Grand Gatherings...? I give up!

[BroganMc]

Please tell me why do people (college graduates even) find it soooo hard to understand how DVC works?

That family trip I was trying to begin arranging for October next year...? Well it's not looking too good.

Doesn't matter that either I'd use up our entire year's points doing that (or have to borrow next year's as well), or that I'd have a better shot winning the lottery than getting 3 rooms at HHI in June/July/August (one of them handicapped accessible for me), or that I have already said I'd rather be shot, stuffed and stuck on a wall instead of be caught in Disney over the hot summer months.

So I quit.

Seriously 5 YEARS?! My dad'll be 81 and his grandkids will be teenagers. Then they (the teenagers) probably won't want to go to Disney either.

 

[nuts]

Please tell me why do people (college graduates even) find it soooo hard to understand how DVC works?

That family trip I was trying to begin arranging for October next year...? Well it's not looking too good. One SIL has decided she can't possibly take her then-to-be 3rd grader out of school for even an hour and besides she doesn't really like theme parks. (Yes, she's been to Disney before but not farther than IASW. I've tried, many, MANY times to get her to try something else like an afternoon tea or spa trip. She turns deaf and suddenly loses the ability to understand English. She's also planning on taking DN out of school for two cruises, and weeks in St. Thomas, BTW. Maybe they are more "educational". )

Then the second SIL says if she gets the job at her public school system next year (she's a TA) she won't be able to take a vacation for the next 5 years. (She's apparently using it up on a cruise this Thanksgiving.) So she says, why don't we go in the summer or Easter week (not like it's that crowded, she says), or else to Disney's HHI resort. More relaxing without the theme parks. SIL One looooves that idea.

Doesn't matter that either I'd use up our entire year's points doing that (or have to borrow next year's as well), or that I'd have a better shot winning the lottery than getting 3 rooms at HHI in June/July/August (one of them handicapped accessible for me), or that I have already said I'd rather be shot, stuffed and stuck on a wall instead of be caught in Disney over the hot summer months.

The frustrating thing is that if not for these two women, their kids and their husbands would be in Disney in October in a heartbeat. I just wanna cry. I've been begged by these guys for their turn since we bought DVC. I'd even suggest the dad's go with the kids but then I'd be accused of dissing the moms.

So I quit.

Seriously 5 YEARS?! My dad'll be 81 and his grandkids will be teenagers. Then they (the teenagers) probably won't want to go to Disney either.

My deepest empathy and sympathy!! I know exactly what you are going through. I have no solution. I gave up! My SILs drove me insane.

 

[BroganMc]

My SILs drove me insane.

Hence the username, eh?

 

[eliza61]

Aahh, another story of the 'ole family gathering. I think every one has war stories of trying (with all the best intentions) of hosting the family at wdw using your points. In my family it's my sister, the girl can't keep a commitment to go to walmart! Hang in there, remember what does not kill you (or lead you to murder) will make you stronger. LOL

 

[DISNEY FIX]

Women

 

[LocustPoint]

I'm sorry your having so many problems with your family. I keep thinking of doing this with my DHs family and then I stop and think of a way that I can use the points! Have you ever thought of doing a trip with just one of the kids? I used to do this with my cousins that are much younger than me. It was better than having the entire clan along and it gave both of us very special memories that we have to this day. One of my cousins just wrote about one of our trips for a college essay-God that makes me feel old. I need to get back to Disney and soon!

Good luck

 

[jakenjess]

You have my deepest sympathies. Been there, done that. We've gone with a group a few times, and I do all the planning. Not that I mind, I really don't. I LOVE planning Disney trips. But it is so frustrating when you can't get a definite answer or basically any kind of input from anybody. I told DH that our next trip will be just us and the kids!! If anybody wants to join us, that's wonderful, but the planning is all theirs! I hope it works out for you.

 

[Inkmahm]

Tell me, what's the penalty for kidnapping your brothers and nieces and nephews for a few days? Might be the only way they get to Disney again.

Not so funny, that's exactly what I do. We leave on Saturday for WDW and my oldest two nieces are coming with us. This is the third time I'm taking them to Disney. The first time they were 4 and 6 and their parents came along. Then I took the whole family when they were 9 and 11, although their dad paid for airfare and park tickets on that trip. Now they are 14 and 16 and I'm leaving their parents at home. Their younger brother and sister (who I have also taken to Disney before with parents) will be coming with us in December without their parents. They'll be 10 and 12.

I like taking the kids. The parents can stay home or come (if they want to pay for their share) their choice.

My sister is also coming with us on Saturday with her daughter. This will be our 3rd trip with them and we do fine together.

Anyway, I'd invite the whole family and if the SILs don't want to come, make it clear that the rest of the family is still invited to come without them.

 

[grizbuzz]

I just organized a trip for 11 of us (including my parents, MIL, my brother and his kids, and my family) for a 4-day Wonder and 3-day AKV stay. It was a dream of mine to be able to do this, but the reality of planning and executing the trip was very stressful. Took months to get everyone committed to go and then I was very stressed during the trip trying to ensure that everyone actually had fun. I don't think I'll do it again. Not everyone has to love Disney and just because you get people to go on the trip doesn't mean they will automatically turn positive about the trip once at Disney.

Maybe my trip is too fresh and maybe I will say something different in a few months/years....but right now I feel like in the future I will offer people the opportunity to join us and they either come or they don't and I won't force things to happen. It's a lot more fun to go with a group of enthusiastic, appreciative guests, even if a few stay home. Plus, traveling in a large group is challenging.

Good luck! I'd just say focus on those who really want to go and not those who don't. Unfortunately, sometimes the kids really want to go and the parents don't (or one parent doesn't), but leave that for that particular family to work out.

BTW...I'm SO looking forward to a trip with just our family of 4 next time!

 

[bub]

BroganMc - I understand how you are feeling about this. I have a SIL who can never come to see us - she doesn't like to fly - although they manage to get to Cozumel (on an airplane, of course) almost every year. Her mother is planning a family reunion for this coming summer - the first one ever - and she has decided not to come, for no real reason that we can figure out. Years ago when she was the only sibling who didn't make it to her grandmother's 90th birthday, Grandma's comment was, "She'll come to my funeral." And that was correct - she came, and made sure she claimed Grandma's fur coat!!

Ack - maybe it's better not to bring these two SILs to "The Happiest Place on Earth." But it's a bummer that you can't spend time there with your brothers and their children. It can be hard for teachers to get away during the school year, but when my family planned an October trip (my DH is a teacher) we managed a long weekend, so we were able to be there part of the time.

 

[TenThousandVolts]

Aw Brogan, sorry to hear your troubles. If they can't get away because of school schedules (or because of the school schedule excuse ) there isn't much you can do.

I'd rather be shot, stuffed and stuck on a wall instead of be caught in Disney over the hot summer months.

This might be the only way if you want everyone there. I used to pull my kids out for trips but I just can't do it anymore- I went from being of the steadfast "never in the summer" sect a late August convert. Good luck.

PS: If they want the beach they can go to O.C.! I wouldn't even consider blowing through my points for HHI in the summer when you are already set with a beach place- 2.5 hours away, vs. a 10+ hour drive!

 

[PEANUT1]

that is frustrating....talk to your brothers and see what they say. In laws can be challenging, but your stuck with them.

 

[karrit2000]

My sympathies. After blowing two years of DVC points to take my brother & his unappreciative family in a 2 bedroom in June I vowed, never again. I tried to get them to go in January so we could do more & not wait on the endless lines but no, they couldn't take my then 7 & 9 year old nieces out of school because they would miss something important. They've been back a few time since on their own but they always went during school breaks or during the summer. I go when I want & do what I want when I want. If a friend chooses to join me that's great, otherwise I go alone and have a great time anyway.

 

[crisi]

I feel your pain. I'm successfully getting my two parents and one sister and her family down - but my other sister will very likely be a no show - after moving the trip once so she can make it. That is her choice - its her money paying for airfare and tickets, her vacation time - if she chooses not to spend her time and money with us, well - her choices. I feel sad for my parents, since I think this was probably the last chance at a family vacation and because it means accepting that she doesn't prioritize us nearly as much as we do her....but it is what it is. I can make different life choices for myself, I can only struggle to accept hers. (She is an alcoholic, so that complicates things).

As its turned out, moving the vacation has worked well. My other sister was going through chemo over the past year, by the time we take the trip she will have her energy back (she's raring to go now) and her kids - one of whom was not yet conceived when planning started - will be a little older (2 and 4). Plus, if my other sister is there, we won't be able to order a bottle of wine with dinner - much less go out on a monorail lounge bar tour. Her presence changes the dynamics fairly significantly. I had high hopes six months ago that she'd be sober and willing to go - she'd been sober and willing to go for about a year, but that doesn't seem like a realistic expectation currently.

 

[KLR-wlv]

I can relate - I'm trying to organize a family reunion for my parents 50th anniversary. Get a BC at Vero and a couple Inn rooms for relatives and my sister is like "Florida in the summer sounds dreadful" "All 10 of us in one place - sounds like staying in a tenemant" (she lives in a 500 sf apt in NYC and says a 2000 sf beach house sounds like a tenemant) and when she sort of changed her mind it was "well it has to be over the weekend because I can't take off work" and I'm like - well sorry - I can get a BC for 5 nights S-th or for 2 nights over the weekend...

So I'm thinking - maybe this is a horrible idea and I'll just take my parents to Vero and avoid the rest of the family!

 

[BroganMc]

Have you ever thought of doing a trip with just one of the kids?

Yup. Tried that. Was my first idea actually. When the kids reached 10 or so, they could have a special trip with their grandfather and aunt. Just a one-on-one-on-one thing. In my adult wisdom, I thought it would be a great idea if a relative of mine would have given me that opportunity as a kid. (I still treasure the memory of my blizzard weekend with my grandparents when the rest of the family was elsewhere. One of the few memories I have of my grandfather.)

I floated that idea back when my eldest niece was 8. (She turns 11 this summer.) It was fine until a month before the girl's 10th birthday. Then my SIL announced "No child of mine is flying anywhere without me." Something her neighbor decided and she soon adopted.

At the moment she and the neighbor are trying to figure out how they'll get from Maryland to Florida for a post-Thanksgiving cruise without taking the same plane as their husbands. Last I heard my brother was to fly with the neighbor's wife and my SIL was to ride with the neighbor's husband. I have no idea where the kids will be. There's this insane fear that the plane will crash and they'd orphan someone. Doesn't matter that they have a better chance at getting killed in a car accident driving the 900 miles down I-95 Thanksgiving weekend. No, planes are too scary and well "you never know".

(Note: I am probably the world's biggest chicken when it comes to flying, but even I got over it when it meant ever seeing London in person or Disney at New Year's.)

 

[iloveokw]

My mom hates it when I say it "but you can pick your friends not your relatives!" Nothing is worse than going on vacation with someone who doesn't want to be there - why ruin your family's trip?

 

[BroganMc]

All of your comments are great. Thanks for commisserating with me! (This why I love the DIS.)

FWIW, I just answered their e-mails with the facts of how much it would cost for those trips and what crowd levels were like at NYE. I also mentioned that Ocean City is our beach timeshare (2.5 hours away, 2bedroom/2bath, full kitchen, ocean front condominium we can use any time of the year and pay $10k a year just to maintain). OC has pretty much everything you'd get at HHI or Vero Beach, including the fishing/crabbing/outdoorsy nature treks to Assateague and elsewhere.

The husbands are trying to negotiate a compromise and say "we just want to be together and don't have to do any parks or stay on property". What neither of these women understand is the other background reason my dad and I have for inviting them. Yes, we can much more easily get a Marriott timeshare with bigger units, and have done so before. But when my parents started their timeshare portfolio (and I continued with my dad after my mom passed on) was the intention of building a portfolio for the family. So when we purchased DVC, my dad and I decided to add all three of my siblings' names to the deed. That way, we'd all have rights of survivorship and their households would have all the same perks of DVC membership. (I am recorded as the primary contact who handles all the points.) Dad and I pay the bills and use it, but we know there will be a time when we can't and the rest of the family could.

We didn't have to do it. It does get a bit messy whenever we add on points (have to get 5 signatures and IDs), but we thought it would be nice. So of course, we'd like my brothers to have the chance to see what membership is like. My sister has already gotten that benefit because she accepted my first invite last year. She loves staying on property and can't wait to return.

I dunno. Maybe it is a good thing that my SILs never let their families stay DVC. Next thing I know the TA SIL will decide she just has to take her family to Disney every year over the summer and why can't we just let them use 3/4 the points for her 2bedroom for the week? After all, Dad and you can just stay offsite at Marriott when you go in Spring and Fall.

I know, you can't lead a horse to water and make him drink. Curse me for taking up my mom's legacy of promoting family togetherness. I have arranged two or three Orlando vacations for the family before. The last one was 2005 but that was offsite and everyone used their own timeshare weeks. We just coordinated days. And yes I remember the fights that broke out when my niece decided she really wanted to do something with me when her mom wanted something else. (I got my feelings hurt bad because I was uninvited to a Cinderella breakfast because the mom thought her eldest daughter liked me better than her.) My patience wears thin at times.

 

[kimberh]

My mom hates it when I say it "but you can pick your friends not your relatives!" Nothing is worse than going on vacation with someone who doesn't want to be there - why ruin your family's trip?

I agree with this statement. Some of our family can barely get along for the 3 hrs we have to, over the Holidays. We only travel to Disney with those that really want to go. I have been with family that just didn't want to be there. I use to think that Disney changed everyone's personality once they entered the gate, was I ever wrong. They can still find something to complain about, all week long. It made for a long week! I said,"Never Again! I am so sorry you are going through this. I think you should talk to your brothers. I will say that my son went to a very hard school, he could not have missed in Oct. When he hit Highschool, our vacation style really changed. Now, my grandchildren are in the same school, I have to eat the points for... 2 bedroom, weekend nights. It kills me to do it, but I do. It is a sacrifice I have to make for us to have a family trip. My husband, will not go to Disney in the summer either. There are times, I have to except a point transfer to make this trip. On our first trip using weekend points, there were not any cash nights available with Member discount, I was complaining to my husband on how many points it was costing... he reminded me of how much fun we were having and that I had everyone there. What did I buy DVC for? I have never complained again. It is worth the extra points, I am building memories. One weekend night in a 2 bedroom in Oct, is 5 weekday nights in a studio in May, which is when I like to travel.
I hope this all works out for you. I agree...5 years is to long to wait.

 

[tomandrobin]

Sorry to hear about the family planning woes!

We have learned a long time ago just to tell everyone when and where we are going. If they want to come, great. If they don't want to go, we don't care anymore. We are too tired of trying to convince everyone to have fun and vacation together.