that lawyers office pronto!

Good luck

 

[goofyshell]

I have no advice but prayers and hugs to you and your kids. And please do something nice for yourself. You deserve it!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Hello again,

I am so sorry to hear how things are going!!!!

I agree with the poster who said to consult your lawyer, so that you are familiar with the guidelines of your State.

HOWEVER, I am still not conviced that your lawyer is really advising you to do everything possible in your best interests. I can not imagine, that in ANY state. the laws would require you to physically STAY in the same home with an emotionally abusive husband.

And, to be honest, I would not care WHAT the lawyer said..... It is NOT good advice for any woman to try to force her to stay in the same residence during this kind of thing.

Is your half of that mortgage really worth it??? If nothing else, I would draw up a statement, have it Notarized, etc.. that states that you have had to move to an alternate residence for the emotional and psychological well being of your children, and yourself. That you hold your husband responsible for returning to the home, and basicly forcing you and your children to flee. And that this should be in NO way construed as an abandonment of your interest in the value of the property.

YOU HAVE THE PROOF that he left you for another woman!!!

That should be grounds for immediate separation and divorce.

I am wondering if it would not be in your best interested to talk some others, ask about other lawyers, etc... and get a second opinion. (Do lawyers offer a free consultation in your area????)

HUGS!!!!!!

My prayers and thoughts are with you!!!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Sounds like an awful person. I pray that he gets what he deserves. Sounds like he is sorry, yea right.

 

[Lyn5]

Just a comment, which may not be necessary. Every state has different divorce laws, so definately listen to what your attorney has to say rather than what others have done in the past. Even the same state could have seen a recent change in the statutes.

I agree. If you have a good lawyer, it might be wise to just play it cool and listen to her. It seems as though she knows the angles based on what you have said. Besides, if H is back and sick and lonely and blah, blah, blah...maybe he will be too distracted with himself or he might think he is winning you back and that could buy you time to line up your ducks and then wham! hit him with your proper paperwork. I still think you should be on your guard, maybe he found out he should play it cool and come home and not be out and about with girlfriend, she may still be in the picture. I also agree that if you can be discreet it would be nice to know whether he was asked to leave work...I am curious myself . But, at the same time it is better for you and the kids if he is employed so that you can get the financial support you need. It is probably hard since he worked in HR, but if you know someone else there or if you could call someone randomly...maybe just ask if his dental plan covers your DD's next dental visit or something minor like that and hopefully they can let you know if he still has coverage or if he separated from the company? Good luck, stay strong, I am cheering you on .

 

[TwingleMum]

I would check into Domestic Violence policies in your county. Call the police dept or District Attorneys office and tell them about his verbal abuse and the way he is treating you and your children. Civil attornys in my experience often don't have a clue what constitutes criminal behavior ( or what you need for an order of protection) I know what is good about an order of protection is it takes the decision out of the cops hand and mandates they arrest for a violation. I know where I live judges are afraid not to give orders of protection in case something goes horribly wrong (liability). I have seen orders of protection where the husband cannot scream at the wife or children or make them feel threatened. Now threatened is a very subjective term ~ if someone is screaming and out of control with their temper you very may feel like his going to hit you and be afraid. I would make sure I spoke with an expert in your area and see if an OP is possible. God Bless and PD

 

[snoopy]

Good for you for standing your ground. What you described to us even before the girlfriend sounded mentally abusive to me.....and the girlfriend was the last straw. Although I do think its funny he only lasted, what a week?, with the girlfriend.

My best to you and your DD and keep us posted!

P.S. On another note, my thoughts are once you are rid of this mean guy, your driving is probably gonna improve 100%!

 

[Wishing on a star]

I am not convinced that he and his 'girlfriend' are history....

My guess is that severall things are going on here.

1.) He knows he is risking problems at work. If he is in HR and he is also the 'girlfriends' boss. He would be in deep you-know-what if any problems arose

2. He has probably also seen a lawyer, who has advised him, like the OP, to not be the one to 'Abanbon' the house. To not be the one to walk-out. Especially if he thinks his wife would take him to the cleaners if divorce is granted on the grounds of infidelity. The way he is acting, there is NO way that he seems to be wanting to make any real amends with the OP!!!!!

3. As long as he is in the house, he maintains some control here. He has access to all the important paperwork and records... banking, insurance, etc... Plus, he is taking away the OP's privacy. And, is making her life miserable.

I hate to be a poster who thinks I know more than I do about a situation, which I have really have NO personal information on.

But, I would bet my bottom dollar here that H is maneuvering a HUGE power play here. He has seen a lawyer, and he is taking his lawyers advice, and trying to pull one over on the OP. It is really SAD that, if it is true, this abandonment of property thing is making this whole situation possible. I would find a way around that, ASAP!!!

The bottom line is that the OP has PROOF that her husband has been with another woman!!!! That should be enough grounds for an IMMEDIATE separation!!!!

Like I said, hindsight is 20/20, but when he was out of the house, it is too bad that the OP did not have the locks re-keyed, and file separation papers immediately.

To the OP.... HUGS!!!! I am so sorry for the hurt and the anger!!! I know that you seem like a strong person, and you will get through this!!! I hope it all works out well for you. You definately have a much brighter tomorrow!!!

 

[Wishing on a star]

I have a small update from the OP.

DisneyLovingMama has taken a brief leave-of-absence from her thread here, in order to focus on doing everything possible to take of things.

She has truly appreciated all the wonderful advice and input here. And she thanks us for our thoughts!

I can say that her husband is now out of the house.

I think she could use our pixie-dust and prayers!!!!

 

[Tracey1974]

 

[Lyn5]

I have a small update from the OP.

DisneyLovingMama has taken a brief leave-of-absence from her thread here, in order to focus on doing everything possible to take of things.

She has truly appreciated all the wonderful advice and input here. And she thanks us for our thoughts!

I can say that her husband is now out of the house.

I think she could use our pixie-dust and prayers!!!!

Thank you for the update and good to hear she is focused on taking care of herself and the kids.

 

[Tjaleks]

Thanks for the update.