Guests Vent!

[mcarthur205]

I had something sort of similar the other day. My step mum phone me and said that she thinks i should send my grandparents a invite (even though they are not going) and i explained to her that NONE of the grandparents are being invited because 1-they are old. 2- i dont think they could travel that far. 3- its too much to expect them to be able to afford to go. She said to me, well you should go out and buy a cheap card to invite them just so you dont get moaned at her for the rest of your life for not even inviting her! i understand where she is coming from where i will never hear the last of it if i dont send her one, but why should i make an execption for them and not the others?

Well i have decided i will send them a normal plain card instead telling them of the wedding and a little note to say that i dont expect them to go ect but i hate it when people (especially my step mum) tells me who to invite?!??

One of my guests (my aunt) told my mum that her step daughter and boyfriend want to come to the wedding too and i said to my mum, well they cannot because we cannot afford for them to come - plus i havent even met the boyfriend and Wayne hasnt met them full stop.

Unless the parents are helping out with paying for the wedding, i think it should be ONLY the bride and grooms decision of who they want to invite to the wedding. I can understand if the parents have put money towards it and want a few of their friends to come, but when people just randomly start telling you who to invite then youre like 'W T F !!??'.

Its very hard for a guy to say no to his mum and most of the time they would go on their mums side over yours because they simply dont want to hurt their mums feelings, but they need to understand that they need to realise what you are feeling and what your thoughts are- its yours and his wedding, not his mums, not anyones. One of the main reasons why we are getting married in Disney is because then we have the excuse of not inviting anyone and everyone. In the UK, it seems like if you have a wedding in the UK, it means you have to invite everyone you have ever know and that includes that person you once met at that bbq and the lady in the supermarket (hah!) and with our wedding we only want the people who mean the most to us and who will be there for us when we are married.

You have whoever you want at your wedding and dont let other people try to tell you who to invite. It does mean being stubborn, but people need to be put in thier place!

Sorry i sound like im bridezilla too....i am fresh from my step mum telling me who to invite and i just want you to be happy and have the wedding you want

Are you serious? Your number one reason for not inviting your grandparents to your wedding is because "they are old"? You'll be old yourself someday, think how hurtful if would be if one of your grandchildren (if you are lucky enough to have any) didn't invite you to their wedding because you're old.

Even if you don't expect them to attend, the very least you could do is to send them an invitation and let them decline themselves.

 

[akhenaten]

Are you serious? Your number one reason for not inviting your grandparents to your wedding is because "they are old"? You'll be old yourself someday, think how hurtful if would be if one of your grandchildren (if you are lucky enough to have any) didn't invite you to their wedding because you're old.

Even if you don't expect them to attend, the very least you could do is to send them an invitation and let them decline themselves.

 

[lfama]

I can understand this. My df family is also just like showing up and I keep saying that we have a limit but nobody seems to understand this. People are rude. I have even had people in my family call up my mother and yell at her because they are not invited.

I am being very firm with everyone. My DF family has said to me "its okay if this cousin shows up right?" and my response is "absolutley not, this wedding is personal family and friends only. If we start inviting one cousin the other 5 cousins will be hurt and want to come as well. We have a limit and we are sticking to it."

I actually have people that we did not invite that are planning their Disney vacation the week that our wedding is and are just planning on showing up. How rude is that??

You win! That is INCREDIBLY rude and I cannot even imagine having to deal with that.

 

[sunset30]

Hi,

I am kind of sad that my grandparents won't be there, NOT because we don't want to invite them BUT because I KNOW my maternal grandmother WILL NOT make a long haul flight, she is not well enough and if she can't come than it seems wrong to ask my paternal grandmother, who I don't know well at all anyway. Especially when DF has no grandparents to ask, and the numbers have to be kept down to 18 total AND I would like them to be fairly evenly spread between people I know and people he knows.

My saddest thing is that my PARENTS won't come. (his won't either, as they are too old - yes I will be old one day, but by too old I mean that they have age related neurological issues and other health issues that make a long haul flight and holiday out of the question) Mine, however won't come. It's too expensive and too far.

Now, you may say that yes it is expensive to fly from UK to USA for a wedding BUT, orignially, we were going to get married in PA usa, and they WERE coming to that *** they could visit NYC, we worked out that for the cost of 7 days in FL PLUS FLIGHTS, they would get 2 in NYC - so not sure why they could afford one and not the other.

WE are paying for the whole wedding ourselves, so we have decided NOT to pay for flights and accom for guests (who will have a blast at Disney anyway, and who are all, except my parents, happy to count it as their holiday. We can lay on some extras while they are there that way.

I wish my parents would come, but, that's life I guess
Lx

 

[malibustacey]

Okay so I may have been a little harsh in my first post, but I was pretty damn angry about people telling me who I need to invite to MY wedding.

Since I wrote that, I have got an invite card for the grandparents (not the actual invites that we sent out to our guests) but I found some invites where I could write a small something in with it too. I have thought quite hard about what to write in the cards, but I am basically going to explain that we understand that all the grandparents cannot make it because of the travelling and costs but the card is to tell them about the wedding and that they are the first people to be invited to our home party if we have one when we come back.

And I must say, that it was the words of my grandma ‘we are too old’ and my Nan ‘we are too old’ Is the reason why I wrote that, they told us before that they are too old to be travelling (and after some crazy operations on my grandma, who is almost house bound because of the stupid ops went wrong) they just simply cant go. My grandma’s words ‘I am too old and crippled with my new hips to be travelling that far’. Fair enough? We know that DF’s Nan will not be able to go as she is too old at 90, and is wheelchair bound and the person who would have to look after her is DF’s mum, who has looked after her many times on holidays and has had no help. I love DF’s Nan so much, she is too funny at 90 years old but I do not want her travelling for 10 hours to a place she would not enjoy. None of my grandparents would enjoy the 10 hour journey, not would they like the destination (and they have hinted they would not want to go there) and we cannot expect them to afford to go either. To be honest with you, again this may sound harsh, but as much as I love my Grandma dearly, she can be a pain in the butt most of the time, and she Is very critical, and she does criticize me a lot (my weight, my looks, what I am wearing, what I am doing) and the last thing I want on my wedding day is her criticizing me (which I know she would do, she just doesn’t know she is doing it), and its something everyone has learned to live with and has gotten used to and on any given day, I would not be bothered, but I just don’t think I could handle it on my wedding day, and I don’t see why anyone should criticize me for that matter.

Its not like I do not want them there, I would have them there if I could make it possible-I love them dearly and the most important person to me who I would have wanted there, apart from DF, is my Grandad who died last November, and he would do ANYTHING to have gone but he said to me when we got engaged that it is too much for them to travel and simply cannot afford it- he told me to have the wedding wherever we wanted it and to not worry about changing It because of people (talking about grandparents) and said that we must have what we want. I have basically lived with my Nan & Grandad (not my Grandma & Grandad who I mentioned had the surgery) my whole life, and they have always been completely honest with me and Orlando is somewhere they do not want to go and they told me to not let other people get involved with the wedding when it comes to inviting people. So I have got the cards to write to them to tell they when and where we are having it and I have thought up what extra I am going to write too.

No one should be forced to invite anyone to their wedding if they do not want them there, no matter who it is. I was worried about hurting people by saying NO to being invited but after advice from people who have already been there done that on here, I found that it was pretty easy to tell people they are not invited because we are wanting a small intimate wedding. Unless someone is helping with the payment of the wedding, then they should not be inviting people. It is completely upto the bride and Groom if they are paying for the wedding.

We are in the process of thinking of a small present to send to the grandparents in their absence of the wedding too, and perhaps finding a way to include them in the wedding - like having some boards made up with a message so the whole wedding party can have a photo taken with the message board, so then we can send the photo to them to show we are thinking of them on the wedding day.

So sorry for the long post but people should not be criticizing me for not inviting my grandparents when they do not know the full story. I hope what I have written justifies my reasons.

 

[Lisa x]

So sorry for the long post but people should not be criticizing me for not inviting my grandparents when they do not know the full story. I hope what I have written justifies my reasons.

People should not be so quick to jump and have a go at someone for what they have written.

The original post says to feel free to vent and thats what Stacey had done here.

It is clear that she loves her grandparents very much but you have to appreciate that not everybody has a massive bond with certain family members and sometimes that it through no fault of their own.

I will not be inviting my grandparents to our wedding.....the ones that I loved totally and who would have been there no matter what have passed away. The others, I never hardly saw growing up, maybe twice a year at the most, I dont know them....yes they are grandparents but I dont know them and thats down to my parents moving away, not me!

So I dont think it is fair to have a go at Stacey so much for what she had written. You may wish yours were there and I wish mine who have passed were too but just because we feel that way doesnt mean we have to push the same onto Stacey......

 

[Disneychix]

To the OP, in regards to your DF telling his mom one thing and you telling your mom another about inviting people- Maybe it's just how he knows how to 'handle' his mother. For instance, I have a relationship with my mother that I can just be straightforword with her. If I tell her "no" and give her a reason she will accept it. However, with my MIL we have to tread on eggshells with her. She's VERY sensitive and feels like everyone is attacking her all the time. If we told her "no" she wouldn't hear the explanation that came after. She would put her defenses up and take it personally.

So what I'm saying is, your DF is probably just trying to avoid a fight with his mom and is just trying to delay the 'blow' of the fact that she cannot invite more people.

Things will work out and at the wedding you won't remember the rough road to get there, you'll just remember the magical day you're experiencing!

 

[donaldsgirl]

HI, I am having an escape wedding in sept at Sea Breeze Point..I am having the same problem so I asked my wedding coordinator what would happen if more than 18 people show up..She said that A) they would CANCEL the wedding with no refund or B) will charge me 10k minimum for the upgrade to the WISHES wedding...Talk about stress!!!!! LEAVE A BUFFER..just incase some does just SHOW UP. Our family/best man/ect..didnt ask me, they just invited people. I was FURIOUS!!! If your fiance doesnt say something to his mom then you need to. Might as well start setting ground rules now, especially if he is a momma's boy. It may make some people mad but until they are ready and willing to cough up some money to upgrade your wedding to a WISHES wedding then they need to understand that they are GUESTS ONLY!!! Sorry that you are having to deal with this...this is actually supposed to be fun!!! Congratulations by the way.

 

[ChocoKat]

Oooh boy!
I can see a storm brewing in our future!

We haven't even sent the save the dates, and I had totally forgotten about this possible outcome. Something similar already happened for my graduation from college.

I invited my parents and my brother and my father-in-law. My dad complained he couldn't afford to come nor my mom nor my brother. So I ponied up for his ticket. Then my FIL decided that an invitation with his name on it meant him and every single person he had ever met that was willing to make the trek here.

We lived in a small apartment and we had just enough room to house my dad and my FIL. My FIL showed up out of the blue with 6 more people!!!

I didn't even know half of them... correction, I only knew 2 of them

Oh lordy... we have already set the guest list to 63, and we actually have 3 spots left over just in case someone gets married or has a baby or babies from here on out until the wedding. DH is all armored up and ready to lay down the law though and has already said that if people won't send back RSVPs on time or if they try and bring a couple of truckloads full of friends he will ban them from the whole thing.

I on the other hand will be lucky if my family decides to make it they would fly half the world over to see my brother win an award for thumb wrestling but anything I do is secondary oh well, more cake for me and more of a buffer just in case my FIL acts up and manages to smuggle guests in

 

[flip.daddy]

I think it's very interesting that a lot of you are speaking so openly negative about your future family, and your OWN families.

At some point I hope you all realize that being selfish and bratty is no way to start a new family.

You absolutely don't have to invite people that you don't want showing up at your weddings, receptions, or whatever. However, the way that you're talking about these people is horrible.

Don't be so arrogant to think that you'll never see, speak to, or need the people in the future. I caution you not to burn bridges, take a step back, and attempt to speak to these people rationally instead of the way that you're writing about them.

When we had our DFW, we could only have 18 guests as well. We sat everyone down and explained that (numerous times), but made sure that there was a reception that EVERYONE could attend that wanted to attend.

We asked for no gifts, and that donations be made to the Make a Wish Foundation.

It was actually quite spectacular.

 

[lfama]

I think it's very interesting that a lot of you are speaking so openly negative about your future family, and your OWN families.

At some point I hope you all realize that being selfish and bratty is no way to start a new family.

You absolutely don't have to invite people that you don't want showing up at your weddings, receptions, or whatever. However, the way that you're talking about these people is horrible.

Don't be so arrogant to think that you'll never see, speak to, or need the people in the future. I caution you not to burn bridges, take a step back, and attempt to speak to these people rationally instead of the way that you're writing about them.

When we had our DFW, we could only have 18 guests as well. We sat everyone down and explained that (numerous times), but made sure that there was a reception that EVERYONE could attend that wanted to attend.

We asked for no gifts, and that donations be made to the Make a Wish Foundation.

It was actually quite spectacular.

I'm sure many of the people aren't actually approaching their families/future in laws in the way they're venting. I started this thread because I knew there were people in similar situations who could relate and I wanted to vent because I have no one to really vent to about this. I don't think anyone has said anything particularly bad, either, they're simply getting out their frustrations. If you were in the predicament of having random people show up at your intimate wedding that you don't even know, and possibly going over the limit, you'd be severely angry and feel the need to get it off your chest as well. Plus, I think it's better to flip out on here than to keep it all in and explode on your family/in laws. In no way is anyone on here selfish and bratty and I don't appreciate the holier than thou attitude in a thread where the posters are going to have some obvious negativity toward their family/in laws, being that they're the root of the problem. Again, this thread was merely to vent out frustrations and share ways of handling the situation, not to vent and then attack each other for doing so.

I think someone needs some pixie dust.

 

[Lisa x]

I'm sure many of the people aren't actually approaching their families/future in laws in the way they're venting. I started this thread because I knew there were people in similar situations who could relate and I wanted to vent because I have no one to really vent to about this. I don't think anyone has said anything particularly bad, either, they're simply getting out their frustrations. If you were in the predicament of having random people show up at your intimate wedding that you don't even know, and possibly going over the limit, you'd be severely angry and feel the need to get it off your chest as well. Plus, I think it's better to flip out on here than to keep it all in and explode on your family/in laws. In no way is anyone on here selfish and bratty and I don't appreciate the holier than thou attitude in a thread where the posters are going to have some obvious negativity toward their family/in laws, being that they're the root of the problem. Again, this thread was merely to vent out frustrations and share ways of handling the situation, not to vent and then attack each other for doing so.

I think someone needs some pixie dust.

Couldnt have put it better myself! Like u say, people are using this to vent frustrations, not to be 'selfish and bratty'.

Why judge people when u dont know the circumstances. People are too quick to pass comment and have a go at other people.

This is supposed to be a happy time for wedding couples and a once in a life time to many, strangers dont need to add any unwanted guilt trips when brides are clearly feeling stressed already!

 

[flip.daddy]

I'm sure many of the people aren't actually approaching their families/future in laws in the way they're venting. I started this thread because I knew there were people in similar situations who could relate and I wanted to vent because I have no one to really vent to about this. I don't think anyone has said anything particularly bad, either, they're simply getting out their frustrations. If you were in the predicament of having random people show up at your intimate wedding that you don't even know, and possibly going over the limit, you'd be severely angry and feel the need to get it off your chest as well. Plus, I think it's better to flip out on here than to keep it all in and explode on your family/in laws. In no way is anyone on here selfish and bratty and I don't appreciate the holier than thou attitude in a thread where the posters are going to have some obvious negativity toward their family/in laws, being that they're the root of the problem. Again, this thread was merely to vent out frustrations and share ways of handling the situation, not to vent and then attack each other for doing so.

I think someone needs some pixie dust.

Thanks for the pixie dust

One thing that I've seen on here more than once is calling men mama's boys because they have relationships with their mothers. When you all have sons, will you consider them mama's boys when they want to stay close to you as they get older? Just curious.......