H is back.

[The Mystery Machine]

Do you think he is *really* sick? Or do you think he's had time to think about this and realizes that by him leaving the house it puts *him* in a bad position. I wonder if someone advised him to come back to the house?

My thought too. He could be scheming. You just never know. Keep your guard up and go get a lock box somewhere out of your house for important papers if you have too.

What nerve!

 

[mickeyboat]

I am so proud of you for sticking to your guns.

My parents divorced about 8 years ago and my father initially refused to leave the house. He slept in the guest room and started hoarding household items. He took exactly one half of everything, including pots and pans, silverwear, towels, dishes, and all the slides (pictures) my parents had made when we were kids. It was obnoxious! Let me tell you how hard it was to watch his new wife cook dinner for us in a pan that I remembered my mom using when we were younger.

The point is that if there is something special that you really want, make sure you hide it somewhere. The Mystery Machine gave great advice about keeping important papers in a lock box.

Another thing I was thinking about is that you should make clear to your DD and ask the counselor to reinforce the fact that just because her daddy is home, doesn't mean that this divorce isn't going to happen. Make sure she isn't getting any mixed messages from your H about it, either.

Denae

 

[DisneyLovingMama]

My thought too. He could be scheming. You just never know. Keep your guard up and go get a lock box somewhere out of your house for important papers if you have too.

What nerve!

Already did that. I don't think he's really "sick." He has a chronic condition which flares up from time to time, especially if he's not watching his diet. I'm pretty sure that's all it is. He said he's going to go out on disability though. So, now i wonder if he was actually fired. IF that's the case, I'm not using my half the savings to pay for the mortgage. I'd rather put my house on the market.

Now, I just don't know if i insist he do 1/2 the stuff he should be doing (kids, housework, etc) or just act as if he's not here and do it all myself (which I was pretty much doing anyway.) Any ideas?

 

[Wishing on a star]

WOW!

I am so sorry to hear that you are going thru this!

Okay, Okay, I know hindsight is 20/20, but the moment he DID leave the first time, I would have had the locks re-keyed, and had papers served then.

I do not know the details on how you handled everything before. Like, did you take money from the Bank Accounts and open your new account??? I am thinking I remember one comment where it sounded as if your DH was indeed making this kind of thing an issue???

If so, I would be thinking that his 'second coming' is indeed a huge power play!!!! Is this what your Lawyer is telling you?

You can still have separation/divorce papers drawn up.... At that time a judge would have to rule on who leaves the house, right??? I just can NOT see any judge kicking little children out on the street, when you have HARD evidence that was having an affair and actually left you!!!

As a matter of fact: I would be very concerned that you are now setting a PRECEDENT by willingly taking him back in!!!!!!!

At this point, I wouldn't give a darn about how costly the DIVORCE might be.... And, don't fall for the big scare tactics about how it will go on forever, and will cost you everything that you have. YOU HAVE PROOF that he cheated!!!! No judge in their right mind would give your DH a leg-to-stand-on!!!

Do you feel that you can trust your Lawyer? Is he drawing up papers ASAP??? YOU are the client. And, if that is what you want, and he is not forthcoming, then I would be concerned.

HUGS!!!!!!!

 

[DisneyLovingMama]

Here's how I understand it...We can only have a separation, if H agrees to a no-fault divorce. He's back and he's not agreeing to it. He doesn't want a divorce. He's sorry.

So, I can serve him with at-fault divorce papers (which is what's causing the delay. We had been working on no-fault papers). But, I can't make him leave (and he can't make me leave), until the divorce is tried and through the courts. Then, our assets will be split up, etc., etc. I'm sure I don't have all the details, but I don't have my notebook here and don't want H to see me getting it (I'm working from home, he's "called in" sick).

Don't worry about my 1/2 of the stuff and my 1/2 of the valuables. I have that taken care of.

 

[Christine]

Okay, honestly, I think he's up to something BIG TIME!!

You'll know soon enough if he was fired. Probably not, but maybe he knows all this is blowing up, he's going to "fake" his chronic illness and go on short term disability so that he can get out of the office for awhile, legitimately.

He also could be trying to make some desparate "play" to lower his income.

I'm sorry but I feel like he is really up to no good here.

The good news is that you sound like you're on the ball here with all this and not falling for it. Hang in there!

 

[Maleficent13]

I have to say it sounds like you're on the ball with everything. I'm just sorry you have to put up with him. And your poor DD having to watch all this.

 

[mark&sue]

Do you think he is truly sorry? Has he begged for your forgiveness and asked for a second chance. Does he say he loves you?

Do you feel anything for him? Is there a chance that if he could court you again and prove he means it you could start again?

I do believe that some people deserve a second chance if they really mean it. Many marriages survive and go on to become stronger. These men think the grass is greener and find out it is not. A kind of mid life crises and always when they have young children.

One of the previous posters on your previous thread said that after he has had his fun he would be back regretting his decision. He said that he came back and said he was sorry and I believe they are still happy together.

I really hope you can have a happy ending.

My thoughts are with you.


Susan

 

[DisneyDmbNut]

I was going to suggest that you find another place to stay but then I remember hearing that you should try to NOT leave your home in a divorce situation because then you're accused of abandoning your home.

Not true...if your safety is an issue..you can leave...
In Florida, DH's ex was gone for 7 years....she never paid a bill, tax or mortage..she still got 1/2 the house (that belong to DH's parents) but...that is another thread...LOL

 

[binny]

Let me make sure I have the facts right... HE left you for his GIRLFRIEND...

didn't your vows also say something about staying true to each other????

Lots of

MTE I thought faithful was part of the vows.



Im praying for you. You sound like you have a good handle on all of this. Good for you for getting the help you and dd need!

 

[Rozzie]

good luck to you, and stay safe. Remember that this situation can not last forever, and you will be out of it soon. Stay strong, we are with you in spirit!
many prayers for you and your family

 

[MELSMICE]

He doesn't want a divorce. He's sorry.

Rolleyes is right!!!

Sounds like you are remaining very strong through this whole thing. Good for you.

Can you call his place of employment & casually "ask" to speak with him to see if he is still employed there or not?

Good luck to you. Hugs, prayers & pixie dust!

 

[Sandy V.]

Can you call his place of employment & casually "ask" to speak with him to see if he is still employed there or not?

That's a great idea!!

Good luck to you - hang tough!!

 

[SC Minnie]

Sounds to me like the 'girlfriend' didn't want him around and that is the only reason he came back.

I hope everything works out for the best for you and your DD.

 

[Jennifer S]

Stay strong and hang in there. I had to laugh that you left the D off in your title. Seems appropriate. Sorry if it's not funny to you.

 

[Keggy]

I like the calling and asking for him idea.

 

[pattyT]

Sounds to me like the 'girlfriend' didn't want him around and that is the only reason he came back.

I hope everything works out for the best for you and your DD.

That was my first thought too !
Stay strong- sounds like you are doing all the right things...
to you and the little one

 

[Caradana]

You have one alternative to secure your finances and get your DH out from under this roof: talk to your attorney now about listing this house. When it sells, take half the proceeds into your accounts and move to an apartment with your daughter; serve him with papers then.

 

[Maleficent13]

You have one alternative to secure your finances and get your DH out from under this roof: talk to your attorney now about listing this house. When it sells, take half the proceeds into your accounts and move to an apartment with your daughter; serve him with papers then.

FYI, as someone who just did this, if he's on the deed you cannot list the house or sell it without his agreement in writing. You can make it part of the divorce settlement, but unless he agrees to list/sell before that, she's SOL.

 

[jajuan]

I admire your courage!