Guest List Questions

[Dr.Cinderella]

Hi everyone, Lots of people have been asking (or assuming! haha) about who is invited to our Disney Wedding so my fiance and I started making a tentative guest list. Due to money and locations we are hoping for a pretty small number of guests, but we are wondering if we can invite more and assume not everyone will come? We live in New York, so it is a far trip but Im sure most of our family will come. Or should we initially just invite the definites, and then invite more if we get some no's? Everyone we have talked to about it is really excited, so I am just worried about inviting too many and then having everyone come when we cant afford it and cant use the locations we want to! I also worry that it could go the other way and a lot of people will say no and we'll regret not inviting more. Any advice? Thanks so much!
Marissa

 

[twiu]

That's a tough one. They say the average is 60 percent of your guest list shows up. Being the realistic person that I am, you should count on all of them coming - because it's definitely possible. I don't think you should invite them unless you can afford them or they fit your venue.

That being said, I was on a financial budget. Not a size budget. I invited 202 to the wedding and ended up with 152.

What I did was invite, I believe 180, then as RSVPs started coming in, I would add people to invite as people said no. It's risky and I don't know who these people are that you're inviting - you don't want them to feel crappy about being on the 2nd guest list, but if you can avoid them finding out, then it might help.

 

[Skylersmommy5]

It's a sticky situation, and believe me we've had the same challenge but cutting our guest list from 500 down to no more than 115-125(with an exception to our list as one very good friend's wife is severly handicapt in a wheel chair so we made 2 extra spaces available for them to either bring along her parents to help with her or his parents to help with her and know she may be more comfortable having them lift her and assisting her in the rest room than a stranger).

It is hard to cut people off your guest list, especially when you want them all there. Invite those who are closest to you and you know will be there and must have there. If there is room to invite anyone extra if the count isn't full you can do that too, but make sure you can get their replies in time for them to make accomodations(don't invite them so late that they don't have more than a day or 2 to reply[I have had this happen to me recently] especially where some guests may have to do some serious savings to come).

 

[ChocoKat]

We just had to limit it to close friends and family, there was no other way around it. DH and I together have so many first cousins that them alone would amount to around 300 people.

I explained to my family right away that as much as we would like this it just wasn't meant to be, we could never afford it, plus we wouldn't be able to spend any quality time with anybody that way, it is going to be hard enough with the 65 we have already!

We started with parents, then brothers and sisters, then their spouses and children. Once those were all done we put down on the list those extremely close and good friends that have taken us in for family functions over the years and made us feel like we are part of their families when we couldn't be with our own.

Once it was all said and done the list was at 65. We are not moving an inch away from 70, but we aren't telling anybody that because it might encourage people from trying to make it and then we might have to turn people away and I really really don't want to do that

Everybody is saying they will come so far, so there is no wiggle room for more.

 

[pezaddict231]

Hey Marissa,

I had the exact same problem. I was initially hoping for a guest list of 50. I love the Whitehall room at the GF and really wanted to have our reception there...but after sitting down and going through all the people we'd invite we were already at 75. Then we asked DF's parents and my parents and now we are at around 110. If every person decides to come we'll be able to afford it but we may have to cut back on some of the extras. While I would love to have those extras, I would really be honored if all of these people did decide to come, so either way it will be fine. I really think we will be more at the 75 mark though.

We did send out Save the Dates to try to get an idea but we got very few definite no's back, so it didn't really help that much.

I think you and DF need to take another look at what you can afford and then determine if there are things that can be cut or altered to accommodate the other people you'd like to invite. If you did a lunch or brunch wedding instead of an evening that would save money and let you expand the guest list.

If you just don't have the budget, and that is okay too, then you will have the tough job of cutting some people out. Good luck, it's not an easy thing to do.

 

[Skylersmommy5]

Like the previous poster, that was the same foe us, however I had to cut DH's family in South America since there are so many of them, as well as my Stepmom's entire side of the family(close to another 100 people) and extended family on my dad's side which also is another close 100, however I know that was one of my Grandpa's dying wish that they be invited to our weddings. He can invite them to Disney, but they're not coming to ceremony, reception, or other pre & post VR events we're hosting(sorry not meaning to sound mean, but You have to stick to a budget and number). The only way those extra 200 can be invited is if my dad pays for them (since he told me he won't pay for my Wedding or VR). Our list is the same, immediate families, parents, siblings, nephews, grandparents, aunts and Uncles only in the USA, cousins(and the few second cousins), our bridal party(which siblings on both sides, our DS, DNephews, and very few friends are part of), and extremely close Family Friends, and the few close friends from our college that we're both friend with, that's where I drew the line.

 

[ColeV]

We invited about 50, knowing that some wouldn't be able to come. We ended up with about 20 guests (not including bridal party). I think we actually sent fewer Save-the-dates out than actual invites, and it helped to test the waters without making it as problematic. I also don't think it should be a breach of etiquette to talk to the people you know you want to invite to see if they already know a definite yes/no. We had counted on some close family friends coming, but found out their daughter had just gotten engaged a couple days before and they wouldn't be able to afford a big trip and that wedding in the same season! We still sent them invites, but knowing that allowed for us to invite some other people who were able to come.

 

[*Pixiedust1438*]

Hi Marissa! I am really glad you asked this question. I am from WNY also, and I am hoping to have 50-60 guests as well, and having a really hard time trying to figure out who to not invite, especially since everyone seems to think they will be invited. I really have no idea who will come and who will not, (for the most part) so it's really hard to estimate how many people we should invite. I would also appreciate anyone's suggestions.

 

[Dr.Cinderella]

Thanks everyone for all your great advice! It is a tough thing to try to figure out! Its funny, I find that everyone is assuming they are invited to our wedding too so I figured we'd better get started with the list so we dont get anyone excited that we cant invite! I think the sending out Save the Dates with a pre-rsvp is a good solution, and I could try doing this at a year out to get a feel for the count and then hopefully invite some more based on those numbers later with the regular invitations. Thanks so much again!
Marissa

 

[pezaddict231]

you should be okay since probably not every person will come... but you need to have a back-up plan in case everyone does come. You don't want to have to call people and un-invite them. I have found that the "yes" rate is much higher with a Disney wedding than a regular destination wedding. DF just told me one of his old high school friends was just texting him how much she wanted to come to the wedding... so yes, people even come out of the woodwork to try to see the Mouse!

I'm not sure Whitehall can hold 60...do you plan to have a dance floor and DJ? I think with those things it's 50 max. I had asked a while back when I thought we might be close to the 60 person mark. Instead we're going to have our pre-reception in Whitehall and our reception in St. Augustine.

 

[girli565]

I have a firm list of 35, 8 are children. I will be inviting all 35 but no matter who rsvp's I will not be adding more. From the response to my save the dates I sent in December, I have a feeling everyone will be coming. They are all close friends and immediate family.

 

[jessesgirl-080708]

We had 45 people total in Whitehall and my planner told us we would be uncomfortable with more people inside.

We had four rounds of ten and then our head table. Plus they added the dance floor inside (have to for chance of rain) And then the photographers and videographers were also there.

The DJ was set up outside on the patio just outside the doors so he could go in and out.

What I did (we are local, only about 2.5 hours away) was ask people. I knew I had a list I needed to keep, so I invited an initial group with the STD's and asked people to respond. If they didn't repsond, I asked them if they were coming.
In the end, only 2 people we invited didn't show. I constantly had people asking me about the wedding and it's hard to tell people that the space is limited etc. I would be careful inviting 70 for that space because even if 55 show your planner will want to move you to a ballroom.

They won't let you count the outside space because if it is raining, you won't get to use it. SO they planned everything for us two ways, one for rain, and one not.

 

[Dr.Cinderella]

Thanks everyone, this gives me a lot to think about! I guess I will have to do what Carly suggested, and invite more people as no's come in. It is tough though! So Carly your DJ went inside and outside? Thats cool! Thanks again!

 

[ChocoKat]

I think that's a good idea.

A friend just had her daughter's wedding. They had grand bash and invited EVERYBODY, we were very happy when we received our invites because we spend Christmas at their place when we can't afford to fly all over to see our families.

In the end the wedding conflicted with a race at Disney we had been training for and signed up for before we had gotten the STD's for the wedding, so we had to decline, since we are very close friends and we do lunch often she confessed that she was a bit relieved yet very sad that we weren't coming because they had sent out an excess of invitations hoping people would decline and it had turned out a bunch of people wanted to make it since the wedding was in Tampa, FL they figured they would make a holiday out of it... and it was during Halloween so school was still in.

In the end they had to cram so many extra people in the grand ballroom they had contracted that they skirted through the fire codes and they went way over budget.

It still was a blast, but I wouldn't want to be on that situation.

 

[jessesgirl-080708]

Be careful because we planned to do the dancing outside from the very beginning.

It's the reason we chose Whitehall. BUT they would not let us have more people in the room even though we would be using the outside part more. I understand why they do this, but it made things a little difficult. The covered part of the patio is just a porch, and is filled with tables, so there won't really be room for dancing. Plus if it is raining hard, or sideways, you and your guests will be soaked.
I asked my planner to not set up the dance floor inside, because I had been checking the forecast and really didn't want it. He insisted that we keep it, but I would have rather just had to dance in the corner and had the room set up differently.

We had plenty of room and never felt cramped, but I can't tell you how it would have been if it had rained and we wouldn't have been allowed outside. It was nice to be able to go back and forth. Just be careful, sometimes people will surprise you. I had a few that I thought were definite "no's" that were almost as excited as I was about the wedding.

Oh, and our DJ was set up so that he could play dinner music and walk inside when he needed while we were eating, but we asked for him to be outside since thats were the technical "party" would be. We only used the inside for dinner. There were speakers set up inside and out.