Grief for a 16 year old......

mamajoan

<font color=red>gotta hobble ....silly goose!.
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May 24, 2000
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On Tuesday morning my son had wrestling practice. He had just finished up a special wrestling clinic set up by his coach. Coach Q. and Jake were in the coach's office.. Coach tried to apologize for being rough on Jake during practice. Jake told it him was fine because he knew that coach was helping him to be better. He also told coach Q that he appreciated him. Jake has had a bit of the cold/flu... he walked out the gym doors to the sidewalk to spit.. he felt Coach Q behind him grabbing his sweatshirt, Coach said twice "Jake I am going to pass out".. as Jake turned around Coach Q was falling to the pavement where he struck his head. He was unconscious. There was no one around..at all. Jake checked his pulse... he had one. Then he ran to the office to call 911.. but the phone would not connect. Jake ran back to check on the coach... still out.. still had a pulse and was breathing shallow.. Jake ran to the back of the building to find a maint. worker... he got them to come with him and to call 911 on their cell. When they got to coach .. no pulse.. no breathing... so the Maint. man started CPR... Jake stayed by coachs side the entire time.
I pulled up in the van.. Jake waved me forward and hollered that coach was down and the ambulance was behind me.
The paramedics arrived.... and then did other coaches and students... police taped off the area. Jake was with the men the entire time.... After they took coach in the ambulance, Jake spoke with the school admin. And then they all talked to me....
Jake had done everything perfectly...he was stoic.. but able to talk about the situation. We went home and talked about the whole thing... an hour later the high school admin called....

Coach was dead.... a massive heart attack had taken his life. This was a sweet, caring, enthusiastic 50 year old man. and he is gone.

Today, we went to the wake. Jake and I went about an hour after the viewing began. The room was filled with overwrought family members. We had talked about the fact that Coach Q's family would probably like to speak to him as he was the last one to be with Coach. I was so proud of Jake. He introduced himself to coach's wife. I told her that Jake was the student with Coach when he died. She and her son, who is 19, talked with Jake about Coach's last conversation and the minutes Jake spent with him. Both were grateful to Jake for his efforts and glad to hear of Jake and coach's last conversation. Jake and I then went into the chapel where Coach was laid in a casket surrounded by flowers and photographs. We said our prayers.... and sat in the chapel... and Jake began to cry. It was the first time that he cried since this whole thing began.... he then grabbed my hand.. and we wiped our tears. He then went up to the casket again before we left the room. He said he needed to Thank his coach for having worked so hard with him. We said our good byes to the family.
Jake is a good kid. He is an 'old soul' as some have said.
I was impressed by the man he is becoming to be. He is still a teen ager full of angst, humor, and dreams. I could not have asked for a more mature response from anyone than what Jake provided Coach with on his final day.
Thanks for letting me ramble.
Joan
 
I am so sad, and at the same time so very proud, of your son. What a great kid! If it is any comfort to him, think of the nice words that he said to the coach- and how safe the coach must have felt having a great kid by his side. Your son is a testament to some fine parenting.

No words can express the sorrow your son must be feeling. We will keep him, the coach, and the coach's family in our prayers.
 
So sorry to hear of Coach's passing, but I do agree, Joan, that Jake is a wonderful, caring, compassionate young man. You should be proud to have him for a son.

A little less than a month ago, our daughter Jennifer lost her ballet instructor to breast cancer. We had watched her struggle with this terrible disease for almost 5 years. The last time we saw her, she was with the girls' holiday perfomance of "The Nutcracker" at the Festival of the Trees. Even as she was dying, she made it to every single rehearsal (some 5 hours long!) and every performance.

She passed away just 2 weeks later. She was just 46.
 
very difficult for you and your son
God bless - he will find the strength to get through this
 

but especially for your dear son.......YOU have an incredible son and you know that this brought tears to my eyes........hugs to you all
 
Joan, I am getting teary eyed just reading this. How hard for your son. But how well he handled the situation. Be sure he knows that there was nothing else he could do. And as others said, you must be doing something right to raise such a fine young man.
 
Wow, to say that was alot for your son to handle is an understatement. What a fine young man you are raising. May everything he learned from his coach stay with him a lifetime and give him comfort in the days ahead. {{{HUGS}}} for all of you and prayers for the coach's family.
 
Such a sad situation for your son. I know how close our children become to their coaches and this must have been very, very difficult for Jake.
And yet he conducted himself so well both in the emergency and then afterwards at the funeral home. You have much to be proud of in your son.
 
WOW! Joan--I don't know what to say. What a fine young man you and your DH are raising. I'm proud of Jake too. Give that boy a hug from his DISAunts and Uncles.
 
What an incredible story, Joan.

And what an incredible young man. Do take some of the credit for him, there was alot in Jake's life that made him who he is today.

God bless you and the Coach's family.

Robinrs
 
How traumatic for your DS :( You have every right to be proud of him and how he has handled this so far. Having just lost my own mother a couple of months ago, I know that the effects of something like this can take a while to deal with. Expect that your DS will have this on his mind for a very long time, even if he doesn't discuss it.
 
How proud you must be of such a compassionate young man. I am sending prayers for Coach's family and your DS.
 
so sorry to hear about your son's coach but it sounds like you have an amazing son.
 
Your kid sounds like he's got a great head on his shoulders. I'm sorry for his loss though. :(
 
How sad :(
My heart goes out to your son...and to you in helping him deal with this...and of course to the bereaved family.
 
Jake sounds like a fine young man. What an intense thing to go through. Glad to hear he was able to provide some comfort to Coach's family.
 
I shed tears reading this story. You should be very proud of your son. It must have been very difficult to go through what he did and then have to face the grief of loosing his coach. I will say a prayer for him.
 
Oh my Joan. So sorry for you son and coach's family. My son's have had so many caring coaches in their lives. Right now my son's wrestling coaches come to mind. Wonderful men who put in so much time for so little money. God Bless the men who touch our son's lives for the better.
 
As others have said, your son sounds like a fine and caring young man. He is a living tribute to how you have raised him.

Watch over him in the next few months. The shock of what just happened can turn to guilt and extreme sadness. Make sure he knows that he did the right thing, all he could do and he could not change the fate of his Coach. Let him talk and let him cry if necessary.
 
What a sad story.:( How traumatic this must have been for your son, yet, he handled this tragedy with so much courage and compassion. I will continue to keep your son and family and Coach's family in my prayers. :hug:
 


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