Grrr another Nut Job of a parent...

[NHdisneylover]

Do you think she might go to the teacher behind your back? If so, you may want to send a note or email and just apprise the teacher of the situation. Let him/her know that you do not expect to hear anything back but just wanted him/her in the loop in case the other parents requests a change.

I agree with Dawn that the teacher would have been smarter to assign partners. However, your son handled things as well as he possibly could have and he should be proud of himself.

 

[DWGal210]

Yikes, what a piece of work!! Talk about loopy!!

Reminds me of something that happened to me when I was aroun 9-10 years old. My party was going to see a movie; I got to invite about 5 girls. There was one kid who was a friend, but not a close one, and since I couldn't invite everyone I didn't ask her. Well, her mom found out (not sure how, I was not the type of kid to brag about a party if not everyone was invited). So, the night of my party, her mom calls @ asks why her daughter can't come, she'll pay for her, etc. It was so ackward; I still remember my mom being surprised & a bit shocked. It kind of put a damper on the party, I do remember that.

So the "snowflake" behavior is nothing new.

 

[indimom]

It didn't end well, lol. When she started going off on me, I had to ask my son what she was talking about because I thought my son had agreed to be his partner and then ditched him. But my son explained it to me and she even agreed that was what her son said happened...so I told her my son did not intend to be mean, he just literally had to say no because he was already asked. She still went on in a very snarky tone about how it was mean.

I told her I disagreed and thought it would be mean if my son ditched partners each time he got another offer. She said no, he should have reached out to her son because he KNOWS her son doesn't have people necessarily wanting to be partners.

So I explain basically as you all have even said here, my son is very thoughtful and did not want to play favourites among his friends and just went with the first person that asked. Not a big deal. Everyone else found another partner...even her son did! I don't think anyone else felt so rejected...Holy Crap...it is just a few kids picking partners.

Anyway we rehashed it a few times and since my son was right there he heard me defending him and he started getting upset that he'd done something wrong and yes I did reassure him that he did not.

She literally wanted me to reassure her that he would be switching partners, she wanted us to go to the teacher and request a change to her son. I said no, my son had a partner.

Bottom line, she hung up on me!!!

Her poor son. And he seems perfectly nice to me, who knows why he doesn't have many friends, except as some of you had said it ironically is probably because of her.

I understand not wanting to see your child hurt, I really, really do. But this was so over the top I don't know what prompted such a strong reaction.

And of course I am kind of sensitive about it all like my son is and it is nagging away at me like crazy.

I will actually be seeing her tomorrow night (our sons also take tae kwon do together..I am really wonder what she will say and if she will cause a scene there or will she be calmed down...)[/QUOTE]

Oh lovely. Well, that will probably answer some questions. If she brings it up again, your next step would probably be to move your son to a new TKD class to avoid getting HIM upset every time she can't control her outbursts. (At least, that's what I would do.) This would, of course, reinforce her opinions of you and your son.
Isn't it funny how people bring their own problems onto themselves... I won't be surprised in the least if it comes to this, if she had the gall to call in the first place, she's going to have a hard time holding it together tomorrow.
Good Luck. Let us know how it goes. (Just a last minute thought: Could your hubby take your son to the class, maybe she'd be less likely to bring it up again with him??)

 

[poohfriend77]

It IS sad. And my son has always been nice to him...but now it is coming back to bite him in a way. My son said he never knew the boy considered him his best friend...my son is a 9 year old boy not a psychic or a social worker, you know?

That's a LOT of pressure to put on a 9-year-old... to make him solely responsible for the happiness and well-being of another child. That's just nuts. It sounds like your son is friendly, kind, and keeps his promises. A lot of adults could learn from him. Congrats on having such a great kid, and try not to let it bother you.

 

[DawnCt1]

It didn't end well, lol. When she started going off on me, I had to ask my son what she was talking about because I thought my son had agreed to be his partner and then ditched him. But my son explained it to me and she even agreed that was what her son said happened...so I told her my son did not intend to be mean, he just literally had to say no because he was already asked. She still went on in a very snarky tone about how it was mean.

I told her I disagreed and thought it would be mean if my son ditched partners each time he got another offer. She said no, he should have reached out to her son because he KNOWS her son doesn't have people necessarily wanting to be partners.

So I explain basically as you all have even said here, my son is very thoughtful and did not want to play favourites among his friends and just went with the first person that asked. Not a big deal. Everyone else found another partner...even her son did! I don't think anyone else felt so rejected...Holy Crap...it is just a few kids picking partners.

Anyway we rehashed it a few times and since my son was right there he heard me defending him and he started getting upset that he'd done something wrong and yes I did reassure him that he did not.

She literally wanted me to reassure her that he would be switching partners, she wanted us to go to the teacher and request a change to her son. I said no, my son had a partner.

Bottom line, she hung up on me!!!

Her poor son. And he seems perfectly nice to me, who knows why he doesn't have many friends, except as some of you had said it ironically is probably because of her.

I understand not wanting to see your child hurt, I really, really do. But this was so over the top I don't know what prompted such a strong reaction.

And of course I am kind of sensitive about it all like my son is and it is nagging away at me like crazy.

I will actually be seeing her tomorrow night (our sons also take tae kwon do together..I am really wonder what she will say and if she will cause a scene there or will she be calmed down...)

You handled it like a saint and her son got a partner and she is a raving lunatic!

 

[barkley]

god help the first young lady that is remotely kind to this young boy-mama will have the wedding invites ordered before he even musters the courage to ask her on a first date

 

[indimom]

god help the first young lady that is remotely kind to this young boy-mama will have the wedding invites ordered before he even musters the courage to ask her on a first date

 

[Metsfan520]

No wonder her son has a hard time making friends....

My first thought as well.

 

[NHdisneylover]

god help the first young lady that is remotely kind to this young boy-mama will have the wedding invites ordered before he even musters the courage to ask her on a first date

 

[design_mom]

I feel for the little boy who had to find a new partner, but his mother is NUTS.

I was quite shy in elementary school and never had a large circle of friends. My group seemed to always have an odd number in it. I was often the odd man out when time came to choose partners for fun/social stuff. (I was among the first chosen for academic partners though!) So I do have an idea of what the boy felt like.

However, I would have been totally MORTIFIED if my mother had called another mother and asked why their child didn’t pick me – even if she was nice about it instead of rude like that boy’s mother was. I wonder if the son even knows she did it? My guess is that he was just venting about how he’d hoped to be your son’s partner and the mom went all crazy.

Your son did nothing wrong and it sounds like he handled himself very well. (That’s how my mother taught me, too: You say yes to the first person who asks (even if it’s not your first choice), and say “I’m sorry, I have a partner.” to the rest.)

I’m sorry you have to deal with the mother.

 

[luvmy3]

Does she run a motel and like to dress up like her mother?

 

[Lisa S.]

Does she run a motel and like to dress up like her mother?

 

[cm8]

My son's class is going on an overnight field trip. They were asked to select partners (sort of a buddy system type thing I guess). My son had lots of kids want to be his partner (he's a popular little guy...doesn't take after me, lol). Anyway, he said yes to the first person that asked him and told the others he already had a partner.

THEN...I get an angry phone call from one of the mothers. Seems her son was upset that my son did not "pick" him for a partner. She said her son does not have many friends, and my son has been so nice to him since Kindergarten (they are in grade 5 now) that he assumed my son would go with him. She said he thought they were best friends. My son does consider him a friend, but there are about 10 other kids he considers closer. Still, bottom line was my son went with the first person that asked him anyway, he didn't pick and choose.

This lady said, and here's the quote "Well your son should never have befriended my son if he was going to go with other kids. My son thinks he has a best friend. It was like your son led him on and now he has to start from scratch and try and find a new best friend."



Say what now? So my son is mean because he befriended your son and then didn't make him His Best Friend. So my son did something wrong by being nice to your son?

This woman is FURIOUS! My son was nearly in tears over it.

Seriously. WTH???

I'm still not sure how her son thought they were best friends if your son was mistreating him, clearly the mom has issues and she has passed them onto her son. I hope you have explained to your DS that he did nothing wrong and to keep being the nice person you taught him to be

 

[nmmom95]

He's not going to make a lot of friends if mommy gets involved like that in 5th grade.

 

[bumbershoot]

That's definitely a little over the top!

...when there are kids in the class that do not make friends, easily or are socially awkward, they do better when they are assigned a partner. Its nice when kids can be with the partner they chose, but on the other hand, it does leave those kids out who never get picked. Its also nice when kids who would never chose a particular kid as a partner, get assigned that kid and have an opportunity to expand their friendships. Perhaps in this age group, assigning partners should have been the task of the teacher.

This is very true. Heck, I think all partner situations in school should be assigned, so that kids have the opportunity to meet and talk with all sorts of other kids! (shy kid here, obviously)

But at first I was confused b/c of the mention of the age group, as the OP said her son was in 5th grade...but then the OP says he's 9, so things must be done differently in Canada. At 9 I was in 3rd grade, and was one of the younger ones.

She said no, he should have reached out to her son because he KNOWS her son doesn't have people necessarily wanting to be partners.

She literally wanted me to reassure her that he would be switching partners, she wanted us to go to the teacher and request a change to her son.

I will actually be seeing her tomorrow night (our sons also take tae kwon do together..I am really wonder what she will say and if she will cause a scene there or will she be calmed down...)

As someone else said, that's a lot to be putting on a kid... DS and I are sort of in a similar situation...a 9 year old boy and his mom seem to think that DS (6 years old) should be the cornerstone of the 9 yo's social life, and I disagree. I first allowed the friendship b/c I thought the boy was 6 as well, because of his size and maturity level in some ways. But he's 9, I found out too late, and I've realized he's manipulative, he cries "bully" when he simply loses a game or is playing with someone bigger than him (who might be 9 or 10, and he's even gotten angry with DS when DS has done something well or better than the boy), and he tortures bugs while stating that he's "saving" them... I have had to be on alert while they are playing, and that's not relaxing for me!

But he has a really hard time making same-age friends (he glommed onto my son during their Homeschool PE class last year, because DS is a little smaller than him and the other 9/10 year olds are bigger, stronger, and faster, and won't stand for his weird mind games like a 6 year old will). And since DS is his "best friend", he and his mom thought that we'd be over there every day this summer...but we weren't. So she's a bit miffed at me, and her son acted really aloof last time we saw them.

Sigh.

No advice, just empathy from someone who is slightly sort of there with ya.

It IS sad. And my son has always been nice to him...but now it is coming back to bite him in a way. My son said he never knew the boy considered him his best friend...my son is a 9 year old boy not a psychic or a social worker, you know?

 

[DawnCt1]

He's not going to make a lot of friends if mommy gets involved like that in 5th grade.

I think she should sign him up for football and get out their and argue with the coach!

 

[Ceila]

Do you think she might go to the teacher behind your back? If so, you may want to send a note or email and just apprise the teacher of the situation. Let him/her know that you do not expect to hear anything back but just wanted him/her in the loop in case the other parents requests a change.

I was going to offer this same advice. Teachers usually appreciate a "heads up" on situations like this. Even a quick e-mail would be fine. Just be sure to word it carefully.

 

[postage stamp]

My heart BREAKS every time my kid's feelings get hurt. But that doesn't mean it's always someone's FAULT. Sometimes things happen that you can't control and it sucks. And learning how to deal with it is part of growing up.

 

[Dee77]

I agree with everyone else, she is a strange one. If her son ended up with a partner after all was said and done, I still don't understand how either of them could have been upset. She should have used that as an opportunity to tell her son to forge a new relationship in the class.

As for what to do when you see her in Tai kwon do, if she brings it up, I would calmly say to her that her son's emotional well being does not rest on your son's shoulders, she plays the most important part in his well being. What would her family have done if your family moved out of the area or what happens to her son when your son stays home sick from school etc... She should be teaching him good coping skills rather than bullying people into doing what seems most comfortable for him.

I would not say anything to the teacher just yet, see if she gets anywhere with attempting to have the partners changed.

Good luck!!

 

[EMom]

OP, I feel for you because we've found ourselves in this position. DD10 is a popular student and never lacks for friends. But she's also kind and compassionate and will always be nice to a kid on the fringe of the group. For years (since she was in the 2 y.o. class in preschool) if a child was having trouble fitting in, the teacher would ask DD to take the child under her wing and in no time, the kid would adapt and fit right in.

We loved that about DD.....that she helped shy kids and had a soft heart. UNTIL WE SAW THE DARK SIDE OF COMPASSION.

We had one incident in her 4 y.o. class, but it was handled with little trouble. The real problem came in 2nd grade. Without going into detail, it involved a little boy who was completely, totally ostracized by the class. Of course, DD was kind to him and as a result, he stuck to her like glue. Then, it got ugly and he refused to physically let other children near her. He wanted her all to himself. No joke. For the first time, we saw what happens when a somewhat disturbed child attaches themselves to our DD. He began to guilt her into believing she was responsible for his happiness......and UNHAPPINESS. That is too heavy a burden to put on a child and is was NOT her responsibility.

Again in 3rd grade, a boy who was ostracized latched on to her. He wasn't obsessed with her, but when partners were chosen, NO ONE wanted him so he always picked DD. Sometimes she wanted someone else. But she was made to feel guilty if she didn't go with him because no one else would take him.

We've had to put our foot down. Our DD cannot have the burden of another's child happiness/unhappiness put on her shoulders. It is not her job. Because she's popular, when a child that is on the edges is accepted by her, they cling to her like a drowning man......but they can pull her under. I feel for those kids. I want her to be kind to them. But she cannot be their lifeline. She has to be happy too.

Until we saw "the dark side" of being compassionate, we would never have imagined this could happen. But it does.