Graduation party. Is this tacky?

[Disneyland1084]

There's a lady in my neighborhood who's having a graduation party for her daughter who just graduated high school. She's invited about 100 people. A lot of them are people she doesn't even know. I know her (the mom) because her younger DD is friends with my DD. I don't personally know her older DD, but we do say hi in passing. She even invited my mom and I asked her (my mom)to tell me the graduate's name, and she didn't know. I feel like this party is just a money grab. On top of that, it's a potluck and she expects everyone to bring something. It's the day after I return from Disney World, so I won't be going. I don't care so much about the potluck part, it's the money grab. Is this party tacky? When I graduated high school, I only invited close friends and family to my party. What do you think? Any similar stories I'd be curious to hear about.

 

[design_mom]

It's pretty common around here for grad parties to be pretty large with distant relatives, neighbors, etc. invited. A boy in our neighborhood graduated last spring and we got invited to his grad party. I know the mom, but we are not close friends. I haven't seen her son, besides passing on thes street, since he was in elementary school. It probably is a money grab, but it's pretty common here. I didn't feel a desire to go to my neighbor's party, and I had a conflict anyway, so I sent my regrets and didn't think any more about it.

I *do* think it's odd for a graduation party to be a potluck though.

 

[Mizzoufan]

The only thing I see odd is the pot luck part.

 

[MamaBelle4]

My "graduation party" consisted of my parents, siblings and grandma. My friends and I stopped in for about an hour to each of our homes then spent the night on the town, which we had discussed with our parents beforehand.

I don't get the whole huge graduation party thing. To me (and to my parents) graduating high school was a minimum requirement at becoming an adult. I didn't have a "first minimum wage job" party. It was nice that my parents got me a cake and I got some money for my achievement, but, to me, it isn't an "invite everyone and their brother" thing.

So, from my POV, it is a tacky money grab.

 

[Hikergirl]

I think its very strange to invite the Grandmother of your younger dd's friend to the graduation party you are having for your older dd.
Inviting people who have zero personal relationship to the graduate or family is the very definition of a gift grab IMO.
I can see you being invited because you do know the family, even if its not because you know the graduate, but inviting your mother? That just takes it a bit too far.

 

[shoney]

Well big grad parties are not a thing around here. More like small family friend gathering.

Pot lucks are also out of the norm

At gift giving occasions no one ever asks people to bring something. Although many show up with things like beer or wine or dessert

This invite seems weird to me!!!

 

[MamaBelle4]

The whole situation kind of reminds me of the episode of Frasier where Freddie is inviting everyone from Frasier's radio station to his bar mitzvah.

 

[DisneylandDarling]

Yes, very tacky. A few thoughts...
1.) If you're expecting to get money from people, you need to provide the food/venue.
2.) Def. weird with all the invites. I wouldn't want random people coming and going through my house.
3.) Full-blown four alarm MONEY GRAB!!! lol

 

[jdb in AZ]

Maybe the grad's mom doesn't want anyone to feel left out. Around here, high school grad parties are few and far between. We hosted a party when DD received her bachelor's degree. No gifts were expected and we furnished all the food.

 

[Disneyland1084]

Yes, very tacky. A few thoughts...
1.) If you're expecting to get money from people, you need to provide the food/venue.
2.) Def. weird with all the invites. I wouldn't want random people coming and going through my house.
3.) Full-blown four alarm MONEY GRAB!!! lol

Not that it matters, but they're having the party at a park.

 

[Westcoastwild]

Well, I suppose it depends on how much money there is to "grab". I wouldn't think very much.

We'd visit where mom grew up and graduation parties were nearly a whole town event: people just made rounds from place to place. I could see putting a 5 dollar bill in the card but that's about it. My grandma would go because she knew the grandparents of the kid but not the kid.

And most potlucks I've been to, the host provides the main (dogs or burgers) and then everyone brings a side or dessert. So if that's the case here, I wouldn't think it all that unusual.

My neighborhood when I was a kid- that would be the norm. It isn't anymore. But I don't think anyone could declare it tacky based on the information you provided. The mom might just be a tacky sort of person, though.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

We'd visit where mom grew up and graduation parties were nearly a whole town event: people just made rounds from place to place. I could see putting a 5 dollar bill in the card but that's about it. My grandma would go because she knew the grandparents of the kid but not the kid.

I can see that with smaller towns for sure where it's likely most everyone knows each other.

And to me it totally makes sense that your grandmother would go because she knew the grandparents of the kid. But in the OP's case from what I was gathering the mom of the OP doesn't really know the family who has the kid graduation (I could be wrong on that).

To me at least it becomes a bit more skeptical when you're inviting friends of a friend of a friend, etc to an event especially when it's not a situation of "well we're a town/area/neighborhood who all knows each other and potluck is normal cuz that's just what we do"-I would assume if that was the situation it wouldn't seem so strange to the OP to invite 100 people (or more or less who among the 100 is being invited) or to have it be labeled potluck.

Obviously just different experiences here.

And most potlucks I've been to, the host provides the main (dogs or burgers) and then everyone brings a side or dessert. So if that's the case here, I wouldn't think it all that unusual.

I think that depends on how the invite was worded.

All the potlucks I've been two have had two formulas and they depend on the event, the venue and who is hosting it:
1) Host specifically says "we'll bring the meat you bring the sides" type thing
2) There's sorta a list of things and people sign up or just simply tell what they will bring

Just my experience but none of the graduation parties I've been to have guests been required to bring anything other than typically the card and/or gift.

What type of control is there going to be for the food. More than likely that is going to be A LOT of food no matter if some people go against the wishes of the host and bring nothing.

 

[Hikergirl]

I forgot about the "potluck" aspect of it. To me that is pretty tacky when you are inviting people over to celebrate an event like a graduation and then have them provide food too. If you are hosting something for your child, then you should be providing all the food and drink to those you invited. If you can't afford to do that, then cut your guest list or forgo the party all together.
Its different than inviting people over for a just because BBQ, or 4th of July, where everyone is celebrating the event.

 

[AppleDumpling]

Yes, I think it's odd to invite people you don't know and casual acquaintances. The only exceptions would be friends/classmates of the graduate that the parents haven't met or know well (i.e. guests of the guest-of-honor).

That said, customs for social events vary by region. Around here, grad parties are typically limited to close family and friends. It is also not common to send graduation announcements or have guests travel long distances to attend a HS graduation (other than maybe close family members like grandparents).

When I host a party, I do not ask nor expect my guests to bring food, especially for a gift-giving occasion such as a birthday, graduation, bridal or baby shower, etc.

OP, I would not attend, but if your daughter wants to go, to be with her friend who is the grad's sister, I would let her go alone. In that case, a card with a gift of $10-20 would be appropriate, but no food.

 

[Westcoastwild]

I can see that with smaller towns for sure where it's likely most everyone knows each other.

And to me it totally makes sense that your grandmother would go because she knew the grandparents of the kid. But in the OP's case from what I was gathering the mom of the OP doesn't really know the family who has the kid graduation (I could be wrong on that).

To me at least it becomes a bit more skeptical when you're inviting friends of a friend of a friend, etc to an event especially when it's not a situation of "well we're a town/area/neighborhood who all knows each other and potluck is normal cuz that's just what we do"-I would assume if that was the situation it wouldn't seem so strange to the OP to invite 100 people (or more or less who among the 100 is being invited) or to have it be labeled potluck.

Obviously just different experiences here.

I think that depends on how the invite was worded.

All the potlucks I've been two have had two formulas and they depend on the event, the venue and who is hosting it:
1) Host specifically says "we'll bring the meat you bring the sides" type thing
2) There's sorta a list of things and people sign up or just simply tell what they will bring

Just my experience but none of the graduation parties I've been to have guests been required to bring anything other than typically the card and/or gift.

What type of control is there going to be for the food. More than likely that is going to be A LOT of food no matter if some people go against the wishes of the host and bring nothing.

Well, I did say it was dependent on the situation.

I'd be interested to know how the OP knows that the mom invited a bunch of people she doesn't know. OP- do you mean she doesn't know the people well or doesn't know them at all? If it's the latter, how on earth would she know how to invite them? I'm assuming she has at least met your mom.

We don't know that potlucks aren't the norm there. They have certainly been the norm in a lot of places I've lived. It's possible that the OP isn't the neighborhood party/potluck type.

 

[rastahomie]

Is this party tacky?

Yes.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

The tacky part is the pot luck part. Especially for people you don't know.

Maybe I'm tacky but if I have to take something to a party I don't take a gift. But that's the norm in my circle. We usually get a text "Hey next Saturday is Suzie's birthday. We are having a get together here at the house. BYOB." In that case you know you don't take a gift on top of BYOB.

 

[amberpi]

I've never even heard of a potluck party for a celebration... Mainly I've been exposed to this for an organization. Having a grad party at a park also seems odd to me. It could well be a money grab, but its definitely odd - to me. Might be normal in other areas, but it doesn't sound like its the norm in your area.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Well, I did say it was dependent on the situation.

I'd be interested to know how the OP knows that the mom invited a bunch of people she doesn't know. OP- do you mean she doesn't know the people well or doesn't know them at all? If it's the latter, how on earth would she know how to invite them? I'm assuming she has at least met your mom.

We don't know that potlucks aren't the norm there. They have certainly been the norm in a lot of places I've lived. It's possible that the OP isn't the neighborhood party/potluck type.

Regardless of having met the OP's mom or not unless the host and the mom of the OP are close or unless the host knows the mom of the OP knows the kid graduating (which the OP said the mom didn't know the graduate's name) it's skeptical to invite the mom of the OP, at least IMO.

I mean you are there to celebrate a specific person. Sorta strange to not have any connection or a weak connection to the person you are celebrating. FWIW I don't consider your grandmother knowing the grandparents of the person graduating a week connection. But the way it sounded the mom of the OP has a weak connection with the person graduating (could be wrong though) and to me comes off more like "we just want more gifts and/or more food"-probably more gifts though.

Potluck is common...for certain things sure. For example work food days tend to be potluck. A picnic/bbq/4th of July type thing often are potlucks (at least to an extent). But graduation parties? Those tend to be on the same level as wedding showers/weddings in that someone is hosting it for their child or close relative.

 

[AuntieMe3]

My mom is the type of person to invite everyone she's ever talked to a party....lol. She's just that social and LOVES to have a good party. The only difference would be it wouldn't be potluck.