Grandparents. . .how much do you spend on each grandchild at Christmas?

[kj2mom]

My middle son had five daughters. Then he married a woman who had five sons. Then they had a baby boy. That's where 11 of the kids come from.
My oldest son has two daughters and is married to a woman who has a son from a previous marriage. This makes 3 more.
Then, there are 2 who are technically not our grandchildren but they think they are and I don't have the heart to tell them otherwise. They are the younger children of my middle son's ex and because they always heard their older sisters calling us Grandma and Grandpa they have grown up calling us that, too. We figure there are so many kids in this mix two more aren't going to make a big difference.

So I guess, essentially three families.

I am not a grandparent but I wanted to jump in and add some additional kudos to you for treating all of the grandchildren equally (no matter how they joined the family). My children's father is remarried and has two children with his wife (making four children all together). The parents of his wife treat his two younger children like they walk on water. They spend thousands on holidays (seriously, I have seen pics of the rooms filled on Christmas morning) and my children do not even get a card. They fly all over the country with boxes full of gifts (military families) to ensure they are at their grandchild's home when it is their birthday while my two don't get an email, or phone call, a card or anything. During the younger years I could shield my children and just stew inside myself but now my children are 15 years old and are social media friends with their step-grandparents and they see it first hand. They notice it, they comment to me about it and I have mentioned it to their dad more than once. The last time I said I would not mention it again and where it went from there was up to him but nothing has changed so I assume this was not a battle he chose to fight. It is heartbreaking for me because my duo see the posts about the family being complete but my two are missing, comments about being all together for holidays and my two are not there etc etc etc etc etc. I hope I am not coming off as being greedy or anything because it is not about the gifts, it is just about feeling included which my two do not. On the flip side, they see their dad's mom (Nana) treating all of the children (whether step through marriage or biological) of her children exactly the same and it just hurts that their step mom's parents do not do the same. Anyway, all of that to say great job, keep up the great work! Even if they don't show their appreciation now please know as they go through life they will come to recognize it and it will be meaningful to them!

Merry Christmas!!

 

[dyna]

In my lifetime Gmom bought me a coloring book an a box of 8 crayons.....she gave me her love an experience that money can not buy.
With over 40 Gkids an Gpa getting a very small check from his injury in the 1st WW they just didn't have the money to spend an I learned at an early age it not about money it about the love given an taken.

My other Gpa bought me a small box of watercolors in my lifetime.

None of my grandparents gave my parents money to spend on us.

My parents has always spent 25.00 per Gkid Actually usually gave me the money to buy what mine needed or wanted momma never like to shop, They all grown now so gma gives them their own money to spend.

DH's parents bought for the gkids who didn't have a daddy which was still spending much more than they could afford to.

I have 3 gkids they get a pass to a near by amusement park every year.

 

[LovesTimone]

I know what you're saying, but my MIL took the opposite approach with some financial choices (inheritance-type stuff). She has 2 sons, so she wants everything split equally. So, there's a life insurance policy to benefit the grandkids--let's say it's $1M. Half goes to NIL's 3 kids, and half goes to DH's 4 kids. So, my kids will get less each. I can understand her reasoning on this. For Christmas gifts, though, every grandchild gets the exact same amount. What will be interesting to me is, up until this point, it's been at that 4/3 split for many years. But recently, our niece has had 2 children, making it a 5/4 split when you count the great-grandchildren. My BIL/SIL were perfectly content with the earlier decision...

Bet their not content now that the tables have swung in a different way... what they see as not their favor....

My SIL is the biggest pot stirrer in the world... and has caused so much drama, If I even started to tell the tales of the trouble she has caused... you would be like no...no-one could be like that... who does that....Over 20 years of nonsense and heartache she has caused my parents... I am the executor of my parents will as well as POA Medical and Financial when the time comes... I have all the paper work. They know that I will follow what their wishes are... no matter what...and I can set aside my personal feeling and make hard decisions when its time to fulfill their wishes.... my brother actually thinks he is the executor and his wife actually said to me that we won't see a dime, that they need it more and deserve it... I never told my parents what she said I did not want to hurt them... but somehow they found out...somehow... when they asked me about it... I had to be honest & respectful and tell them the what was said...My mom was so hurt and my dad mad as all get out.....they made it very clear to me what to do and they are not to be told who's in charge...they don't want them harassing them about it. Which in itself is so sad...

 

[QueenIsabella]

Bet their not content now that the tables have swung in a different way... what they see as not their favor....

My SIL is the biggest pot stirrer in the world... and has caused so much drama, If I even started to tell the tales of the trouble she has caused... you would be like no...no-one could be like that... who does that....Over 20 years of nonsense and heartache she has caused my parents... I am the executor of my parents will as well as POA Medical and Financial when the time comes... I have all the paper work. They know that I will follow what their wishes are... no matter what...and I can set aside my personal feeling and make hard decisions when its time to fulfill their wishes.... my brother actually thinks he is the executor and his wife actually said to me that we won't see a dime, that they need it more and deserve it... I never told my parents what she said I did not want to hurt them... but somehow they found out...somehow... when they asked me about it... I had to be honest & respectful and tell them the what was said...My mom was so hurt and my dad mad as all get out.....they made it very clear to me what to do and they are not to be told who's in charge...they don't want them harassing them about it. Which in itself is so sad...

I suspect that you and I could sit down over a bottle of wine and have a very...enlightening...conversation about our SILs! My DH swears that his brother's wife has been waiting for his parents to die since BIL/SIL's wedding...in 1985! On the bad side, we now live too far away from MIL to look after her. On the good side, BIL is close, and all decisions have to be approved by both brothers. And MIL still has her faculties to control her finances, although she's 85 and that might not last much longer.

 

[IceSkatingPrincess]

Not a grandparent myself,
However I know for a fact my mother spends $100 each on her 5 grandchildren. I'm the youngest (married but no kids) so I get sent out to the mall/online to do the shopping for her.

 

[LovesTimone]

I suspect that you and I could sit down over a bottle of wine and have a very...enlightening...conversation about our SILs! My DH swears that his brother's wife has been waiting for his parents to die since BIL/SIL's wedding...in 1985! On the bad side, we now live too far away from MIL to look after her. On the good side, BIL is close, and all decisions have to be approved by both brothers. And MIL still has her faculties to control her finances, although she's 85 and that might not last much longer.

Most definitely on the bottle of wine... red? or white? sauvignon blanc is my newest fav. from New Zealand.. so good... My DH and I both think the same of my SIL as your Dh does about his SIL and the waiting...I just don't get it with my brother, he is so miserable with his life he has a lot of medical problems and lots and lots of other problems. When we were talking which we are not at this time due to my SIL..."nonsense"... I told him that you have to decide to be happy and then make it happen... basically put on your big boy pants and do it and quit wallowing in self pity and oh poor pitiful me... and allowing someone else to dictate your happiness..... He said I don't know were to begin, I told him to start anywhere something small and move forward... then keep going... Not happening... for a while he was making some progress going back to the gym, having lunch with my parents with out the wicked witch, even seeing me for lunch... Then she decided that she was coming for lunch that he did not need to be alone with his family... He is still going to the gym which I feel is a small step. I just keep praying for him...

Good thing about the decisions being approved by both brothers, my Grandmother recently passed away( November 20th) she was 97 and lived in her house until January of this year, she had a nasty fall, with a frontal head injury and had to go to the nursing home. While she was at home, someone went everyday to see about her, and take care of things, laundry, house cleaning, running her to and from the Doctor when needed, buying grocery for her, and bringing meals. My mom and uncle worked things out just between the 2 of them...then my Dad and Aunt ....then myself and a few of the other grandkids, and a couple of great grandkids helped out to, with whatever my mom and Uncle decided on what needed to be done. My Mom and Uncle sorta butted heads at the beginning but then found a system and a rhythm to get everything running smoothly and cohesive for my grandmothers well being. Granny had a bulletin board, that we would leave notes on when we stopped by, we kept it super simple. If I was going to spend the day, I would let my mom, and would leave a note like changed sheets, washed towels & sheets and put away, cleaned bathroom and kitchen. Brought Chicken and sides from Publix and then date... This way who ever was coming in next could see what I did, and then they would write cleaned out frig, vacuumed and dusted, the date, brought whatever to eat. This was the easiest way for everyone to do a little bit and nothing was being double done, and we could keep up on how long the food was in the frig so she did not eat something that was out of date or that might make her sick. My Aunt that lives out of state would send specialty items for her all along, and money for her to get her hair done... By everyone doing a little bit it helped my Mom and Dad & Uncle and Aunt be able to have some time for them, and gave my granny a lot of company which she totally loved... I miss her so much I can hardly breathe at times we were very very close...

 

[july541]

My MIL finds giving cash much easier, too--she "only" has 7 grandkids (and now 2 great-grands), but she's 85 and in assisted living--it's just too much for her to worry about who wants what, sizes, ages, interests, etc. And to be fair, she wasn't all the great about that stuff, in the first place, but she really doesn't need the extra burden now. Anyway, she used to give each grandchild $100 for Christmas. I felt this was too much, but she exercised "grandmother privilege" to spoil her grandkids. Ok, fine. We put the money in the bank--the kids had plenty of gifts already, including a couple giftcards (SIL works at Target, that was a sure thing). Then what we'd do is, when we were taking a vacation, the kids could withdraw $50 of their Christmas money to spend as they liked on souvenirs. They never missed the money at the holidays, and were thrilled to have it later on (with some still kept in savings--I still don't think a 4yo needs that much cash in hand!)

FTR, MIL has now upped the ante, and gives $1000 to each grandchild (she can easily afford this). We keep telling the younger kids that this is for college. DS19 saves his (he's in community college, expenses are low), and DD21 generally uses this for college expenses. And no, my kids do NOT get half that for vacation spending money!

In my opinion. And the kids often prefer something small (a pack of Pokémon cards for my son for instance) that they will love to a "bigger" gift that will collect dust.

 

[kymom99]

I am not a grandparent but I wanted to jump in and add some additional kudos to you for treating all of the grandchildren equally (no matter how they joined the family). My children's father is remarried and has two children with his wife (making four children all together). The parents of his wife treat his two younger children like they walk on water. They spend thousands on holidays (seriously, I have seen pics of the rooms filled on Christmas morning) and my children do not even get a card. They fly all over the country with boxes full of gifts (military families) to ensure they are at their grandchild's home when it is their birthday while my two don't get an email, or phone call, a card or anything. During the younger years I could shield my children and just stew inside myself but now my children are 15 years old and are social media friends with their step-grandparents and they see it first hand. They notice it, they comment to me about it and I have mentioned it to their dad more than once. The last time I said I would not mention it again and where it went from there was up to him but nothing has changed so I assume this was not a battle he chose to fight. It is heartbreaking for me because my duo see the posts about the family being complete but my two are missing, comments about being all together for holidays and my two are not there etc etc etc etc etc. I hope I am not coming off as being greedy or anything because it is not about the gifts, it is just about feeling included which my two do not. On the flip side, they see their dad's mom (Nana) treating all of the children (whether step through marriage or biological) of her children exactly the same and it just hurts that their step mom's parents do not do the same. Anyway, all of that to say great job, keep up the great work! Even if they don't show their appreciation now please know as they go through life they will come to recognize it and it will be meaningful to them!

Merry Christmas!!

My parents were wonderfully thoughtful this way. My dad told my mom from day one my husband's children should be treated the same as the other grand children. My siblings always make sure my step kids have gifts to open at Christmas as well.

We have 4 grandchildren. I do not spend more than $50 or $50 on each of them. I feel like a nice gift is appropriate, not piles of gifts. We treat them well all year long. Christmas is just one day.

 

[yeahdisney]

My mom gives each kid and grandkids and each great grand kid $50 cash. I'm the youngest, she happens to give my kids a little something extra. Like a package of oread that were on sale, OR popcorn butter (I buy the popcorn). Once they got a 2 liter each of Dr Pepper that was free 2 her for purchasing something else

 

[Dakota731]

Wonder why thread from two Christmases ago popped back up? It’s February!!