I want to thank everyone for their posts. DH and I have been arguing about this issue quite a bit. I told him about this thread and made him sit down to read everyone of the posts. Both DH and I are very impressed with the thought and wisdom everyone shared with us. I have made a decision on my own, but also based on the well thought out replies. I will tell DIL that I will be the primary care provider, but she will need to definitely get a backup for when we travel as well as if or when I become ill. I will be providing free day care for 48 weeks. She will need to be more responsive to DS taking care of the children as well. Right now, she will only allow him to see the children three times a week. Hopefully, those times will be during the week and I will still be able to spend time with my friends. But, on the chance that I need or want to do something, she will have to be more flexible with DS taking care of the children, considering these are my needs and not my DS's. Even if he has already seen them three times that week. DS works three different rotating shifts and the schedule comes out on Fridays.
C.Ann, I had already mentioned to DIL the idea of doing day care at her home. She does not think that she has the patience for this.
Yes, you all are right, I do feel extremely guilty for what he has done. I truly raised him with a strong sense of family. His brother and sister get it, but somehow it was lost on him. Please know that I have read over these posts many times and find comfort in them. It is helping to lessen the guilt.
It has been 7 months since he left them. I do feel very bad for DIL, her world was turned upside down and she thought that she had found happiness, only to be deceived. She is not the first that this has happened to nor will she be the last. She used to be strong and eventually she will get better. DH and I are watching the children every Wed night so that she can attend a 13 week course on divorce given at a church close to where we live. I pray for her to find peace and strength in her heart. Right now, it is probably the hardest time of the year because of the holidays.
Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I appreciate your responses more than you know!
